Loki and the Pop Tarts

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Morning came too soon for a groggy Loki.

At the time, Loki had not understood why Sesshomaru had chosen a storage room of all places for solace, it was like going from one cell to another! Yet, when he observed him, he noticed his ears were slightly red and twitching.

This city must be abhorrent on his dog Demon senses; no doubt Thor did not think of it.

As it always did, Sesshomaru's face betrayed little of his emotions or intentions. He learned over their somewhat clandestine friendship to read his body more than his face. His ears twitching, his knuckles cracking, his talons lengthening, posture and so on.

Loki didn't have to know Sesshomaru's tells because he never really lied. Lies by omission sure, but never outright falsehoods. He would know, being the God of lies of course.

Surely it was a remarkable thing that the God of tricks, mischief and lies fell into such a neat friendship with a mostly serious, studious and murderous Demon Lord.

He never, even with the power of the Odinforce, thought he could successfully bring Sesshomaru to this time. The only reason he could calculate was that the enchanted sword Tenseiga somehow aided him as a lay line. He sensed its magic, his own magic rather, from Midgard the moment he arrived in that awful wasteland of New Mexico. Loki had to assume that the reason Sesshomaru ended up in New Mexico was because it was a strong point of reference for the Bifrost being that the Warriors Three landed there recently.

Loki knew he threatened Sesshomaru's livelihood in bringing him to his realm, he could have been killed, but he had underestimated Sesshomaru before and was left wanting. So he undertook the deception of Odin to bring him here. Loki had wished Asgard, or at least his mother heeded his words of the eminent invasion, but it was all for naught. He knew the only way to save the realms was to bring Sesshomaru here, the only person who would hear him out impartially.

Loki knew also the Avengers would most likely investigate the site of the Bifrost, what he didn't predict was Tenseiga pinging with his magic. Loki feared Sesshomaru may have taken out at least a few of the 'Lost Creatures' before having to contend with Thor and the Berserker. Loki shuddered at what the Hulk did to him still, but knew Sesshomaru would have escaped a similar fate.

Good fortune always seemed to shine down on Sesshomaru. That and Sesshomaru, a bit more cautious than Loki gave him credit for, did not slay any of the Avengers, not even that brazen Stark. He didn't expect them all to be unscathed from their battle either.

He also never expected that Sesshomaru would have roasted a doe and had gotten the all Avengers impaired on the top of Stark Tower but there was something to be said for the mysterious Demon Lord.

And humans loved a good mystery.

Loki could feel his internal injuries heal and his magic began to build back up. Even though he slept, he could feel the Demon Lord had stood vigilant the entire time knowing he was too pained and weak to put up much of a resistance to the group of Avengers, had they been rallied and come down to ambush them.

Loki would have handed himself over willingly if he thought Sesshomaru would be taken captive by SHIELD. Loki, quite certainly knew that there was not much that SHIELD could do to him that Asgard and the Other had not already done.

He would never breathe a word of the abysmal treatment Asgard gave him, and that the only reason for him being this healed was that Odin truly believed in the lore of Sesshomaru's Tenseiga.

'What a fool to believe in such a maiden's tale about the sword. And while Odin once held a certain favor for Sesshomaru, he is no doubt displeased at the turn of events.' Loki stretched on the concrete floor, working his abused muscles around, flexing blood into them.

So when a few of his ribs, right clavicle, right tibia, and a few vertebrae were broken again in retaliation among other things in his lower body, Loki knew it was time to make an exit, stage right, waiting till far early in the human morning to make his appearance at Stark Tower.

Even with his glamour camouflaging his bruises and lacerations, Loki knew Sesshomaru knew he received poor treatment. Loki could rarely fool Sesshomaru, and mostly refrained from attempting it.

'Speak of the Demon, and he appears!' Sesshomaru returned to their quarters, shadowed by the girl who Loki found sleeping down in the quarters, and a water Demon. He had never met either before. Sesshomaru made odd friends in the fifty-three years he had not seen him.

"I have brought you... a human delicacy named…Pop-Tarts. They're highly esteemed for their...sugar." Sesshomaru held the box up to his face, twisting trying to read the unfamiliar language. Loki knew that his youki, while translating and articulating foreign languages well verbally, did not work well in reading nor writing. Sesshomaru tossed the box to Loki and a bottle of water. Loki caught both, sitting up from the concrete floor, leaning back against a crate. He felt his joints pop and crack as the small girl approached him.

