The next day at breakfast the boys started questioning Hermione again. Hermione had some time to think about it in the morning and decided to really down play the situation. It didn't change the fact that she still had to work with Draco, which would be so much harder if he got into a fight with her friends.
"It was nothing really. I was just overreacting. All my feelings bottled up and that was just the last straw. It was a petty, little fight. Nothing out of the ordinary." Hermione brushed it off.
"'Mione, those tears were not out of the ordinary." Ron stated, not believing Hermione's lie. Harry ate it right up.
"Like I said, it was a lot of things over the past year that just bottled up. Nothing to do with him. Rather embarrassing actually." Hermione said casually as she started putting food on her plate.
"You'd tell us if something were wrong, right?" Harry asked.
"Of course." Hermione said with a smile. Her eyes moved across the room and made eye contact with the silver haired Slytherin boy. She couldn't read his expression. He had his usual cold and emotionless exterior, but something in his eyes was different. Maybe it was guilt, or regret? Hermione put the thought out of her head. It was Draco Malfoy, he didn't care for anyone but himself. He probably hadn't given Hermione a second thought.
Hermione sighed, knowing her breakfast was now ruined. She shoved her plate forward, food still untouched. Harry frowned.
"Hermione you didn't touch a thing on your plate." He noted to her.
"I lost my appetite." Hermione grunted. She knew the questioning wouldn't stop so she started getting out of her chair. Harry softly grabbed her arm, about to ask her why she was leaving, but she beat him to it. "I'm off to the ladies room." It was a small lie, she wasn't even planning on coming back, but she couldn't bear having to face Draco for the rest of breakfast.
Hermione left the Great Hall, but her efforts were for nothing. The Slytherin prince followed her out of the room. She was walking away with determination. He caught up to her and grabbed her wrist, not violently, with just enough pressure to halt her. She flinched, the act didn't escape Draco's mind. He sombered a bit, being reminded of his father.
"Granger," He said, swallowing his pride. "I apologize if I scared you." Blaise gave him a stern talking to the previous night, saying he had to learn to control his anger. Blaise knew Draco could easily lose his temper surrounding certain subjects, but it was no excuse. Until he apologized to Hermione and she had forgiven him, Blaise wouldn't be talking to her.
"If?!" Hermione exclaimed, ripping her hand out of his loose grip. "You can take your half-assed apology Blaise bullied you into giving, and shove it up your ass."
Draco couldn't help but grin at her comment. He liked their little squabbles. Hermione's insults were usually creative and quite amusing. He teased her because he enjoyed, not her pain, but her humor. "Only if you get that stick out of yours." He retorted, to which Hermione rolled her eyes and started walking away. "No, wait. I'm sorry and I mean it. I'm not just saying it."
Hermione looked him in the eye, carefully analyzing him. She could usually tell if someone was lying pretty easily, but when it came to Malfoy it was hit or miss. She thought about it and although it wasn't the most heartfelt apology, it was the best she was going to get from Draco. "Okay, but we're not studying in your room ever again." And with that she walked away from him.
"Wait, Granger!"
"What now?" She said slightly annoyed. She'd already accepted his apology, what more could he want?
"Here." He held out a breakfast muffin. It shocked Hermione completely. "You left without eating. Because of me I reckon. You shouldn't skip meals on my account." Before she could reply to him he walked away, feeling slightly lighter than before.
They didn't mention his kind gesture or the incident in his room again. It's like they both forgot about it, even though it was all either of them could think about it. They went back to their routine, studying in the library. Ron and Harry didn't bother them again after the first time.
Hermione made good on her promise to them about spending more time with them. She started helping them out with their homework again, and even coming to their quidditch games. Granted, she wasn't watching them play the game, she was doing her homework in the stands.
She had to incorporate her social life back into her schedule, which was proven to be quite difficult. Now, she barely even slept on weekends, which used to be her only moments of peace. She was barely staying awake in classes, her focus was lacking when she studied, and she kept making stupid rookie mistakes in her work. Her teachers started pointing it out. It piled up her anxiety, and she started having regular panic attacks. She was very good at hiding them though. If she were a muggle, she would've made a great actress. Nobody noticed anything out of the ordinary.
