**fair warning, this is a bit of an AU fic, I will have some 'creative licensing' with Clint's back story. If you have any input into it, please let me know. However, I do know it will not be what is usually considered comic nor movie universe accurate, so please no flames regarding this.**
Clint and the Potato Salad
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"Damn, he is such a drama queen. I told him to forget the question, but no, he wanted to know! And, of course, when he didn't like it he got all bent out of shape. Hadn't he ever heard be careful what you wish for?! He could be on Broadway or something, I swear. 'cleave the galaxy in two…anything as disgraceful as I'…Loki needs to build a Bifrost and get over himself." Clint muttered to himself as he peeled his sour smelling, sweat soaked clothes from his body.
His chest was taut, like tangled strings had constricted around his lungs. Maybe he felt a little guilty for alarming the Demi-god.
Clint sighed. He had no idea how to handle his life now. He turned on the shower and waited for the water to get hot.
In fact, there was literally no doubt in his mind he was in completely over his head. The whole week had been like playing Nat in Mario Cart and continuously hitting hit by shells and falling off rainbow road. He had never felt more turned around in his life.
He had been enjoying the quiet SHIELD non-Avengers life for the past almost three years. He mostly, kind of, moved on with the whole Chitauri invasion thing. He got assigned normal, non mind-bendy assignments, accomplished them, got paid, rinse and repeat. Speaking of rinse, the shower water finally got warm enough for him to get underneath.
He had time to be a good uncle to his niece and nephew back in Iowa. He was acclimating. Well, as well as a trained assassin could to a normal life when he had been mind controlled by a demi-god.
'I was kicking ass and taking names, just like Clint Barton should. Does!' Clint began to wash his hair, feeling the salty sweat begin to dislodge and soften.
Now it'd all started back up again, and he had to relive it all. Loki included. Definitely Loki included. Loki demanded his attention, like a super-diva of their demented little soap opera.
He and his aloof best friend, Fancy Pants, had the Avengers wrapped up in their ridiculous bromance, and all the chaos that followed it. He thought if Loki were to be friends with anyone, and that was a precarious possibility in of itself, he thought that his best friend would be someone equally theatrical and over the top. Yet, if Loki was a technicolor epileptic mess, Sesshomaru was a black and white photograph.
Sesshomaru was certainly a solid dampener on Loki's melodramatic behavior, which Clint greatly appreciated.
'Good job Clint, way to be bros with SHIELD's top criminal's best friend. It's not like wasn't hard enough to gain back even a little of Fury's trust.' Clint knew he was probably supposed to dislike the Demon Lord, but he didn't. He liked the guy even though he and Loki had been almost uncomfortably close since, well, Gods knew when.
'Those two together looked like they could probably take on the solar system for shits and giggles then cheers over it. Whoever this Thermos was chose the wrong God to mess with. Hell, he chose the wrong planet to mess with. While I've had never seen Loki and Sesshomaru fight together, my jaw dropped witnessing their light spar. It was a flat out different breed of fighting than I saw from Loki before.' Clint scowled to himself, slightly embarrassed he had so grossly underestimated Loki's fighting capabilities, then grabbed the soap.
A flash of an image of Loki standing over him after their first spar, tall, wet, dark, and green. His smug smirk, his long legs, his fair skin taunted him. Ugh. Clint massaged his swollen muscles in the shower with the soap, while he through the week chronologically.
The first, extremely unexpected confrontation with Sesshomaru felt so long ago already. He remembered the lover comment like it was yesterday however.
He, Clint Barton, being Loki's lover?! A snowball's chance in hell. That was absurd. One, he was straight, two...seriously the guy who ruined his life?! He convinced himself he was going to hate Fancy Pants after that. This silver haired samurai, who flung Tony into him, which had left a few nasty bruises, had to be trying to get a rise out of him.
Yet as time went on, Clint realized that Sesshomaru didn't want to get a rise out of anyone, except maybe Tony. Watching the Demon Lord turn Tony inside out tickled Clint since Tony likened himself to having the quickest wit.
'That stupid question game? Catching Tony's roof on fire? It was like this guy was tailor made to get under Tony's skin. It was better than pay-per-view. To top it off; Fancy Pants, irritatingly so, proved himself a decent guy. Never thought I'd say that about someone who went "treasure questing" with Loki. He made it sound like he and Loki would just roam around and go on adventures all the time like the Boy Scouts. I have to bring up the purple stag thing when the time is right.' Clint soaped up, knowing now the sour grime of sweat was sloughing off him.
And then the shape-shifting Fury fiasco happened. To think if he hadn't been examining at 'Fancy Pants' at just the right moment, and spotted his hands being different they would have never caught on.
He had no idea what the blue spot on his hand meant though. Maybe it was a side effect of the shape shifting?
Only Fancy Pants, of all the people in the room, including Nat, told him to shoot Loki. Clint never, in a million years, expected that. He still remembered his cold yellow eyes as he bit out that it was a request, not a challenge. Clint caught Sesshomaru's fuming anger hidden deep in him, almost like he felt personally betrayed.
Clearly, Sesshomaru thought better of Loki. Well, Clint couldn't really blame him for that since he knew apparently, a very different Loki.
This Demon Lord, whip and all, who would probably be Loki's best man at Loki's wedding over Thor (if Fancy Pants didn't marry Loki, himself), understood what Clint was trying to do. And he only knew about it for two seconds. While his fellow Avengers, who knew the whole story for years, studied him like a deranged serial killer.
