Clint and the Family Reunion
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Clint was in a foul mood that was actually beginning to get better, much to his initial skepticism. He really had only agreed to go with Fancy Pants on his ridiculous 'quest' to get some much needed space or perspective or a goddamn distraction from Loki.
He had no idea what to do with the God of thievery, dramatics, and apparently sex. Clint had been scheming, well as much scheming as someone like him really did, while trapped in endless meetings at the temporary SHIELD headquarters about how to get him back for what he did to him in his bedroom and later in the shower.
"So since you can't seem to keep your hands off me, and you are so the type to throw a tantrum or sulk if you don't get what you want, I'm going to assume this wasn't a one-time thing." Clint squirted his 'arctic blast' scented body wash on Loki's chest in the shape of an 's' like Superman. Loki currently was running his long fair fingers along Clint's wet torso, travelling south.
"I do not sulk." Loki twisted his lips into a pensive pout. "Who is the one treating the other as a child now?" Loki tsked, drawing runes on Clint's skin, they lingered on his skin as luminescent tattoos before fading.
"Oh, no you are not spinning that mess back on me. You literally cleaned ice cream off my hand; this is me being truthful. I'm asking because I had fun, and if you want to continue it, I'd be down." Clint wrote 'Diva' on Loki's chest in suds and Loki went under the water to rinse the offensive word off. He hoped he came across as casual as he wanted when he said that. He didn't want to appear desperate or needy for it to happen again.
"Oh Clint, you need not ask such from me. I intend on having you…I will admit I am by nature a creature of extreme envy. If you wish to be with another; I won't abide it. I will be the only one to have you in the most profane of ways." Loki's green eyes swarmed Clint again, lips slicing into a wet, forbidden grin.
Clint chuckled and rolled his eyes again. How had he managed to want to get with such an absolute basket-case of a man, no God, was beyond him. Nothing he could do was normal. From middle of nowhere Iowa, to carnie, to SHIELD agent, to being seduced by the God of mischief in a billionaire's super-hero tower.
"Abide... you know we should probably watch the Big Lebowski at some point. And I don't know…You may just have to convince me on the exclusivity thing. What if there is some other good looking, crazy in bed, probably in the head as well, God who likes lime sherbet and 8 ball? Might just have to—" Clint's word died as his lips were claimed by an annoyed god. The shower still rained down on the both of them, but the water felt less hot than it did a few seconds ago.
"Is that a challenge Clint, to convince you?" Loki's eyes pierced him through like an arrow through paper. Clint felt pinned against the wet tile even though no physical force held him there.
"It's an earnest request, Mr Profane." Clint almost cracked up, this ridiculous god was so full of himself, and he couldn't help but indulge it a bit. It was comforting in the oddest of ways, because he knew, deep down, Loki had dark corners of his mind that threatened to take control. He saw it that 'Doomsday night' when Loki made that magic tree, when Loki fled.
Clint wanted to see him lit and daring as the Fourth of July. But that didn't mean he was going to inflate his ego's to the size of Tony's.
"Be careful what you wish for, Clint." Clint loved the way Loki said his name, like it defined some emotion within Loki rather than just a syllable to say. Loki's eyes took on a dangerous zeal and while knowing it would be a while before Clint could do anything again, he used a bit of magic to stop the water in the pipes of the shower, and in the air. The water stream and droplets stopped in midair and Clint looked at it in wonder. Loki's magic never really ceased to surprise him, and sometimes even amazed him in its simplicity.
Loki gathered the warm liquid water in the air into his palms and charged it with magic. It glowed green, like a fiber optics toy.
"Ok, so Nat was really onto something with the name Glow Stick." Clint smirked as Loki took his water filled palms and pressed his hands into Clint's shoulders, massaging them. The glowing, possibly no longer water- now felt like oil, released all the tension, all the knots in his lats. Loki moved to his neck and the same wondrous, magic water began to relax his tired, overworked muscles.
"Would you like to see that glow as well? I have heard stranger requests." Loki and Clint shared a mutual laugh, Loki would laugh at his own joke. Clint really hoped he wouldn't make that glow. The massage felt so good that Clint closed his eyes as Loki's hands began to gather more green, glowing oil and travel down his obliques, a bit further down…and that's when Clint finally wised up to what Loki was really after.
And that'd he'd totally need a second shower.
"You insatiable dick! Do you have the libido of a sixteen-year old?! And here I was thinking you were capable of an innocent massage, hell innocent anything!" Loki's erection had pressed against his hipbone and Clint's muscles in his lower body felt like a jellyfish, well almost everything in his lower body. Loki answered him with a domineering kiss, all tongue, kneading lips, and deep moans, coming mostly from Clint.
"I think. Clint. If you truly desired something innocent, your cock wouldn't get hard as uru from someone like me." Loki, for effect grabbed Clint's rising dick with the glowing oil. Clint hated this God, absolutely hated. He wasn't about to get away with this crap again. Clint had seen enough porn, and had enough blow jobs performed on him to hopefully give one that wasn't completely terrible.
Clint grabbed Loki by the shoulders and flung him into the wall he had just been leaning against, the water started up again from Loki's surprise.
"And I think, if you really wanted someone who will just stroke your ego, you wouldn't act like a mess around me." Clint smirked, the water rushing over them. Loki made a move to say something, but nothing came out because that's when Clint went to his knees.
But that was all before the whole 'love is for children' bit. Nat filled him in that she said those words to him when he was 'imprisoned' on the helicarrier. When he pressed her about what really happened in Asgard she didn't say anything except giving him 'that Nat look' she only gave when she was taking some information to the grave.
