After her announcement Ada had retreated to her rooms asking not to be disturbed, and so far Hecate had respected her wishes continued with her daily duties, along with the additional tasks she now had to battle as acting headteacher. Fighting the urge to go and see Ada, because what could she do? What could she say in this situation that would make even a modicum of difference? So, she did what she did best pushed her feelings down and got on with the task at hand.
She is just finishing the night rounds, when she hears a noise from the library and sighs irritably. 'Couldn't the students today of all days just follow the rules?' she thinks feeling her anger rising; she didn't have the energy, and certainly not the patience, to deal with whomever this was, after today. She wrenches the door open and strides in ready to berate whoever was in there, send them back to their room with their tail thoroughly between their legs, and perhaps 1,000 lines and about six months of detention added into the mix. However, she comes to a halt still stood in the shadows, when she sees Sybil Hallow hunched over a spell book, she somehow hadn't heard Hecate, as she frowns at the page below her mouth moving silently as she reads. Continues to survey her first-year pupil, as she whispers an incantation to a spell, and promptly bursts into tears as nothing happens. Hecate desperately wants to turn and walk away; find another teacher anyone else would be better at this than her, but she knows this is her fault, and she needs to repair the damage, that has been done, herself.
Sybil flinches violently, as Hecate walks into the light, and it makes her heart ache. She'd never been the most subtle when giving out criticism. Thought the girls needed to hear what they needed to hear, mollycoddling after all got them nowhere, but she'd never been downright cruel, even with Mildred Hubble, and what she had said to Sybil had been just that. The flinch, the fear of her pointed words, that had been designed to belittle, to hurt, were perfectly justified. "Sybil… I" Hecate began before stopping and looking at the crying child. I can't do this she thought desperately as Sybil wiped her eyes frantically with the back of her hand. The responsibility she now had alongside Ada's fate weighed down on her heavily. Ada who was always so much better at this than Hecate, Ada who could bare the stress of running the school and not crumble, take her anger out on those around her, Ada who would never intentionally take her frustrations out on a pupil. How could the guild ever believe she was an adequate replacement for her?
Part of today seems to have passed Hecate in a blur, and try as she might she can't remember a large period of time between her first year potions class and talking to the inspector in the laboratory. She does however remember her words towards the youngest Hallow and her chest constricts with the guilt and shame she has successfully been ignoring; she more than anyone, understands the effect harsh words can have on a person. She tries to reason with herself, blame the stress of the day the new responsibilities she had, had thrust upon her, the worries about Ada facing the Council, but knows truthfully they are feeble excuses, she is an adult entrusted with the care of her charges, and she'd failed woefully on that count today.
Sybil is still looking at Hecate warily as she pulls herself out of her thoughts, realises she hasn't said anything further swallows as she sits across from Sybil "Miss Hallow… I need… that is to say… I apologise for what was said in class today" she uncharacteristically stutters. Sybil looks shocked for a moment before looking away from Hecate. "It's nothing I haven't heard before" she sniffs, and Hecate's heart constricts further at the admission. "I'm sorry I'm out after curfew" Sybil continued in a shaky voice "I… I'll go" she flicks her hand presumably attempting to spell the books surrounding her back onto the shelves, but only causes them to all fall loudly to the floor. Hecate winces, and Sybil flinches violently again, scared eyes coming to meet her teacher's. "I try!" Sybil cries desperately before Hecate can even begin to think about what to say. "Esme is was" she looks confused for a moment before continuing "brilliant she helped me so much, but she can't now, and Ethel isn't exactly willing, and whenever I say anything to my parents they just remind me a witch doesn't ask for help, so I try and study and help myself, but every time I try it just goes wrong, and just reminds me I'll never be as good as my sisters".