Clint, for the first time since the incident, bloomed with vindication. Someone finally got it. Sesshomaru understood that it wasn't about hate or revenge, but about principles, about things that people were supposed to uphold, like honor.
Maybe Cap wasn't the only one who was a bit old fashioned.
'I wanted my honor back. I wanted SHIELD to stop treating me with shadowy distrust, even after having to earn back everything after I am still considered by them as potentially compromised. They ran countless tests on me, and the scepter three years ago to see if I could go back to being under its control and nothing came out conclusive.' Clint remembered all his wasted weekends grimly. He let some water from the shower catch in his mouth and spit it out hard against the tile.
'Nat told me that Fury referred to me as a 'flying monkey' when under Loki's control. Really? A flying monkey who still managed to outsmart and outthink you? Is that what you truly thought of me Fury? Maybe he still thinks I could be one. Sometimes I don't even know why I bother, except If I don't step up and get off my ass who will?' Clint grimaced, massaging his shoulder that would certainly bruise from Loki's butterfly kick.
He was never compromised; he was dishonored, and Sesshomaru got it. Clint rinsed for probably longer than necessary, and turned off the water.
And yet his fellow Avengers, save maybe Bruce, didn't back him on wanting some retribution. Steve looked at him like he was shooting a puppy. Thor looked like he wanted to break his bow hand. Even Nat wanted him to think of the bigger picture. He wasn't really sure what Tony thought but he seemed distracted by Fancy Pants going postal on his roof.
Clint didn't kid himself, he knew Fancy Pants didn't say it because he liked him, but all the more better. He got that some people do things that deserved justice regardless of your friendship to them.
He trusted in Sesshomaru's impartiality. At that moment in the room, Clint understood where Sesshomaru drew the line between loyalty and integrity. Clint could trust if Loki ever faltered, Sesshomaru would help them immediately put him in his place, maybe even quicker than Thor.
'It was then I began to respect the guy. Respect Loki's best friend! Who would have bet on that?' Clint laughed at himself as he got out of the shower and found a towel, remembering how Sesshomaru strode from the living room flicking down his aviators like that guy from CSI Miami.
During the scying thing he saw how much Loki cared about Fancy Pants.
It disturbed him so much his toes curled in his boots.
He didn't want Loki to care about anyone, especially someone he actually respected! Loki was the villain! He destroyed his career! His reputation!
Clint truly wanted things to be simple. Life was easier when and dry, black and white, no gray,so seeing Loki's face twist into such a frenzied panic really floored him. His image that he had painted in his mind of what Loki represented, of Loki's character, began to show its bias.
Clint liked to see himself as a practical surveyor and voice of reason, so he had to begin to question his own prejudice viewing Loki.
'Loki has someone he cares a lot about, a single father who upholds similar beliefs I do. Loki holds such devotion to Fancy Pants that he flat out ignored all the arrows I stuck him with and ran up to the whirling tornado to try to free him, to try to snap him out of it. Instead, the tornado threw him aside, his hands bleeding, frantic, and dark hair swirling.' Clint remembered, toweling himself dry, waiting for the mirror to defog.
Loki had someone he cared enough to risk his life for, and that went against everything he thought he knew about the God. He only seemed out for himself when he spent time with him on Earth three years ago. Yet he only began to brutally rip the arrows out of himself, to call Toady and Rin to come up to the roof with his magic.
The same arrows Loki welcomed willingly without flinching once. Clint, afterwards, expected to feel the entirely of a world of weight lift off his shoulders, the sweet taste of victory tingling his taste buds. In the end, it felt strangely bland. Clint wanted Loki to balk, to try to silver-tongue or cajole his way out of it, but he didn't. And, at the time he didn't see it, but now having all the facts, Clint can verify that Loki felt genuine and gaping remorse.
Clint wouldn't ever apologize for what he did, but damn looking back on it, it now looked like such a pyrrhic victory. And that next morning he had to go face the people, who he thought were his friends, interrogate him and Nat.
All the scrutiny, the uneasy stares, the neuro tests, the upped security measures just rendered him raw and angry. The weighed words, even Coulson regarded him with a grey uneasiness.
In fact, during the entire time he and Nat had reported into SHIELD, Coulson's eyes scorched a hole in the back of his head, like he was again some potential threat.
Like he would help destroy a world that his family and friends lived in. Like he wanted to do it the first time.
Clint knew Coulson had an axe to grind with Loki, and Hill had no love lost for him either, but he honestly didn't expect to have their suspicion of foul-play taken out on him. Fury, sure, them no. It just pushed him over the edge.
He recalled a previous conversation with Coulson and Hill after one of his neuro-exams this past week.
"How you feeling Barton?" Hill asked smoothly and he really wished that she had sounded normal and neutral like always. But she didn't. She sounded a little soft and he knew she was trying to manipulating him.
"Like I just got back from a nice relaxing day at the spa. I should have asked the brain electrode guy for a mani-pedi. A guy can never feel too pampered." Clint half sneered with a voice like fake sugar. Hill dropped the act.
Damn, where is Nat?
"It's nothing personal. We can't leave anything to chance. One moment we have Loki's magic signature on your flight to New York then it disappears almost right after the jet lands. These precautions a—" Clint had enough and cut Hill off.
"Nothing personal, you know people only say that when it is right? It's sort of like the phrase 'No offense'. Save your justifications for your report and not me." Clint pushed past Hill and unfortunately rounded a corner into Coulson who of course had been listening.
