"Phobophobia. Phobophobia is the fear of phobias and, more specifically, of the internal sensations associated with that phobia and anxiety, which binds it closely to other anxiety disorders, especially with generalized anxiety disorders"
Everything was silent.
The group started waking up again, but the room was still silent.
Yugi sat in the corner with his knees tucked into his chest, deep in thought.
The aftermath was horrible.
He loved me?
No, I'm sure he didn't.
Yami, after waking up, crawled over to Yugi and sat next to him.
"Are... You okay..?"
Yami asked, Yugi not reacting and just thinking to himself.
The usually very empty feeling white rooms seemed emptier. It seemed cold.
What did I do wrong?
Yami hesitantly put his arm around the other's shoulder.
"What...happened?"
"Hm? Did you say something?"
Yugi looked up to Yami, eyes meeting. The NEET turned away and shook his head.
He softly spoke, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah I'm fine."
The group fell silent again, everyone sitting on the floor in pairs and going over with themselves what happened.
There wasn't any point in doing anything for a moment.
"Come, let's go to the next area..!"
Mai gave a smile to the group and ran to the door as everyone slowly picked themselves up.
Yami slowly took Yugi's hand and lead him to the door. He leant over and quietly whispered in the petite boy's ear,
"You.. You can explain once we get moving... Okay?"
Yugi looked up, giving a tiny nod and bringing his gaze to the floor. His heart rate was fast and he sweated from his palms.
The door opened to yet another white room.
I'll be honest, I counted how many white rooms I made and I don't think I made enough! There are only 4967 rooms! That is way too little!
Oh what am I doing.
I shouldn't be doing this right now.
Yugi looked towards the ceiling soon after and quietly started talking.
"I'm sorry.."
"What's 'ere to be sorry 'bout?" Jounouchi grinned, going against the gloomy atmosphere of the group.
The little boy whimpered, "If I didn't break that helmet.. They wouldn't have.."
What the actual fuck was he talking about?
As they passed, room by room, the group slowly got more anxious about what was coming.
'When would there be another bad room? '
They walked for what felt like days, even if it was only a few hours. Yami looked back, he had lost the grip on Yugi's hand and wanted to see if he was okay.
"Guys.. Stop.."
Yami muttered, running back and staring down to the ground.
Mai and Anzu asked what was wrong, running over too.
A small, huddled figure on the ground. It appears the pain from booting him in the chest with my heels have finally caught up with him! Hell yeah!
He gasped and tho bed in all of his joints, the large red marks where I kicked pulsated and ached violently. Everyone knelt over and tried to see what was wrong.
Mai rolled the boy's shirt up and gently lined the marks with her finger.
"Damn it! We don't have anything to treat it.."
"What's wrong with him?" Shizuka worriedly murmured, listening as Mai explained.
She pulled the blonde strands of hair out of her eyes and sighed, "He's been hit real bad on his chest. It hurts like hell, I'll tell you that much."
She paused,
"Where did he get this injury?"
Under normal circumstances, I would pass down some painkillers from the little tube in the ceiling. However, Yugi didn't deserve that.
It is your fault for this, Yugi.
Fuck you.
But, when I look closer, he looked so sad.
As they sat him up against the corner, the rolled-up shirt falling down and covering his scrawny chest, he gave a saddened look. He seemed so lonely and...pitiful.
Why am I sympathising with him?!
He doesn't even deserve sympathy.
Yugi slowly began talking.
"When... I was li.. Little..."
He gasped, finding his breath,
"My.. Dad was.. Arrested.."
He bit onto his quivering lip and tried to make his voice not break.
"My... Mum.. Only saw me.. As him.. And I.. Felt so alone.."
Everyone listened. Yes, even me. I wanted to hear what he was going on about this time.
"But... I still loved her.."
Little beads of water piled up at the bottom eyelid, just waiting to fall and roll down his cheek.
Anzu sat next to him and gently asked, "Why did you?"
"Because.. She still loved me.. Somewhere in.. Theat heart of hers.."
He cuddled the little red helmet, reading it against his chest and putting pressure on the marks.
I searched frantically for anything to stop him from talking.
