Dear Viktor,
It's been a while since I've heard from you. How have you been? How's your family? I hope you're all doing great. I heard about your big Quidditch win. Congratulations! Although I wouldn't expect anything less from you.
Not much has changed with me. Still the same old Hermione, busting my ass over school. It's suffocating, really. I took up running. It's nothing compared to Quidditch I bet, but it's much easier. You'd probably get bored.
What's new with you? Any cool, new broomsticks? Although I have no understanding of the different broomsticks, I'm sure you can tell me all about them.
I hope to hear back from you soon.
Love,
Hermione.
Hermione folded her letter into an envelope. She remained close friends with Viktor after their breakup, though lately they haven't been writing to each other as often. Hermione put the letter inside her bag and shoved a few books into it too. She headed downstairs. Instead of going to breakfast she headed towards the owlery. She reached into her bag and pulled out the envelope when she crashed into a hard object, dropping the envelope.
"Granger, we've got to stop running into each other like this." Hermione looked up to see the one and only, Draco Malfoy. She was in his arms once again.
"Sorry, I wasn't looking." Hermione said as she awkwardly wiggled out Draco's grasp, blushing to the ground. Their faces were so close once again.
"It seems so," Draco said, as he turned his attention to the envelope on the ground. He picked it up, curiosity written all over his face. He frowned. "Still seeing Krum, I see."
"We're just friends." Hermione replied, snatching the envelope from his hands, still refusing to make eye contact.
"Are you sure about that?" Draco grabbed the envelope back and opened it up. Hermione protested, but he held it up above his head, out of her reach. Draco was significantly taller than her, and has a masculine build; Hermione was no match for him. "How have you been? Congratulations! What's new with you? Love, Hermione." Draco spat at her in a mocking voice, especially emphasising 'love'.
"Must you do that?" When Draco finished the letter and lowered it, Hermione grabbed it with a scowl on her face.
"I mustn't, but I want to."
"Your life would be awfully dull without me, huh?"
"Awfully, tragically." Draco replied with half a smirk.
"What a pathetic existence." Hermione commented.
"I'm pathetic? You're still swooning over a guy who probably hasn't even given you a second thought." Draco said angrily. He knew it crossed a line, but he couldn't help it. Something inside him, a strong emotion he couldn't quite pinpoint, made him
Hermione's face sombered and she walked past him, brushing her shoulder against him. "I'm not swooning." She angrily stated before finally entering the owlery.
Draco spent the rest of the day snapping at everyone. Theo and Blaise took note of their friends' odd behaviour but chalked it up to another one of his random mood swings. He had those quite often, but lately they started appearing less and less often as well as less violent than usual.
Draco had bottled up so much anger he didn't know who to direct at. He kept hearing his father's voice in his head, telling him to keep his emotions under control; he'd seem weak if he lashed out. The relentless comments made him angrier. It seemed wherever Draco found himself, no matter how far away, his father would still haunt his every thought.
The Slytherin prince never learned a healthy coping mechanism for his anger, even now that he was at an age where he should know better. He knew it was unhealthy, he knew it wasn't smart, but at the end of the day he didn't care. Drinking was the only thing that made him feel better, and once he took the first sip, he couldn't stop until the whole bottle was empty. For a guy with usually impeccable self control (in public and around his father, that is), it was proven not to be of much use when it came to self-medication.
When even after dinner his foul mood hadn't disappeared, he rushed to his room and grabbed a bottle of the best Firewhiskey the wizarding world had to offer. He swiftly hid the bottle in the folds of his robe and started heading towards the tunnel, knowing curfew would be starting soon.
Right before he reached the end of the stairs, Draco remembered that Terry Boot kept a stash of little blue pills in his room. He didn't have knowledge about which drug it was exactly, but often saw Slytherins take them at parties. It looked pleasurable enough when others did the pills. Draco made up his mind and carefully snuck into Terry's room. He started looking in his nightstand when a thought hit him, a Summoning Spell. Draco prayed Terry was stupid enough not to put counter-enchantments on his precious stash. Accio pills! Sure enough, there they were. A little bag with about 5 blue pills. Draco shoved the bag into his pocket and walked out of the room, while musing at Terry's stupidity.
Feeling accomplished, he used the tunnels to head to the lake Draco often frequented. There he waited until it was dark out and curfew was set, ensuring his privacy, before taking one little pill out and holding it to the moonlight. "Let's see what all the hype is about." Draco said before swallowing the pill with a chug of whiskey. He had indulged in the drink so often, that at this point the burn felt like a warm embrace. Instantly his muscles relaxed. It wasn't even the fact that he was drinking alcohol at this point. It was just the security he felt of having the drink.
