The minute they pull up to the bakery, Opie can sense the tension between his two best friends.

"Not this shit again," he mumbles, dropping his cigarette to the ground and stepping on it.

Opie Winston has been watching this painfully drawn out dance between Issa and Jax for way too fucking long. He loves them both dearly but he'd really like to knock their heads together. Donna refuses to help him meddle, saying they need to figure it out on their own. But at this rate, Opie's future children will have graduated college before that happens.

Whatever is going on now must be bad because Jax practically has steam coming out of his ears. And Issa is doing a masterful job of avoiding him. So much so, they don't even notice when she leaves. Juice, the coward, must have slipped out with her. When he looks out the window, he sees the TWM van is gone.

Great. Now he's stuck with Jax's moody ass.

They go to lock up, Issa having given them both spare keys to the store. It looks like it's going to be a quiet ride back to the garage. Or so Opie thought. The minute Jax has the truck on the road, he unleashes his pent up anger.

"She's got a goddamn date!"

God, please deliver me from these two idiots, Opie thinks to himself.

"And?" Opie asks, trying to push Jax's buttons. Maybe then he'll man up and tell Issa how he feels.

Jax looks at Opie as if he's grown a second head. "What do you mean and? She has some date with a douchebag we don't know!"

"I'm not seeing the problem here. Last time I checked, Issa was an adult. Why does it matter to you who she dates? Not like you're throwing your hat into the ring."

Jax tosses his hands up in the air, no concern at all for the fact that he's fucking driving.

"Excuse me for trying to be a good friend! We don't know a damn thing about this so-called date of hers. He could be a serial killer. Or worse, a country club Republican asshole."

"She actually might go out with a serial killer, then spend the date taking notes," Opie muses." Pretty sure she wouldn't date a Republican, country club or otherwise."

"Stranger things have happened!" Jax once again throws up his hands, not worrying Opie at all. "She was being weird about the whole thing and wouldn't tell me his name."

"Gee, I wonder why?" Opie deadpans.

Jax is notorious for scaring the shit out of Issa's dates. Tig doesn't even bother with shovel talks. He just sits back and waits for Jax to be a complete and utter asshole to any guy Issa brings home. Then, right before they leave, Tig pulls her date aside, all smiles and pats on the back. Which lulls the poor thing into a false sense of security. Tig then says some variation of, "That guy back there? He'll dismember you while I watch if Issa comes home complaining about as little as the temperature in your car. Got it?" More than one guy has pissed his pants.

So Opie isn't at all surprised Issa refused to give Jax a name. "How'd you even find out she has a date?"

"Ma called and invited her to dinner on our way back from Lodi. She got all squirrely and finally admitted she's going out tonight. With a guy."

Jax says "guy" like it's a dirty word. Opie pulls out a joint because he cannot deal with this shit clear headed.

"If she's not gonna tell us anything, we need to find out on our own."

Opie wants to bang his head against the dashboard. Why didn't he make friends with people who weren't oblivious morons? That Louis kid in kindergarten who ate paste and stuck crayons up his nose suddenly doesn't seem like a bad choice for a best friend.

"Meaning what exactly?"

"We tail her tonight, get a picture of this asshat and have Juice do his computer thing."

"There are so many things wrong with that idea, I'm not sure where to even begin."

"Look, are you going to help me or not?"

"I wouldn't miss this train wreck for the world."

Later that night, Jax picks up Opie for their "we're only looking out for Issa, I'm not jealous" mission. When Opie gets a good look at his friend, he busts out laughing. Jax is wearing head to toe black - hoodie, loose jeans, knit hat and leather gloves. He's even forgone his normal white Nikes in favor of plain black running shoes. He looks like he's auditioning for Cat Burglar Number 3 in some crime reenactment show.

"You don't look suspicious at all," Opie tells him as they get into Jax's truck.

"I thought we agreed to wear something that would help us blend in?"

Opie sighs and considers going back into his nice warm house, where his lovely fiancee is reading in bed. He could be balls deep in Donna instead of dealing with Jax and his repressed emotions. But nooo, he has to be a good friend.

He needs to make new friends. Maybe that Louis kid never left Charming. Opie wouldn't even care if he still ate paste.

Jax turns onto Issa's street, cuts his engine and lights, coasting until her driveway is in sight. Opie can almost hear Jax's teeth grinding together when a Honda Accord pulls up. Some mousy looking dude gets out of the car with a bouquet of roses.

"Fucker. Issa hates roses," Jax seethes, hands all but strangling the steering wheel.

They watch as Issa answers the door, accepts the flowers and gives the guy a kiss on the cheek. Opie has to grab Jax's arm before he jumps out the car and lunges at Mr. I Brought Issa the Wrong Flowers.

They watch as Issa and her date get in his, as Jax called it, boring ass Honda, and head out. Jax tails them at a safe distance, complaining about everything from the color of the guy's car to how he walked. Opie has been secretly recording Jax on his phone the entire time because this is prime blackmail material.

They follow the couple to Hog Heaven, one of Issa's favorite restaurants in Charming. Put barbecue sauce on just about anything and she'll consider eating it. This seems to be the only choice Honda Dude (as her date has now been dubbed) has made that Jax deems acceptable.

Jax parks the truck and sits there stewing as he watches Issa and Honda Dude go in and get seated. Lucky for their spying purposes, the waitress puts them at a booth next to a window. Opie is half expecting Jax to pull out binoculars. When he does just that, Opie tries again to be the voice of reason.

"I'm gonna go on record again with my objections to this obvious violation of Issa's privacy."

Jax doesn't even take his eyes away from the binoculars to respond to Opie. "When did you become such a boy scout?"

"Sorry I have objections to stalking our best friend."

"It's not stalking. It's looking out for her without her knowing."

"So… stalking."

"Shut up, Judge Judy."