Chapter 12 – Feelings

Emil flopped onto the bed and laid out flat on his front, swinging his legs behind him. He chewed messily on a piece of gum and watched Lukas as he stood in front of the mirror on the front of his wardrobe adjusting his tie. The two brothers had escaped upstairs to their apartment for a breather while the finishing touches were being made in the bookstore for Lucille's arrival. A queue had been forming outside on the street since the crack of dawn, and Lukas had been nervously peering out of the window every now and again until the line of people began to disappear around the corner. Emil had insisted that he take the day off school to help Lukas with the day ahead, and as butterflies now started to form in his stomach Lukas was glad of his little brother's company.

He hadn't slept well last night, or the night before either in fact, the words of his father polluting his thoughts. Although he now knew that Emil didn't long for a relationship with Lars, Lukas couldn't help but wonder how different things might have been if he had been brought up in a 'normal' family environment. What was bothering him the most was that Lars had said that he didn't think that he was his own son, and it pained him to think about it. Had Lars always had this suspicion? Or did he just hate Lukas so much that he simply didn't even want to think of him as his own flesh and blood? Now that he thought about it, their Dad had always seemed to favour Emil over him throughout their youth.

Eventually after a lot of tossing and turning, Lukas had gotten out of bed and crept into the living room just in case Tino was awake, wanting to empty his mind. Rubbing his tired eyes he stood in the doorway and squinted into the dark room. Once they had adjusted, he saw Tino sprawled out across the sofa bed fast asleep. Not wanting to wake or disturb his friend, Lukas tried to bury all of his thoughts at the back of his mind. Though before turning to head back to bed, he glanced at the wall to his right where all of the family photos hung that Emil had shown to Lars before he left on Monday night and a lump formed in his throat as he let his eyes wander over them. No matter how low he might feel at times, his found family were always there to help keep his head above water.

"Hello? Earth to Lukas?" Lukas was brought out of his thoughts as Emil's voice spoke up from behind him. He turned around and looked at his brother as he rolled off the bed and stood next to him in front of the mirror,

"What?"

"While you were distracted by how ugly that blue and white striped shirt looks with that red tie, I said, that you've got a text off some guy called Matthias. He's asking about the car." Emil said casually, fixing his hair in the mirror while he held Lukas's phone out to him that he'd left on the bed. Lukas snatched it from his hands and shoved it in his back pocket,

"Who said you could read my text messages, you terror? That's private."

Emil had dressed in his best shirt and slacks to help out in the store today, and Tino had sat him down in the kitchen and trimmed his hair last night to make sure that he was presentable. As he stood side by side with Lukas in the mirror, his older brother couldn't help but notice just how tall he was getting. In the past few months he had shot up like a weed and was now just a few centimetres shorter than Lukas.

"And before you start calling me out for my clothes, you should really do something about that peach fuzz you're trying to call facial hair on your top lip." Lukas finished with a smirk, causing Emil to turn bright red and hit him across the back of the head.

"It's not my fault I have pale hair! I'd like to see you try and grow a beard if you're gonna diss mine!" he retorted.

Lukas couldn't help but laugh as Emil pressed his face so close to the full length mirror that his breath fogged it up a little while trying to get a good look at his top lip.

Suddenly there was a loud cheer outside as the crowd of people began to clap, most probably at the arrival of Lucille. Excitedly, Emil ran to the window and leaned on the ledge to peer down at the street as the Lukas's bedroom door flew open and Tino burst in, his breathing heavy and a thin layer of sweat had formed on his forehead was causing his hair to stick to it.

"What are you two doing up here!? I've been running around in circles all morning to make sure that this goes smoothly for you and you're not even downstairs to greet Lucille!?" Tino yelled, standing in the doorway and pointing with his finger in the direction of the front door.

"Go! Now!"

Lukas and Emil glanced at each other and hurried for the door feeling like naughty children under Tino's glare, knowing that if they valued their lives they shouldn't make an already flustered Finn repeat himself. Squeezing past Tino, Lukas went first down the narrow back stairs leading to the shop, followed by Emil and then Tino in tow. Lukas's heart was hammering in his chest as he reached the bottom of the stairs, the voices that filled his shop growing louder with each step. He paused at the bottom, his legs like lead.