This admission that had come out in a complete rush left Hecate staring a little punch-drunk at the youngest Hallow, realises, that whilst she has apologised and that this needed to be said, that it probably wasn't what Sybil had wanted, had needed to hear at this moment in time. She tries to formulate a response in her mind, but her mouth seems to open without her permission, and she blurts out "I could help you". Sybil looks up in shock staring at her completely dumbstruck, and Hecate curses in her head 'of course she doesn't want your help'. "I mean… by… way of apologising" Hecate offers, as Sybil continues to gape at her like she has two heads. "I shouldn't have compared you to your sister-" "why did you say it then?" Sybil interrupts in a tiny voice staring resolutely at the grain on the table below her, and Hecate sighs, resists the urge to run her hand down her face, wonders what Ada would do in this situation and then curses as she reminds herself that Ada would never let herself get into this situation in the first place.
"Have…" Hecate pauses and swallows talking about her feelings had never come easy to her with anyone, let alone a pupil, but she forces herself to continue reminding herself that she owes her this at least. Taking a breath she continues "when you're scared, or upset, or… believe a situation to be… beyond your control do you ever lash out at the wrong people, or say something you don't really mean?" Hecate asks in a rush.
Sybil looks up and frowns, shrugs "I guess… I mean I've said things I don't mean to Esme and Ethel before" she admits. Hecate nods at her words and continues "on a normal day I… well I wouldn't have been happy, but I'd never… I'd never had said that" she finishes lamely. "The stress of the day got to me, and I accept it's not a good enough reason Sybil". Hecate knows Sybil's parents pit the siblings against one another it had led to Esme's desperate deflection of attention, Ethel's craving for any of the attention her older sister receives, her strained relationship with Esme despite the older girl's evident want for a close relationship, and now Sybil's evident lack of confidence in any of her abilities. It was partly why she had chosen the words in the laboratory, knew they would cut deep, and she feels another wave of guilt wash over her, but she pushes it to one side. Tells herself it is irrelevant to focus on what had happened, and what cannot be changed. She knows she can't take away what she said, but maybe offering to help her would begin to make up for it.
Hecate stares resolutely at the bookcase behind Sybil, as she continues "to make a comparison between you and your sister was unfair-" "but you were right" Sybil said miserably "I'll never be as good as Esme was or Ethel is. What is the point? I am a disgrace to my family name" Sybil continues a note of desperation coming into her voice. "Sybil Hallow" Hecate said grateful that her voice had retained some of its authority, but faltered slightly as the pupil jumped and looked up at her warily "what I said was… truthfully unforgivable, but I need to say this you should pay no heed to it whatsoever; all you need to do is work as hard as you can to be the best witch you can be. Your sisters' achievements, your last name, are irrelevant to your education. You being the best witch you can be. Is more than enough. No-one not me, not your parents can ever or should ever ask for more than that. Please remember that".
Sybil scoffs "I couldn't even make a colour changing potion-" "but you knew your mistake straight away" Hecate interrupts gently "and mistakes are sometimes how we learn. You just need to learn from them, ensure you don't make them again, and I'm sure, with a little bit of help, you will be able to do that". Hecate stands and waves her hand, effortlessly guiding the books back to their respective places "the offer still stands, but it is your decision Miss Hallow" she says returning to her usual clipped tones. She desperately wants her to accept her offer wants to begin repairing some of the damage, she had evidently caused, but knows it's unfair to push, knows she can't demand the youngest Hallow accept the offer simply to assuage her own feelings of guilt, so simply says "but for now you need to go back to bed".
Sybil nods and stands herself, walks to the exit stopping frowning slightly, as she turns back to Hecate "I think… I think I understand… yesterday seemed really stressful for everyone, and I would like to improve Miss Hardbroom… I would like to try… to see if it helps". Hecate tries not to let let relief she feels show on her face as she nods "come and see me tomorrow Sybil". Sybil nods, and finally leaves the library. Leaving Hecate smiling slightly at her retreating back. She knows it doesn't make up for her words, that she will still feel guilty about them for years to come, but it's a start at least.