Chapter 14 – Let's see where this goes.

Leon pushed the fridge door closed with his foot as he took out some left over pizza and a bottle of Pepsi. Emil was sat on the kitchen counter at Leon's house and took down two glasses from the cupboard behind his head, setting them down next to him on the side.

It was a quiet Sunday, and Leon's parents were at work and his siblings either holed away in their rooms or out with their own friends. Emil's interview was a few days ago, and he'd still not heard anything about whether he'd been successful or not.

"So you've pretty much made your mind up haven't you?" Leon sighed and poured out the Pepsi into the two glasses as he spoke.

Atop the counter, Emil swung his legs and took a swig of Pepsi as Leon had finished pouring then watched Leon putting the pizza on a plate and opening the microwave as he continued, "If you get this job you won't be going to college. Are you sure you don't wanna at least apply? When you said you'd be getting a job instead of going to college I didn't think it would just be some random part time job in a Turkish supermarket downtown."

Leon had a slightly bitter tone to his voice and wasn't really making any contact with Emil as he fumbled around the kitchen.

As soon as Emil had come out of his interview the other day he had called Leon to fill him in. Although he didn't have any experience to go off, the interview seemed almost too casual and Sadik, the owner, didn't really ask Emil too many questions and instead just went over what Emil's availability was then asked when he would be done with school. He hadn't asked any of the 'what would you do in a difficult situation involving a customer' type of questions that Emil had read about and prepared for on a wiki forum online about the top 10 most frequently asked interview questions, and he didn't even ask Emil to go through his list of strengths that he'd jotted down in his notebook like Lukas had suggested him to do. They just sat in the back room of the store and talked for about ten minutes, and that was that.

When he told Lukas and Tino about it that night over dinner, Lukas seemed to think it was because Emil was too young and Sadik hadn't wanted to waste his time on a proper interview but didn't want to hurt Emil's feelings, but deep down Emil actually felt pretty positive. Despite it being an unusual interview, he found that the conversation flowed quite nicely, and Sadik had warmly shook his hand as he stood up to show Emil out and smiled as he said he would be in touch soon.

He took another sip of Pepsi then put it down again next to him on the counter then slid down, taking a plate from Leon with two slices of pizza on when he passed it to him.
"It's supposed to be my brother who nags me about college, not my best friend." Emil said as the pair walked through to the living room and flopped down on the couch. Usually they weren't allowed to eat in the living room, but as long as Emil could remember they had sneakily ate in there together ever since Leon's parents thought they were old enough to start being home alone.

"I'm not nagging you," Leon paused to wipe a string of cheese that had stuck to his chin, "I just thought we were gonna go to college together. That was always like, our plan."

Emil was starting to get annoyed as Leon carried on. He rolled his eyes,

"No, it was always your plan. I just went along with it 'cause I don't have a thousand different hobbies and skills that I could consider turning into a major like you." He snapped, and Leon finally made eye contact with him properly, his thick brows knitted and his hand that was holding his slice of pizza paused half way to his mouth.

"Yo, Em, I didn't know you felt that way. I- You've got loadsa skills!" he said.

"Oh yeah? Like what?" Emil muttered through a mouthful of pizza.

Leon was silent for a moment, and Emil knew that he was probably regretting saying that and he could tell by his expression that he was struggling to think of an answer. He finished his pizza quickly, leaving the crusts on his plate and then stood up again. He loved Leon and deeply cherished their friendship, but sometimes he could be unintentionally arrogant, and Emil sometimes felt inferior compared to him. He was always second best when they were together. He finished his drink in a couple of large gulps then put the glass along with his plate in the dishwasher.

When he turned around, Leon had crept into the kitchen behind him, hovering somewhat awkwardly. Emil stepped to the side and Leon shuffled past him, adding his dishes to the dishwasher then closing it and starting the cycle.

"Are you mad at me?" Leon said, a puppy dog eyed pout on his face.

Emil sighed and flapped his hands,

"No I'm not mad at you. You're just dense sometimes." He finished with a light laugh and knocked his knuckles against the side of Leon's head. He really wasn't mad in truth, but just a little frustrated that his best friend was silently judging his decisions, but deep down Leon meant no harm.

Emil walked through the kitchen to the front door and began to slide his vans onto his feet without bothering to undo the laces first. He wiggled his foot around on the door mat, adjusting them at the back of his heel.

"I'd better get back home. Thanks for the pizza."

