Hermione woke up with a painful headache. The events of the previous night were still running in her head. She glanced at the clock. It was noon already. She got up and got dressed. She wore jeans and a sweater that was layered with a long sleeve T-shirt and a turtleneck. She couldn't seem to shake the cold feeling, though.
She went downstairs and brewed some coffee. She still needed to buy presents for her friends. Christmas was in a few days. She grabbed a purse and headed to the city.
She had quite a lot of money saved up so she splurged on everyone's presents. She got Ginny a Vera Wang sweater, Harry a new pair of glasses; he has been wearing the same pair of glasses for the past 5 years. There were only so many spells that could help those glasses. Blaise, Draco and Theo had everything they could ever wish for. Except for anything muggle. Blaise rivaled her intellect so she thought it was best to get him an E-reader. She got Theo a nintendo switch. Draco was a bit tricky. She ended up settling on a bond touch bracelet. If she or him touched the bracelet, a vibration would mimic the touch, letting the other know. She got Ron a lazy gift, just some muggle sweets.
After all the shopping and the carrying around the heavy bags, Hermione needed to sit down. She was getting a bit dizzy. She sat down at a small café and ordered another coffee. Her hands were still shaking from the cup she had this morning (at least that's what she told herself).
Hermione was wrapped up in her thoughts when a vaguely familiar voice interrupted them. Her head shot up. The person whose voice it was stopped dead in her tracks. "Hermione Granger? Is that really you?" A preppy blonde girl squealed.
"Tiana?" Hermione asked in shock. Tiana Taylor was Hermione's childhood best friend. They still talked on and off during the holidays in her first year, but soon lost contact.
"I haven't seen you in ages! How've you been?" The girl said as she sat down in the chair opposite to Hermione.
"Fine, fine. What about you?" The two girls spent a couple hours catching up. It was like they had never stopped being friends at all. It was refreshing to talk to a girl Hermione's age. Hermione had never been a girly-girl. Most of her friends were boys, apart from Ginny, but to be fair Hermione was only friends with her by default. Ginny was just always there. Tiana was the only girl Hermione had been close friends- best friends with. Although Tiana was completely different now, the love was still there.
"So, Hermione. This preppy private school has probably got you very stressed. I remember how much you loved being at the top of the class. Are you concentrating okay?" Hermione thought the question was odd, but she hadn't talked to Tiana in years. Things change.
"Well, it's hard, not going to lie. But I manage." Barely.
"Ah. Well, I used to get shitty grades, but the past year I've been top of my class. My guidance counselor said I'm well on my way to an Ivy league school." This surprised Hermione. Tiana was never the smartest of the bunch. She had trouble with basic maths and was actually the class clown. Just goes to show how much people change, Hermione guessed. "Wanna know my secret?"
"Sure, I'd love to." Hermione was genuinely intrigued.
"I have this friend called Adderall." Tiana said. Hermione's eyebrows furrowed. She didn't know exactly what Adderall was, but has heard whispers here and there. It was a drug of some sorts.
"Oh." Hermione didn't really know what to say.
"Don't look at me like that, 'Mione. It's not a bad drug, not like heroin. It was literally created to help people focus. Doctors prescribe it to kids all the time." Tiana brushed it off.
"You were prescribed it?" Hermione inquired.
"God no. There's a shortcut. You want in? I promise it's worth it." Tiana offered.
"No. No, thank you." Hermione politely declined.
"Okay, but call me if- when you change your mind." The conversation fell quiet and awfully awkward after that. Tiana offered to drive Hermione home after they were done talking, but Hermione decided to walk home. She figured some exercise would do her good.