"Barton. Loki is a dangerous, highly intelligent, and manipulative Demi-God. If he is back, we have to everything we can to ensure that what he attempted three years ago doesn't happen again. If that Demon really is Loki, he could try to compromise you and Dr. Selvig again." Hill expounded like she was in a mission debrief and Clint's vision flashed with sudden rage.
He had to pull every lie busting training tactic for Hill, Coulson, and Fury to not pick up that he knew about Loki. He passed, of course, but it didn't lessen their suspicion of him. It of course didn't let them see him as Agent Clint Barton, and not 'Loki's flying monkey'. This was all Loki's fault. Really. If only that mysterious, dark god never stepped out of that damn portal and made him into some henchman in a bad action movie. If only he hadn't been dishonored by him.
Nat still wasn't here. He could really use her help right now.
Maybe he should just tell them all about Loki. Or maybe he could hit Loki where he knew it would hurt most.
An arrow right through his friend's blue moon tattoo.
"Dishonored. Not. Compromised. And again for the oh I don't know, thousandth time, the Demon is real. He lit a fire on Tony's roof and killed a deer. Think Loki would do something like that? I don't know if there is anything I can do anymore to convince you that I'm not Loki's lap dog and I'm done trying." Clint leaned back and crossed his arms, muscles flexing as if daring Hill for a retort.
"Barton. If Loki is here we will find him, and we will put a stop to him, and whatever he has planned." Coulson's voice slapped Clint like a wet towel. If only they knew what supposedly Loki was really up to. Clint also didn't miss how he was called Barton and not Clint by someone he considered a friend.
Actually, only Nat called him Clint nowadays. They really didn't see him as a friend anymore.
"Well, Phil, happy hunting to you and Maria. Count me out of the wild goose, or should I say wild God chase." He made sure to use their first names. They didn't visually scowl back but he knew he made his point.
Loki had cost him everything.
His whole life he strove to be the person you could count on to make the right call. To have unclouded vision, to see the right course of action and follow through seamlessly. Just like when he left home so his family would have one less mouth to feed and joined the circus to send money home to support his family when no other jobs could be had in their drugged out town.
Everyone still second-guessed him. Just shooting Loki a few times wasn't enough. It was time for him to feel as isolated as he did.
The need to do to Loki what he did to him overrode everything. Losing his friendships at SHIELD made him see red because he sacrificed a normal, simple life for them and he got this in return.
He could have built a house like his kid brother did. He could've settled down with a wife, had some kids, teach them hockey, how to bow hunt. But no, he sacrificed all that and all he got suspicion and rejection in return for something he couldn't control.
'But damn, I went absolute straight-jacket status in the Quinjet. Nat had every reason to rough me up and tell everyone about what I almost did, but she didn't. Probably a good thing, if I went through with it, Loki probably would have turned Stark Tower to ash.' Clint realized, looking back, it was a colossally bad idea.
He liked Sesshomaru, but people hurt people they like all the time.
He really wasn't himself after he had gotten back from seeing Fury. Fury eyed only him, seeing if he was hiding something, any scrap of evidence that Fancy Pants was anyone other than who he was. Clint even told Fury his eyes weren't blue and to stop acting like they were.
Fury never really suspected Nat, who, ironically, planned most of the scheme. Clint found his razor and his shaving cream and started to shave.
'After getting the quick and dirty recap from Tony and seeing him dressed up like Sesshomaru with matching face tattoos, which I now have photographic evidence of thanks to Bruce and Nat, I thought there couldn't be any more surprises thrown my way. Nope. Totally wrong. The icy gut punch of irony just suckered me good. To think Loki was a puppet too.' Clint carefully shaved around his Adam's apple, he should probably change out the blades for newer, sharper ones.
Clint remembered, despite the scepter, disagreeing with some of Loki's tactical choices. He remembered not understanding Stuttgart entirely. Yes he needed a distraction, but didn't need Loki to act out in that way. An explosion would have sufficed and allowed them to retreat. And yes, he needed the eyeball, but he also didn't have to extract the eyeball from the guy either. He also didn't agree with Loki's imprisonment on the helicarrier, it was an unnecessary risk for the invasion. It was all wrong, it got the Avengers together, not disband, and shatter them. It even got him thinking clearly, out of the scepter's control!
Loki wasn't a vicious, high-strung, lunatic; he acted that way on purpose. And not because he was bribed to be one.
Clint cursed, nicking himself shaving. He knew he should have changed out the blades. Loki would probably be laughing at him right now if he saw him. His mind flashed to Loki on his back on the floor of the gym, briefly stunned. his chest heaved under his damp shirt, strong jaw slackened in shock.
Loki looked human. Like he could actually hurt Loki.
And he did, in a sense. He had royally offended him somehow when all he really meant was to say that three years ago Loki had well, pulled off the impossible. Because, Clint figured, if the Other and Thermos figured out he double crossed them they would have gone through the portal first.
That wouldn't have been good. They barely held off the Chitauri. Guilt scratched the back of Clint's throat. Loki being mad at him was really one of the last things he wanted since he clearly had just started to balance himself out.
Loki.
They tortured him, the Other and that Titan tortured Loki, God of Mischief. Clint recalled how he shot to his feet when Sesshomaru answered his question, and subsequently, sparked his panic attack.
How could he have not seen it? He was his right hand man for the entire damn invasion and he had no clue. He knew Loki could lie, he just didn't think he hid anything from him while leading the invasion. He hid a lot.
Clint managed to find a bit of tissue to put on the bleeding cut on his jaw.
