Chapter 25: The Anxiety

Padme watched as the twins slept in their small beds. Unlike on the star destroyer, their beds were next to each other. A small night stand the only thing separating the two. During the day they liked to jump from one bed to the next. Padme had expected the two to suffer from nightmares, especially Leia, but each night they both slept soundly. Perhaps it was the proximity to each other. Perhaps it was being away from Vader.

The stolen com unit laid heavily in the pocket of Padme's skirt. Her hand was curled tightly around it. She had yet to throw it away. The sooner she did so the better. The guards appeared to be watching her more closely. They still didn't come into the bedrooms, but now a red Royal Guard was stationed at the end of the hallway and another in the living room. They were now always close. Within shouting distance. If they found the com on Padme, it would be investigated at once. While Padme could probably talk her way out of an interrogation from the guards, talking her way around Vader was a completely different matter. The last thing she wanted was for him to come back early. Thus the com unit needed to be disposed of and soon.

Padme quietly walked up to the small beds her children slept in. She watched their small chests rise and fall as they breathed. Despite the peaceful scene in front of her, her body was tense. Her heart pounded inside her chest. Her anxiety and fear clawed at her every second since the call with Obi-Wan. The question continued to plague her. What had she done?

Had she doomed Obi-Wan? Did Vader know she had the com unit and made the call? Padme knew that Obi-Wan had destroyed the unit she had called him on. It was far too risky for him to keep that frequency in case their call had been tracked. Would Obi-Wan make it to her in time before Vader returned? She prayed to all her gods and the Force that this would work out. It had to. For the twins. This situation was not good for them. They needed to feel safe and secure. Sadly that meant away from their father.

Again Padme asked herself, what had she done? She had promised Anakin she wouldn't fight Vader anymore. Anakin had promised her he would try to fight Vader off. What would happen when Vader found out her and the children had left? What would happen to whatever remained of Anakin? The children brought Anakin out. Taking them away from him . . . what would happen?

Her heart ached. She just didn't know what to think. No decision seemed like the right decision. Her body was not handling this stress well. She was having strong cramps lately. She sighed, gave one last look at the small sleeping children, and left the room. She headed back towards her bedroom. There was no privacy elsewhere. The guards would be watching. Once in her bedroom she made her way to the refresher to prepare herself for bed. The children had been rather needy lately. Whenever Padme did slip away for a moment by herself, the twins would shortly get bored and find her. They would bug her until she played with them.

Again the strong cramps spiked through her. Perhaps she needed to take something for these cramps. The stress seemed to be affecting her monthly cycle. She had been spotty over the past few days, but she had yet to start her period properly. When was it supposed to start? Padme counted back the weeks since her last cycle.

For a brief moment it felt like her whole body stopped working. Her heart stopped. Her breathing. Her mind. A sense of cold filled her.

Then all at once everything came rushing back into her. When was her last cycle? Her sense of time was all messed up with being on that blasted star destroyer and playing Vader's games. When was her last cycle? She was late. She knew that. And . . . she had been having unprotected sex.

"Kriff," she cursed out loud. She needed a pregnancy test, but how?

She stormed out of the bedroom and down the hallway. She found the red Royal Guard standing at the end of the hallway and the entrance into the living room.

"Guard?" she called out. The guard at once turned to face her. "Is there a med droid here?"

"Why do you need a med droid, your highness?" the guard asked.

"I . . ." she could feel herself blushed. "I do not feel well."

"How so?" the guard pressed.

She clenched her hands into fists. "I need one for feminine discomforts," she explained.

"My lady, you're going to need to be more specific."

Kriffing men, she cursed to herself. "My menstrual cycle!" she snapped at him. "Will you please get a med droid?" The guard seem a bit shaken from her outburst. Good, she thought. Think I'm PMSing.

"At once, your highness," the guard said.

"I'll be my room," she said. She turned without waiting for a response and stalked back down the hallway. She paced her room while she waited for the droid to arrive. Eventually it did. She was thankful it arrived alone without any guard escort.

"How may I help you?" the droid asked.

"I am having menstrual cramps," she reported.

"Are they stronger and longer lasting than usual?" the droid asked. "When was the date of your last cycle?"

Padme paused. "I need a pregnancy test," she said softly.

The droid did not pick up on her hesitation. "At once," the droid said. "I can do a blood test. Please hold out your arm." Padme complied. The droid brought out a syringe and collected a sample of her blood. "I will take the sample to go do a test. I shall have the results shortly," the droid said.