"Hello Uncle Loki! I'm Rin pleased to meet you! Lord Sesshomaru told me you are his friend and he is helping your irksome presence out of trouble!" Loki managed a faint, but real smile. When was the last time someone called him a friend?

"Gods! Nothing but trouble! He will be the death of us all!" Jaken grumbled, and was silenced when Sesshomaru smacked him down, knocking him out.

"Pleased to meet you Lady Rin, I take it you have been keeping Lord Sesshomaru out of trouble as well?" Loki opened the box and picked out a foil packet. Rin giggled and nodded. Sesshomaru clenched a fist in response, glaring down at Loki who only shrugged and smiled in response.

Loki brightened when Rin sat down beside him. He magicked her some runes on the floor, she gasped and clapped when they swirled and melded on the floor like a kaleidoscope.

"A Director Fury arrives today. Only Stark and Romanoff of the Avengers know of your presence." Sesshomaru leapt onto a crate and squatted down, peering down at Loki with unreadable eyes.

'I loathe when he just stares like that. And great, Fury, of all the days.' Loki grumbled and opened the packet. It smelled almost entirely too sweet.

"You won't tolerate Fury. I know him, he will provoke you, it may be...unsavory. You best tell Thor you refuse to meet him." Loki leveled an emerald eyes gaze at him. And to Loki's mild surprise Sesshomaru nodded gently.

"Romanoff and Stark advised me similarly, but this Fury's objective is me. I won't be conversing with him. I have had my fill of insufferable humans." Sesshomaru's tone flickered with a small amount scorn, while clawing the crate below him as a cat would.

"How in the nines are you going to get away without speaking to..." Loki trailed off. "You want me to be you." Loki laughed darkly as Sesshomaru's gaze brightened in acknowledgement.

This could be fun.

"A wise tactic. You are familiar with him. I will lend you Tenseiga and Bakusaiga." Sesshomaru said causally, gesturing to his swords, one with which he was quite familiar, the other he had no inkling of its origin. It was not a sword Inu no Taisho carried on his person. He would have recognized Tessaiga or that horrid Sounga.

"You'd entrust me your swords? I didn't know our friendship ran that deep." Loki questioned, in genuine disbelief and Sesshomaru melted part of the crate to reveal parts of its contents. That question obviously irked the dog Demon. Loki tilted his head to the side in confusion, he hadn't meant any offense by the comment.

Ah, Sesshomaru is taking this seriously. I took his assessment of the situation too lightly.

"Tenseiga, he is curious of you. Bakusaiga's hilt is not to be touched in any capacity. You cannot wield her; She is not to be toyed with." Sesshomaru warned stonily and Loki took it to heart. He did not know Sesshomaru when this new sword came into being. He has not seen him since his half-blooded brother got pinned to a tree by a priestess of some skill. Since they had that stupid argument, Loki inwardly winced at the words he last said to him.

'Sesshomaru was disappointed when I informed him my magic had no effect on the arrow. And then I had to go and project my troubles onto him. I do not blame him for his reaction.' Loki recalled.

"Understood my friend, I truly meant no offense. Where will you be located when Fury arrives?" Loki asked back, not meaning to sound nervous, but his pulse picked up in tempo regardless. Sesshomaru picked up on it instantly, as Loki knew he would.

"Rin wishes to go to the woods in the middle of the metropolis and try this new creation called ice cream. Jaken and I will escort her there. Stark and Romanoff think it good for her to face her fears. My proximity barrier will alert us of extreme discord." Sesshomaru looked to Jaken, as if willing him to challenge his decision, who just came to from being knocked out.

"It is a fascinating change to see such selflessness in you Sesshomaru, but surely you will not be going in public wearing those gaudy garments." Loki snickered, some things about the Demon Lord had changed but his fashion sense had not. He would stand out like an Aesir in Muspelheim.

"Such brazen words spoken from one who dons a bronze helm with horns. A human might question which of us is the Demon Lord." Sesshomaru tilted his chin upwards, a slight lilt of humor.

"I looked quite dashing in those horns. Who told you about those?" Loki jested and then his head cleared. He hadn't thought that the Avengers would speak so freely of him. Sesshomaru's ears wiggled.

"Pepper Potts. She is aware of your presence here in the fortress. She is...a fiery human. I overheard Thor tell her that I went ten to his eleven wins in our old tournaments. She seemed impressed." Sesshomaru scratched his claws into the crate again and Loki rolled his eyes. He never watched their unruly tournaments.

"Fishing for compliments I see." Loki drawled. Sesshomaru melted the crate more.