Loki failed the invasion not only to spit in the Other's eye, but to save a planet he didn't even live on! And then went back to Asgard for seconds! All so that his family, his people, would believe him that the worst had yet to come; he just merely delayed the inevitable.
He stayed in Asgard getting his head bashed in atonement to regain enough trust to save both Earth and his home. And no one believed him, no one bothered to trust him.
He had to trick his own father about a mythical sword, risking his best friend's life, not only bringing him to this time, but also trusting that he didn't kill us, or we him.
Clint hated the logic behind it, because he had wanted to hate Loki so much. It was what he did, it was what he was comfortable with. It's what he had been doing.
But all along Loki wanted what he wanted: to get his honor back.
He remembered Loki's choked words. He had heard them before, from the scepter. He didn't know what they meant when he was being controlled, but now he did. Forger is what scepter went by, Broken Blade is what he called Loki. Loki had been directed the whole time.
'The Scepter may have shrouded my mind, but the Other apparently did something else to Loki's. You can't fake that desperate tone of voice, that crazy tree magic, that wild, cornered wave of agony.' Clint could affirmatively say Loki unraveled, and Sesshomaru aimed to murder. Clint ran some gel through his hair, it always got fluffy otherwise.
"I existed once. I truly did. You know that." Clint heard himself whisper the words Loki only meant for Sesshomaru, his voice had cut deep like a chasm. Those words still echoed in Clint when rooms, like this one, were quiet and still. Clint tugged on his purple Ducati shirt and found some baggy, torn jeans and slipped those on over his boxers.
'I don't know what possessed me to go up to the sofa, behind Tony, and call your name. You didn't hear me, didn't see me, but I wanted you to.' He swiped on deodorant and a little aftershave, avoiding the cut and sprayed on Armani Code, and made his way to the kitchen.
In all, this whole debacle that Loki had currently made his life into could have gone sideways so many different ways, but that only showed how hopeless Loki felt. How much Loki needed someone to trust him, to listen to him.
'Who actually does listen to him besides Sesshomaru? How much do we even really know about Loki? How much does he really lie? How does someone like the 'I'm suspicious of everyone' Demon Lord get to trust Loki when no one else supposedly does? How deep does this rabbit hole really go?' Unfortunately, he could relate to not being trusted. He hated thinking of questions he'd probably eventually get the answers to, and not like.
He entered the bustling, lively kitchenette that comprised Stark Tower.
Everyone was prepping for, as Tony called it, 'crabpocalypse'. He saw that Sesshomaru looked way better. Just because you had a break down didn't mean you thrashed your friends, Loki had to work on that. But like he was one to talk...
'That stupid tricky cartwheel kick he landed was a little bit also payback for what Loki did to you, in addition to showing Loki he isn't the only one who can be flashy.' Clint grinned to himself, still stoked he landed the kick. They weren't easy to land. It was fortunate Loki was so hard headed since they resulted in a lot of knock outs.
Clint liked to think that Sesshomaru saw the venison as a peace offering following the Quinjet incident. After learning he was a Dog Demon, and receiving his scathing, glacial death-stare he gave him on the helipad, Clint knew Fancy Pants heard what he attempted. He knew a thing about having enhanced senses.
"Hey Legolas! Come help with me with the potato salad...I don't know what I'm doing and Pepper refuses to help." Tony sounded petulant like a teenager. He leaned against the counter next to the potato salad bowl, drink in hand, scowling at the bowl like an unsolvable problem.
"Tony. It's potato salad. Please." Pepper protested, rolling her blue eyes. She was holding a vanilla ice cream cone in one hand, and a butter pecan cone in the other. Clint would bet his best bow the butter pecan was Steve's who had his hands full. Always old fashioned. Clint made his way to a way out of his depth Tony Stark.
"So you can make an arc reactor and Iron Man suits, but not potato salad?" Clint began to chop up the rest of the potatoes with practiced ease.
"I'm an inventor, genius, playboy, and Iron Man. Potato salad doesn't really fit into my brand." Clint snickered. Brand?
"What the infamous Tony Stark can't learn something new?" Steve announced pulling his cheese biscuits from the oven, wearing an apron and hot mitts. Man Steve, you are so lucky your biceps are as large as my legs or the Suzy homemaker jokes…
"Ok Captain Pillsbury, please explain how making potato salad can possibly improve the perfection that is me." Tony mocked, pushing the bowl towards Clint as if it was a bomb.
"Women love a man who can cook!" Steve retorted and Clint tossed a cube of potato at Steve's chest. It landed perfectly in the pocket of his apron. Natasha laughed, rinsing grapes in one hand, in the other a strawberry ice cream cone. Steve could only shrug.
"Cooking skills are pretty low priority for the people I seduce. And what you're doing isn't cooking, it's baking, Captain Betty Crocker." Tony responded, and Clint noticed Tony's quick dart of a look Fancy Pants' direction who either ignored it or didn't notice.
Clint went with ignored. Not much got past the calculating Demon Lord. It also didn't get past Clint that Fancy Pants ate all his food practically raw….
"Hello Barton! I got you some ice cream! It's mint chocolate chip! Lord Sesshomaru said you like green too! Hurry it's melting!" Clint looked down at Rin who held held up a cone. Her brown eyes shown big and hair was brushed and shiny.
'Rin is a cute kid, she is just a bit older than my niece, Chloe. Maybe one day they'll meet. I actually hung up my picture Rin drew me. It's awesome. It's me firing arrows at a huge dragon.' Clint gave her a warm thumbs up and Rin's round face practically sprouted joy.