After the droid left, Padme sat on the bed. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She could hear her blood rushing through her. It felt painful to breath. She closed her eyes and tried to calm down. She could do this. If the results were positive . . . she could do this. She had to do this.

"I have the results," the mechanical voice of the droid announced as it stepped back into the room drawing Padme out of her thoughts. "You are pregnant. You would need to come into the med room for a proper examination to figure out how many weeks you are along."

She was trembling. She felt suddenly nauseous. "Thank- thank you," she managed to get out though her tongue felt large and swollen. "I would like to get some sleep now." Padme wasn't even sure if the droid responded. She was only barely aware it had left.

What would she do now? Her hand went to her stomach. She was shaking. Her heart was pounding in her chest. The nausea grew stronger. She needed to go to the refresher. But as she stood up, she found her legs were weak. She slid to the ground at the side of the bed.

A baby, she thought. Her eyes started to water. What will I do? How can I bring a new life into this mess? And what of its father? Vader! What will Vader do?

It hurt. It hurt so much. She clutched at her chest. She felt like she couldn't breath. She needed to get up, but she couldn't. Something was wrong. She needed help. What would she tell the guards? They would tell Vader! Then he would come back! He would take her to Imperial Center with the twins and the new baby.

"Moth-mother?" a small voice said.

Padme looked up to notice Luke and Leia stood in front of her. Their eyes were wide and full of fear.

"Are you ok?" Leia asked. "Are you hurt?"

"Why-why," Padme started to say, but found that was the only word she could get out. She wanted to know why they were here. Why weren't they in bed? Sweat beaded on her head and dripped down her face. Her breathing was short and panicked.

Leia walked up and brushed the hair out of her mother's face. She seemed to be saying something to Luke. "It will be ok," Leia said softly.

It won't, Padme thought. It won't be ok.

Padme's hand gripped at her chest as the pain in her heart grew stronger and stronger. Large hands grabbed at her. Red blurry figures picked her up and placed her in the bed. There were deep voices talking to her. Someone was shouting to someone else. She could just make out the intense blue and brown eyes watching her from the edge of the bed. She unclenched her hand and reached out towards Luke and Leia. But then the world started to spin and the darkness took her.

Padme looked up at the white domed ceiling. She had been laying in bed all day after last night's episode. When she finally came to, she was surrounded by a whole medical team made of human doctors and nurses and droids. It had been a panic attack. For now she just needed to rest. The twins had come in a few times to see her. They were quiet and moved slow around her, as if they were afraid they might hurt her. They were being watched by a nanny droid and one of the red guards.

Yet now Padme was alone, until a red Royal Guard walked into the room. He walked over to her and nodded his head. "Your highness," he said. "The Emperor wishes to speak with you." He held out a holographic com unit. The guard placed the unit in Padme's hand. He then pressed the button on the side.

A small blue holographic Vader stood in the com unit. He glanced at the guard and dismissed him. The guard bowed and left Padme alone.

"Padme" Vader said. His voice was deep with concern. "Are you ok?"

"I'm tired, but yes," she answered truthfully.

"What happened?"

"It was just a panic attack."

"Yes that is what I was told by the doctor," Vader said. "But why? What caused it?" She looked away from the holograph. What was she going to say? She couldn't tell him. "Padme," he said softly. "I'm going to return to collect you and the children." A cold spike of fear ran through her.

"No!" she shouted. "No." This time it came out as a sob.

"No?" Vader asked. "There are much better medical facilities here. You'll be better at my side."

"No," Padme said. "I'm fine. Really. There is no need for us to come back."

"You don't seem fine," Vader grumbled.

"Please, Vader," she pleaded. "The children are much happier here. Leia hasn't had a single nightmare. I am fine."

"I'm not convinced," Vader said.

"Please, no, it's nothing to worry about," Padme said.

""I'm sorry, but you and the children will be returning."

"Vader, I . . . I'm pregnant."

Vader was silent. She couldn't look at him. Instead she looked at the wall.

"Pregnant?" he said finally in a soft voice. Finally Padme looked at him. His eyes were wide in shock. She wished she could tell if they were blue or yellow. She only nodded at him. "Are you sure?"

"I would have thought the doctors would have reported it to you," she responded softly.

"No," he growled. "They did not."

"Don't," Padme said feeling a headache come on. "They probably thought I would want to tell you." This seem to somewhat appease Vader's anger. "I . . . I panicked when I found out."