"She has provided me suitable garments. She adores Rin muchly; she is ambivalent about Jaken; she reviles you." Sesshomaru supplied thoughtfully, revealing a fang.

"I would think so. I am shocked she has not stormed down here to lecture, shoot me, or worse." Loki's emerald gaze darkened, but held some light. Maybe there was some hope that she didn't. Or maybe she was setting far worse a trap. Maybe something involving the Iron Man suit or the Hulk.

Loki took a large bite of his pop-tart. A bit sweet but good regardless. Really good. He couldn't remember the last time he ate, much less anything sweet

"...She reported you tossed Stark from his own window." Sesshomaru's eyes brightened and his ears lifted up.

"Ah yes, that was a delightful exchange. He had a suit which has flight capabilities. He survived." Loki defended unnecessarily. He knew Sesshomaru thought the same. Loki took another bite of his pop-tart as he noticed Sesshomaru shift awkwardly to the side, face revealing nothing. He continued to scratch the crate.

"Loki…I am unaccustomed to such attention from humans. What do these ten numbers mean? Stark sputtered in revulsion when Lady Potts smiled and gave them to me." Sesshomaru tossed the paper down, feeling particularly conversational. Loki, surprised at the amount of words coming from Sesshomaru, picked up the note from the floor.

'Sesshomaru, did you perhaps miss our friendship?' Loki's eyes widened at the note, and the red ink in which it was written.

"You mongrel." Loki shook his head and Sesshomaru cocked his head slightly like a dog would. "These numbers are a code you enter to a communication device. You input those numbers and you can speak to her if she so desires wherever she is in this realm." Loki, with a bit of magic tossed the paper back and Sesshomaru caught it carefully and put it in his yukata. Sesshomaru managed an upward twitch of his lips.

"I accept her code. It makes Stark irate." Sesshomaru waited for the information to sink into his friend.

Pause.

"Wait. This implies that the Spider and Stark and Potts...they are..." For a few times in his life words failed Loki. Elation filled his chest for the first time in ages. He nearly stood and danced in happiness but that would surely cause Sesshomaru to scoff. Instead, he took another bite of the pop tart.

"They are under the impression that we understated our fighting capabilities which renders them intrigued to entertain your claim." Sesshomaru explained, leaping off the crate in an inhuman grace as Loki inhaled the pastry.

"Ah. So it was the spar that sparked their interest. My ruse to get our fight recorded went well despite your sour attitude towards it." Loki began to eat the second pop tart with fervor. Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes downwards towards the seated god.

"My own ruse has been a success as well." Sesshomaru ghosted a smile. "I shall notify you when Fury is incoming and give you Tenseiga and Bakusaiga then." Sesshomaru turned to leave.

"Wait. What ruse?" Loki inquired with skepticism.

"Lord Sesshomaru gave you your brother's Pop Tarts! It seems you and Storm God have similar tastes Uncle Loki." Rin hopped up and down following Sesshomaru out the door.

"This means war, dog!" Loki shook his fist in mock anger at the long swishing silver hair that left, never pausing. He inhaled three more packets of pop-tarts.

About three hours passed from what Loki could tell, he had been dozing in and out before he sensed Sesshomaru's youki again and he appeared, looking non-plussed.

Sesshomaru stood in a scarlet t-shirt which may have been a hair tight, hinting at his toned chest. Over the t-shirt was a lightweight black leather bomber jacket and dark wash jeans, again perhaps a shade too tight around his derriere and slim hips. On his feet were alligator skin boots. His long silver hair remained down but perched on his bangs were a pair of aviator sunglasses.

Gone was the intimidating and imposing Demon Lord, standing before him was an attractive Midgardian, it made Loki chuckle darkly.

'In no way is Sesshomaru used to appearing this way, his quest into New York should prove of great amusement to me.' Loki felt his mouth stretch into a catlike smile. Loki never thought of his relationship with Sesshomaru as anything other than platonic. But he understood, where Sesshomaru did not, about his striking beauty.

'Sesshomaru has never come to terms with being described with compliments slanting towards the feminine aesthetic. His father was indeed handsome and rugged, and even his younger half-brother looked more masculine. However, he is no delicate flower, and the tight clothes revealed this. He is ever slender, ever more so than I, yet toned in his own right.' Loki enjoyed taking in the contrast between his normal look and this.

"Gawking is impolite Mischief God." And Loki swore he saw Sesshomaru's cheeks darken, but it was probably the lighting. He held the two swords outstretched in his clawed hand. A paper shopping bag in the other.