So, of course he got nowhere with Nat. When the lightning bolt of an idea struck him to ask Rin, Nat just lazered him dead in the eyes and said 'No.' Mindreader.
Well, that and it wasn't like he was schooling his expression either.
Loki was the quintessential definition of 'hot and cold'. He couldn't tell if he really believed what he said or not, or if it mattered either way. He had just started to know the guy, since when did he start thinking about that four-letter word anyway? Wasn't he referring to Nat and Rin anyway? He couldn't believe that he saved Nat and Squirt because of his own schemes and games. Sure he schemed, but he genuinely seemed to like Nat, and no way did he not care about Rin.
But… how much did he really genuinely know what Loki wanted? Ugh, he had to stop thinking about him.
He eyed Sesshomaru who had been silent, and if his gaze could set the instrument cluster of the quinjet short circuit it would have.
He grabbed his phone and began to type into it…. 'How to give a better blow….' Clint stopped and erased that Google search before he completed it. For fucks sake, he was really not just about to type that. Was he?
He had to change the subject, like yesterday.
"You know. I gotta hand it to you Fancy Pants, you're a quick study. That take off wasn't half bad for a pilot with a little experience and you just learned from manuals. I gotta say, it's pretty much unheard of." Clint gave praise in field rarely, but he literally shook his head when the fur and armor wearing Demon Lord next to him switched the Main Power switch to 'on', the Engine Feed to 'NORM', then the Main Power switch to 'POWER'. Even switched the Master Light switch to 'on' and the Strobe Light to 'on' as well. All properly sequenced like he knew what he was doing, and did it like he had done it before.
Clint froze in the lung clenching hope that Fancy Pants really hadn't tried on the Quinjet before now.
Clint and Sesshomaru, together, pressed the Jet Starter and watched for the RMPs jack up to 20%, and clicked the ident to start the engines. They then idled the engines, and the VSTOL fired up nice and pretty. Clint checked the power management panel, and the remote control, and turned on the HUD. He checked the fuel, released the landing wheels and, while definitely a bit shaky, were on their way.
"…This Sesshomaru endeavors to understand your human technology." Sesshomaru stated neutrally, Clint would bet however the Demon Lord was pretty stoked about not crashing the Quinjet.
"Yeah, same here man, planes and SHIELD tech are one thing, kik or the latest crapsnap I still flounder at. I got Tony's Tivo down, gotta count for something. Though, my nieces and nephews probably know more than I do and they're just a little older than Rin." Clint rambled, thinking he should really skype them soon.
Sesshomaru didn't respond and the jet fell into silence.
"So, what exactly are we questing for in the Bonneville Salt Flats, Don Quixote? I am gonna put in the coordinates with SHIELD for there, say we're investigating something, but after I am gonna have to tell Fury why we are using so much fuel to go there. I don't think he is going to accept 'treasure questing' as a real reason, and you were pretty vague last night." Clint smiled good naturedly, trying to get Fancy Pants to give him something.
He didn't like that he had to report into SHIELD knowing the spies within their ranks, but Nat said to keep his guard up and they had to pretend nothing was amiss. She also doubted they'd try anything on Fancy Pants considering how he very nearly blew his top earlier.
Clint then studied the Demon Lord. He couldn't pretend he could read Sesshomaru as well as Loki could, but he could sense something was up. He seemed in his head even more than usual.
"I seek a map to aid my scry, among other items. It is located in the salt lands you speak of. Once we arrive I shall find its exact location. I'll explain the rest when we arrive." Sesshomaru replied blandly, Clint had noticed he brought his swords with him, and that creepy flamethrower staff Jaken usually had. he brought his bow as well, just in case. Fancy Pants could attract as much trouble as Tony could.
Clint was not about to ask him about the swords because he was sure Fancy Pants would just go off into some nonsense about one of the swords solved a math problem, or made Rin's lunch.
"Yeeeeeah…I'm going to just tell Fury 'Soul Searching'. So, your plan, is to wander around the Salt Flats looking for a map? You know how big the flats are? I'm gonna have to call in some cars." Clint almost pushed the call button when Sesshomaru's eyes flashed in warning. It was the most emotion he had seen from the guy in the past few hours.
"I will not ride in your vehicles. You may follow me in one if you wish." Sesshomaru offered and Clint scoffed, a light bulb going off in his head.
"Yeah, that sounds boring, aren't quests about sticking together? You know what you would totally like Fancy Pants, are these." Clint brought up a photo of a Ducati 959 Panigale motorcycle on his phone and Clint nodded and smiled in a 'oh yeah' action.
Sesshomaru's eyes went wide and Clint swore he saw his ears move.
"Motorcyles, you ride them like bikes. You probably haven't seen too many around New York, but you'd totally like them, just like, I guess riding a horse or a—" Clint was cut off by Sesshomaru's quiet, intrigued voice.
"Dragon." Sesshomaru supplied, taking Clint's phone, turning it around. "I require a red one." Sesshomaru more demanded than requested and Clint laughed. He almost sounded like a kid picking out a toy in a store. Clint, however, thought it may be stretching their odd friendship by calling him out on that.
"Yeah ok, Khaleesi, let me call it in to Coulson, they'll have them prepped when we land in around three and a half hours. And here I thought you'd choose aqua or pink for your bike. Red, never would have guessed." Clint jabbed Sesshomaru and took back his phone, not liking how his talons could probably cut the screen in half.
"Red and White are the colors of my Lands. I am to adorn them to represent my station." Sesshomaru slipped back into his uninterested tone, as if reciting some sort of well-rehearsed lesson. Clint sighed through his nose.