Leon shrugged as he too shoved his feet into his sliders and picked up his gym bag, "No problem. You gonna be online later? Wanna play some Rocket League?" he said as he opened the front door, stepped out and then locked it behind himself and Emil. They walked to the end of the garden then stopped for a moment on the street.

"Maybe, depends what time we eat dinner. I'll text you." Emil knew that Leon felt bad and was trying his best to make the conversation light, so he just smiled then pulled him in for a quick hug as they said their goodbyes then went their separate ways down the street, Leon to the gym and Emil to the bus stop.

The sun was beginning to set by the time the sound of Emil's house keys clattering in the lock on the front door could be heard, and the smell of the meal that Lukas was cooking from the kitchen was filling the apartment.

"I'm home!" Emil called as he took his shoes off and hung his jacket up.

Tino looked away from the TV when Emil walked through the living room door from the hall and stood just staring at him. He hugged the couch cushion he was holding a little tighter and narrowed his eyes at Emil's somewhat concerned expression.

"What?" he said, snatching the remote and lowering the volume on the TV.

Emil shook his head and scoffed as he walked around the back of the couch and leant on it, looking down at Tino as he lay there.

"You haven't moved since I left the house this morning like, 6 hours ago. And you've been wearing the same pair of boxers and that food stained t-shirt for two days. I haven't seen you like this since you broke up with Marcus. The hell is wrong with you?" Emil said, partially teasing Tino yet also a little worried to see him in this state.

"I've been askin' the same question all day. Don't waste your breath on him, Em." Lukas's voice drifted closer as he peered around the partition wall separating the kitchen from the living room with a dish towel draped over his shoulder, and Tino stuck his middle finger up in Lukas's direction over the back of the couch.

"He's eaten his bodyweight in cake and ice cream and now he probably doesn't have enough appetite left for dinner," Lukas disappeared around the corner again for a moment before re-emerging at the kitchen table and slammed some plates down, "which is now served." he said as he sat down and started at his own meal before Emil had even pull up a chair and Tino had even begun to sit up from the couch.

Tino waited for Emil to sit at the table before he stood up and dusted some crumbs from his lap, taking his phone from the coffee table. He unlocked it and refreshed his Facebook Messenger app for what must have been the 20th time that day. It had been 3 days since he and Berwald had argued, and Tino had sent a long message to Berwald before he went to bed on Friday night apologising and asking if they could at least talk before Monday, but the message had been undeliverable and when Tino went to Berwald's profile it said that the 'user's profile was unavailable'. He'd blocked him.

Exhaling sharply, he tossed his phone onto the couch and trudged through to the kitchen, plonking himself down at the table. Lukas had made salmon and potatoes, and the smell of the fish was making Tino feel sick after eating so many sweet things and wallowing in his own self-pity all weekend. He picked at his plate and pushed the potatoes around with his fork as Emil and Lukas talked between mouthfuls amongst themselves. He wasn't really paying attention, and was so zoned out that he jumped out of his skin when Lukas slammed his cutlery down on the table.

"Fer God's sake, Tino, what's gotten into you? Emil just asked you a question and you're not even listening."

He looked up from his plate and his eyes darted between the two brothers as they stared at him, though there was nothing but obvious concern on their expressions. Trying his best to fake a smile, he put his fork down and pushed his plate away from him.

"Sorry guys, I just haven't been feeling well this weekend. I think I might be coming down with something. I don't want you to catch it Lukas and be out of action while the store is so busy, so I think I'll just go to bed." He said as he stood up from the table, his chair scraping across the floor as he pushed it back with the back of his legs, but before he could leave Emil darted up quickly and blocked the doorway.

"Oh no you don't, sit down and spill." Emil said, pointing to the chair that Tino had just got up from.

Tino looked to Lukas, but got nothing apart from the usual clouded over expression and knew that he was outnumbered. He sat back down onto the chair with a thump, and told Lukas and Emil everything that had happened on Friday from the friend request, to snooping at the employee files, to the argument and also filled them in on the events that had happened over the past few weeks which had made Tino believe that Berwald was in a relationship.

The three of them sat in silence for a moment when Tino had finished, their dinners now cold, and Tino fidgeted as he waited for one of them to say something.

"Well, that was stupid of you." Emil deadpanned finally, and Tino threw his hands up in exasperation wondering why he'd even confided in his housemates.

"So what would you have done then?" he cried, glaring at Emil, annoyed that they hadn't sided with him.

"I would have just asked him. I dunno why you're so shocked that he's upset that you slyly looked at his personal records." Emil said, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair.

