Chapter Seven: The Name
The warm morning light of Coursant filtered through her window. As Padmé slowly started to wake, the first thing she noticed was the smell. His smell. For the past several weeks she had only the barest whispers of that smell. She would sometimes roll over on to his pillow and take deep breaths for his smell. But now that smell was strong.
She had yet to open her eyes, not wanting this pleasant dream-like state to end. She rolled over and immediately found his warmth. It didn't take much for her to curl into him. She let her head rest on Anakin's chest. She took a breath, savoring him as much as she could.
"I've missed you too," he murmured in a sleepy voice. She only smiled and rubbed her head against him in response. His arms wrapped around her small form. One hand started combing through her curls in an absent-minded but caring way. Padmé felt Anakin's chin come to rest on the top of her head.
The two stayed like that for a while. Just enjoying each other presence in the morning hours. Finally it was Padmé who moved first. She pulled away from him and looked up at him. His blue eyes stared back at her. She placed a hand on his cheek and a beautiful smile crossed his face in response.
"You need to get going back to the temple now," she said. Anakin brought his own hand up to the hand she had placed on his cheek. His slid her hand down so it is over his mouth. He started to kiss the inside of her palm. She lets it go on for a few seconds before she pulls her hand away. "Anakin," she said in a more serious voice. He threw his head back into his pillow and sighed in obvious annoyance.
He casted a glance at her. She can see the mischievous side of Anakin growing. He rolled over and is quickly on top of her. "Anakin!" she shouted playfully at him. His hands are on either side of her head, gently cradling her as he looks down at her. Padmé can feel her heart hammering in her chest with loving warmth as she looks at his warm smile and gentle eyes. He leaned in slowly and starts to kiss her. She kissed him back.
Oh how wonderful he makes her feel, and how she hates to end this but she must. Anakin needed to get back to the Jedi Temple. He wasn't supposed to be here. He wasn't to be with her. She put her two palms on his bare chest and pushed him away. He let out a dissatisfied groan.
"Padmé . . ." Anakin said as his eyes traveled down her bare form. He leaned on his right side, as he brought his left hand to her side. His hand slid down her curves all the way down to the top of her legs, before traveling back up again. A pleasant shiver went through her, which didn't go unnoticed by him. He smiled as he leaned into her again. He kissed her cheek and started to move down to her neck.
Padmé knew exactly where her husband's thoughts were going. Her thoughts were going there as well. She wanted to go there. She wanted to spend the morning with him. She wanted to spend the whole day. But they each had duties to attend to.
"Anakin," she finally said. He didn't answer. "Anakin" she repeated a bit more stern.
"Hmm?" he finally said.
"I'm sorry," she said as she placed her arms on his shoulders. He stopped kissing her and looked up at her.
"For what?" he asked. A playful half smile came across his lips.
"For this," she said and pushed him off the bed. He tumbled to the floor. The bed comforter and sheets went with him.
"Padmé!" he shouted. He sat up in a knot of blankets. She let out a small laugh at the sight of him. She slid off the bed and leaned over to place a kiss on his head. Yet she didn't manage to get away before blanket covered arms grabbed her waist and pulled her into the pile of husband and blankets.
"Anakin!" she said. "You've got to go! I've got to get ready!" But he just pulled her closer. She wanted to be mad, but couldn't. "Anakin!' she said playfully beating on his chest to let her go. He only laughed.
When she awoke it wasn't in her room in her apartment on Coursant. It was the grey room on the destroyer. Stars lazily floated by in the large viewport. She rolled over and found him lying there. He was sleeping on his side facing her. She took a long look at him. She couldn't help but compare him to the memory she had just had. A wonderful memory of her husband. The man she loved with her whole heart.
The man in front of her looked so much like her husband when he slept. It was the same face, the same body, the same hair. His breathing was the same. Padmé moved closer to him and wrapped her arms around him. Her body pressed against his. Yes, this monster was so much like her husband. She closed her eyes and tried to let herself pretend that everything was normal. Everything was as it should be.
But the smell was wrong. It wasn't his smell. Not the smell she should search for on his pillow when he disappeared to the front lines for months at a time. Not the smell she fell asleep to or got aroused by. No, it was different. It was not comforting.
Tears were building up and starting to sting her eyes. She buried her head into his chest. "Anakin," she sobbed in a soft whisper. She didn't want to wake the monster. "My Anakin . . ." Eventually sleep claimed her.
When she awoke, he was gone. But the smell lingered. She sighed and rolled over to face back towards the viewport. To get away from his lingering presence in the bed. Eventually she got up and got dressed in a simple nightdress as she was not in the mood to go back into the closet. It had been two night cycles since she had received her reminder of Rion's foot. Two nights since she had torn apart the closet. She had yet to step back into the small room. She wondered if it was still a mess or if perhaps some cleaning droid had come in when she wasn't paying attention.
As she sat down to eat breakfast, her mind went back to Vader and the routine they seemed to have settled into the past few days. He was gone most of the day, leaving Padmé alone to her own devices. There wasn't much to do in the rooms. As such she was often left with her thoughts. Her thoughts were mostly about him.