Tino stepped behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder, giving it a little pat.

"Go on, Lu. This is your day." Tino said, the happiness radiating in his voice for his friend, as he gave Lukas a gentle push into the store. As he emerged through the back door to the shop, the entirety of the room began to clap and cheer. Lucille spotted him and made her way over. Her smile was wide, from ear to ear, and she had her arms outstretched as she approached Lukas, placing a gentle hand on each of his forearms as she dusted a French kiss over his cheeks.

"It's wonderful to meet you, Lukas, I've heard so much about you." She said to him quietly before pulling away and turning to face the room as camera's flashed. Lukas was already dreading how he was going to look in the photos, as he was both star struck at meeting his idol and basking in the fact that such an event was being held in his store. But couldn't help but smile and willed himself to stand up straight and be confident while Lucille posed with him for a few more moments.

Looking around the shop and at the sea of people before him as Lucille began to address them with her speech, Lukas felt a little better at seeing a familiar face as he caught Christina's eye across the room from where she was stood with Francis and Arthur. She gave him thumbs up and motioned for him to remember to breathe by inhaling and then puffing out animatedly. The store was full to the brim with people, with even more were queuing outside, and it was enough to send an introverted Lukas's head spinning, so he kept his eyes on her for a moment and took a deep breath as she had indicated.

Only when Lucille turned to him did he tear his eyes away from Christina.

"We'll talk properly later, but thank you for letting us use your wonderful store today." She said to Lukas with a smile before she made her way over to the table at the foot of the line of fans and smoothed her skirts before she sat. The security guard then lifted the rope separating her from them and the first few rushed forward, chattering excitedly at her.

The atmosphere in the store was perfect, and Lukas revelled in it for a moment, looking around at excited faces of his fellow booklovers as they waited for Lucille to take her seat, then watched as Tino disappeared into the crowd, Francis following close behind, and Emil began to set himself up behind the cash register. Taking another deep breath in through his nose, Lukas rolled his shirt sleeves up as the first group of customers approached him, and he listened patiently as they asked him where they could find Lucille's book to purchase before leading them over to the display table with pleasure.

A few hours into the book signing, Emil and Lukas had found a working rhythm that seemed to be going rather smoothly for them in all of the madness. Never in his life had Lukas seen this shop this busy, and he probably never would again. If Emil hadn't skipped school today there's no way he would have coped by himself. As well as selling copies of Lucille's new book to customers who then got in line to have it signed by her in person, customers were also browsing the store and all of its sections and books were flying off the shelves.

While Emil manned the cash register and rang through purchases, Lukas stayed on the shop floor as much as he could, restocking copies of Lucille's books from the back room whenever the display table started to get low, as well as helping customers find what they were looking for and recommending books to them. His cheeks ached from smiling at customers and his throat was sore from talking so much, but he was revelling in every minute of it. Every time Lukas passed Tino on the shop floor as he either lead Francis around or worked to keep the press in order the two kept pinching each other playfully, neither of them not quite believing the sheer scale of what today had turned out to be.

At present, Lukas was stooped down and busy re-organising the small shelves of children's fiction as best he could while families were still milling around and little hands would grasp at the bright coloured books only moments after Lukas had just straightened them. Laughing to himself in spite of their innocence, he stood up and decided to do this task later once the swell of people in the store had quietened. While walking away from the children's corner and over to non-fiction, Lukas spotted a familiar head of ginger hair amongst the crowd of customers. He stopped and took off his reading glasses so that he could take a better look, but instantly regretted it when Matthias must have felt eyes on him as he turned round and noticed Lukas. Muttering under his breath, Lukas folded his glasses and slipped them into the front pocket of his shirt as Matthias approached him.

"Hey! Fancy running into you here!" Matthias beamed, stopping in front of him.

"What're ya doing here? You a fan of Lucille Marcon? My sister is here somewhere and I've brought lunch for her." Matthias said, asking multiple questions at once but not really waiting for Lukas's answer as he held up a brown paper bag. He looked out of place stood in the middle of a bookstore with his cafe uniform on; his black apron sporting a splodge of mustard on the front.