"*Vittulan väki," Tino muttered under his breath and pressed a hand to his brow, then raised his voice, "Wow thanks Emil, I already feel guilty about it and now you're just making me feel worse!"

"Hang on… is this the tall guy that came to see me with Christina that day? The set designer?" Lukas said in sudden realisation, looking up from picking a piece of loose skin from around his fingernail.

Tino nodded, and Lukas continued, "I think you should just speak to him at work tomorrow, say your piece and then leave him to make the decision if he wants to still be friends with you."

Before Tino could say anything, Emil butted in again and Tino was beginning to regret giving them as much information as he had done.

"But what I don't understand is if he's actually still with his wife. You said he doesn't wear the ring anymore, right? And that he said you brought up a name from his past?" Emil said, and Tino felt like a balloon had just burst inside of his chest.

"I mean, yeah he doesn't wear the ring… Shit, Emil I didn't think of that. But who would he call 'honey' on the phone?" Tino ran his hands over his face as he slumped down to rest his head in his arms on the table.

"God Tino, you've made a real mountain out of a mole hill for yourself with all this." Lukas said as he stood up and began to clear the table, though his voice was light and Tino could tell he was trying not to laugh. Although they hadn't really been much help, or sympathetic either, Tino felt a little better after telling them.

After dinner, they had watched a movie on Netflix, though Tino couldn't concentrate and went to have a shower half way through, his thoughts bouncing around his brain even as the hot water ran over him, and he made Emil sit on his phone for him when he came back from the shower so that he didn't keep checking Facebook every half an hour. Tino was glad when his eyelids eventually began to grow heavy, and once Lukas and Emil had taken themselves to bed and Tino had snuggled down on the sofa-bed for the night it didn't take him long to fall into a mentally exhausted sleep.

Had Tino known that the day ahead would be the Monday-est Monday that he would experience since starting his job at ICON when he woke up that morning he would have just rolled over in bed and called in sick. Pretty much as soon as he clocked in on his computer the emails came flooding in and the phone was ringing off the hook. It had taken 3 strong coffees from the cafeteria to bring him out of his slump, especially as Christina wasn't in the office today for him to bounce off of. She had an appointment and had booked the day off, and Tino hadn't realised how much he relied on her to get him through the day sometimes until her desk was empty.

He'd also seen Berwald outside of his workshop in a single day more times than he had ever seen him the entire time he had worked in this damn office, and he was sure that Berwald was doing it on purpose as he sauntered through the corridors. Tino stared at him every time he passed, and he knew that Berwald could probably sense his eyes on him but not once did he so much as glance in Tino's direction. At lunch he'd gone to his workshop and knocked several times on the door, and after no answer he had pestered pretty much every employee in the building asking if anyone knew where Berwald was. He just wanted to say he was sorry. Even if Berwald never forgave him, Tino hated the fact he couldn't at least explain himself. Of course it was a poor explanation however, and Tino had very little reasoning behind his actions other than that he did it out of either jealousy or distrust, but the fact that Berwald thought he was a scheming gossiper that had just strung him along was killing him the most.

It had gone 5pm and Tino trudged around the office, flicking all the lights off, the last to leave as usual. He hesitated as he passed Berwald's workshop on his way to the elevator before knocking on the door one last time in case he was still in there. He stood outside the door in silence for a minute then shook his head and carried on down the corridor.
As he stood in the elevator he stared at himself in the mirror.

"You're a fucking idiot, Tino Väinämöinen. Why are you so stupid and selfish?" he scolded himself and pointed angrily at his own reflection.

Then as the doors opened and Tino turned away from the mirror to step out into the foyer, his heart plummeted into his stomach when his eyes fell upon Berwald sat on the gold bench under the chandelier in the same spot that'd he'd sat in that fateful day as though waiting for him. He'd been looking for Berwald all day with a well-rehearsed speech running through his mind, yet now that he was sat before him Tino couldn't bring himself to step out of the elevator and face him, everything he wanted to say suddenly evaporating from his thoughts. But then as the doors of the elevator began to close again he had no choice but to dash out and quickly strode across the marble floor of the foyer.

"Berwald, we need to talk! Please!" he cried, his voice echoing across the high ceiling as Berwald began to stand up from the bench.

"Not here." Berwald said as he turned and began to walk towards the doors. Tino clutched the strap on his satchel across his front and followed him, taking two strides for every one that Berwald took to keep up with him.