"Thanks munchkin! Wait! What since when do you speak English?!" Clint jumped and Rin laughed, everyone else in the room was smiling like they were in on an inside joke.
Of course he was last on the uptake.
"Uncle Loki made me this necklace that makes what I say understood by you! Stark made me this ear device so I can understand you! It's called the 'Com-rin-icator' High five!" Rin threw her hand up and Clint high fived it. Rin giggled and ran. 'Uncle Loki huh? The munchkin loves the guy.' Clint continued to chop up some hardboiled eggs that Tony somehow managed to figure out to make.
Actually no, he probably roped Steve or Bruce into making them.
"Really Tony? That's actually really great of you!" Steve commended, Clint caught the note of intentional disbelief.
"Well I must admit, I, Tony Stark, bartered." Clint saw Tony turn back to Sesshomaru who nodded and Clint swore he saw his ears move. Sesshomaru simply stood in the middle of the fray, just like the ringleader of a circus.
Clint wondered why he bothered positioning himself in the middle of everything when he was really more of a periphery kind of guy. Clint monitored the Demon Lord, he didn't like being in the middle of anything, much like himself.
They had a few things in common.
He savored his ice cream as Loki sauntered into the room, wearing his typical get up, tight black leather pants and emerald v-neck shirt. His hair was washed, gelled, and pushed back straight. Rin plowed into him and Loki stumbled back and smiled widely. He certainly acted like an uncle to Rin, but to himself something else.
Clint remembered their conversation in the dark early this morning.
Loki's hips swayed and his shoulders rolled like a Tango dancer to a slow rhythmic beat. His presumptuous green eyes flared with magic, because no human eyes could possibly gleam that bright. Carnivorous and sly, Loki was all jungle, his body undulated and lips hinted at a vague threat or cavernous hunger.
Clint, being a hunter, easily identified the signals Loki relayed to him. Loki beckoned him with cunning quips and a familiarity he didn't feel he deserved. Clint had to say it puzzled him why Loki would play such games, but it was Loki after all. He must look to get a certain reaction of anyone.
He refused to remember how his body language made him swallow and his skin rush with heat. He wasn't used to such undiluted and brash scrutiny.
'And a week ago I hated this guy more than anything. Now what? You've gotten yourself into a mess Clint, a big complicated, confusing mess with the God of Mischief. What are you thinking?!' Clint ate more of his rich, albeit small ice cream cone while one-handedly adding in the chopped potatoes and eggs into the bowl.
'Mint chocolate chip isn't my favorite but it's pretty good. Why she said Fancy Pants thinks I'd like green is beyond me. I mean, I'm wearing purple, you'd think if he thought I liked green I'd be wearing it...wait. Nooooo." He slowly turned around to a suspiciously still Sesshomaru watching him, stoic as ever. His gold eyes sliced into him with an intensity that could cleave marble.
'That meddling bastard! He can't possibly still be serious!' Clint stole another glance to Loki. Loki merely donned a mocking smile and pointed to his chin.
The razor nick! Blasted Loki! He threw off the small bit of tissue off his jaw and into the trash. He then picked up a chunk of celery and threw it behind him right at Sesshomaru. He snatched it right before it hit him on his gaudy blue moon.
He stared at Sesshomaru, putting two fingers to his eyes then pointing to Sesshomaru, who merely blinked slowly.
'One day I'll surprise him.' Clint vowed to himself.
'Crafty, delusional, Demon Lord, smug, know-it all Demi-God. You two should have never been allowed to be friends.' Clint set his jaw hard at Sesshomaru who simply stared back. He heard Loki's dark, dry laugh.
This. This was his life, making potato salad in a billionaire's kitchen for two Demi-Gods, a Demon Lord, oh and don't forget the Hulk!
"...Rivendell to Legolas! Get the mustard!" Tony waved his hand in front of Clint's face and he jolted grabbing the Dijon. Tony so knew how to make potato salad; he just didn't want to it. Figures.
He heard Sesshomaru leave the kitchen like his work was done. Damn. He turned back to the potato salad, stirring the in the Dijon. He wondered if Loki had been mocking him over his music selection for their Fight Club. The Skrillex song was meant as a joke, being that Nat called him Glow Stick.
'Ah, I was quite dazzled.' What an arrogant God! What was that supposed to mean?!
The Kanye music was an inside joke. Kanye West, though a talented musical artist, had an ego that could rival Loki's. Yet if you really listened to his albums, he had good chunk of self-depreciation about himself as well. If Loki became a fan of his music it would just be too perfect.
He and Nat would have material to laugh at for days. Though he should definitely remove 'Love Lockdown' from the playlist though, what an awkward song to end a spar on.
Nothing like pulling another sweaty, toned guy off the floor to the lyrics 'I'm not loving you, the way I wanted to. What I had to do, had to run from you.' Clint glanced up, searching the room for Loki, frowning noticing he had left.
Irritable God. He could just take it out his issues on him in their next Fight Club. He wouldn't let him out of their spars easily.
'Maybe I'll replace it with Runaway, or some EDM song.' He finished the first potato salad Tony ever attempted to make without any further distraction just as the last member of the dinner party arrived.
"Rhodey! How's life?!" Tony hugged Rhodey and put an arm around him, showing him his newest gadget thing and handing him a beer. They chatted and meandered to Pepper who was standing near the table.