Lukas avoided Matthias's gaze and twirled a lock of his hair around his finger in an attempt to act casual,

"Erm, yeah I'm a pretty big fan of hers." He said, still not wanting to reveal to Matthias that this was in fact his store, and that's why he was here, though withholding this was soon in vain as his eyes widened at the sound of Emil calling him from across the store. Matthias turned around and Lukas peered over Matthias shoulder as they both looked over at Emil struggling to serve customers fast enough as the queue began to spill out of the door. For a moment Lukas thought about ignoring him and playing off to Matthias that it was coincidence that there was another Lukas in the room. He raked a hand through his hair, annoyed at himself for allowing himself to be distracted on a day like this and take his attention off running the store for even a few minutes.

"Sorry, but I have to go." He apologised and pushed past Matthias, but stopped when a hand landed on his shoulder.

"Hey, what are you-" Lukas began, turning back around swiftly on his heel and frowning up into Matthias's freckly face.

"Hang on, you work here? I know you live above but I didn't think…" Matthias said as his hand slipped from Lukas's shoulder, a look of admiration now etched on his face.

"I love supporting small businesses, it must be pretty cool to work here! Do you know the owner or something?" Matthias continued, asking yet another question.

Loosening the knot on his tie Lukas studied Matthias for a moment, then sighed and undid the tie all together, sliding it from around his neck and stuffed it into his back pocket, suddenly feeling the pressure of how busy the store really was. Despite this, from the way Matthias was looking at him, Lukas felt a sudden pride that this was his store and a confidence in himself as a business owner. He pulled his shoulders back and stood up straight.

"Thank you. And yes, I do know the owner. It's me. Now please, excuse me." He said simply with a modest smile, turning away from Matthias to go and assist a rather frantic Emil. He could feel Matthias eyes on the back of him and once behind the counter Lukas dared to look back to the spot where he'd let Matthias standing in the hopes that he might still be stood there, but he just caught the back of that mess of hair again disappearing into the crowd of people instead. Why did he care what Matthias thought about him and his store? He shook his head and returned his attention to the line of customers on the other side of the counter.

After the book signing had drawn to a close at around 2pm and the last few customers were filtering out, Tino was sat with Christina in the corner of the store. They had pulled the little chairs over from the kids' corner that were the only spare seats currently in the store, and Tino's calves ached from sitting so low down on the tiny plastic chair.

Though he was glad that the signing had gone well, he was exhausted despite only being half way though his work day. He sat slumped in his seat and wiped his forehead on the back of his arm before taking a large gulp of cold water. When he applied for the internship at Bonnefoy publications, Tino had hoped to land a job that was a little more suited to his degree in English and Journalism. Perhaps a writer, or a co-ordinator, maybe even a proof reader for a literature column or one of the smaller national magazines about cooking or knitting or something. The last thing he expected was to be offered the role of an assistant to the editor of a global fashion monthly and number one grossing magazine in the whole publications.

The whole morning he'd been chasing after photographers, reporters, and vital members of Icon who made up the event at the drop of Francis's hat, while Francis and Arthur took most of the credit for just being in the room. At first this had irritated Tino, as having the shoot in Lukas's store was his idea after all, but after several words of kindness from people whose opinions mattered to him like Emil, Christina, Lukas and Matthew about how the day had turned out he didn't feel so bad.

Screwing the top back onto his reusable water bottle and setting it down on the floor beside his chair, Tino looked at Christina. Now it was her turn to wait for orders from Francis as she sat patiently with a change of clothes for Lucille's photo shoot draped over her knee, neatly pressed and in a protective dry cleaning bag. He followed her gaze and noticed that she was watching Lukas as he stood talking with Lucille, his soft laugher filling the now quiet room at something she said. Her finger was tracing small circles on her knee as she watched him, her expression soft.