He would return in the night cycle. There was often a bit of small chat. If she wasn't in the bedroom already, he would lead her there. Then they would sleep together. She didn't dare say make love. That was not what was happening. She had no love for that man. Not for Vader. Afterwards the two would fall asleep, and he would be gone when she awoke.
She heard the soft click of the lock followed by a door opening and closing. Then she heard his boots on the carpet approaching her. He was here much earlier than usual. There was no chrono in the rooms, but it wasn't even halfway through the day cycle. She gathered herself up mentally. She didn't need any of these loose thoughts bubbling up while he was around.
She looked up and faced him.
He stood only a few paces away with his hands behind his back. He smiled at her as if he was genuinely happy to see her. As if he had missed her. Like Anakin used to. Padmé shook her head to chase the thought away. He brought his hands forward. His gloved hand held a small white box with a red ribbon around it.
"My angel," he said. "I have a present for you."
He turned and gestured towards one of the sofas. She followed his prompt, walked over to the living area, and sat down. He handed her the box. It was thin and long, but no longer than her hand. She pulled on the red bow, which easily came undone. She pulled off the lid.
She didn't know what to expect inside the box. She wasn't expecting this, but she wasn't surprised either. Inside was a finger. The dark tan skin gave it away as Rion's. Her hands trembled as placed the lid back on the box and sat it down on the sofa next to her. She clasped her hands together as she mentally gathered her anger and looked up at him.
"What was that for?" she asked between clenched teeth.
A horrible smile grew across his face. Padmé shivered as she recalled Anakin's smiles from her memory last night. His loving and warm smile. This smile was cold and malicious. Vader leaned over so his head was next to hers.
"I warned you," he said softly into her ear. "For you not to forget to use my name."
"What?" she asked confused. But then she recalled the cell. The image of Vader slashing his red lightsaber through Rion's hand. She had begged him to stop. She had called him Anakin. He had threatened to take more off if she didn't use his name. But when had she called him Anakin? Generally she avoided calling him any name. The name Vader tasted sour in her mouth.
"Last night," he said as if reading her thoughts. "Did you think I was asleep? You whispered that name so longingly."
She was quickly on her feet. She stood before him, but Vader's tall form easily towered over her smaller one. But she didn't cower. She stuck out a finger towards him. She opened her mouth to speak, but he beat her to it.
"Let me guess," he said, "How dare I?" She snapped her mouth shut. That had been the words she was going to say. "You're getting quite predictable, my love. Honestly, I would like to think I am to. I did warn you about using that name. I thought I was quite clear about it."
"I . . . I am allowed to mourn my husband," she said.
"Your husband is right here, my dear wife."
"No," Padmé said. "My husband was Anakin Skywalker. You are not him." He had visibly, but only slightly, flinched at that name. He quickly closed the small distance between them.
"I see you have yet to learn your lesson," Darth Vader said in a soft hiss. "That name means nothing to me."
"If it means nothing to you," she hissed back, "then why the threats at all? Why can't you stand hearing that name, Anakin?" He grabbed the hair at the back her neck and pulled her head back she was staring up at him. She flinched at the pain. His eyes were glowing with a horrible sulfur color.
"Do you really care so little for that Rebel scum?" he asked. "That's twice you've said that name. What shall it be? Two more fingers? He's already down a hand and one finger. Perhaps we should go with toes next time? Then again he is also down a foot."
"You're avoiding answering my question," she said not ready to give to him just yet. "Why don't you like hearing that name? It's clear you don't. You react each time. Trying to forget your past life?"
"Anakin Skywalker was weak, and as such he has been destroyed. What bothers me is that my wife still clings to a dead fool." Vader let go of her hair. Padmé's hand went to massage the back of her head where he had pulled the hair tight. Vader brought up his ungloved hand to her chin. His thumb gently rubbed against her lips. "However," he said a low sultry voice, "That name would be the only name I can forgive you for sweetly whispering."
"Forgive?" Padmé said as she took a step back. Vader's thumb slid across her lips as his hand left her face. "A sliced off finger is what you call forgiveness?"
"No, that was a reminder to let go of that name," Vader said matter-of-factly. "I assure you, you would know if I hadn't forgiven you. I know you think I'm cruel." He glanced back down at the white box. "But I promise you, Padmé, I am being very kind."
He was wrong there. She knew exactly how cruel he could be.
"I won't let go of that name," Padmé replied defiantly. She meant it. She would never let go of Anakin, especially not for Vader. Vader closed the small gap between the two. His hands came to rest softly on her upper arms.
"Eventually you will, my wife," he said softly.
"Stop calling me that," she said trying inject coldness into her voice.
"My wife?" he said with a slight tilt of his head.
"I am not your wife. I'm Anakin Skywalker's wife." His eyes narrowed in on her, but she continued. "He knew how to treat his wife, unlike you. You treat me as if I'm just your nightly plaything. You barely spend time with me outside the bed."
"Was your precious Rion any different for you? Do you see him as anything more tool to ease your desires?" Vader asked.