"Yeah, Thor let us in on that tidbit when Tony blew his stack the other day, remember?" Clint, a trained archer, saw little details and out of his peripheral vision. Sesshomaru checked their altitude, he spotted Demon Lord tense up. It was almost unnoticeable, but then Clint got it. Something happened between him and Tony.
"Ah...damnit, I should never take Nat up on any more bets. You think I would have won my lesson at pool. Tony pissed you off didn't he?" Clint cursed, running a hand over his face, thinking how his one hundred dollars could have been put to so many better uses that Nat buying more of that hair stuff she likes.
"…we had a miscommunication." Sesshomaru replied, sounding like the wind had been taken out of sails. Damn Tony, what'd you do now? "Where words clearly fail, might succeeds." Sesshomaru cracked his talons. Then it all clicked, the hole in the wall, the dent, Thor, Loki and Sesshomaru sparring with their real weapons. Man did Tony have like, zero self-preservation.
"Riiighht, you know dictators here have said the same. You can't just go around attacking people because they piss you off, that's not how things work in this time, or probably in yours too." Clint winced, that had to have hurt. Though he figured would have heard if Tony got turned to green goo or something by now.
"Indeed." Sesshomaru managed, not elaborating further.
"Well, them's the brakes. But hey, on the bright side, you're about to listen to some epic music and go race Ducatis on the Salt Flats. Ultimate good time right here." Clint decided, that maybe Sesshomaru needed to mix it up. Clint put on the playlist he and Loki first sparred to, Skrillex was up first.
He changed it when he saw Sesshomaru visibly grimace.
"…why does he call this Sesshomaru, Sailor Moon? I have never disclosed an affinity for boats." Sesshomaru eventually asked. Clint suppressed a laugh, that was right he never was told who he referred to! Clint grabbed his phone and found a photo of the anime character.
"This is Sailor Moon, it's probably the long hair and you know your moon." Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed into slits and Clint pulled his phone away hastily.
"This Sesshomaru is no woman." Sesshomaru hissed. Clint sighed. He had just accused Tony of having no self-preservation, and he had gone and insulted Fancy Pants trapped in a flying metal box. It was tantamount to pissing off Bruce in the helicarrier.
"Don't take it personally. It's Tony; he thinks he's clever." Clint felt like he wasn't getting anywhere fast with Fancy Pants. He tried again to change the subject.
"So, first day, why did you think I was Loki's lover?" Clint asked of course his mind bouncing back to Loki and that got the attention of the Demon Lord, his eyes studying his shoulder.
"I smelled his magic on you, an aged protection spell. A very intricate and difficult spell. Loki would only use it on someone he wanted to protect dearly." Sesshomaru explained, and that floored Clint. He had never remembered Loki placing such a spell on him, not even under the mind control of the scepter.
"He has since placed another on you." Sesshomaru added before Clint could say anything and Clint muttered a curse under his breath.
"He thinks he is so damn sneaky. I am not some kid. I can take care of myself just fine." Clint sneered, but it lacked a lot of venom that he wanted it to have. Sesshomaru just tilted his head to the side, then nodded in understanding.
"It is Loki's nature. While he can be…temperamental in mood, is quite steadfast in his what and who he covets. When decided, little will stop him at protecting it." Sesshomaru offered, speaking more liberally now, Clint noted. Perhaps they should stay on the topic of Loki and off the topic of Tony.
"So basically you're saying Loki is protective, possessive, and moody. Noted, sounds like a good time." Clint was rewarded with something akin to a snort from the Demon Lord if he made sounds like that. Clint then had a wicked idea, he could easily get some dirt on Loki. No one, save maybe Thor, knew him better. Clint's face carved into one of supreme anticipation.
"Loki's outbursts have gotten him into his fair of predicaments. However, don't underestimate his power. His magic, though fickle due to his emotions, can be immense when provoked. You humans and the Distant Realm dwellers laud Storm God for his physical prowess but know not and respect even less Loki's own capabilities." Sesshomaru explained glancing to Clint with a hint of seriousness.
"Distant Realm, you mean Asgard right?" Clint asked and Sesshomaru nodded curtly.
"So, what was the most powerful thing you guys fought?" The question was off Clint's lips before he even realized it and Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed in thought.
"We have dissimilar advantages. His most powerful adversary may have been a certain Phoenix Demoness. Mine was a Dragon we encountered whilst questing for uru-stone." Clint's interest was definitely piqued and he motioned for more and he swore he saw Sesshomaru sigh.
"The Phoenix Demoness was quite powerful, she won their duel in the end by calling him Kiki and igniting him in her feather fire. Loki rather dislikes fire magic. They would encounter each other again." Sesshomaru glanced his direction, noting the amused reaction on Clint's face. Clint nearly busted a gut. Too. Good.
"Oh man. Kiki?! You're a saint Sesshomaru. You let him call you by your nickname, but you haven't breathed a word about Kiki. This is paydirt. What else?" Clint exclaimed, smirking, Sesshomaru's eyes widened slightly in recognition.
"Loki distrusts owls; he does not like their swiveling heads and the noises they make." Sesshomaru continued and Clint began to make some notes in his phone: purple stag story, Kiki, owl stuff. Oh Loki, or rather, Kiki was going to get it. Clint began to think of a plan, a really good plan, involving the gym. Then it hit Clint he had to call Nat once they were an hour out.
Had it already been an hour?
The conversation was quick, though Clint could tell the others were absolutely astonished that Fancy Pants was co-piloting the Quinjet. Clint could tell from the screen that Loki was making pancakes which was oddly domestic of him, he must have been up to something. Clint watched Tony, he looked probably the most shocked about the whole thing. Guess you can surprise a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.
