Rating: K+
Genre: Family / Angst
Warning: Man x Woman
Disclaimer: I won nothing of Dragon Age II.
Summary: Fenris's thoughts tend to stay in his dark past in the mornings he watches Hawke.
Monster
Fenris x Hawke (female)
It was odd, he thought.
This calm, this peace he felt when he was with Marian. He was so scared of it at times that it seemed to choke him – this happiness, which he didn't seem to deserve.
Yet here it was – right inside his arms.
Warm, bright and at the moment asleep and probably the most beautiful thing in the world, because it was her.
Fenris frowned. So sappy!
He was awake before her, always before her, his eyes snapping open, because he remembered his past in his dreams. His past with Danarius.
And he hated it. Hated the memories, hated the feelings!
Since he could remember back, and that wasn't very far, wanted he to fit into the rest of the world. But it never worked. He had hated all the pretenders around him, especially the Magisters with their fake smiles and curtsies, but he too tried to pretend back then, always, because not doing so hurt even more.
But he was restless, always restless, never calming down.
He wondered at times like this – every morning in fact – if he told her this, would she turn her back on him? If he told her what he saw himself as, would she be scared, because she would realize as well what he was? What he himself thought he was?
He sighed deeply, running a Lyrium riddled hand across his face, feeling suddenly very old and decrepit.
The problem lied with him, as always. Marian chided him so often for his thoughts – for his brooding, he was loath to admit, not wanting to give Varric a validation for his nickname for him.
"Damn Dwarf!" he muttered under his breath, a slight growl accompanying his words.
He didn't want to think about the rogue, Hawke's best friend and confidant. It was stupid, but he did feel jealous of their bond at times.
And again he drifted back to Danarius, because every dark emotion brought him back to the hated Magister. Even if he was already dead. Still...
Fenris always felt like he destroyed everything he touched, because it wasn't "dark" enough like back in Tevinter. Everything fell apart, except for-
His thoughts were interrupted by an adorable murmur beside him and he looked down at her again. A smile spread across his features as she scrunched up her nose and he soothingly let his lips brush over hers, his hand flowing softly over her face and she settled down again, like she always did.
He looked at the Lyrium tattoo across his skin and his eyes narrowed. Whenever he saw them this surge of anger and hatred erupted and he remembered his former master's words.
"Remember, Fenris, you are nothing but a monster under my command. Nothing but my pet." And he didn't so much as think of disagreeing.
He sighed again, flexing his hands in suppressed anger, not wanting to wake the only good thing in his life from slumber. Now, he thought, unlike back then took he a stand against Danarius – against the Danarius that still existed inside of him, haunting him. He knew the problem always lied within him.
He never wanted this, wanted the Lyrium, but it was there, was a part of him and had made its home inside of him. But he fought it, always would, because Marian had convinced him that he didn't need to run and hide anymore, that he was not – in fact – different from others. Not more different than all living beings naturally were to begin with.
Fenris softly smiled. She always managed to clear his conscious like that. Then he felt stirring beside him and he watched as her clear, blue eyes fluttered open ever so lightly and she hummed in acknowledgement of his presence, burying into his side with a sleepy yawn.
"Good morning, beautiful..." she murmured into his skin, tracing the white lines, tenderly with her fingers and closed eyes.
She knew exactly where which line flowed, probably knowing the surface of his dark bronze skin better than he did. He always felt like his skin was that of a monster, but she called him beautiful every morning to remind him of the opposite – and probably just voicing her own opinion on the matter of his looks.
"Good morning to you too," he replied and traced in turn his hand down her back and along her spine.
She sucked in her breath and he smirked. He knew well by now what to do to keep her silent. A fact Varric said he envied when Fenris had said that jokingly out loud into their rounds of friends, playing Wicked Grace. No one but Hawke had gotten the meaning inside the jibe and her cheeks had flushed lovely that night, proving her his point.
"What were you thinking about?" she asked suddenly, looking up at him through her black, long eyelashes and he sighed once more.
Shortly before he could answer her, however flew their bedroom door open and a mass of dark brown fur and long, black hair tackled them on their bed.
His entire air left him as it landed in his stomach and Marian didn't seem to fare better. He had to correct his thought from earlier. There was another good thing in his life, one that Marian had bestowed upon him – his little miracle.
"Come on! How long are you two staying in bed? Let's go out!" his miracle piped up after settling between them, green eyes bright and sparkling.
He chuckled – a deep rumble working its way through his body. Hawke only laughed, ruffling her hair even more and kissing her dark skinned cheek.
"Alright, we'll get up, Beth. Happy now?"
"Yes!" she squealed to her mother's words and jumped out of the bed, dragging Blade, their Mabari, with her out of the room.
After the door closed again, shook he his head, then threw the covers back, slinging his legs over the rim of their bed. His daughter wasn't known for her patients after all, a trait she shared with him, he assumed. It was a good morning, he thought smiling.
"Hey, Fen?" he heard from behind him and turned around.
Marian had a soft smile across her face and tangled her hand gently into his.
"Remember how I wanted to tell you something important yesterday, but was too tired once we were in bed and I just nodded off?"
"Yes, of course."
"Well," she drawled and leaned over to him, touching her lips to his ear.
His smile widened even more as she drew back, staring into his eyes and he kissed her passionately.
"Guess I have to clean the study out then," he said while she laughed.
"Yeah, or I have to find a bigger house for us. It's getting cramped."
Fenris chuckled shortly and shook his head in amusement. He was no monster indeed, not anymore since he had met her and even the part of Danarius still remaining could no longer change that fact.