Tino had been wondering why Christina was at the store when she wasn't really needed until after the signing was over and it was time to get Lucille ready, as of course her main role at Icon was wardrobe, but now it was painfully obvious. Feliciano, who was the stylist working with her for this shoot, had only arrived little over an hour ago for example as he wasn't needed until now whereas Christina had been milling about on the sidelines all morning. Observing her now as she sat next to him, Tino broke into a grin as he sat forward in his chair and placed his elbows on his knees, chin in palm.

"He's handsome, isn't he?" he said.

She hummed in response, not really giving Tino her full attention for a moment until she realised what he'd said and quickly turned to face him.

"Wait, who are we talking about?"

Tino sat back again in his chair and spread his legs out in front of him.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe the tall blond you were staring at who just so happens to be single?" Tino teased, laughing as Christina began to turn pink from the neck up. Now that he thought about it, he didn't know why he hadn't noticed this sooner. If the way that Christina had acted the first time she met Lukas at their apartment and learned that he wasn't his boyfriend wasn't a dead giveaway then the fact that she always found an excuse to come up to their apartment in the morning when she picked him up for work definitely was.

"Do you like him?" he asked and wiggled his eyebrows at Christina.

She rolled her eyes and played with a tight curl of her hair,

"You say it as if we're high schoolers. Yes, I think your best friend is hot, but I don't like him." She said in a huff, then tucked her hair back into place behind her ear.

"Okay then, whatever you say~" Tino continued playfully. Though he quite liked the idea of playing match maker with his friends, he didn't want to annoy her so he dropped the subject and they began to talk about other things.

Tino listened as Christina began to tell him about a movie she watched a couple of nights ago, but zoned out as the bell chimed above the door to Lukas's shop and Berwald stepped inside, taking a black beanie from his head as he ducked under the doorframe. He watched over Christina's shoulder as Berwald faltered in the middle of the room and glanced around as though looking for someone. His gaze kept flickering between Christina and Berwald as he tried to remain interested in Christina's movie, but she soon noticed that Tino wasn't listening anymore and turned to see what he caught his attention.

If this had been a few days ago, Tino would have jumped at the chance to talk to Berwald, but now he was almost shying away. He was annoyed at himself for expecting Berwald to be open with him about his private life. As well as not expecting himself to work for a fashion magazine, Tino was shocked at himself for hankering a little after Berwald, especially as he and Marcus hadn't long been broken up. Was Berwald just a conveniently handsome rebound for his feelings now that he was single?

"Hey Ox, over here!" Christina called to Berwald, waving her hand to beckon him over to them. Tino was surprised at the nickname 'Ox' from shortening his last name that Christina had used. If there was one thing Tino was still glad about however as a result of making an effort to get to know Berwald, it was the fact that he had helped Berwald to interact with more people at Icon as he got settled into his new friendship group, and since working on both the Lucille Marcon shoot and upcoming Emily Jones designer editorial together, Berwald and Christina had formed a rather unexpected bond.

Berwald made his way over and sat down hesitantly in the tiny chair next to Christina, unzipping his coat as he did so. Tino had to suppress a laugh at the sight of Berwald's tall frame squashed onto a chair several sizes too small for him.

He and Christina talked for a few minutes about the photoshoot that would be taking place soon, and Christina relayed information from Francis to Berwald about how he wanted to set to look. Berwald took out a small notepad and pencil from his coat pocket as Christina spoke, whetting the pencil tip on his tongue before scribbling down some notes in scruffy scrawl. Tino observed his hands as he wrote, half hoping to see a ring on his finger or something to indicate that the person Berwald was speaking to on the phone the other day was definitely a partner just to stop him thinking about it, but his hands were bare save for a small band-aid across his right knuckle. Then when Berwald snapped the notebook shut and Christina began to gather her things and stand up did Tino look up and Berwald caught his eye.

"Right well, I'd better go and pry Lukas away from Lucille," Christina said as she hung the dry cleaning bag over her arm, "Berwald we'll be ready to start getting the set ready in like… 10 minutes?"

He nodded, "Gotcha. Won't be long." He said as she took her leave.

Tino followed her with his eyes as she approached Lukas and Lucille, then turned to Berwald.

"So… I've just found out that Christina likes Lukas." Tino told Berwald and nodded over in the direction to where they were standing across the room.