They had to cobble together a bunch of crazy mismatched furniture to make their Crabpocalypse dinner of one dozen happen. Clint also imagined that Loki may have conjured some furniture together as some of the chairs were his preferred shade of green.
It agitated him he knew his preferred shade of green.
It didn't occur to Clint, until after he grabbed his Heineken, also green, from the fridge, that the only open seat at the table was across from Loki.
Loki had also decided to sit at the very end, next to Sesshomaru, and of course across from Sesshomaru sat Tony. Tony couldn't let the poor Demon Lord get away with one meal without harassment.
Their current seating arrangement left his talking options to Tony, who would have his attentions on Rhodey to his left, a Demon Lord who averaged three words an hour, and the God of Mischief.
Sesshomaru arranged this on purpose.
'Oh. This game in on! I'm gonna act like nothing is off, gonna get Fancy Pants back for this one.' Clint vowed at least he got his choice of crab cakes. He made his way to the table, double fisting ice cream and beer, and sat in front of the Loki who's forehead wrinkled in legitimate shock seeing him there.
Clint's cheeks flushed scarlet and he sucked his teeth. He watched Loki, high cheekbones and all, turn next to him at Fancy Pants, and drum his fingers on the table. Clint decided to do the same. Solidarity.
Sesshomaru just calmly passed the crabcakes to Clint, as if nothing was up. Clint picked up the tongs and picked his choice, spotting that the Demon Lord did in fact had the practically raw venison cut into small pieces on his plate. Success there.
Returning the tongs, Clint grabbed the fruit salad bowl as Loki quickly morphed into his Japanese form before Rhodes took his seat next to Tony. Clint totally forgot that the whole point of this was to bring Rhodes on board. He, of course, wouldn't be used to seeing Loki enjoying the damn crabcakes like a Food Network Star across the table.
'Yet, since when do I find it normal that Loki eats with us? I mean, it's a bit strange Fancy Pants still thinks we are lovers, but other than that…it feels like one big dysfunctional family. Seriously dysfunctional. Key word dysfunctional.' Clint spooned grapes, blueberries, pineapple and apples, avoiding the cantaloupe, onto his plate. Cantaloupe grossed him out.
Probably because one of his circus tricks was having them launch cantaloupes with faces painted on them and he, blindfolded, would shoot them with flaming arrows.
He would do it with other smaller fruit too but the cantaloupes always kind of looked like heads and when they'd burst open they stank sickly sweet. The complete opposite of what a split open human head really smelled like.
"So Tony, who are your new friends?" Clint stiffened reflexively. Loki sliced a gaze across the table and Sesshomaru just tilted his head, lips drawing into a slight frown.
"Ah, Colonel Rhodes, they are guests of mine! Son of Taisho provided the ocean scuttlers you are consuming!" Thank you Thor for the save. Thor beamed like a bonfire from Rin's right. She also adored Thor, who she of course called 'Storm God.'
Clint couldn't see Rhodes' reaction but he did see Tony relax and take a drink of his… gin and tonic?! Was he out of scotch?
"Ah, it's been a while since we've seen others from Asgard—" Rhodes started and Jaken interrupted.
"My Lord and I are not from the distant realm, bothersome human!" Jaken interrupted and ate a shrimp. Rhodes just turned to Tony with a perplexed look twisted on his face. Clint also forgot that not many people would be used to a two-foot tall green Demon with a superiority complex belittle an Air Force Colonel.
"Yeah, ignore Snarf. He and the rest of Thundercats still got bifrost jet-lag." Tony smirked and turned to Sesshomaru who just continued to stare at Clint deadpan.
Clint was sure it bothered Tony, since he obviously baited Sesshomaru and it didn't work. Clint wished he did get baited; Fancy Pants was weirding him out.
"What? Do I have something on my face Fancy Pants? Maybe a moon?" Clint tried to shake Fancy Pants' gaze and he got him to furrow his eyebrows and take a sip of his red wine at least.
"Uh, yeah ok. So, Tony, how goes the experiment on the… " Clint zoned out of Rhodes' question to Tony, who continued to scowl at the Demon Lord.
Clint hadn't noticed that his ice cream had melted down to his hand till Loki cleared his throat.
"Didn't know you to be so inattentive to your surroundings, Clint." Loki flashed his teeth in amusement, clearly the God had been waiting to say something until the opportune moment.
Clint cursed and instinctively switched the cone to his left hand and licked the melted ice cream off his right. The mint ice cream now warm and sticky on his hand, licking it didn't really do the trick.
"Says the guy who I kicked in the head and laid out?" Clint fired back, without malice.
Loki merely sighed and grabbed his cloth napkin, dipping it in ice water, and took Clint's right hand in his. Loki wiped Clint's hand clean with a soft grace and Clint, stunned, just froze there, still as stone.
'Ok. This is definitely not normal; this is definitely new territory. Is he seriously treating me like a kid?' It reminded him of when he was new to the circus he joined and everyone watched over him like they would a kid brother. He was the middle child in his family, not the youngest, thank you very much.
Yet, Clint didn't dare move his hand. The last thing he wanted was Tony turning and noticing what was happening. Clint already felt Fancy Pants' slit pupiled eyes scalding a hole through his hand. A hand currently being caressed by a very mischievous God.
"Thanks, I am not a kid, I am completely capable of cleaning up my own messes." Clint finally retracted his hand only after Loki cleaned it. Clint attempted to eat his ice cream cone hastily. He caught Loki's now brown eyes smoldering.