When she got home she wrapped all the gifts and wrote everyone a note. After she finished the famine hit her. It felt rather painful really. Then Hermione realized this was the longest she had ever been without eating. She felt rather proud that she didn't even feel it until just now. She guessed a little snack wouldn't be so bad. She headed for the fridge, only to find it was completely empty. Hermione shrugged and gulped down 2 glasses of water instead of dinner. It was Christmas eve tomorrow. She could ravish in a nice meal then. She'd order it somewhere. She was very tired so she decided to go to sleep
The next morning when she woke up she felt nauseous. She could barely sit straight when she got up. Everything was spinning. When she stood up she fell to the ground. There was a sharp sting in her stomach. She clutched her side, while she lay there on the ground. Tears were starting to prick her eyes. The shortness of breath made her hyperventilate. After a while of lying down, the pain subsided, or well, she got used to pain enough to bare it. The struggle down the flight of stairs was ruthless, but she made it. She got into the kitchen. Hermione knew it had been too long. She knew this was her fault. She knew she had to eat. The only food left was canned beans from the pantry. Hermione struggled to get the can open. While she was trying to figure out how it worked, black spots started clouding her vision. Before she knew it, everything went black, and she was on the ground.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Hermione groaned. Her head was banging too. Where was that noise coming from? She tried to focus on her surroundings, when she realized she was on the ground. What happened? Why was she on the ground?
"HERMIONE?!" Did someone just call her name? Wasn't she alone? She sat up and held her head in her hands. The doorbell rang. Someone was holding it in rather long.
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Hermione screamed annoyed. She had to catch her breath from the scream. Then she stood up, but had to steady herself on the counter for a second. There was another bang. Hermione impatiently and angrily made her way to the door while leaning on the wall. Small black spots were appearing again. She squinted as she pulled open the door.
"I knew we should've just apparated inside." A voice said.
"That would've been rude!" Another said.
"WHA-" Hermione began to angrily scream, but stopped in her tracks.
"Took you long enough. What were you doing? Is there someone in there?" Theo suggestively moved his eyebrows, before leaning down to kiss Hermione's cheek. Hermione was still in shock and let him brush right past her into her house.
"Happy Christmas, Hermione." Blaise said as he pulled her into a hug.
"H- Happy Christmas." She stuttered out. Blaise entered the house too. Hermione closed the door behind her and quickly ran after the boys, who went into her living room. "Not that I'm not thrilled to see you, but what are you doing here exactly?"
"We couldn't let you celebrate Christmas alone now could we?" Blaise said with a grin. He pulled out 2 presents out of his pocket. Extension spell. He proceeded to pull out full on meals and placed them onto the living room table.
"Geez, Hermione. I was only kidding, but do you actually have a poor bloke in your bed?" Theo asked.
"No! Of course not. Why would you even suggest that?" Hermione recoiled.
"You don't look at all happy that we're here." Theo explained. "Actually, you look quite terrible. You've got after-shag hair."
"Wow, thanks a lot Theo. Just what any girl wants to hear from a guy." Hermione said sarcastically as she rolled her eyes. "I'm very happy you're here. I'm just feeling a bit under the weather."
"Well, this chicken soup is just the cure for that." Blaise said, holding a take-our container filled with soup in the air.
"Merlin, how much food did you bring?"
"A lot. Hope you have an appetite." Blaise replied, as he kept on pulling out food.
"I'm ravished. Let me go get changed. I'll be right down." Hermione rushed away to her room.
She pulled out a fancy black dress. It had long sleeves and lace all over. Hermione's mom had gotten it for her when she performed in a local talent show with the piano. Hermione won first place of course. It was her favorite dress she owned. Hermione slipped it on, but frowned when she looked in the mirror. The dress usually hugged her curves, but was now just hanging off her, like she was some kind of clothes hanger. If she stayed up here much longer, the boys would come looking for her.
Hermione pulled out a sewing kit from under her bed. She took out a few safety pins and started pinning the dress to her body until she was satisfied. With one more look she grabbed Theo and Blaise's presents and headed downstairs.
"I was racking my brain thinking of what to get people that already have everything," Hermione joked as she made it down the last few steps, entering the living room. "When I realized you don't have everything. Magic is great, but modern technology is honestly just as magical."
"Oh 'Mione you didn't have to get us anything." Blaise said politely, even though he was intrigued by what was in the carefully wrapped packages.
"Speak for yourself!" Theo exclaimed excitedly, earning a small laugh from Hermione. She found his sometimes child-like presence endearing. "Which one's mine?!"