Right now she was sitting in the library, staring into space. Her thoughts weren't on her work, but some place else entirely. All her worst nightmares were spiraling in her mind. Flunking out of Hogwarts, being kicked out for being muggle born, her mind being erased of the wizarding world. It suddenly became hard to breathe.
"Granger?!" Draco exclaimed. He had been calling her name for a full minute already.
"Hm?" Hermione said, not opening her mouth. She turned to him.
"Why are you breathing like that? It's quite distracting." He complained. Hermione hadn't even noticed attention being attracted to her. She focused on her breathing and tried to stop ,but she realized what was happening, another panic attack.
Her brows furrowed, still not having said a word to Draco. "Granger? What is it? Have you eaten?" This comment only made it worse. Hermione realized she hadn't eaten a real meal since Saturday morning, and it was Sunday evening now. Dinner had already passed. She started feeling the tears prickle her eyes.
Without looking at Malfoy she packed her things and swiftly made it out of the library. She ran to the closest bathroom. Lucky for her it was empty. There, she rode out her panic attack. After a good half hour of hiding in the stalls, she went out and quickly splashed some water on her face.
Looking at the clock and seeing it was almost curfew, she went to her room. Not bothering to change her clothes or brush her teeth, she climbed into bed and fell asleep almost instantly.
When she woke up, the room was empty. Ginny was already gone. Then it dawned upon Hermione: she overslept. Sadly, it wasn't the first time, but it was the first time it had been so late. First period was already almost over.
While she quickly grabbed her things, she silently cursed Ginny for not waking her up. She saved time on getting ready, since she never got out of her clothes in the first place.
She checked her schedule and groaned. Her first class was DADA from Snape. He would have her head. Dreading the confrontation, she made her way into class. She knocked on the door and peered inside. All the heads turned to her.
"Miss Granger, how nice of you to finally grace us with your presence." Snape said sarcastically. Hermione opened her mouth to apologize, but was stopped by Snape's hand. "30 points off Gryffindor." Hermione paled. Her friends would nag on her all week! "And not to mention the troll you're getting. Now sit down."
That word scared the living hell out of Hermione. "Troll? Sir, what do you mean?" She asked warily.
"You were supposed to hand in your paper at the beginning of class. Seeing as you only joined us 5 minutes before class ended, you missed the deadline."
"Professor, you can't do that! I've got the essay right here," She reached into her bag, but Snape stopped her.
"Rules are rules, miss Granger. You missed the deadline, now you must reap the consequences. Now, I suggest you hold your tongue before I give you detention."
Hermione sat down in silence. She felt sick to her stomach. It was her first grade below Excellent she had ever gotten. What's worse was that it was a troll! She had worked so hard on her essay, all for nothing.
She was unbelievably upset. Tears were threatening to fall, her throat closed up, nausea taking over her. She wanted to scream and throw up. Her self hatred was circling her every thought.
Soon enough the bell rang. Hermione practically flew out of the classroom up to her room. She threw her bag on the ground and started hyperventilating. She had never felt such a strong emotion of disgust for anything, much less herself, in her life. She screamed out, knowing no one was around to hear it. She didn't know what to do with all the emotions she had. There was so much anger. She picked up her wand and pointed it at one of her bookshelves. She threw it across the room, muggle books flying everywhere. She picked one up, of mice and men, and ripped it open. "Fucking worthless piece of shit!" She cried out as she did it. It's only a distraction. All these books are a distraction!
It wasn't enough. She knew she couldn't break Ginny's things. She could barely afford them as it is. Hermione ran her fingers through her knotty hair and started pulling. She pulled so hard her hair started coming out in clumps.
After a while of pacing around screaming, she dropped to the ground. The burst of energy drained her completely. She realized she hadn't eaten in two days. It's a waste of food anyways. I don't deserve it. She thought to herself as silent tears fell from her face.
Slowly, she made it to her bed where she curled up into a ball. She knew she had to clean up the mess before Ginny came, but she didn't have the energy.
Hermione was overwhelmed with tiredness, but was too numb to close her eyes and fall asleep. She laid there, not moving, tears streaming down to her pillow, wishing she could close her eyes.