Chapter 4: Wanting

By: castawaycal

Orihime woke up with a throbbing headache.

After Ulquiorra left so suddenly, she had lost track of how long she sat there thinking about everything that had happened. If she escaped, she would harm no one except potentially herself through getting caught. That option still made the most logical sense, but she couldn't explain why that no longer felt plausible.

Perhaps it was because deep down, Orihime knew that escape would be impossible. She was far outnumbered and she had no idea where to start on constructing a portal that would take her back. Even if she did somehow acquire that information, execution would likely be impossible without using the Hogyoku. And stealing such a valuable thing…

Another reason was that with her recent training and conversations with the two Espada, she was realizing that she could do more than just escape. Her friends at home were not waiting for her, but if she could somehow stop Aizen from the inside, that would be much more valuable than running away.

In the meantime, she felt the urge to understand the Espada and other Arrancar better. There was more to them, and maybe with time they could come to understand her. It was selfish, but she didn't want to be alone anymore. Grimmjow's gratitude and Ulquiorra's curiosity were proof that they could potentially have a less than hostile relationship.

But that didn't change the fact that they had thoughtlessly harmed her friends before. They were dangerous and she still needed to be careful around them.

Orihime sighed and rubbed her temples. She was expecting Ulquiorra to arrive any time now and was unsure of how to face him. Would he bring up their conversation from yesterday?

She got changed quickly and sat on the edge of her bed. Still deep in her thoughts, she heard the familiar three knocks against her door and immediately perked up.

But it wasn't Ulquiorra who entered, but an unfamiliar Arrancar.

Orihime stood. "Who are you?"

The Arrancar smiled and it sent a small shiver down her spine. "Just someone who's a little curious about the human girl Ulquiorra has been tending to."

She was silent in response as she noted the white and black eyepatch that was suspended over the male's left eye. He shut the door behind them and inched closer to her. Instinctively, Orihime took a step back but was met with her bed and stumbled back onto it.

He smiled again and Orihime stared. "Why so afraid, princess?"

Too startled to say anything, she remained silent and watched as the Arrancar proceeded to approach her with his serpentine smile. Her shock melted into a dull terror and she wondered how she even thought it was possible to escape when one unfamiliar enemy was all it took to make her want to crumble to the ground.

The Arrancar finally stopped and leaned towards her, leaving only a couple inches between their faces. Orihime fought the urge to smack his hand away as it traveled to her cheek, grazing. She swallowed and closed her eyes, too afraid to think, let alone defend herself.

"So obedient," he said in a low voice. "No wonder Ulquiorra wants to keep you all to himself."

She wanted to call Tsubaki. Or any of her Shun Shun Rikka. But they would be destroyed within seconds, she knew that. The Arrancar before her was powerful, and she suspected he might be an Espada she hadn't encountered before.

It hurt that she was this powerless. It hurt that she was this weak, that her mind was crying out for a savior, one of her friends to show themselves and protect her. Before she was able to feel pride in her friends' strength, but now all she felt was dread.

Suddenly, power drummed through the room. Before Orihime could even inquire about the sudden burst, the Arrancar before her was knocked back to the opposite wall. She blinked and looked up to see Ulquiorra by the door, reiatsu flaring all around him as he walked towards her aggressor, something different behind his usual, unmoved eyes.

"Ulquiorra," Orihime managed to get out.

He didn't turn to look at her. Instead, he walked towards the Arrancar now lying on the ground near the smashed wall.

"What are you doing here, Nnoitra?" His voice seemed to echo more than usual.

Nnoitra pushed himself up and spit blood on the ground. "Just taking a look."

Fast. Ulquiorra moved too fast and suddenly Nnoitra was back on the ground, pinned beneath Ulquiorra's body. The fourth Espada grabbed Nnoitra's collar and there was a strange, inhuman look in his eyes as he said, "You will not touch her."

Nnoitra's eyes widened and for a moment Orihime thought she saw true fear in his eyes. Even she felt it deep within herself, the power that continued to pulse throughout the room was smothering. She hadn't felt something like this since she was at Soul Society watching Ichigo and Rukia's brother fight from a distance. But even then there had been life behind that immense power. Now, this reiatsu was lifeless, completely alone.

Orihime finally found it in herself to approach them, knowing she had to stop this before it got any worse. She touched Ulquiorra's shoulder gently. "It's alright. He didn't hurt me."

She braced herself for what came next. But he didn't push her away. Instead, Ulquiorra tore his gaze away from the Arrancar beneath him and looked her up and down. Then he let go of Nnoitra's collar and put his hands back in his pockets, the flare of power slowly ebbing out.

Nnoitra just snickered as he got up again. "We'll take this outside next time, Ulquiorra."

Ulquiorra didn't say anything as Nnoitra left the room, seemingly unfazed by the whole situation. The door shut behind him and they were left alone.

Before he could break the silence, Orihime spoke first. "Teach me how to be stronger."

His eyes widened slightly. "Your current training should be sufficient for that request."

She stared at the cement crumbling off the smashed wall. Instinctively, she called for Soten Kisshun and began repairing the damages. As the debris began to restore itself, she said quietly, "I want more."

Ulquiorra leaned against the back of the door, arms crossed. He observed her carefully, his earlier animosity seemed to have disappeared already. "What does it mean to want something?"

The light from Soten Kisshun flickered. "Seeing something you lack and wanting to change it."

With that, he went silent as if contemplating her response. Orihime looked down at her hands that were still shaking. She clenched her fists, trying to shove the memory of Nnoitra's manic grin out of her mind.

"Nnoitra," she said. "Who is he?"