"You are far from a child, I never meant to imply anything of the sort. I just merely offered assistance where needed." Clint tried to look Loki in the eyes, but it grated on him out that Loki didn't look like Loki, but still sounded like him. He opted for staring at a bit of apple on Loki's plate instead.
'Wish he could just look like himself. I meant what I said in the kitchen earlier this morning before dawn. Loki should just stay Loki; the shapeshifting throws me off. I don't like it.' Clint's mouth tugged into a small frown as he picked up his beer in his now clean right hand.
"Yeah, well, it's what parents do with their kids or what…" Clint's eyes widened in realization that he was about to say: 'what lovers do' and knew he had to immediately turn his attention from Loki. He turned to see Sesshomaru regarding him with a bit of humor.
'Stop. Staring. At. Me.' Clint ran his tongue over his teeth in frustration. Sesshomaru, obviously, didn't stop staring.
Clint instead of taking a swig from his beer in his right hand, he took a large bite from his ice cream cone and recoiled from the brain freeze and unexpected sweetness. This was just not Clint's dinner.
Loki snorted and his now brown eyes crinkled, running a hand through his now shorter hair. Clint licked his lips, now taking a big gulp from his Heineken, putting it back down, picking up his fork to attack his crabcakes before they cooled.
"Were you going to finish your thought?" Loki prompted darkly, taking a sip from his red wine, probably Chiraz, it's what he drank at the Steakhouse. Wait, why did he remember that?
"You know; why don't you finish it for me Lo-Yuki?" Clint had no idea what made him say that at all. He also almost blew his cover.
Clint's humor thrived on sarcasm, not verbal wit games. He just challenged the God of Lies to a game of wit. 'Good job Clint, just hand me a shovel so I can keep on digging.' Clint put a forkful of crabcake into his mouth. Loki took another sip of wine. That particular exchange made Clint feel like he was roped into some blind date. He shook the thought from his head and focused on the food.
'Man these are slammin. Good call Fancy Pants. These were probably just as good, or better than the venison I got him.' Clint stole a look over to Fancy Pants who, for once didn't stare at him, but seemed completely zoned out, even for him, staring down at his plate.
A plate of almost completely untouched venison, prepared blue probably how he liked it.
'Damn, maybe I was wrong, maybe he is more of a porterhouse kind of guy. Though he hasn't said a word all evening, and while he isn't exactly a 'Chatty Kathy', thank god we have enough of those, this is unusual. He and Loki haven't talked about anything, and Tony is busy with Rhodes. Is it possible for Fancy Pants to feel left out? Eh, unlikely, Sesshomaru could command one hundred and ten percent of Tony's attention if he wanted it.' Clint realized he had been staring at the Demon Lord now for what was probably a sufficiently awkward amount of time.
"-Kanye's piece Stronger I found to be quite stimulating." Clint turned his head back to Loki, whoops, totally didn't catch most of that. Clint nodded and hummed in agreement to what he had no idea. He was just glad that no one, including himself caught what Loki may have finished his original thought with.
"Your attentions were preoccupied weren't they? Perhaps regarding a certain Demon Lord?" Clint looked up from his food to see Loki attacking him a dagger sharp look, angled especially severely from his shapeshifted, slanted eyes.
Clint pulled his head back and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, this level of irritation was different than the anger he displayed earlier in the gym. The look he gave him made his skin crawl.
Clint decided there was no point in lying to the God of Lies.
"Well, yeah, my friend Hank, the butcher, is going to be so excited his venison is being so well enjoyed." Clint pointed his fork at Sesshomaru's full plate and Loki carved his knife-like gaze his way. Sesshomaru, still apparently not paying attention, continued looking down, mauling his cloth napkin with his Freddie Kreuger claws.
"…not hungry Sesshomaru?" Loki's gaze dulled out to his normal stare, and Sesshomaru snapped his head up, blinking.
'There is something definitely up with Fancy Pants.' Clint thought, forking another chunk of rich crabcake into his mouth, leaning forward.
"…Here Jaken, consume some of this." Sesshomaru pushed off most of his venison and onto Jaken's, plate. Loki scrunched his nose.
"Thank you Lord Sesshomaru! I knew you cared about me!" Jaken happily began to carve into the venison like it was a birthday cake. Well at least it won't go to waste.
"Not much better, gotta say Fancy Pants, I'm a little insulted." Clint took another swig of beer, then leaned back tossed a grape up in the air and caught it his mouth. He would try to hit Sesshomaru with one now, but with him being like this now, there'd be no challenge.
"…this Sesshomaru does not need to eat as often as humans do. I mean no offense." Sesshomaru answered placidly, looking at Clint in the eyes, tiredly.
"Well, try it anyway. I swear you'll keep your supermodel figure." Clint smiled and winked at Sesshomaru for good measure, just to get him to react in some way.
He didn't. Instead, Loki shifted his eyes between the two a few times, and Clint almost thought Loki felt annoyed. Clint then mentally smacked himself, Sesshomaru had no idea what a supermodel was.
He also received a quick dart of a dirty look from Tony beside him. Clint just grinned, Tony wasn't the only one who could mess with Fancy Pants.
Tony's attention was captured by Rhodes again and Clint finished his crabcake.
With Loki practically burning Sesshomaru's face off with his stare, Clint decided to keep Loki annoyed, which was far better than himself feeling awkward. With the grape in hand he flicked it expertly at Loki's left temple. It connected with a soft, dewy smack.
"Your attentions were preoccupied weren't they? Perhaps regarding a certain Demon Lord?" Clint repeated verbatim, in the best Loki impression he could. Loki snapped back to him, eyes absolutely iridescent despite them being brown and not green.