"So, what do you think of this invasion? Think we stand a chance this go around?" Clint turned to Sesshomaru, suddenly serious. Something about seeing Loki smiling, making pancakes of all things made him think of the future.
"This Sesshomaru does not fail. I will make their enemy commander kneel before me. They will not claim sovereign this realm." Sesshomaru's voice carried a solid, cold authoritative tone that Clint was not about to question. Clint checked their fuel gauge, knowing that they'd have to refuel when they arrived at the Salt Flats. Clint quickly called it into Coulson.
"At least our side isn't lacking in the arrogance department. You, Tony and Loki could put them out of business. You and him strategizing over the invasion yet?" Clint joked, sixty percent serious. Sesshomaru cut a glare over to Clint, but the glare held little heat.
"Loki and I intend to bait and entrap them. We shall be at locations they will target, or entice them to go to one of our choosing. Your military strongholds and your provinces' capitals are alluring targets for our enemy." Sesshomaru flipped up a toggle switch. Clint leaned back, assessing if he really agreed with Fancy Pants and Loki being used as bait. It was a question of trust; he didn't think Loki would get himself killed.
"Oh, just using yourself as bait again I see. Are you sure fishing is Rin's favorite pastime and not yours?" The question got a quirk of an eyebrow out of the Demon Lord. Win. "SHIELD is working with NATO, the UN and the EU. So far they don't seem too convinced, but only Russia is outright opposed to the idea. They'll come around in time." Clint added, remembering yesterday was one long frustrating teleconference from hell. He did recall one great bit when Xi Jinping of China and Shinzo Abe of Japan started screaming to each other about islands and Justin Trudeau of Canada just took a drink of something that was so not 'iced tea' in response.
"Once I can properly scry, it will be far simpler to monitor enemy positions." Ah, so Fancy Pants didn't up and decide to go to the middle of Utah just because he assaulted Tony. He actually intended on doing this for tactical reasons as well. Well, more power to him, as long as he didn't turn into a screaming green tornado again.
"Still gotta scry me some lotto numbers, Miss Cleo." Clint grinned and this time he definitely saw Sesshomaru's ears go up.
The rest of the flight went by in comfortable conversations about music, strategy, and explaining to Fancy Pants how to ride a motorcycle.
A few hours later they landed, which while shaky and a bit rough, ended in success. Clint had to admit the flight was a lot less awkward than he thought it was going to be. He imagined Sesshomaru would be icy, perhaps bored that he had to drag him along.
Wait.
"So Fancy Pants, why did you bring me along? I mean we know you can cover some mad ground on your own." Clint asked, putting on sunglasses, noting Sesshomaru had his on now as well.
"Three reasons." Sesshomaru offered. Clint just leaned back expectantly, dangling the motorcycle keys just handed to him by an agent.
"I agreed to take an Avenger with me whenever I left New York. I decided on you, for you are far more tolerable company than the Storm God, and Bakusaiga has warmed to you. Also, I wished to test my skills of your Quinjet, and being that this Sesshomaru is no thief, left you or Romanoff to accompany me. Romanoff agreed to instruct Rin in weapons, so you remained." Clint felt mildly flattered, but scoffed at the sword reference. How can a sword warm to anyone?!
'Then again, When SHIELD went full tactical hit squad on Sesshomaru, Loki, and Bruce, Sesshomaru's magic sword, Tenseiga, looked like it obeyed Fancy Pants and flew across the room, I mean, the swords are definitely magic.' Clint reached back in the Jet for his bow, and showed his credentials to the agent, scanning them. He eyed him warily.
He didn't know if he could trust his own side or not before a goddamn invasion.
'Nat and Tony better figure out just who in SHIELD managed to hack Jarvis, while we're gone. I bet these Ducatis that the council above Fury would like nothing more to see Bruce, Fancy Pants and Loki under a knife, wondering what makes them tick.' Clint looked across the horizon of white, flat, steaming salt and brilliant blue sky. It was a nice day to let loose.
He looked and sure enough, Coulson had made sure that there were two 959 Panigale motorcycles, one flat black, the other crimson. Clint tossed the key to Sesshomaru, who caught it of course.
"I suppose if I say that your swords are just swords it won't matter to you would it? Plus that was really only two reasons." Clint strapped on his bow, ready for whatever 'treasure questing' actually brought him.
"The third I will address with you in time." Well, there he was being cryptic again.
"Well, let's go get your crystal ball working Fancy Pants. What exactly are we looking for?" Clint asked as they made their way to the motorcycles, helmets ready.
Though he doubted Fancy Pants would put a helmet on, god forbid he get helmet hair. Though Demon Lords probably had different crash test safety concerns than humans. He would obviously wear his, he had already changed into his riding gear in the plane and was not surprised when Sesshomaru managed to maintain proper position and altitude by himself while he was changing.
"We seek my mother's tomb, my mother and I much to discuss. The staff will alert me when we are close." Clint's eyes bulged out of his head as he clipped on his helmet. Did he hear him right? Mother's tomb? Man, should he had brought flowers or something? Clint didn't say anything, he really didn't think he would be like, exhuming a body or something. Did this make him a grave robber?
"So, we are going to talk to your mom's…spirit? You know, when you said treasure quest, I expected more like, buried treasure, and a lot less…family reunion. Let's just go." Clint relented, nothing was ever simple. He started the motorcycle, it vibrated, roared and gutturally growled. Now this was more like it. Clint felt the adrenaline crash through his bloodstream already, and he just started the Ducati. He was about to race a Demon Lord across the Salt Flats to find his mother's tomb so they could talk to her spirit.