Berwald pushed the door open and stepped out onto the street, and once he was sure that Tino had followed him out he walked around to the driver's side of the silver Volvo that was parked out of the front of the office building. He unlocked it with the push of button on his keys and the lights flashed, then looked across the top of the car at where Tino was standing on the pavement and nodded to him before he opened the door and got in.

Though finally glad to have a chance to talk with Berwald, Tino felt his hand trembling as he pulled the car door handle and slid into the passenger seat, shoving his satchel in the foot well. He had only been in the hire car Berwald had been driving while his car was being serviced and he looked around as Berwald started the engine and pulled away from the roadside.

In the open fronted glove compartment in front of him Tino noticed a half empty packet of sherbet lemons and some scattered papers. As he looked a little closer, buried within the papers was what looked like a child's drawing. His eyes widened, and he stole a quick glance at Berwald who had his gaze firmly on the road before he turned around to peer into the back seat. There, on the back seat behind the passenger side was a child's booster block and a tatty looking plush toy giraffe lay on the back window shelf.

'Jesus, I'm a homewrecker now too.' he thought.

Turning back around to face forward, Tino sunk into the seat and pushed the heels of his palms against his eyes, wishing the ground would just open up and swallow him whole.

After about 10 minutes of excruciating silence, Tino felt the car rumble to a halt as the engine died down. Forcing himself to sit up and look out the front of the windshield, he saw that Berwald had driven up to the hills that surrounded the city and parked up at the viewing point. The sun was sinking beyond the horizon as the city lights began to twinkle to life below them, and they were the only car up here at this time in the evening.

Tino sighed and twisted in his seat to face Berwald and took in a breath, ready to start spilling out an apology for messing things up so badly, but his words died in the back of his throat when Berwald unbuckled his seatbelt and dropped his head.

"We're divorced, Alice an' me. Have been for 3 years. She's re-married now." He said lowly, and Tino's mouth fell open. He let Berwald's sink in for a moment, his eyes autonomously drifting to Berwald's left hand as it rested on the steering wheel, his ring finger bare.

"But that doesn't change what I did, Ber, I-" Tino began but as Berwald turned to look at him and he stopped talking when he saw the hurt in Berwald's eyes.

"I hurt her. I loved her, but not in the way that she loved me." Berwald took his glasses from his face, setting them down on the dashboard, and pinched at the bridge of his nose. Tino watched as he drew in a shaky breath and then cast his gaze out across the city below them.

"We met in 2013. I was 24 and in my final year of college. She was 23, and an interior design student. She was kind, pretty, and she liked me. We dated, and I fell in love with her. We married in 2016, but I always felt like there was something wrong, something missing, and when I realised that I was lying to myself and her I had to be sure before I could come to terms with it. I didn't mean for it to go as far as it did," his voice was breaking now, and Tino could tell Berwald was struggling to hold back tears, "but her friend saw me in the gay bar that night, took a photo and by the time I got home she had already worked it out."

He cleared his throat and straightened his shoulders, his grip on the steering wheel tightening, and Tino just sat in a stunned silence.

"The divorce was settled in 2017, but she was already seeing someone else by that point. She didn't want anything to do with me and-" Berwald paused, his eyes finally sliding to connect with Tino's and he searched them for a moment then sighed, "with me and Peter, our son."

Tino chewed at the inside of his lip, unable to tear his eyes away from Berwald's as he looked at him, an expression of vindication on his features.

"I haven't updated my employee records because it's the last tie I have to her. Once her name is removed from that document, she's gone forever. It's stupid, I know, but-"

"It's not stupid, Berwald." Tino said, his voice absolute. Now that everything had fallen into place, Tino didn't know what to say that could possibly even remotely ease some of Berwald's obvious heartache. He hated the fact that he dared to feel glad and relieved with the knowledge that Berwald wasn't still married and that he hadn't been caught up in the middle of unfaithfulness.

Berwald laughed a little, low and rumbling, as he picked his glasses up from the dashboard and slid them back onto his face.

"I did a lot of thinkin' at the weekend. I've been runnin' a negative script of myself over the past three years, and over the past month or so you've been there slowly re-writing that script for me, and ya didn't even know it. I've kept my head down, kept to myself, but then you came and wandered into my workshop that day and-"

Berwald was silenced as Tino unbuckled his seatbelt in a swift motion, unable to stop himself, and leant forward, grabbing Berwald's shirt as he pulled him forward, pressing their lips together. He felt Berwald tense for a moment, but when he loosened his grip on the fabric of the shirt that he held scrunched in his fist, Berwald didn't pull away and instead Tino felt a shaky hand hesitantly reach around to the back of his head, tangling in his hair before pushing them even closer to each other, closing the gap between them from the opposite seats they sat in in the car.