"You look ravishing my dear." Loki mocked and took the opportunity to shapeshift into Sesshomaru in his familiar garb before Sesshomaru could strike him with his whip. He took Tenseiga first and he felt the oddest sensation, like it said something to him. He quickly tied the sword to his Chinese inspired sash and then with great care took Bakusaiga by its sheath, not hilt, and tied it as well.

Tenseiga felt content. Bakusaiga felt absolutely disagreeable.

"Hmph. Bakusaiga has my youki within her. She will also trick Fury's scans and the Storm God if you keep your magic low. Do not do anything unwise." Sesshomaru answered pointed and he saw Jaken garbed a large AC/DC hooded sweatshirt, clearly Stark's, covering his head, and child sized sandals with socks. Rin looked adorable in an orange sundress and white sweater with her hair brushed and in her normal pony tail.

"I am aware of what is at stake, Lord of Demons." Loki responded in his best Sesshomaru impression, stoic face and all.

Sesshomaru blinked, eyes wide.

"Lord Sesshomaru, he looks and sounds just like you! You are very good Uncle Loki! Now I have two Lord Sesshomarus!" Rin held her hand out. "High five!" Loki hit her hand with his now clawed one and Rin giggled.

Sesshomaru's knuckles snapped and his shoulders tensed.

"Foolish girl! This God can never be on the same caliber as Lord Sesshomaru! Come so we can get you your terrible human food!" Jaken ordered, trying to walk with the staff of two heads, excess sweatshirt fabric hampering his movements.

"Your brother taught Rin the high five. Don't worry you'll do great Uncle Loki!" Rin beamed Loki tried his hardest not to smile, because Sesshomaru didn't smile, as Rin waved.

Sesshomaru spared one last appraising glance his way before flicking down his aviators and sauntering out the door with Jaken and Rin.

'Damn vain Demon Lord and his meddling, though I suppose turnabout is fair play.' Loki soured, looking down at his striped hands, trying hard not to toy with his now outrageously long, silken silver hair. He had never, in the history of their friendship, ever attempted to shapeshift into Sesshomaru before, it felt entirely too surreal.

He paced about for about a half hour, trying to get used to his new form, and then strolled up all the way up to the main penthouse floor and felt his heart race and his throat swell. He had shape shifted for centuries, but never before has he felt such anxiety. How did he think this would be fun?! This was madness! What was he supposed to do with this fur pelt?!

He felt like a sheep in wolves clothing. Dog's clothing? He cracked his knuckles knowing Sesshomaru would do the same. He entered the room, completely on edge, so much so that he didn't see the man laying down on the sofa.

Tenseiga hummed.

"Oh, of course, the guy who drives the party bus wakes up fresh as a daisy, while his victims feel like roadkill underneath it." Loki almost stiffened, he knew that scintillating voice. He knew that clean smell.

Clint. Barton. That's what Sesshomaru meant by unwise. His heart skipped a beat. Probably three beats. He looked exactly how he remembered him, all chiseled lines, strong muscles, soft hair and roving eyes.

"Indeed. I expect the others have a similar opinion." Loki surprised himself. That sounded somewhat like his best friend. He relaxed his jaw.

'Keep it together Loki' Loki cheered himself on.

"Well, Nat and Steve are fine, Steve can't reeeaaaally get drunk, and Nat's Russian, so well they are inhuman. Tony and Bruce look like they got hit with bricks. Thor is Thor. He's pissed someone ate his pop-tarts." Clint implied the theft at his direction and Loki fought the urge to roll his eyes.

"This Sesshomaru does not consume human food. Rin is acquainted with them." Loki managed to not sweat. So far so good. 'Breathe, you are the God of Lies, Breathe.' Loki exhaled deeply through his nose.

"I told Tho-"

"Son if Taisho! Did you consume my pastry of toasters?! I had Lady Pepper procure a box of them and they have vanished!" Thor lumbered into the room and Loki felt himself blanche.

'Why did I agree to this again? This must be payback for the Bifrost. Or maybe mentioning that dark elf throwing him in the lake on video.' Loki almost shook his head, here he was, face to face with his brother after all this time, and he talks of sweets. Loki fought the urge to flee, to teleport away and be done with the whole charade.

But Seshsomaru would claim that quite unwise.

"Storm god-" Loki, luckily, recalled Sesshomaru never called Thor by his name, cut off by Stark flouncing into the room, he noticed Stark gave him a quick, cold wink.

Yes. Definitely punishment.