Berwald chuckled a little and pushed his hair out of his eyes. It had grown a little since Tino had first met him.

"That so?" he replied, and Tino nodded, wanting to kick himself at his lame attempt at a conversation topic until he found an opportunity in it. Feeling daring, as the conversation was casual enough, he cast his gaze away from Berwald and looked around the room feigning indifference,

"Is there anyone you like? At Icon I mean?" he asked.

Narrowing his eyes at Tino, Berwald stared at him for a moment, and Tino was worried that he'd pried too much.

"Why'd you ask?" was all Berwald said, and Tino shrugged.

"No reason, I was just wondering. Sorry." was Tino's answer, though he knew full well why he'd asked. It was a crafty way for him to try and gauge whether Berwald was straight or not.

Only the sound of background chatter that floated around the shop could be heard for a few seconds too many as Tino began to feel uncomfortable under Berwald's scrutiny, wishing he'd never even brought the topic up. He watched as Berwald's eyes ran over him behind his glasses, and was about to ask him what it was that he were staring at when he finally spoke, breaking the silence.

"You look nice today. Had a good morning?" he said, clearly trying to lighten the mood.

Tino felt his face heat at the compliment as he glanced down at his outfit, secretly pleased that Berwald had noticed as he'd spent a lot of time getting ready this morning. He wanted to look smart for Lukas's big day, and earlier in the week he'd splashed out on a new pair of dogtooth suit trouser with a bow tie to match. He felt great in it, now even more so.

"Thanks, Ber," he said, flashing a metallic smile, "Yeah, this morning's been good. Hectic, but good. There's still so much to do back at the office though, I don't wanna think about it." He pushed the heels of his palms to his eyes at the thought of all the paperwork on his desk.

"What time do ya need to be back?" Berwald looked at his watch then glanced at Tino over the rim of his glasses, "I'll be done here in a half hour or so, could give you a lift back in the car?" he said as he began to stand.

Tino hesitated, driving himself mad with the autonomous thought that Berwald was offering him a ride back to the office just as an excuse to spend time with him and not just because he was a thoughtful co-worker. For his own sake if anything, Tino thought it best to keep his distance from Berwald for a while, especially if he did have a potential lover.

He shook his head, "No it's okay, I'll walk back." He said, not expecting Berwald's face to fall as much as it did when he declined.

"Oh. Okay." Berwald simply said, then glanced over the top of Tino's head.

Looking over his shoulder to see where Berwald was looking, Tino turned around just in time as Lukas flung an arm around his neck and brought him into an awkward hug while trying not to spill anything from either of the two champagne flutes that he held in his hands.

"Tino Väinämöinen, you're the best friend I've ever had, ya know that?" Lukas spoke into his neck before pulling away, his cheeks flushed with glee. Tino hadn't seen Lukas this jovial or carefree since they were in college and could have cried with happiness at the sight. He took the glass of champagne that Lukas gave to him and smiled widely at him as he carried on,

"You won't believe how much money we've made. Emil's just finished counting the register. Tino, I can pay off so many debts!" Lukas exclaimed, seeming to be almost drunk on sheer joy alone, and Tino glanced around him to make sure no one was listening to Lukas talk so openly about his financial situation. He noticed when looking around that Berwald was no longer standing behind him, and he quickly searched the store for any trace of him before inwardly sighing and turning his attention back to Lukas, not wanting to overshadow his friend's moment with his own petty feelings.

"Lu, that's amazing!" Tino said as Emil came bounding over to them.

"Even better now that Francis is handing out free drinks," Emil said, holding up his glass of champagne.

If today were a normal day, Lukas would have probably limited Emil to one alcoholic drink or possibly even none at all, but after the success of today he couldn't care less. It had been a while since he had felt this much self love, and he simply basked in the feeling of being surrounded by his two favourite people, giddy with pride.

A/N: I've re-written this chapter so many times, and I'm still not 100% happy with it but I just can't focus on it anymore :') it's been my punishment for having too many side plots and characters probably lol

I hope you enjoy, sorry if some parts read weird. Thanks for reading! x