"Of course!" Rion was more to her than that. Sure she didn't completely love him, but she valued him for more than just his body. Rion was the pilot of her ship. A part of her crew. A part of her Lucky Ten. He helped her plan missions. He gave her advice. He comforted her when she broke down in tears.
"Really?" Vader said in a low voice. "Beyond him being a rebel, being a member of your crew, did you care for him as an individual? Did you ever comfort him? Care for his mental wellbeing? Did you ever spend time with him, just to be in his presence? Share your personal concerns? Did you ever even hold a true meaningful conversation with him that wasn't about your little rebellion?"
"Don't speak of things you know nothing about!"
"But I do know," Vader said as a smile grew on his lips. "You think I didn't look inside his head? You think I didn't want to know how deep my wife's betrayal went? I have to say I was pleasantly surprised it didn't go that deep."
A cold shudder ran through her.
Vader continued. "Does it really matter that it is Rion that I hold against you? Would you have reacted the same way if I captured another member of your rebel crew? What if it was just a stranger? Would you still have given in to my demands? Was it really Rion that made you easily fall back to me?
"Or was it you? Your guilt? You couldn't let someone innocent be hurt? After so many innocents have been hurt because of you and your actions? Especially after that incident at Ryx Station. You think I don't know how deeply you hold these deaths to your heart? Oh, I'm aware at how much it cuts at you. Even now I can feel the deep pain and guilt that you try to hide and lie to yourself about."
She felt as if she was stone. Or ice. She was frozen. She couldn't move. She could barely think. His words hurt. They hurt so much because they were true. Would she have reacted any different if any other person was strapped to that table being tutored because of her? Would she have sold herself over to ease their suffering?
"Or maybe it's all because you just missed me?" Vader purred.
"That is not it at all," Padmé said through clenched teeth.
Vader leaned over and whispered in her ear. "Yet it's my old name you cry out in the night."
Her hands were up and pushing him away from her. "Oh so now it's your name?"
"I never said it wasn't," he replied.
"Really?" she scoffed. "Seems to me you want to destroy everything that once belonged Anakin, even the name. And if you want nothing else to do with that name, that life, then just let me go."
"No," he growled. Coldness seem to be pouring from him. "You are mine. You yourself agreed to this as well. I won't let you go, Padmé."
"What if I want to break off our bargain?" she asked.
"Well isn't this pleasing?" he said. Padmé was confused. Pleasing? "You want that scum dead? That can be arranged."
He grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her towards the door that was opposite of her bedroom door. The door opened for Vader and they were in a small hallway. Not a big corridor, but obviously still a part of the living quarters. They passed a few closed doors before finally stopping at one. The door opened to a large office.
A large desk sat against the wall to Padmé's left, but Vader led her to the large circular holotable in the middle of the room. He let go of her wrist as he typed into the controls of the table. Shortly the table lit up and a holo came up of Rion. He was strapped to a metal bed. She noted the missing hand, foot, and finger.
Vader swept behind Padmé and placed his hands on her shoulders. She felt his head come to rest on top of hers.
"Ah, but first I do believe some payment is due for using the wrong name." His voice was happy. "Hmmm. You did say it multiple times just now. Ah! I know just the thing!" One hand left her shoulder and she could feel him lean slightly away from her. However, the other hand stayed on her other shoulder.
"Droid?" he said. She realized he was talking into a comlink. Suddenly a droid appeared next to the table in holo next to Rion. "Cut out the man's tongue. Maybe that will teach my wife to be careful when she speaks."
The droid disappeared from the holo, but then came back into view carrying a sharp medical scalpel. It approached the still form of Rion. Vader's hands were back on her shoulders, putting a slight pressure on her. She watched as the droid opened the mouth.
Her mind went back to her previous personal argument. Did she care so little for Rion? Could she condemn the man to death for her freedom? Or was it all lies she was telling herself? A sudden rush of emotion hit her. Guilt. Sadness. Grief. Loneliness. Love. Yes love. She in some way did care for Rion. Seeing him again had reminded her of that.
"No," she said finally breaking. "Please stop."
"Too late for that, my angel," Vader whispered. "The price must be paid."
She turned away from the holo and pressed herself against him. She buried her head into his shirt.
"Why?" she said. Her voice muffled by his shirt. "Why are you doing this?"
His arms wrapped around her. He gently hugged her. "You already know," he whispered. "I want my wife. I want wife by my side. I want my wife completely and willingly."
She couldn't stop the tears and sobs that came up. She wanted to argue. This isn't how to get his wife back. He was only pushing her farther away from him. But she didn't. She didn't have it in her at the moment. She was already so emotionally drained. The earlier conversation had taken a toll on her.
He gently pushed her away from him and then spun her around. She was looking at the holo. The price had been paid. Blood poured from Rion's mouth. Two medical droids were stepping up.
"I see you do still care for him," Vader said in his soft caring voice. "It's tearing you apart to see him like this."
And then his voice changed. The real voice of Vader came through. His dark vicious voice. "If you keep this up, there really won't be much of him left. Though if you'd like him more whole, then I suggest you don't disobey me again, Padmé. As much as I will enjoy ending his life, I won't allow you to call off our bargain even if you let me kill him. I assure you I have so much more to keep you here where you belong."