Chapter 16 - Adults in love.

It was about 11:45pm by the time Lukas stumbled out of the taxi outside his bookshop. He'd sat quietly in the back seat of the car as he was driven home, his cheeks flushed as a result of one too many beers and Matthias's increasingly tipsy compliments. Now, as the cool night air rushed around him as he slammed the taxi door closed behind him, he suddenly felt an overwhelming need to throw up.

Holding a hand over his mouth, he dashed to the alley at the back of the shop and opened the lid of the trash can and held his head over for a moment but was glad when nothing came up. He took a deep breath then leant against the brick wall of the shop, the lid slamming back down as he let go of it.

Lukas hadn't drank in excess, but 5 beers in combination with his social anxiety was enough to make him feel nauseous. He was still sober enough, just about, to know that he needed to call a taxi and just leave his car in the car park at the bar when it started getting late, but was also tipsy enough to not stop a rather drunk and high spirited Matthias when he dragged him away from the booth to dance at one point during the night. Despite his anxiety, Lukas's cheeks ached from laughing with Matthias. And, for the first time in a long time, Matthias had made him feel genuinely happy and somewhat desirable.

The two had gotten to know each other well enough over the weeks through their text messages that the evening hadn't been awkward, and the way Matthias had showered him in compliments towards the end of the night made Lukas feel like a different person. For once, he wasn't the dull quiet one that no one really noticed and has been the centre of someone's attention for a night.

"Lukas? Is that you? What the hell are you doing?"

Lukas heard Emil's voice as the back door opened and he stuck his head out. He pushed off the wall and picked his way round the trash cans to the door and Emil pushed it open wider, dragging Lukas inside by his sweater sleeve.

"You're drunk. Tino said you were on a date? Who is she, do we know her?" Emil fired more questions as he slammed the door closed and Lukas flopped down on the third step up from the bottom on the staircase leading to their apartment. Under normal circumstances, Lukas would be touched by Emil's concern, but the fact that he was getting a lecture from his little brother was not what he wanted right now.

He sighed and scraped his hands through his hair and held it back from his face as he looked up at Emil standing before him, hands on his hips.

"I'm not drunk. I'm just... not sober either. And try he, not she." Lukas said as his shoulders slumped.

Emil's mouth gaped open but he quickly closed it again as he scrambled and took a seat next to Lukas on the stairs.

"Oh my god, did you get catfished, Lu?"

Lukas couldn't help but laugh now, and took his hand from his hair letting it fall back across his face as he swung his arm around Emil's shoulder. He felt much less anxious now that Emil was by his side, as always. Then, he proceeded to sloppily tell Emil the story of how he'd first met Matthias in the cafe that day, how he'd helped him tow the car home, and how they'd been texting in-between leading up to them meeting tonight. Emil was silent and listened with wide eyes as Lukas spoke, being patient with him as his words were slightly slurring and he wasn't really getting to the point quick enough.

When Lukas finished, Emil stared at him incredulously for a moment before he broke into a grin.

"So what you're basically saying is that you've had a not-so-secret admirer this whole time, like something straight out of a cheesy novel you probably sell in the shop, and you never thought to say anything about it?" Emil said, then shook his head, "And all this time I thought you liked Christina."

"I thought I did too." Lukas admitted, dropping his head into his hands giggling to himself, still rather intoxicated.

Emil threw his hands up in the air in an exasperated manner and Lukas peered at his younger brother through his fingers.

"Jesus Christ, I'm the hormonal teenager yet I'm the only one in this house who doesn't have a complicated love life!" Emil cried, though his tone of voice was nothing short of amusement at his older brother's expense.

It was a struggle getting Lukas up the stairs, and Emil stood behind him ready to catch him if he stumbled even though Lukas kept insisting that he was fine. They both shushed each other as they entered the apartment as to not wake Tino who was sleeping in the living room and Emil was surprised that Lukas was sober enough to still insist that he took his shoes off at the door.