With half the bottle finished after half an hour, yet still not feeling any added effects of the pill, Draco decided to take 2 more. His mind thought Terry might've just been scamming everyone out of their money. Draco had been mistaken. Within no time he started hallucinating and he felt like he was on top of the world. Suddenly, a swim seemed like a great idea…
"I'm not swooning."
Hermione couldn't believe the nerve Draco had. They had just gotten on good terms and there he was ruining everything again. He was buying her jewelry one minute, and making her out to be some love-sick fool the next. She couldn't keep up with all his mood swings. Sometimes it felt like he had 2 completely different personalities. One was loving, caring and sweet. The other was aggressive, angry and mean. Hermione didn't understand how Draco had so many friends and admirers. But then again, Slytherins were loyal creatures and it sure helped that Draco was pureblood royalty.
Similar to Draco's, Hermione's mood had been rotten the rest of the day. Not that anyone noticed or thought anything of it. A rotten mood was starting to become her everyday mood. Hermione was starting to think people were avoiding her. And she wasn't exactly wrong. People were already quite wary of her because they were intimidated by her constant excellence. She had her close friends who had gotten used to it already, but lately they'd been on thin ice. Hermione kept waiting for one of the boys to fuck up and ask for her help with something. She was depending on it, knowing she had too much pride to approach them herself. Besides, they were the Golden Trio, they'd make up eventually. It was just taking a bit longer this time.
At least, that's what Hermione kept telling herself the past few weeks. Truth is, she didn't know if she could take back what she said to Ron. It was awful and she knew it. For the first time, it was Hermione who'd been in the wrong. Harry had been avoiding her too. Hermione figured because Ron had told him about their fight. Her two best friends had turned on her, and she was the only one to blame.
She barely saw her roommates anymore, but she knew Ginny and Lavender would hate her if they got wind of her fight with Ron. The rest of her house only tolerated her because she was friends with the Harry Potter. And she was constantly rivaling the Ravenclaws, and always looked down upon most Hufflepuffs. She couldn't even imagine Slytherin. While true she had found a few friends in the house, they were all closer to Draco than her and if push came to shove, they'd all choose him. With Draco's constant mood swings and Hermione's pride, they were bound to have a falling out sooner or later, Hermione had convinced herself of this. When they'd choose Draco's side over hers, she'd be completely alone. Not to mention the house would go back to their constant bullying, but Harry and Ron wouldn't be there to defend her.
Hermione's thoughts were spiraling. She started to feel so desperately alone, and as if the walls were closing in on her. She quickly ran out of the Owelry into the Prefect's bathroom where she locked herself in a stall where she quickly cast a silencing spell and then cried and screamed. She banged her head against the wall. These forms of self harm had been getting more and more usual during her breakdowns, which also came at a more frequent pace. Hermione continued cursing at herself. She was consumed in self hatred. It was comical in a twisted sort of way. The way she held herself, the pride she always radiated. Nobody would guess that that same girl had so much deep rooted anger at herself.
She didn't know how long she stayed there. Hermione completely lost track of time. Once she had gathered her bearings again, she wiped her tears and stepped out of the bathroom stall. She splashed some cold water on her face and exited the room. When she stepped outside she realized she must've spent hours crying in the bathroom, because it was already dark. She must've missed curfew too.
Hermione wasn't ready to face her roommates, who would no doubt harass her with a bunch of questions about her absence from class. Coming in so late at night would raise even more questions about her whereabouts. Hermione decided it was best to return in the morning, and say she stayed the night at Madam Pomfrey's. This meant she had to stay out somewhere for the next couple hours. She decided the best option would be going her usual running route. It was familiar and might even calm her down.
While wandering the grounds, careful not to get caught by anyone, she came across a bush. She remembered that behind it was a lake where she saw Draco once, shirtless. Hermione blushed slightly at the thought. All her negative feelings towards Draco vanished just like that.
Hermione pushed through the bush to glance at the familiar lake. What she had not expected to see, was a log in the water. Upon closer inspection she realized it was a boy, one with platinum blonde hair.
"Malfoy?" Hermione yelled out, wondering what he was doing there so late at night. As she took a few more steps forward, her feet knocked against something: a bottle. She bent down and saw a bag of pills, Draco's robes and his wand on the ground. Hermione's head snapped back up, more alert and alarmed. Draco was lying face down in the water, completely still.
Without a second thought Hermione jumped into the water and pulled him out. "Stupid, stupid stupid!" She screamed at him as she got him on the grass. His chest wasn't moving up and down. Hermione didn't know what healing spell would work, so her quick thinking decided to do this the muggle way. She had once taken a CPR-course in the summer. She started doing chest compressions and every so often she'd breathe air into Draco's mouth. Under different circumstances, she'd blush, but her anxiety was spinning out of control about other things right now; too busy to dwell on her lips touching Draco's. "Come on, Draco! For fucks sake, please!" She yelled at him, knowing he probably couldn't hear her.