"Toady and Little Miss Sunshine probably housed them Point Break. We will buy you some more. Let's all get ready to meet our friendly neighborhood pirate shall we?" Tony took a seat next to Pepper who looked all business.

"Hey, you're lookin' a little pale Sesshoumaru. Don't worry Fury won't do anything except sound off. Just don't...try to strangle him like you did Tony on the Quinjet." Steve appeared at his side. Loki let loose a thin smirk, not breaking character.

"I shall do my due diligence to leave him unharmed." Loki's practiced quicksilver tongue responded and Stark gave him a hidden thumbs up.

'By the nines this is the most backwards day.' Loki almost swallowed.

"That's all we can ask you for Pretty Boy." He heard the spider speak coyly behind him.

'For an ice cold Demon Lord they are oddly fond of him after only a day. Mayhap this will work.' Loki exhaled through his nose.

"Captain! Romanoff! Barton! Thor! Someone better explain to me why you found a magical signature belonging to Loki. On. Earth. And didn't bring him to SHIELD. Where is that damned God?! I'll drag him back to his cage myself." Fury's voice, incandescent with anger, hammered into from the hall. He stormed into the room, bringing a wave of rage with him.

He understood exactly why Sesshomaru wouldn't have lasted with Fury. He'd be a smear on a wall. Loki managed to remember to crack his knuckles and harden his gaze. He also lowered his ears.

"Man of Fury! It was a misunderstanding! My brother is still imprisoned on Asgard! This is my friend and guest Sesshomaru, Son of Taisho, Lord of Demons and the Western Lands! He has travelled through time on the Bifrost!" Thor puffed his muscular chest out wide and smiled, Loki could tell he was fighting the urge to pat 'Sesshomaru.' on the back.

"Are you certain? When was the last time you took attendance?" Fury asked Thor and he looked caught off guard.

"I could not consult Heimdall last night, the Bifrost may be damaged due to Son of Taisho's arrival. However, I can assure you my brother cannot escape Asgard's defenses." Thor sounded more confident than he looked.

"How convenient that your front door is broken. And a Demon Lord? Travelling through time? What is this Doctor Who?! How do we know he isn't Loki who shape shifted into this son of a bitch?!" Fury's eye rolled almost out of its socket.

'Oh Fury has no idea how accurate his curse is.' Loki fought the urge to grin.

"Man of Fury, please respect my guest! I will ask him a question only the Son of Taisho would know!" Thor responded gleefully crossing his arms.

Stark, Spider, and Potts stiffened. Loki nearly scoffed in indignation on cue, there was nothing Thor knew about Sesshomaru that he didn't.

"Well, we can play twenty questions, never ever have I ever, ride the bus, or we can just scan him for Loki's magic energy." Stark suggested instead and Fury raised a hand in protest.

"No. If Loki did indeed escape he may have found a way to compromise the tech. And what better way to infiltrate the Avengers than to pose as Thor's long lost girlfriend!? Are all you this blind?!" Fury banged his fist on the counter and his other hand itched for his gun. Agent Hill beside him stood like a statue, her hand never straying far from her holster.

"Sir, he is not a woman. It's insens-" Steve began to defend and was cut off.

"Insensitive Captain? We are not in some feelings seminar! This is a threat to global security!" Fury fired back, pointing to Sesshomaru. Loki noticed Banner started to pace.

Then Loki saw Agent Coulson eyeing him lethally. 'So he did survive. That's one soul not lost to the underworld.'

"What methods you seek to prove that I am not this...Trickster God...make haste. I grow tired of you insufferable humans." Loki tried his best 'disdainful Sesshomaru.' and determined he should try shape shifting into Thor if he pulled off this elaborate ruse.

"Agreed! Son of Taisho! As you know Loki never watched our melee tournaments, and cared not for them. Your question, what was our record for our tournaments?!" Thor pointed to Sesshomaru, nodding, proud of himself.

Pause.

The air in the room almost became unbearable with tension, like a poisonous miasma.

Loki's heart fisted into his throat. Probably the one question he didn't know. He hated those damn things. It was more of a way to have everyone's father's jeer and brag about their sons' talents. A pissing contest if anything, and a father could only enter one offspring.

Odin never chose him.

He scanned the room, buying time, and caught everyone's eyes, even Potts.

'Potts. The phone number. Sesshomaru told me! That either cunning or lucky dog, Luck never favors me, so this must be his karma.' Loki felt relief sweep over him, he tried hard to not let it show.