Maybe he should have really taken a good crack at those 'where do I see myself in three years questions.'
He turned to Fancy Pants, who had managed to start his motorcycle, and tinker with the controls. He gave Fancy Pants a thumbs-up and the instant he locked eyes with the Demon Lord he flipped down his visor and took off at a blistering pace.
"Try and keep up!" Clint challenged with a sly smirk. The Demon Lord would just have to catch up, and unsurprisingly, quickly he did. Clint didn't know how he could ride the motorcycle with his huge pants, fur boa, but he managed to pull it off, his swords also glowed and then Clint stole a quick look at the Sesshomaru's face. He looked positively animated.
Well, as animated as he had ever seen him.
Clint rolled his eyes when Sesshomaru's blue youki spiked. Clint in return popped a wheelie to show off and ratcheted up the bike to race mode. Enjoying the torque, he throttled harder. He laughed as he saw in his side view mirror the Demon Lord go full tilt teenager over the bike. He definitely was a quick study.
Didn't seem like Fancy Pants did 'fun' too much.
Blood rushed through his veins and his pulse jacked up. He hadn't gone on a ride in far too long. He liked motorcycles as much as Steve and Nat, he just didn't always have the chance to go all out with them like they did. Steve was definitely more of an all-American highway cruiser motorcyclist though.
Clint pulled up alongside Sesshomaru and his face whipped over to him, his long silver hair would probably be a tangled mess. Sesshomaru motioned to right with his head and he leaned dangerously into the turn. Clint matched him, mirroring each other perfectly. They both grazed their knees into the turn for balance. A crazy thought popped into his head.
'Loki professional pool shark, Fancy Pants professional motorcycle racer. Maybe after the invasion stuff goes down, Steve, Nat, Fancy Pants and I could go on a ride or something. I know I can probably convince Loki to join. Maybe win some bet or something. Tony and Bruce can follow behind in Tony's Audi R8 and talk about electrons or whatever.' Clint couldn't help but think about how things could be after they shove their boots down Thanos' throat.
Eventually Sesshomaru decelerated and they reached a part of the blazing Salt Flat that looked about the same as any other.
So...this was it? Clint swung his leg over his Ducati after he turned the beast off. He took off his helmet and checked his quiver to account for all his arrows. He didn't know exactly why he brought them, but he was always prepared.
The staff's severed head was cackling. Holy fuck.
"That's definitely not going to give me nightmares." Clint sarcastically pointed at the staff of two heads and Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow.
The staff then shot water from the woman's mouth onto the sand which was displaced and absorbed quickly.
"Ok, so what now? Don't tell me we gotta dig." Clint kicked at the packed salt and he watched the Demon Lord run his claws through his long hair, no doubt trying to untangle some of it. Good luck with that Fancy Pants.
"I shall dig." Sesshomaru took off his sunglasses. His golden slit eyes glinted especially bright yellow in the refracted light and Clint snorted. Of course. Dig. How?
"Let me guess, one of your swords transforms into a bulldozer, the other a back hoe." Clint challenged, about to go to fish his phone out of his pocket to radio in for some shovels or god knows what.
"It will not be they who transform. It is best you get upwind." Sesshomaru's voice took on a ragged edge and Clint looked up to see his blue youki begin to swirl and his eyes bleed red. Clint reflexively itched for his bow as his markings widened and turned jagged.
"You gonna pass gas or something?!" Clint took a few more steps back, but Sesshomaru just answered with a sharp fanged smile from a mouth that began to split open. His eyes bled fully red, pupils turning an eerie shade of teal and his claws lengthened.
'Oh shit. This can't be good. He just smiled! God I hope he never does that again. What exactly has he been hiding?!' Clint watched, awestruck and scrambled to get upwind as he figured out just why Sesshomaru was a Dog Demon. He gazed up as a massive, cream colored, furious looking dog grew in size and in horror. The fur rippled out like it had a life of its own and his paws had claws almost as long as Clint was tall.
'Ok, just when I thought I'd seen it all...nope, definitely not!' Clint's mind blanked recalled Sesshomaru helping Bruce as Sesshomaru grew into an enormous, incredibly furry, incredibly terrifying Dog with red eyes, blue moon and purple stripes flanking his jaw.
"Damn you're big Fancy Paws." He had to be over 350 feet tall and from his mouth steamed a noxious green gas. Ha, pass gas.
"I really should just keep my mouth shut." Clint finally closed his mouth, the fur boa made so much more sense. Clint covered his eyes and tamed every flight instinct in him not to bolt as the red eyes rolled over to him with interest.
Clint covered his ears as Sesshomaru let out a sharp bark and true to his nature, began to dig through the salt. Clint shrugged, whatever got the job done. He did feel a wave of awkwardness wash over him, however. Was he supposed to tell anyone about this? Clint figured Loki may know about Sesshomaru's dog form, but no one else, save Thor would. And Thor and Loki haven't brought it up.
Clint figured whatever he saw here he would run by Loki first. Only fair. Maybe Nat if she asked nice.
Sesshomaru was flinging salt everywhere and he had to hand it to Fancy Pants for telling him to get upwind. The guy could be pretty smart.
"Should have told Coulson I was taking my dog for a walk. Oh, what are you doing today Clint? Nothing, the usual, taking the dog for a walk…yeah you should see the size of plastic bag I have to carry. He puts Clifford to shame. " Clint muttered as Sesshomaru began to slow in his progress and he heard a low growl and woof.
In a ball of light, the massive dog transformed back into the silver haired priss he knew. He and the Hulk had a lot in common, but at least Fancy Pants kept his clothes.