"Theo, don't be rude! Weren't you raised better than this?" Blaise scolded. Unlike Theo, Blaise acted like a proper, polite adult. He was very caring, but also very mature. Blaise was always the 'parent' friend in the group. Theo and Draco would be lost without him. Kind of like Hermione was with Harry and Ron.
"No." Theo replied with a passive aggressive blink. Blaise shot the boy an apologetic grin. He sometimes forgot that his friends weren't raised with the same loving devotion as he was. It was sad, but most Pureblood parents viewed their children as politics and treated them like it too. Theo's homelife had been rocky. His mother died at a young age. Theo's dad spent no time remarrying. The boy didn't get along with his stepmother or his father, and always blamed them for the sorrow in his life. He took out all his anger with retaliation in the forms of detention and silly pranks.
"Here." Hermione broke the awkward tension by handing both boys their gifts. Blaise handed her theirs. Theo got her a book with grey-area magic, meaning it was filled with spells schools wouldn't teach, but they weren't exactly illegal. It spiked Hermione's interests, always wanting to learn new things. Blaise got her beautiful earrings that had green gems centering them. They matched the necklace Draco gave her perfectly, no doubt Blaise's intention.
"Basically, any book you ever want is on here. It also saves your page and lets you highlight any interesting quotes." Hermione finished explaining the concept of an E-reader to Blaise, who looked at it with wide eyes. He was genuinely thrilled with the gadget and wondered why wizards hadn't invented something similar.
"It's amazing. Hermione. Thank you!" Blaise said as he kissed her cheek. Hermione had already shown Theo how a nintendo switch works. He was going to have trouble putting it down. The boy was mesmerised with the endless games the thing seemed to have.
Hermione's stomach let out a strong grumble. It finally snapped Theo out of his thoughts. "Blimey, you haven't had breakfast yet! You must be starving. Let's go eat!"
Hermione hated how relieved she felt when he said that. Her relief was mixed with slight disgust and confusion, but she tried pushing it away. She had ruined so much for herself already, she couldn't ruin Christmas too. Especially since she was sharing it with her 2 friends.
After Hermione giddily showed Theo how to switch off his new toy, they sat down around the table. Hermione was ashamed of how she was eating, in front of boys no less. Her parents had taught her better than to pig out like this. Her thoughts made her abruptly stop eating, the fork stopping right before her mouth. Blaise took notice.
"Is something the matter?" He commented.
"No, no. Everything's perfect." Hermione politely brushed off, but she felt like screaming on the inside. The rest of dinner Hermione was absent minded, but Theo filled up the silence with talk about complaints of his father. Blaise opened up about his happy childhood. The absence of a lasting father figure never dented him. The boys inquired about Hermione's family life. She didn't tell them much. There wasn't much to tell. Her home life was pretty average.
After dinner they watched a few movies. Again, Theo and Blaise were amazed. Hermione thought the looks of bewilderment on their faces were adorable. She was happy they were here, she was happy she wasn't alone, but she couldn't help but feel guilty for keeping them away from Blaise's family. She couldn't help but feel she didn't deserve this.
Hermione's attention was stolen by a loud noise. Her head snapped up to see Theo fast asleep and snoring. His loud snore caught Blaise's attention too.
"Is this dickwad actually sleeping?" He exclaimed as he cocked his brow. Hermione laughed while Blaise hit Theo's head with a throw pillow, waking the boy up.
"Ow!" Theo dramatically exclaimed as he grabbed his head. "What was that for?"
"You fell asleep while Kevin Mcallister is trying to save his family home from being robbed!" Blaise exclaimed.
"It's all right, Blaise. You must both be tired." Hermione glanced at the clock 22:17. "It's getting late. Did you guys want to spend the night? We have 2 guestrooms." Hermione offered. She could practically hear her mother scowling her for even suggesting two teenage boys spend the night unsupervised. It's not proper, Hermione, she would say.
"Thanks for offering, but I'm afraid mom wouldn't have it." Blaise declined. It sparked a question on how they even got here.