Once his shoes were off Lukas padded as quietly as he could to his bedroom, Emil still following him, and pulled his jumper off over his head before he was even through the doorway, wanting to just curl up in bed. He stripped himself down to his underwear and slipped under the duvet pulling it over his head. He listened as Emil gathered up his clothes that he'd discarded and tossed them into the laundry hamper before he felt the bed dip as his brother sat down.

"Do you... wanna talk about it?" Emil said, his voice had a sort of sympathetic tone to it and Lukas wasn't sure if he was annoyed or warmed by Emil's concern. He did want to talk about it. He wanted to gather his thoughts, and he wanted to make sense of his feelings but wasn't sure where to even begin.

Though still feeling defensive, he pulled back the covers just enough so he could glare at Emil, his nose and mouth still hidden beneath.

"What is there to talk about?" he said, half hoping that Emil would ask questions and he would miraculously just make sense of the worries that were churning around in the pit of his stomach as he answered them.

"Well, do you like him for starters. This guy? Matthias was it?"

Lukas hesitated and chewed the inside of his lip as he thought about the question.

"I don't know. I didn't even know he liked me until tonight." he said, quietly.

In the dark room Lukas could just about see Emil as he rolled his eyes and scoffed,

"Lukas you can be an airhead sometimes but you're not dumb. You must have had some idea that this guy liked you. Why else would he ask for your number and text you every day?"

"People can just want to make friends you know. It's not always about relationships!" Lukas quickly snapped, causing a hiccup escape from the back of his throat and he could taste the alcohol on his breath.

Raising an eyebrow, Emil shifted on the bed so that he was fully facing Lukas,

"Okay then, show me some of the texts." He folded his arms, a smirk on his face.

"No, they're private-" Lukas began, then stopped as he felt bile rising into his mouth, "Emil I need a bucket." He managed to say as he swallowed it back and scrambled to sit up, and Emil leapt off the bed and grabbed the waste bin from beside Lukas's dresser just in time.

Lukas leaned over the edge of the bed and threw up into the bin as Emil held it out for him with one hand and held his hair back with the other. His throat burned and his eyes watered as he spat the last of the awful taste in his mouth to the bottom of the bin and sat back up. He wiped his mouth messily with the back of his hand as Emil put the bin down and climbed up onto the bed, snuggling down under the duvet and pulling Lukas in close.

"Look. I'm going to say something and you can't be mad at me, I just want to tell you that it's okay." Emil began, his voice unusually gentle, as he ran his hands through Lukas's hair as his head fell onto his shoulder.

"I think you've known for a while that you've liked this guy only you didn't want to admit it. You don't want to upset Dad. I saw your face when he said that Tino had brain washed you, and you haven't dated anyone for as long as I can remember-"

Emil stopped talking for a moment as he felt a dampness seep through his t-shirt and when he peered down at Lukas he saw that his eyes were squeezed tightly shut trying to stop his tears from falling, but to no avail as they rolled down his cheeks. Emil had never seen Lukas cry, and in a strange way he was thankful at the sight. The pair of them had never been good at discussing their emotions with each other ever since their mother died, and Emil knew that Lukas struggled with it more than he did.
He didn't speak again and instead let Lukas think for a couple of minutes and just continued to brush his fingers through his hair until Lukas eventually spoke up, his voice hoarse from the lump in his throat.

"I thought I could ignore it, the feeling in my chest." He balled his fist up and pressed it over his heart as if to demonstrate, "I'm not saying that I've never had feelings for the women I've dated in the past, because I did, but when I met Matthias I was so confused."

"And that's okay." Emil cooed, relieved that Lukas was willing to discuss this with him even though that was probably partially due to the amount of alcohol he'd consumed.
"What's he like, this Matthias?" he asked, trying to lighten the conversation slightly.

Lukas snivelled for a minute and cleared his throat before snuggling a little closer to Emil.

"He's and idiot, but nice. He makes me laugh and he's easy to talk to. I felt confident tonight, and I haven't felt that way for a long time."