"Padme," Vader said softly.

"I just didn't know what to do. What to think," she continued. "I don't deserve another child. I can barely be a mother to the two children I have now."

"Padme," Vader said harder this time. "We've been over this! Please, my love, you are being too hard on yourself. Don't you remember? A baby is a blessing. This time will be different. I promise."

Padme couldn't stop the tears from forming in her eyes and spilling down her cheeks. "How can you promise? How do you know? Look what happened last time!"

"My angel, please calm down," Vader said soothingly. His face was etched in worry. "I'll come and get you. We'll be together. I'll make sure everything is all right."

"No!" she cried out. "No, please just let us stay here. A little while longer. I'm fine. I am. I'm just . . . emotional. I need . . . I need to sort this out for myself. Please. Just stick to the original plan."

Silence stretched between them. "I'm just worried," he said. "I can't bare it, being away from you when you're hurting."

"Just finish whatever it is you're doing," she said. "So we can go home." The comment of home brought a smile to Vader. He slightly nodded at the thought. "If we're there on the ship, we'll just be a distraction," Padme continued. "I'd rather you finish up your duties. I want to be done with all this. Then we can relax."

"Very well," Vader said. "I will conclude my work in space soon. Then we can go home. As a family." Vader smiled at her again. "I'm really happy, Padme, about the baby." She smiled sadly at him. "Please take care of yourself," he added before he said goodbye and the holograph disappeared.

The guard returned shortly after and collected the com unit. He asked if she needed anything, but she only meekly shook her head. She was then left alone. Her hand came to her stomach.

"Obi-Wan," she whispered. "Please hurry."

The next day two of the Royal Guards escorted Padme into a different building. There she was taken to a small medical room. A female human doctor awaited her. Padme didn't recall this doctor from when she had a panic attack, but the new doctor explained she had brought here because she was a gynecologist. Padme wasn't that surprised that Vader would do such thing.

She went through the exam. The doctor figured Padme was five to six weeks pregnant. After the exam, Padme found herself back in the twin's room. The two children were still acting subdued around her. She couldn't help but wonder if the guards had said anything to them.

Padme sat on the floor with Leia. The two both held dolls. Padme was brushing her doll's hair.

"The guard said you went to the doctor," Leia said softly. She looked up at her mother. "Are you better now?"

Luke sat nearby. He had a small pile of toy spaceships surrounding him. He looked over at his mother as well.

"I'm fine," Padme said. "Come here my little ones. I have something to tell you." Luke got up and sat on the other side of Padme. "The reason I went to the doctor was because when I got sick the other night, I found out I was pregnant."

Leia let out a small delighted gasp. "There's a baby in your tummy?" she asked.

"Yes," Padme said smiling down at the two children. "You're both going to be big brother and sister."

"Is it going to be a boy?" Luke asked as he edged a bit closer to his mother.

"No!" Leia said. "It's going to be a girl!"

"We don't know what the baby will be yet. It's not big enough," Padme explained.

"When will it come out?" Luke asked.

Padme sighed. "Not for a while. It takes months for a baby to grow big enough to come out. The baby could get sick if it comes out too small." The two twins looked at Padme's stomach clearly thinking about the baby inside.

"What about . . . father?" Luke whispered.

"What about him?" Padme asked her son. Luke looked up at her. His blue eyes were large and sad.

"Will father hurt the baby?" Luke asked.

A sharp pain squeezed through Padme's hurt. How could her own son think that of his own father?

"No. No, Luke. You father will never hurt the baby," Padme said as she put a hand on Luke's back.

"But what if the baby cries?" Luke asked. "What if that makes him angry? What will father do to the baby?"

"Will he lock the baby up?" Leia asked. Her voice filled with concern.

The pain inside Padme continued to stab at her. It was horrible her children had these concerns over their own father. The sad thing was, they asked these questions based on what their father had done to them. Vader had locked the children in their room after they had gone down to the detention center. What could Padme say?

"No," Padme said. "Of course not." The twins looked unconvinced. "I talked to your father yesterday. I told him about the baby. He said he was very happy about the baby." Small frowns were still on both child's face. Padme sighed and placed a hand on her stomach. "I'm not going to let anything happen to the baby."

"I won't either!" Leia said.

"Me too!" Luke said.

"You two will be an excellent big brother and sister," Padme said smiling sadly. "But hopefully nothing bad will ever happen to the baby." Hopefully, Padme thought, this baby will be born away from Vader.