Clint didn't anticipate that reaction; he thought he might bite his head off or go off on some sort of monologue about being child and making a mess.
"Why Clint," Loki squared up to the table with a fluid swivel of his broad shoulders. "Do you require my attention? If so what for?" Loki picked up the red grape that Clint hit him which landed on the table, put it to his lips, and sucked it into his mouth.
This guy. He even had to eat grapes with a flourish.
Clint, defensively, took another swig of beer. Loki, unusually, always seemed to know how to render him without a good comeback ready. Like Loki was playing a chess game and was three moves ahead.
"Yeah," Clint stalled. "You mentioned Skrillex, and Stronger, you may like EDM, its electronic dance music. People do a lot of drugs, spin glow-sticks, some irony intended with what Nat calls you, and wear costumes. I can make you a playlist and with more Kanye if you want." Clint recovered, proud of himself. He survived another battle of wits with the God of Mischief.
"Have some key lime pie! It's not half-bad. Take a piece, Clint, and uh Yuki." Pepper surprised him by standing beside him with two plates of pie. He had forgotten there were more than three people at this table. Far more.
"Sure thanks Pepper! Here Yuki." Clint relieved Pepper of both plates and passed one to Loki, who eyed it with zest.
'Yeah, he does like limes doesn't he? I love key lime pie, I mean who doesn't, it's not too sweet, and…damnit green.' Clint looked down, he had already defeated his small ice cream cone and now in front of him, was another green dessert. He leaned back only to lock eyes with Loki.
Brown eyes pierced into his like thread into the eye of a needle.
"Oh yes Clint. I appreciate the attention you give to my curiosities." Loki put a forkful of key lime pie in his mouth, his eyes never straying from their eye contact. Clint swallowed again, reaching for his beer realizing it was out. Defensively, he put a forkful of key lime pie in his mouth. Even Pepper was driving him crazy.
"Uncle Yuki can you tell me a story? One of you and my Lord?! Storm God told me he told everyone the one when you were turned into a purple stag! Did it hurt? What's it like being a deer?" Rin basically had teleported. She now stood next to Loki, twirling from side to side. Apparently sitting between Jaken and Thor, who was mostly talking to Nat, had bored her.
Loki, completely off guard, furrowed his dark eyebrows and scrunched his nose at Sesshomaru who merely raised an eyebrow.
"No it didn't hurt, and it wasn't very much fun having no arms I'll tell you that." Loki smiled warmly and Sesshomaru, took a small bite of the venison, as if to taunt Loki.
"Once long ago two Panther Demons, nephews of a great King, led a raid on the Western Lands. They decimated some mortal villages, leaving nothing but tonguing flames and crying mothers in their wake. Your Lord's father, Inu no Taisho, requested us personally to assassinate them and put an end to their torment." Rin leaned in, wide-eyed in rapt attention and Clint didn't realize he too had his elbows on the table.
"Your Lord and I prepared for battle by sparring tirelessly. I, armed with my spear, and he with his whip, quested through a hidden cavern in order to creep into the middle their domain. Deep within the mountains of Midgard, we stealthily eliminated much of their clan, cutting through their sentries and guards like a farmer's scythe through reeds." Loki spoke with his hands, though didn't conjure any magic. Clint figured he probably wanted to.
"What happened next!?" Rin scooted closer to Loki and his face lit up.
Then he remembered his question to himself earlier: 'Who listened to Loki besides Sesshomaru?' Rin. Rin hung on every word Loki said. She believed him outright about everything.
"In the dead of night, under a crescent moon, we arrived at their stronghold and your Lord announced his presence with a violent outburst of red youki. The two ruthless and deadly Panther Demons, named Keiji and Kado, drew their weapons, a sword and a pike respectively. The death duels began with a great clash of frosted white Youki against your Lord's own scarlet." Loki had a real knack for telling stories, his facial expressions and his hands drew you in. Clint, at this point noticed practically the whole table was listening.
"Your Lord expertly dueled the elder brother, Keiji, who was as bloodthirsty as he was mighty. Keiji thought because he had an enchanted sword had the upper hand on Sesshomaru. Keiji, however, underestimated your Lord. A costly error. He was cleaved in two with your Lord's own left hand when he foolishly assumed an attack he unleashed from his enchanted sword had killed him." Loki looked back to Sesshomaru who narrowed his eyes.
"Panther Demons always rely…relied on singular attacks far too often. They lacked ingenuity in battle." Sesshomaru supplied stoically, nibbling slightly on a piece of meat that he picked up with chopsticks.
"Ah yes. His brother Kado didn't quite like that you slew his brother so. When he transformed I took advantage of his blind rage and ensnared then impaled him with my spear. Then we returned to the Western Lands. Your Lord's father simply told us we took too long to complete our quest, if I do recall correctly." Loki finished and turned to Sesshomaru whose ears lowered. Rin beamed in approval.
"I bet Lord's Sesshomaru's father was just joking! You and my Lord Sesshomaru are a great team! You'll certainly defeat those mean blue aliens again!" The table stilled and Clint tensed up. Obviously Rin didn't quite understand why Rhodes was here.
"Tony… did I hear that right, Demons? And did that little girl mean the Chitauri!? They're coming back?" Rhodes certainly didn't pull any punches.
We just had dinner, now it was time for the show.
Thank you for reading! :) this is Clint's first chapter, I hope you liked it! Let me know what you think!
-TL