As Lukas spoke out loud to Emil he began to realise how stupid he'd been as he scrubbed at his eyes. Emil hadn't even sounded shocked at the fact he had feelings for another guy, and of course Tino wouldn't even bat an eyelid. The whole time he'd been so caught up in what other people's opinions of him, mainly his father, would be. Tino didn't care that people knew he was gay, and wore his sexuality quite literally openly on his sleeves in bright colours. Lukas had always thought that because he wasn't as open about his feelings as Tino then they mustn't be true. But after meeting Matthias again last night and seeing how comfortable he was in his sexuality on a completely different way to Tino it had sent Lukas's head spinning.

"What should I do?" was all he could think of to say, and Emil stopped combing through his hair. Lukas tilted his head slightly so that he was looking up into Emil's face, meeting his cold expression.

"Seriously? You've just said that this guy makes you laugh and made you feel confident and you're asking me what you should do?"

Then, Lukas couldn't help but smile a little and Emil threw his head back and laughed, "I can't believe it. My weird ass brother has finally got himself a date."

Shuffling down further beneath the covers so that he was lying next to Lukas, Emil fluffed up the spare pillow a little and got comfy. He could see Lukas's eyes beginning to grow heavy, and wanted to make sure that he'd said his piece before Lukas was back to his usual self tomorrow morning, no doubt with a pounding headache to boot.

"But listen, seriously. Gay, bisexual, whatever you are, we support you. Me and Tino. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, okay? And we'll always be here." he said, looking Lukas dead in the eye. The last thing he wanted was for his brother to be alone and scared of judgement. He had given up his entire life and social life as a result to be there for Emil, and Emil wasn't going to sit around while Lukas continued to do that. Now it was his turn to be there.

"What would I do without you, Em?" Lukas whispered as he pulled the duvet tighter around them, and Emil grinned to himself in the dark as Lukas's eyes fluttered closed.

"I would hate to think." He whispered back, and closed his own eyes when Lukas's breathing slowed into sleep.

Tino sat at his desk and scrolled through his 100+ emails, trying to find the motivation at 10am on a Friday to go through them before the weekend so he didn't have to come back into work to them on Monday.

Last night had been… eventful, and when he woke up this morning to find Lukas and Emil snoring in Lukas's bed together with a bucket of puke on the floor he just left them to it, though he would make sure he would corner Lukas when he got home later and get the full story out of him.

"Tino, you will never guess what!" Christina hollered across the office and Tino spun around in his chair as she approached him, his mouth full of the chocolate that Berwald had left for him on his desk.

"Mpfh, wh- what's wrong? Are you okay?"

He took a sip of water as he struggled to swallow the chocolate as it stuck to the back of his throat and nearly choked as he spluttered to answer Christina. She waved a piece of paper at him and he took it from her, reading over it quickly.

"Dear Christina, we are pleased to inform you that you have been conditionally accepted onto the up-coming designers programme should you successfully pass our preliminary examinations- " Tino read the first few lines of the letter under his breath and his eyes widened, looking up to Christina as she sat perched on the edge of his desk,

"Oh my god, Christina! You got accepted!" He stood up from his chair and brought her into a hug, squashing her face between his hands. For the past couple of weeks Christina had been working on her application for a fashion design school overseas, and Tino had been helping her select her best designs during their lunch breaks.

"Conditionally accepted," she chided, "But I can't believe it!"

Tino let go of her and stood before her. Although he was elated for her, he couldn't help but feel a little sad at the thought of Christina leaving ICON if she was successful, but he shook the thought from his mind.

"I can. Christina, your designs are amazing. I'm so proud of you." He said, and he meant it.

She poked him in the arm and grinned, "Thanks, T. You gotta promise to come to the selection fashion show."

"Of course I will! I'll be cheering your name so loud-" he began, though when he looked over Christina's shoulder he trailed off and he felt the colour drain from his face when his eyes fell upon the person he least wanted to ever run into, but it was too late as they spotted him and began to make their way over.