Nothing would work!
Why didn't any of the buttons work?!
None of them were..
Working..
"That's why.. They probably.. Did.."
Yugi trailed off. He dipped his head silently and tried to whisper the rest. His chest really hurt, he couldn't keep talking because of it.
"Yugi.! What's wrong?!"
Anzu gave him a soft shake, Yugi opening his again and wincing.
"It...hurts.."
He started quietly crying. He pulled and his sleeves and recieved the comfort from everyone in the group, except Jounouchi who looked away from the injury.
Yami stumbled over to him, giving him a tiny hug. The boy's head rested against his chest, making Yami nervous.
"Let's.. Re.. Rest here.."
Yami suggested, letting Yugi make himself comfortable.
"He wouldn't be able to walk much anyways.."
The group agreed, going off to their preferred pairs and chatting amongst themselves.
Yugi looked so lonesome, sleeping on the cold, hard ground.
Somewhere inside of me, I had wished I could give him a blanket or a bed or something but..
He doesn't deserve that!
No one in this group deserves that!
They're all good-for-nothings who can't even live for themselves!
They're useless!
All of them!
But, as I stood up and chucked my chair across the room, I realised.
Do they deserve this treatment?
Of course they do!
That's an easy question!
If it wasn't for me, they'd all be lazing around in bed or gambling their moneys away at a casino whilst dressed in criminally revealing clothes!
Or maybe even going to school and crying whenever someone tried to laugh or rip their fucking bandage of their eyes!!
Or better yet, locking themselves away from society and relying on your friends like the mould that you are!
Yeah!
This is good for them!
Byt partaking in this experiment, they're helping society!
They're helping!
They're not.. Being worthless..
Jounouchi approached the pair in the corner, Yugi and Yami. He wanted to ask Yami if the other was okay and if he needed anything.
However, he couldn't, because they were both fast asleep in the corner, hugging into the only warmth left in the room.
I had finally found the button I wanted.
They could freeze to death and I wouldn't care.
"It's suddenly gotten real cold in 'ere" Jounouchi stated, looking to the others, who shivered.
Anzu spoke up through shudders, "Maybe we should move?"
"We can't they're sleepin'"
Jounouchi pointed to the two on the floor and sighed.
Mai scooted her way to the two and picked up Yami, Yugi falling to the floor gently, "Someone take the little kid. We're going. Jesus, how can they sleep in this cold?!"
Anzu took Yugi, who was freezing cold to the point where everything was numb to him.
"Guys. We 'ave a problem 'ere!"
The blonde kicked and pushed at the door.
It didn't budge.
I was confused, why didn't it open?
I didn't lock the door, did I?
Then it hit me.
The door was frozen shut.
Mai dropped to her knees, Yami sliding off her back and limply laying on the floor.
"Tis is 'ere.. We die then.."
Jounouchi whispered, feeling all warmth slowly drain out of his body. Shizuka cried, filling the room with the sounds of distress.
I stopped.
I don't know what came over me.
My hand pressed the button and stopped it from freezing over.
Yugi woke up from the sound of crying. He gave small, weak smile and whispered to himself,
"Please help us... I love you.."
He slipped his fingers into prayer hands, which was weird because I know for a fact none of the people where were religious.
"Mo...ther..."
I dropped everything.
There was something warmand wet pouring down my face. I placed my fingers over the stream and realised that..
I was crying.
A wave of guilt hit me. And, as everyone in that group warmed up, I knew what I had to do.
The button with the little black label was pressed by me, slowly pushing the last of the drug into their arms.
I walked down long staircase again. Out of the boy's arms, I took the helmet and slipped a folded piece of paper into his pocket.
Before leaving the downstairs, I gave a small wave goodbye to the test subjects and found myself standing against the roof fencing of the Kaiba Corporation's building.
"What are you doing?"
One of the employees asked, watching as I took off my shoes and looked back.
"The experiment failed. Kaiba says that 'If you lose a game its like losing a life'. I have no pride left."
"Don't do it"
I ignored him, taking my notebook out and writing my final entry to this wretched journal.
And then,
I jumped.