"So that's your 'other guy'?" Clint had to ask, if this is what Demons usually looked like he was instantly glad to be in this century.
"It is my true form. Many Demons have a humanoid form." Sesshomaru explained as the last of the red cleared from his calm eyes.
"Even Jaken?" Clint had to ask.
"Yes, Jaken has a true form." Sesshomaru began to descend into the hole he dug and Clint rushed up to follow. His mind spun with Jaken transforming into a giant toad.
"You may remain here if you wish." Sesshomaru looked up at Clint with an unreadable expression and Clint flashed a wild grin. Like hell he wasn't going to see what comes next. Also, Clint got the feeling Sesshomaru didn't particularly enjoy visiting his mother, or her tomb… grave thing.
"I did not sign up to do equivalent of 'wait by the car'. Let's go Fancy Pants." Clint began to more slide than walk down the huge hole. At the bottom he could see a blue glow. Clint slipped and fell more times than he'd like to admit.
"My mother…she dislikes humans. It is wise to keep that in mind when in her presence." Clint coughed. What? Maybe it was a good thing he brought his bow.
"I'll do my best to be as inhuman as possible then. Have any spare face paint?" Clint cursed as he slipped again, Fancy Pants was making it look easy. They finally did reach a rippling, blue forcefield and Clint stood behind Sesshomaru as he walked through it as if it was no big deal.
"Again, obituary will read: master Archer, motorcycle aficionado, uncle of two, complete moron who followed a Demon Lord into an unknown Demon tomb." Clint found himself holding his breath as he stepped through the barrier and other than a slight tingle, nothing happened. He let loose the breath he held with an audible whoosh.
Sesshomaru knelt motionless on the salted earth, hands brushing away salt from an area and Clint automatically saw bones. Damn. While Clint would rather be half dozen other places than looking at the remains of his friend's mother, he was glad he came. Fancy Pants was obviously off kilter, his hands were shaking ever so slightly.
Clint didn't dare say anything, nor barely breathe and Sesshomaru picked up his mother's skull, which still had flawless silver hair cascading down from it. Clint watched Sesshomaru, his expression remained stoic as usual, if not a little pensive. He put the skull down and searched more of the area, obviously looking for something, probably the map.
"It's not here. Just as I thought." Sesshomaru finally stated, eyes hard.
"The map?" Clint asked, looking around, he didn't see anything either. It was just a small alcove of salt and blue from the barrier.
"No, the Meido Stone. It is a powerful relic that opens portals to the Demon underworld and summons Demonic spirits from them." Sesshomaru picked up the skull and stuck his fingers deep in the right eye socket.
"I'm so glad I wasn't born in whatever century where I had to worry about giant dogs and portals to the underworld." Clint just swallowed, just what did he get himself into?!
"Mother used it sparingly. Whoever in our enemy's ranks who has it now, certainly does not." Sesshomaru tweezed out from the skull a pearl the size of a maraschino cherry. Clint's stomach mixed a bit, he was just taking things from his mother's skull?
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. The Demon Demon spirit, the thing that only you and Tony can see, came from the stone? So our enemy has this stone can make more of these things?" Clint rocked back on his heels and his mouth dried out a bit.
"Summon, not create." Sesshomaru sharpened his gaze almost critically and stepped closet to Clint. "Stay alert Barton, you in due time may prove yourself critically useful in the upcoming battle." Clint opened his mouth to protest that while he didn't have magic or claws or a big metal suit he could certainly hold his own.
But then the death ray sword crackled with green lightning, the blue one glowed, and the staff cackled he lost his train of thought.
"Where are w—" The words died on Clint's lips as the pearl glowed blue and expanded around them and in a flash they were transported to a grand castle front steps high in the clouds. Clint's jaw dropped, seated in front of him, in elegant splendor was clearly the female version of Fancy Pants.
They couldn't look more alike if you cloned them.
She had the moon, and a small squiggle of magenta on her cheeks. Her hair was up, lips painted, fur draped across both her shoulders. She even had the same bored expression on her beautiful face.
"I see you brought me dinner, how thoughtful of you." Sesshomaru's mother's lips curled up and her sharp gaze landed on Clint. This was a tomb?!
'Is she referring to me? Do Demons really eat humans?!' Clint tensed, wanting to reach for his bow, but if she was a spirit could he even hit her? Clint looked to Sesshomaru who simply exhaled.
"This human is not for your consumption. He is this Sesshomaru's escort." Sesshomaru stated without missing a beat, Clint relaxed. Ok, so at least he wasn't going to get eaten.
Clint was about to introduce himself when the swords on Sesshomaru's sash began to glow, one blue, one green, and in two glowing arcs they jumped and morphed out in front of them.
The glow faded and revealed a man about his height, and a girl about Rin's age.
"Grandmother!" Clint's disbelief was palpable as the little, silver-haired girl. She had to be no older than Rin and the spitting image of Sesshomaru run up and hug the older, possibly sadistic human eating Demon woman. No. way.
"What… am I on drugs?" Clint murmured to himself. He was trained by SHIELD to know when drugs were in his system so he sort of doubted it.
"I have not drugged you, Barton." Sesshomaru, oh of course he heard that.
"I can't believe they're people. Your swords are actually people." Clint murmured again to himself and he swore he heard Sesshomaru sigh through his nose.
"Hello my dear Bakusaiga. Your father should have really brought you to me before I was slain so brutally! What did I do to deserve such a selfish and callous son?!" Sesshomaru's mother wailed and Clint could pick up the guilt trip like a backpack it was so heavy. Sesshomaru just narrowed his eyes.