"Woah, you look like you're about to snipe someone, what's the deal?" Christina followed Tino's gaze and looked behind her just as they came to a stop by Tino's desk.

"Tino! I didn't know you worked at ICON, how great it is to see you!"

Crossing his arms across his chest, Tino frowned and Christina quickly moved off the desk to get herself out of the firing line, perching herself at her own desk as she looked at Tino.

"Ivan. What are you doing here?" Tino said, his tone cold.

Ivan and Tino had been on the same journalism course at college, and not only had Ivan stole his idea for their final paper and made it look like Tino had copied him, he'd also been the person who Marcus cheated on him with. Tino wasn't really one to hold grudges, yet Ivan was an exception.

"I'm here to see Francis about an article I'm writing for him. You're his assistant right? Do you think you could take me to his office?" Ivan said, a too sweet smile playing on his lips and Tino's palms stung from where his fingernails were digging in as he clenched his fist.

His eyes first slid to the glass wall of Francis's office and he watched him as his fingers flew across his laptop keyboard, attention grasped by whatever he was typing up, then to the small rectangular box of half eaten chocolates on his desk and he released the pressure in his fist. He had a good job, and a Swedish hottie wrapped around his little finger. Although he was curious about how Ivan had managed to write an article for ICON, Tino had no reason to feel threatened by him anymore and would just ask Francis later. Pulling his shoulder back, Tino smiled just as sweetly back at Ivan.

"Of course, follow me, Mr Braginski!" he said, slipping past Ivan without so much as a second glance and rapped on the door to Francis's office then opened it a crack and stuck his head inside.

"Morning Francis, I have Ivan Braginski to see you." Putting on his most professional voice, he held the door open wider and nodded his head toward the room and motioned for Ivan to go ahead, looking up at him as he towered before him.

"Thank you Tino." Francis said, and Tino left them to it, hearing Francis telling Ivan to take a seat as the door swung closed behind him. Christina was staring at him and shaking her head slowly and Tino looked at her as he sat back down.

"What?" he asked, and she laughed.

"Remind me to never to get on the wrong side of you! You could have killed that guy with your eyes just then!" she said before returning her attention to her letter.

Anyone else might have been offended or embarrassed by that, but Tino knew he had looks that could kill and was proud of it. He rarely lost an argument as a result. Crossing one leg over the other, he unwrapped another chocolate and popped it into his mouth. Seeing Ivan had sparked something inside of Tino, and filled with a sudden new confidence he opened up his email and composed a blank one. He only had to type 'Ber' in the recipient box before it auto filled in Berwald's name after the many email's they had sent each other recently.

His fingers hesitated over the keyboard for a moment as he ran his tongue over the chocolate in his mouth. He wanted to be with Berwald, and was determined to give it a go. He made him happy and he felt his skin prickle at the thought of Berwald running his hands over him. Taking in a breath, his fingers flew over the keys as he typed out the email and hit send before he could change his mind.

To: Berwald Ox,

Dinner. You and me, tomorrow night. Pick me up at 8 x

From: Tino Väinämöinen

Feeling pleased, Tino sat back in his chair and began to go through the rest of his emails. After a couple of minutes, a new email arrived in his inbox, a reply from Berwald, and he clicked on it faster than he would admit.

From: Berwald Ox

Can't get a sitter for Peter on such short notice. But I'll do you a better deal. Dinner at mine. I'll cook. Pick you up at 7:30. x

Tino stared at the email reply for so long that his screen went black after 5 minutes of idle activity and he stared at his own reflection then dropped his head into his hands, his toes curling as he cringed in spite of himself.

Fuck.

Notes:

I absolutely pulled this chapter out of my ass. I'm sorry but I did not want to be beaten by writers block so ta daaaa

Thanks for reading nonetheless! :')

Also, shout out to the guest reviewer who has been reading this chapter since before my hiatus! I love you! Welcome back!