"Our record, as you recall Storm God, was my ten wins to your eleven." Loki managed to calm his heart enough to speak, and managed a slight look of annoyance at revealing a weakness.

"That is indeed correct Son of Taisho! See? He is who claims to be!" Thor approached Loki, perhaps vying for a hug. Just how well did Thor remember Sesshomaru?

Pepper Potts and Tony looked like they were going to faint. Romanoff inclined her head slightly.

"You should give Fancy Pants here a chance to tie it up, or you know give yourself a two-win lead." Barton cut the tension and Fury went from angry to confused and angry.

"Son of Taisho would never tell my brother such a fact, because doing so would be a weakness! We clashed closely and strenuously!" Loki widened his eyes, but no one thankfully noticed.

'Did Sesshomaru really believe that to be true? That I would care over such a trifle?' Loki fought the urge to puff hair up and into his itching bangs.

"Have we quite completed this useless endeavor?" Loki frowned a bit.

"Yes! Can you all go, I don't know, cite a girl scout troop for parading without a permit or something?" Tony scratched the back of his neck.

"We, too, were led to believe he was indeed Loki, Fury. However, we cannot bring every person we come across with a magic signature similar to Loki's that comes through the Bifrost to SHIELD. What if it was Frigga or Odin? We could start a war." Natasha attempted to reason.

Then Fury stomped up to him, getting right in Loki's face as if seeing through his magic.

"I don't like you. I don't trust you. I'm just glad Thor here can keep you in check. I'll be watching you...Demon Lord. Don't you dare try to cross me; you'll be sorry you did." Fury pointed his finger in Loki's face and he knew if Sesshomaru was in here he'd have shattered his arm by now.

Loki decided to go for it and iced his gaze over, making sure to keep his magic low and clenched his jaw. He closed the gap and looked down on Fury just barely and slowly lifted his left hand and slapped the finger away with a flick of a striped wrist.

"This Sesshomaru does as he pleases, human." Loki's mind almost blanked and said mortal instead of human.

Fury flung his arm down, knocking Loki's and strode away with Hill and Coulson following. Loki's left hand knocked back into an unfamiliar object.

Bakusaiga's hilt.

He felt a biting stab of incredible youki through his thin magic shell and knew exactly what had happened.

'Thank the nine for Sesshomaru's dramatic fashion sense, because the long sleeve just covers my non-clawed, non-striped wrist.' Loki attempted to hide the now human-like hand.

Sesshomaru was even paler than Loki and now even his skin tone was off. Loki couldn't fix it with magic or he'd tip off Thor. Then, he then felt something dreadful. At the place where his skin actually touched the hilt, he felt cold.

'No. Not here. Not my Jotun skin.' Loki's mouth thinned. The circle of skin, no larger than a plum, on the back of his hand had to be blue with a raised line of skin by now.

'At least it is not growing. A small relief.' Loki began to sweat.

"Thor, even the bifrost works again, you are to remain Planet-side with your girlfriend, girlfriends. Barton, Romanoff, I want you to report back to SHIELD at oh eight hundred tomorrow." Fury ordered, not bothering to look back.

"Yes sir." Romanoff and Barton chorused.

When Fury left, the tension in the room immediately lifted.

"I have to commend you Sesshomaru, you held it together really well. Fury had me rankled and I wasn't even the one he was talking to." Banner was the first to say anything defending him.

"Thor gets two girlfriends, and what do I get? A hangover and cold coffee. Good thing Dr. Foster is in Finland." Barton ribbed Thor and Thor darkened red.

"I have never courted Son of Taisho! I have not craved him as a potential bedmate. Not that, ahem, you are not lovely, nor…worthy." Thor, stammered and coughed.

Stark clapped his hands once bit his lips in the universal symbol of 'this is awkward'. Romanoff looked Loki in his eyes with a 'you so deserve this' gaze. Rogers in the back shuffled and Barton barked in laughter.

'If you have any mercy, nines, please strike me dead now.' Loki sliced his eyes to Thor and managed a small growl.

"…Point Break it's ok to leave the house hungry as long as you go home to eat." Stark finally composed himself. Rogers gave a chastising gaze to Stark and he just shrugged back.

"Aye! And I am famished! Let's forage for some sustenance!" Stark shook his head, clearly the innuendo flew over Thor's head. Thor, this time, swung his hand back and smacked Loki on his back in an attempt to smooth things over.

Loki's hands shot instinctually out to balance and his hands shot out of the sleeves for a moment.

But a moment is all Clint Barton, Hawkeye, needed.

Because then all hell broke loose.