"Pleased to make your acquaintance, Clint. I am Tenseiga." Clint literally jumped. He had been focused so much on the little girl, Bakusaiga, he didn't hear the other one stand next to him.
He may have made an ass of himself and gasped audibly. Standing in front of him was the perfect blend of Loki and Sesshomaru. His eyes danced with fire like Loki's, but were slit and gold like Sesshomaru's. His grin and nose were all Loki, while his build was certainly more bulky and less lithe. Though his hair was silver like Sesshomaru's it was slicked back and flipped out too the way Loki styled his. His clothes were even a perfect blend of Loki and Sesshomaru. He wore a similar get-up of Loki's armor, but in a dark blue, but Sesshomaru's parachute pants, also in blue.
The only things that didn't match were the big triangle dog ears, a lack of face paint, and his deep tan. Neither Loki nor Sesshomaru were this built or tan. Then Clint remembered what Loki said about the sword, maybe a blend of Loki and Sesshomaru's dad instead of Sesshomaru.
Clint then realized he hasn't said anything yet.
"Um, hey. Ok…I take back all that I said about you two being just swords. Maybe I should have just stayed by the bikes…." Clint found his voice and Tenseiga laughed. His laugh sounded like Loki, and his stomach hitched a bit awkwardly.
"Barton!" Bakusaiga, flung herself off Sesshomaru's mother and skidded to a halt in front of Clint. Her large, purple-lidded gold eyes shown hard, yet excited. She had the same markings as Fancy Pants only all of hers were purple and she only had one stripe. She was a cute kid, spitting image of her… Wait father?!
"I am the resplendent Bakusaiga, the grandest weapon in existence! Together with my father and that stick-in-the-mud Tenseiga, we seek greatness and power unparalleled!" Barton stifled a laugh, like father like daughter in terms of confidence levels. So, Thor was right, Sesshomaru literally made a sword-daughter. And while a lot more expressive than her father, her arrogance was right on target.
"Hey there, nice to uh, meet you. I gotta feeling if you keep up with your death ray stuff you'll be unbeatable." Barton offered, a bit awkward, Bakusaiga acted almost like an adult.
"You may witness my glory first hand! I intend to maim the shiny metal Stark. He interrupted my very first scry and he dishonored my father by rutting with another human! You enjoyed my performance against the enemy vessel correct? Convince my father to wield me against him!" Clint stared wide eyed at the girl-sword in front of him.
Oh man if she and Nat ever met….
Clint then realized what Sesshomaru meant by 'miscommunication'. Clint sighed, he really did lose that $100. He was so sure Steve and he were right, that Tony really had it for Fancy Pants bad. Guess not. No wonder Fancy Pants was in such a funk, he thought they were something that obviously Tony didn't think they were. Clint couldn't help but feel bad for the guy, even if he may have physically let Tony have it.
Clint looked down at the upset little girl in front of him and leaned down. She was looking after her dad alright. It was something he could relate to wholeheartedly.
"We'll figure something out, alright short stuff?" Clint put out his hand in a high five and she slapped it. She clenched her fists and gave a wide, fanged smile in victory
"Father, your former intended doesn't stand a chance!" Bakusaiga fist pumped and her eyes flashed like a predator about to strike. Clint chuckled a little as he saw Sesshomaru's eyebrows lift as if humoring her.
'Former intended? What in the hell did that even mean? Oh god, what did I just agree to?' Clint straightened, looking at the group around him. What sort of family reunion did he actually crash? he bounced up and down like a little kid in front of her father. While Fancy Pants didn't strike him as very fatherly, his mouth definitely crooked up the slightest bit at her antics.
"And Barton, just maybe if you learn to use your purification magic you can just turn him to ash!" Bakusaiga jumped and danced, her lips curled up vibrantly and Clint couldn't help but think that it was exactly how Fancy Pants looked when he laughed in the training room. He then paused.
"Purification magic?" Clint parroted and was ignored by everyone. Ok, no, this was not the time for everyone to ignore him, or look at him like was the moron.
"You brought a Priest to my tomb, Sesshomaru? Have you any decorum? I won't tolerate this." The hair pricked up on the back of Clint's neck as the red-eyed Demoness lunged. This was not the attention he wanted. His instincts kicked in and in record time he knocked back a standard arrow and let-er fly.
Only his jaw dropped when the arrow streamed with a muted, purple glow. So, he hadn't made up doing that to Coulson. Right?
His mother dodged the arrow effortlessly and her claws glinted green as she swiped out towards him. Ok, fuck manners, he wasn't going to let ghost mom just get away with attacking him.
And he definitely didn't need to be rescued, he could handle her himself.
He brought plucked another arrow but didn't have time to fire it before she closed the distance. Instead he moved to block her with his bow.
'If her toxin is anything like Fancy Pant's my bow is gonna get trashed!' Clint braced himself and to his astonishment the bow glowed a faint, muted purple again and repelled her claws back like a small shock.
Sesshomaru's mother stepped back, cradling her right hand.
"If I had even half the strength I used to possess, you uncultured peasant, I would fillet you and serve you to the birds of paradise!" She seethed, her pretty features contorting from her lengthened fangs.
Sesshomaru took a step forward.
"Mother enough. He has just recently tapped into his powers, no doubt a side effect of Loki's tampering magic." Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes accusingly at Tenseiga.
"My forger can hardly to blame for inadvertently awakening a dormant power within a human. Magic can have many unintended outcomes." Tenseiga replied, a smile playing on his cheeks.