"A nuisance. A power-hungry Espada who has no mind for anything but fighting." He paused. "Did he say what he wanted with you?"

So he was an Espada. She swallowed, not wanting to dwell on that fact for too long. "Just that he was curious about me."

The wall was almost completely restored. Orihime turned to Ulquiorra to see that his eyes were closed as if he were willing himself not to say something.

"If he approaches you again, call for me."

She didn't think that would do much, since Ulquiorra would likely sense Nnoitra's reiatsu before she even had a chance to yell for help. But besides that, she didn't want to be that person anymore. The one who screamed for others to protect her, the one who relied on others without even trying to fight for herself.

So she didn't agree. Instead, she asked him again. "Teach me how to be stronger."

She waited for him to tell her that it was useless. That someone like her would never be able to stand up to another, let alone an Espada. The small, pitiful part deep within her willed those words to be spoken, to give her a reason to give up.

But all he said was, "Very well."

Not a single crack was left in the wall.

Training began an hour after the incident with Nnoitra. Or at least that's how long Orihime guessed it was.

This time she was tasked with reanimating various small hollow creatures in a row. Per her request, Ulquiorra allowed her no breaks between each restoration.

He taught her the best way to conjure power from deep within herself, rather than using the surface-level reiatsu that was more sporadic and harder to accumulate. Oftentimes he referred to the reserve of reiatsu as akin to a well, one that deepens with time and training. In order to draw upon the most concentrated components of her power, she would need to work on accessing her potential.

Of course it was much easier said than done.

"Don't get too frustrated," he would say after her Soten Kisshun fractured multiple times from her inconsistent channeling of power. "Your greatest strengths show themselves when you are sure of yourself."

It was strange hearing such words come out of his mouth. How she viewed him before… vicious, relentless, powerful beyond proper explanation - she never thought he could be a gentle teacher. Or that he would explain things to her like he himself had struggled with them before. She'd assumed hollows were born with their powers and didn't have to do much to maintain them.

Yet his carefulness in explaining things to her, how his focus never faltered from his examination of her powers, they were all signs that he had trained like this in the past. Or that maybe he had discovered these techniques all on his own. Which was a terribly lonely thought the more Orihime pondered it.

After more than a dozen reiterations, Orihime was growing tired. She'd been pushing herself ever since she started training, but now she would like to think there was little more conviction within her. One more, one more, one more…

"That's it for today."

Orihime's gaze snapped to Ulquiorra, surprised. "I can still go on."

Well, that might have been an exaggeration. Sweat drenched her entire body and she was no longer standing, rather she was sprawled on the ground, having barely enough energy to even call upon Soten Kisshun.

"It's useless if it's sloppy."

Sloppy? Wasn't every restoration the same…?

She looked towards the couple small animals that she had just revived. They moved much more sluggishly and offered no more movement than necessary. Orihime's brows furrowed.

She sighed, realizing he was right. To restore an entire population to a half-alive state was worse than not bringing it back at all. Still, she wanted to continue, wanted to use all the time she had.

"If you want them to go back to the way they were, you have to follow through. Don't stop as soon as you see a sign of life - bring them back to their prime state, not when they were on the brink of death."

She nodded and closed her eyes.

"If you want to continue…" he trailed.

She perked up again. "Yes?"

"I can show you how I conjure my powers. Though it may not be of any use to you."

As if suddenly gaining a burst of energy, Orihime sat up straight and looked at him expectantly.

For a moment, she swore she saw the ghost of a smile on his lips, but as soon as she blinked it was gone.

She was tired. Perhaps she was hallucinating.

Before she could think about it any longer, Ulquiorra motioned for her to follow him. She obeyed, rubbing at her eyes.

He led her to the door leading outside of the Eastern Grounds and into the endless, moonlit desert. She figured this was the only place where he could demonstrate his powers without destroying something - she really truly should have been terrified by that thought.

But unlike that morning when Ulquiorra's power had nearly suffocated her, she felt at ease now. It was difficult to explain how she felt when he was near.

Finally, he stopped when they were a sufficient distance from the outer wall. Orihime realized this was her first time outside Las Noches in a very long time. They were silent and still for a few minutes, and Orihime let the outside air enter her system. This small taste of freedom, a reminder of the world that she had been stolen from, that's what this feeling was.

"Watch closely," Ulquiorra said, breaking her from her trance.

She stood back as Ulquiorra pointed his hands towards the wilderness and shot a cero without a second thought. Sand swirled a second after the blast, as if also taking a moment to register what just happened.

"How deep did you reach for that?"

There was nothing but honesty as he said, "That was only a dip into the surface."

Without another word, he blasted another cero, his reiatsu concentrated and precise. Orihime closed her eyes, imagining the well each time he used his powers. She memorized the pattern of his flares, the way he squared his shoulders before he shot, the unwavering emotion in his eyes as he never let his power weaken once.

He never once relied on his powers to do their work. Everything was of his own construction and steadiness. Orihime remembered watching Ichigo train before and it was nothing like this. There was always a struggle between Ichigo's powers and the will of his zanpakuto - one couldn't be strong without trust for the other. Ulquiorra stood completely alone, even though she knew Espada had "zanpakuto" of their own, she didn't sense its presence at all.

Again she wondered about his loneliness, if he truly did feel anything beyond the emptiness he represented.

Orihime lost track of how long she sat there, watching Ulquiorra as he demonstrated his powers for her again and again and again.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has been reading so far, ily! If you're enjoying this please give the story a follow and/or review because it really helps me out lets me know that there are people out there who want more! To be honest, I wasn't planning on continuing this story anymore but then I saw the reviews you guys left and it made me want to pick it up again :)))) So know that your appreciation is my appreciation as well 3