Clint waited, listening to the dial tone.

"Clint?"

As he heard Laura's voice, the tension melted from him. He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. "Hey sweetheart."

"Hello." He could hear the smile in her voice…and also the concern. "How are you?"

"I'm okay."

"Really? Because you sound stressed."

"Do I?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well no wonder I'm stressed: I married a woman who is way too smart to fool. How are the kids?"

"You also married a woman who is way too smart to distract. The kids are fine. Now tell me, truthfully, how you're doing?"

There was a beat. "I think my head has finally started calling in some debts I've been putting off paying."

"…do you need to come home?"

"No. I think that'd be worse. I can't run from this. I've been compartmentalizing and compromising for too long. I need to face the music and try and come out from under this or else…or else," he said, with a sigh, "I don't think I'm ever going to really be able to live with myself. Besides, there's a job needs doing and a mess to clean up. And that's one thing I can get done."

Tony took the screwdriver from Dummy and bent over the mass of wires before him on the table. He heard the door slide open and knew it had to be Pepper. He knew it because she was the only he'd told Jarvis to let in. Not because he particularly wanted to see anybody, but after everything they'd been through, he couldn't imagine forbidden her access anywhere she wanted to go.

She came up beside him, her shadow falling across his work. "Hey."

He set down the screwdriver and swirled towards her. She was looking somber. "Hey yourself. Come to announce another top secret Avenger meeting? Cause so not falling for that one again. You know the old saying, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice-"

"No. I'm not here-. Tony, I'm sorry."

He raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yes. Really. I shouldn't have pushed you. I didn't think it through. I mean I knew this was hard for you but I never should have assumed-. Oh Tony, I really, really am sorry. And if you want every last one of them thrown out of the tower, me included, you only have to say the word and I'll handle it."

He laughed. "Aw Pepper, no. How could I ever throw you out, huh?" He took her in his arms. "Who'd take all my calls for me?"

She laughed and punched him light in the arm. She knew he was deflecting. Knew he was playing it off light and breezy because he didn't want to talk about it. But she let him get away with it this time, and kissed him.

There was a knock on the door and Steve looked up. Natasha stood in the doorway. He nodded to her and went back to his packing.

"What are you doing?" she asked, coming further into the room.

"I'm packing."

"Yeah I can see that."

"You asked."

"I guess," she said, taking a seat on the bed, "my real question is why are you doing it?"

"I'm heading back to my apartment."

"You mean the one that was majorly compromised by Hydra?"

"That'll be the one."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Yes." He stuffed a stack of shirts into his duffle bag and zipped it.

"I didn't think Captain America ran away from fights.'

"Tony isn't going to want me around right now. Maybe at some point we can work through this but right now? No. The Avenger's best shot at surviving this is if I step back. I can't choose the Avengers over Bucky. I can't choose Tony over Bucky. Bucky needs me."

"Maybe Tony needs you too."

"I doubt it."

Natasha smiled a little ruefully. "Tony's not quite as hardy as he makes out. If you couldn't hear the pain in his voice-"

"Of course I could. But I have to choose Bucky. Tony has other people. There's no one else on Bucky's team right now. What's more, Bucky was always there for me. I can't let him down. And I can't expect Tony to accept that at the moment. So I'm leaving. It's the right call Nat. Tony needs time and space. And that's what I'm going to give him."

He zipped the bag and slung it over his shoulder.

Nat shrugged and stood up. "I think you're making a mistake but…be well. Call me if you need me."

"Right back at you."

Clint woke up with a jerk, his heart racing, the fear of the nightmare still rushing through his blood. He'd been back there, under Loki's control, only with the horrifying additional awareness lent by dreams.

Taking deep breaths, trying to calm himself. He got out of bed and went to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face. As he stood in front of the sink, the tap running, he closed his eyes and tried to shove the nightmare away from him.

It was over. It was done.

Besides, wasn't he a hypocrite? What had Loki had him do that was any worse than what he'd chosen to do voluntarily for Hydra? He'd killed innocent people both ways. He'd put the safety of earth in peril both ways. Loki, Hydra. It was all one and the same. He'd hated Loki for what he had done to him, but mostly he just loathed himself. There was plenty of hate to go around after all.

Taking another deep breath, he reopened his eyes and stared at himself in the mirror.

He didn't like what he saw. But he wouldn't look away.

Natasha was staring down at her hands. "You don't know what you're offering me," she said, shaking her head. "You don't know me at all."

"Yes I do. I know what kind of person you are, and that's all I need to know," he had said, taking a seat in front of her.

A small, fragment of a shattered smile had played across her lips for one brief instant and then was gone again. Again that shake of the head. "You have no idea, the things that I've done."

"Yes I do." He knew firsthand what it was like to have your past drenched in blood and guilt. But he couldn't say that. He couldn't tell her the truth about himself. He couldn't shatter her trust, what's more he didn't want to. He felt an overwhelming urge to protect this woman, an urge most people who knew her history and her abilities would have found ludicrous. Surely, the Black Widow was the last person in the world that needed to be protected. "I know enough of your past. But right now, the past is only important for how you can use it to do better from here on out. To be better. You can let your past dictate your future actions, continue to wallow in it, or you can defy it."

She glanced up at him, tilting her head to one side. "It's not that easy."

"I'll help you. I promise. If that's the choice you make."

And she'd made it. And he helped her. Right up until he'd destroyed that trust in the Avengers common room. He was only thankful she had a team around her now that would be there to move past that.

He wished now that Nat could somehow be here to help him. Like she'd been after Loki. Like have been if he'd been honest with her, and come to her with the truth before Hydra fell. But even absent, she would help him. She'd been strong and forceful and had never looked back. She had defied her past, and he would follow her example as best he could.