"An untrained priest is a deadly one Sesshomaru. Surely you don't expect your volatile friend, the now deposed Prince Loki, to train him? If he couldn't remove a simple enchanted arrow from that Hanyou's shoulder, if he can't even control his own magic on a good day, how do expect for him to properly train a priest?" Sesshomaru's mother's voice took on a condescending tone that really started to grate on him.
"Can everyone stop talking about me like I'm not in the tomb?!" Clint had finally had enough. "What's going on with me?" He had never been much of a religious guy so he doubted they were talking about him entering seminary school.
"My third reason for bringing you here, Barton. Loki's protection spell has awoken your ancestors' purification magic within you. I intended to see how much potential you have. If you have the capability of seeing my mother's spirit and repelling her, you can do the same to spirits we may later encounter." Sesshomaru imputed. Ok, so what he was magic now? Was this some sort of test?
Did he really just bring him here to see if his mother would kill him or not?!
"My Lord, Clint is quite old to start his magic training, and his magical bloodline is quite diluted. I don't expect him to succeed in becoming powerful like the priestesses of our time." Tenseiga warned, again they were talking like he wasn't even there.
"You're such an old man worry wart Tenseiga! Who cares if Barton can't be the most powerful Priest? All he needs to do is help you get those dumb Demonic Spirits under control since I can't hit 'em. We three together are the most powerful beings in existence and that's all that matters!" Bakusaiga put her hands on her hips and everything clicked into place.
The dragon spirit Sesshomaru and Tony were talking about, they thought he could shoot them? He couldn't even see it the last time!
"So… that's what this is about. You really want me to be a ghostbuster?" Clint leaned back, studying Sesshomaru as his cold eyes gave him the up and down. If he didn't know better, which he did, he would have thought he was checking him out.
"You may suffice. It is indeed a burden placed upon you from the negligence of my mother." Sesshomaru cut the tense air with his sharp words and his mother barked in laughter.
"Oh, I just love your visits Sesshomaru. They're positively amusing." Sesshomaru's mother crossed the distance between them, burned hand forgotten. "Me? Negligent? If I died in this branch of time, what do you think happened to you? There are no Demons here, correct? And that includes you, does it not?" Sesshomaru's mother bit out. Clint held his breath unintentionally as Sesshomaru's eyes widened in realization.
"Oh yes my son. You were slain in this branch of time as well, and long before I fell. You, Bakusaiga, and Tenseiga were all massacred." Sesshomaru's mother's ruby painted lips split into a sad smile.
"When your clueless sorcerer friend took you with Asgard's magic gate, it created two realities, two branches of time. One branch is the time you are in now, in which you were not spirited away by the magic gate. The second branch, the one in which you were spirited away, is the one you currently left behind." The now calm demoness explained and Clint's head started to hurt.
"You call me negligent? Foolhardy. You abandoned one branch of time, and based on your folly and your lackluster training with Tenseiga and Bakusaiga, will die twice in this one." Sesshomaru's mother continued and her tone was really beginning to grind Clint's gears. Bakusaiga gritted her little fangs and reflexively grabbed Clint's shirt. Tenseiga's jaw dropped and took a closer stance next to Fancy Pants.
"Grandmother, father and I have worked hard. So has Tenseiga!" The little demon girl beside him growled. Clint found himself feeling oddly protective, seeing Bakusaiga's little frame tremble in anger. Grandmas were supposed to be baking cookies or at the very least not talking about them dying.
Also, Loki did the only thing he could! Loki was a lot of things, but clueless wasn't one.
He still had the arrow in his hand and with a quick movement he strung it and snapped it back. The purple glow around the arrow was brighter this time as it sang through the air before being struck from the air by a green whip.
Sesshomaru's green whip.
"Do not fall for my mother's word traps so easily Barton. You have made your point." Sesshomaru murmured impassively and turned to his mother. "Whatever befell this other Sesshomaru here in this time is none of my concern." Clint had to hand it to Sesshomaru, he could really keep his cool.
His mother just chuckled at him primly. If Clint didn't know better, but he did, he would say she looked sad.
"I refuse believe my Lord, Bakusaiga, and I will fail here, and I dislike you speaking ill of my forger." Tenseiga next to him hissed and it was then Clint realized that his nose scrunched up the same way Loki's did when he was pissed.
"Have whichever dreams and see whatever delusions you wish, I know precisely what I'm speaking about Tenseiga…don't I, son? Haven't you also seen yourself fall, not to Thanos or his minions, but to the God of Thunder and his magic using brother, Loki? Yes I speak of your forger, Tenseiga. Nothing but misfortune and tragedy awaits you three if you align with the Aesir to destroy Thanos. Bakusaiga will break, Tenseiga captured, and you will fall by the God of Thunder's hammer." Her voice took on a serious, pointed note and Clint hopped back ungracefully as Sesshomaru rushed forward unexpectedly and peered down his nose at his mother.
"Mother, what I scryed was a vision you gave me?" Sesshomaru placidly accused, but even Clint could feel his spine tingle from his simmering anger.
"Yes, and I do believe it is time that Tenseiga, Bakusaiga, and I guess I suppose even this Priest know exactly what will happen when you try to save something Thanos wants so much to destroy." Sesshomaru's mother frowned slightly as she reached up with one elegantly clawed finger and tapped the moon on Sesshomaru's forehead. Clint licked his lips as all his markings turned black and in front of him, like some magic projector, an image began to form.
His stomach churned with acid and dread, he had a bad feeling about this. Maybe he should have just waited out by the bikes.
Short but sweet chapter for Clint! It's mainly a bridge chapter between explaining some back story, and laying the groundwork for some action. Sorry about the delay, I had to change some stuff around. Thanks for all your reviews and feedback! Please let me know how you liked this one! :)