"How did you even get here? Minors can't apparate alone."
"My elf apparated us to your house. Mom said she'd be by to pick us up around ten thirty. She's dying to meet you, you know." Blaise said. Hermione blushed a bit. It was also quite surprising that an older Pureblood would want to meet Hermione. Maybe Blaise's mom thought she was a half-blood.
"It's true! She said she's happy Blaise finally made a friend who wasn't a dumbass." Theo admitted. The whole room filled up with snickers. Blaise's mom was the closest thing Theo had to an actual mom. She treated him like he was her own son, too. Whenever she took Blaise to Diagon Alley, she insisted Theo come with them. And she always invited him for the holidays. Hermione had a warm feeling about the woman.
"Does she know about… me?" Hermione asked in a small voice.
"Yeah, but mom's not like that. She doesn't care about the whole blood purity bullshit. Her third and fifth husbands were half bloods." Blaise said, earning a wide grin from Hermione.
After a little more conversing, Blaise's mom popped up in front of them. She brushed off her skirt and wore a big smile. Her hair was shiny and black and up in a braided bun.
"So, you must be Hermione." Hermione smiled and raised her hand, but was pulled into a warm, motherly embrace. "I think we're at the point where hugging is appropriate. I feel like I know you already, both my boys won't stop yapping about you." mrs. Zabini said. It warmed Hermione from the inside. Theo too; it felt nice to be referred to as someone's 'boy'. He felt loved, which wasn't a common occurrence.
"I hope all good things." Hermione joked as she wiggled out of the tight grip.
"I doubt there's anything bad to tell." Mrs. Zabini said as she cupped Hermione's cheeks. She was treating her like a little girl. Hermione would do anything to be a carefree little girl again. "Blaise tells me you're here alone for the holidays. Would you like to come join us? It would be nice to have a girl around for a little while."
"That's very considerate, thank you, but I'm fine here. Honestly. And besides, my parents will be home for the last few days. I'd like to spend some time with them before school starts." Hermione declined politely.
"Very well. If you change your mind just owl."
"Thank you, mrs. Zabini."
"Oh please honey, call me Clarisse." Hermione smiled at the woman in front of her. "Well boys, hope you had fun, but it's time to go now."
Theo and Blaise got up off the couch and grabbed their presents. They thanked her one last time and wished her a happy Christmas, before kissing both her cheeks at the same time and vanishing away with mrs. Zabini.
The moment they left, Hermione found herself lost in a trance. She felt empty and alone, even though seconds earlier she was giddy and surrounded by friends. Before she knew it, she was back in the bathroom. She was freaking out. Hermione didn't even notice the tears streaming down her face, and sobs escaping her mouth. Her breath was ragged and hitched. She found her hands curling up into fists and hitting her head. Her hair intertwined with her fingers, and she pulled, and pulled, and pulled.
After a while she crashed to the ground, lying face down, motionless and numb. Hermione was disappointed in what she'd become. She barely recognized herself when she looked in the mirror. She wasn't the same girl she was at the beginning of the school year. She didn't even notice all the changes until this very moment. It was worse that nothing caused these changes. Nothing was different from every other year at school, yet everything felt different. She hated herself for not being happy. She had friends now who truly understood her. It was never like this with Harry and Ron. Why wasn't she the happiest she'd ever been? She had to do better.
It was school. School had been killing all her happiness. She needed to find a way to fix it, a way to let her be happy. The name that had been circulating the back of her mind for a while. Tiana Taylor.
Hermione got off the floor and grabbed the house phone and dialed the number of the Taylors' house phone.
"Hi, mrs. Taylor. Happy Christmas. Is Tiana there?"
So I already posted this story and chapter on AO3 ( Davina_moon), but I wanted to post it on other sites too. I'm most active and post first on AO3 though. I posted the first 14 chapters in one go on here since I didn't see a point in waiting as the chapters were already posted on AO3, but from now on I'll most likely update once or twice a week, not on specific days. I really appreciate any tips, requests and just thoughts in general on this fic.