He felt giddy, and his eyes fluttered closed as he pressed a few soft kisses against Berwald's lips to test the waters before parting his own slightly. Feeling heat rising starting in his stomach, Tino let go of his shirt completely and instead pressed his hand against Berwald's chest as his tongue slid over his bottom lip. His other hand wandered up the side of Berwald's arm before settling on his shoulder, still not happy with the too big of a gap between them as he pulled his shoulders forward.

Then, the kiss was broken for a moment as Berwald pulled back and his hand disappeared below the seat in front of him. He fumbled around for a moment, not taking his eyes off Tino, his breathing a little heavy, before Tino heard the sound of a lever clunking against the floor of the car and Berwald slid the driver's seat all the way back on its rails. Seizing the opportunity, Tino mentally thanked whatever God was up there for the first time in his life that he was short enough to clumsily scramble across the seats. With his back to the steering wheel, Tino straddled over Berwald's lap and their kisses grew messier, their fleeting touches growing a little rougher as Berwald began to slide a hand up the back of Tino's sweater, his calloused fingers dancing across the delicate skin at the small of Tino's back.

As he could feel his lips becoming swollen red and kiss bitten, Tino forced himself to pull away before this went too far and brought his hand up to caress Berwald's cheek. He took a moment to catch his breath, staring into Berwald's lust hooded eyes behind his glasses, his head spinning.

"God, Tino-" Berwald exhaled, his hand still resting on Tino's back, and Tino couldn't help but smile as he leant his forehead against Berwald's.

"Do you still… Are you sure that you wanna…" Berwald mumbled between breaths as he struggled to slow his breathing, "You don't have any explainin' to do, and I understand if you don't want to-"

Tino sat back and looked down at Berwald, folding his arms across his chest, his heart still hammering beneath.

"I'd be lying if I said the fact that you have a son doesn't unnerve me a little, but hey, it's a step up from being married, right?" he said with a faltered laugh, though thought that he could have said it a little more delicately when Berwald's face fell. He sighed,

"Look. Let's just see where this goes, okay? I like you, Berwald, and I can't believe that you like me too, yet here we are." Tino patted the door of the car, which now felt too small as his head was inches from the ceiling as he still sat atop Berwald's lap, and a grin sprung to his lips as he felt Berwald's chest rumble against his own as he let out a small laugh.

"Okay, Tino."

It was fully dark by the time Berwald dropped Tino off outside the bookstore. They hadn't kissed again, and had driven in a comfortable silence until they'd reached Tino's home.
Before Tino opened the car door to get out, Berwald grabbed his arm and looked at him, his expression anxious.

"Are you sure about this, Tino?" and Tino sighed at the question, running a hand through his hair and thought for a moment. His mind was filled with a million different thoughts, and he needed space to think. Berwald was clearly still quite emotional over Alice, and if he was being truthful with himself, the fact that he had been married and had a son freaked Tino out a little, but not enough to put him off Berwald completely.

"I'm not sure about anything yet, apart from the fact that I wouldn't mind kissing you again sometime." He said as confidently as he could before he pushed the car door open and stepped out. "Goodnight, Berwald." He chirped, just as the door slammed closed and didn't look back at Berwald or the car as he made his way to the back of the shop, only hearing Berwald drive away as he turned his key in the lock. Once inside, he leant against the door for a moment, then grinned wildly in the dark to himself before he climbed the stairs.

The TV was on and muffled voices from the show that Lukas and Emil were watching filled the apartment as Tino let himself in and kicked his shoes off.

"Tino? Is that you?" Lukas called from the living room upon hearing the front door close.

"Yes, Lukas, who else would it be? The ghost of Christmas past?" Tino called back in amusement as he hung his satchel up and appeared in the living room doorway.

"Well, you're back to your usual self it seems. Did you talk to him?" Lukas said in a huff, looking up at Tino from where he sat in his armchair.

Emil took one look at Tino's flushed cheeks, red lips and tousled hair and his mouth gaped a little, "I think he did more than just talk, Lukas."

Tino came into the living room and flopped down next to Emil on the couch.

"Well?" Lukas said again, and Tino sighed happily.

"Yeah, I talked to him."

Notes:

*Vittulan väki = Oh, for fuck's sake

omg this is the first time I've ever written a kiss scene and I struggled.