Hermione's mind started slowly circling the thought that Draco might be dead. Hermione didn't know how long he had been in the water. Maybe he'd been dead for hours and Hermione was doing all this in vain.
Hermione didn't even notice the tears falling from her eyes and the loud cries escaping her mouth. She was so focused on chest compressions, she had a belated reaction to the water sputtering out of Draco's mouth as he tried to sit up.
"H- Hermione?" Draco stuttered out in between coughs. Hermione stopped doing CPR and stared at the boy in front of her. She'd stopped crying and held her breath, taking in that the Slytherin boy was in fact still alive.
Draco started piecing together what had happened, but his thoughts were interrupted by a sharp sting in his right cheek. Hermione had slapped him. "What on earth-"
"YOU WERE GOING TO DIE!" Hermione screamed at him, forgetting curfew and the fact that anyone could just hear her. "You stupid fucking arse! What- what were you thinking? I- I thought you were dead! DEAD!" Hermione was stuttering out more insults but they weren't to be made out, as her cries resumed. Her words were barely comprehensible. She started heaving for air, another panic attack.
Draco felt immense guilt. He couldn't imagine what it was like for her, stumbling upon a presumably dead body. It was safe to assume it was traumatic. He didn't mean to scare her. He didn't mean to go into the water. He didn't mean to almost drown. That's not what was occupying his mind, though. It was the sight before him, the sight of Hermione crying, dry heaving, gasping for air; it was enough to break him.
Without another thought spared for pureblood etiquette, or his stone-cold reputation, he wrapped his arms around Hermione, not wanting to ever let go. He wanted to shout how sorry he was, he wanted to tell her he didn't mean to scare her, he wanted for her to calm down and be okay, but instead he held his mouth shut and let her cry out.
He didn't even notice when he started running his fingers through her hair, which was wet. He figured because she physically jumped in after him, instead of using magic to carry him out. He didn't catch himself placing a kiss in her hair. After a while, Hermione was still crying a bit, but not as loudly. Draco started really taking in her features. She felt so small and brittle in his arms, as if she'd just shatter if he squeezed her too hard. He could feel her sharp ribs through her robes while he held her. She looked so fragile, making Draco feel all the more guilty.
"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry, Hermione." He whispered into her hair. He hadn't been expecting the girl to grab onto him, hugging him back even harder. She held him so hard, he didn't even know how a girl like her had so much strength. A moment too soon, Hermione let go of him and shrugged out of Draco's grasp, to his dismay. She wiped her tears, not making any eye contact with him. Draco felt ashamed that she couldn't even bear looking at him, but felt himself break when she finally did. The pain in her eyes shook him to the core.
"Malfoy, if you had died, and I couldn't save you tonight," Hermione took a sharp breath. "I would not have survived it. I couldn't live with seeing your dead body."
Draco was rendered speechless. She would feel like that, for him. He'd made her life a living hell for so long. He didn't deserve her feelings.
"Draco, did you- where you, trying to k- kill yourself?" Hermione managed to stutter out, eyes filled with pain and concern.
"No!" Draco said quickly. "I was just high and drunk. I didn't mean to do anything stupid-"
"That's what this was, Draco, stupid. Completely, utterly, idiotic." Hermione interrupted.
"Merlin, don't you think I know-"
"No, I don't think you do, Draco. Do you realize that if I wasn't there, or even a minute later, you would've been dead?" Hermione's voice cracked at the last word.
"Hermione! I'm sorry!" Draco pleaded.
"What would Blaise have done? Or Theo, or you mom, or for fucks sake, ME?! You can't do this shit, Draco. You're not a child. You know right from wrong, stupid from smart. This was a choice, your choice. I'm telling you, you cannot befriend me, make me care about you, and then pull stupid, life-threatening stunts like this!" Hermione exclaimed, raising her voice slightly. Draco's heart stopped when she said she cared about him. Before he could say anything else, Hermione continued. "Because I do, you know. Care about you. I don't care if you don't care about me too, but you are my friend now, and I care about you." Hermione almost whispered, breaking their eye contact.
"Merlin, Hermione. I'm sorry, okay? This won't happen again. It was my first time doing Terry's blue pills. I learned my lesson." Draco said, earning a dry laugh from Hermione. It wasn't the reaction he was expecting.
"No, Draco. This won't be happening again. I mean, all of it. Promise me you'll stop all of it, okay? The pills and the drugs." Hermione looked up at Draco again, who pursed his lips while thinking about the promise. Hermione's eyes darted and brows furrowed. "Draco!" She couldn't believe he had to even think about it.
"Okay, okay! I promise."