It was now Sunday. Though it was about 4 in the morning, Sam lay awake. The room was dark, silent. It was just him again. He didn't have a brother with him who would pick on him. Who would sense when he had a nightmare. Who would steal food when they were going hungry. Meal after meal. He didn't have his dad who gave him the chance at life. Who would cradle him when he gets hurt. Who loves him and can actually show it. He didn't have that right now. Hasn't in a long time. He felt so nauseous. Hunger pains were in full force now making it hard to sleep. The gnawing was eating him away. It has only been three days, yet he feels like he's starving. Weak. He feels weak because he can't stand a a few days without food. Was he seriously so addicted that he was getting upset at everything because he couldn't eat? He was mad at his brother, at his father, at the fucking world. Why does he have to be this way? Why was he chosen to be in this family? The same family that doesn't care enough to dig in deep enough to see he is withering away. Piece by piece everyday a little bit goes. He's falling and there is no one at the bottom to catch him. It's scary to think about what will happen when he finally lands with a splat. Would that just be the end of him? Would there be a Sam left over? What would his dad or brother think? He's trying to get attention? What would it take for them to listen? It's like he only has part of himself. Half a heart left. He just wants to fall asleep and never wake up. Leave the crisis up to his dad and brother. They can continue on their quest to kill the thing that murdered his mother without him. A woman he has never met, seen, smelled, heard. He didn't get lullabies, PB and Js, family photos. He never got that love from a mother. So, how should he want to avenge someone who he hasn't met? His whole life is based around a stranger. How can you miss someone you've never met?
Sam laid there just thinking. Silent tears finally broke loose. He just wanted life to change. If not, he just wanted it to end. End his suffering. End the fighting. End the killing. End the pain. End the depression. End him.
He soon fell back into a light sleep. Delirious dreams poked at his mind though he couldn't comprehend many of them. He wisked around dream world for a while. Trying to take in the fake realities for a little while, embracing the little freedom he had. It was just enough to stop the tears for a little while.
The last small dream was about his dad. He was at a bar as usual, drinking. The bar was packed and some guy fell over. That was the entire dream, but he woke up right after.
Why haven't I thought of this before?!
He should have just went looking for his dad. The only places he could be is drunk in his bed, at the bar, or in a ditch somewhere after being kicked out of a club.
First things first, Sam looked at the bed. Nope not there. The next best place was the bar. It wasn't too far from the park, they had passed it when first entering the town a few weeks back. Considering how small the town was, that was most likely the only bar they had, so, it was his best bet. The idea jumped around in his mind with excitement. Sam quickly got dressed in new clothes. He pulled on his tearing sneakers and checked the time. It was 9:46, and he knew for a fact the bar opened at 7. It would take about 35 minutes to get there, so he'd make it at about 10:15 if there weren't any complications or distractions. Sam walked into the bathroom and started to gulp down water to suppress the pain in his stomach. It didn't do much of anything, but he likes to think it had. And just like that, he started for the bar in search for his drunk dad.
Every step taken made the anger rise. The reason being his dad didn't give a shit about his kids and they suffer the consequences. A constant battle for food and love. His anxiety started to creep up as he got closer and closer. He didn't let that change his face though. His emotions weren't at the mercy of others. Those were his own, and only his own.
It didn't take too long before he was rounding the parking lot. It was packed with cars. It was barely afternoon and the entire town was there. Talk about depressing. Through the dirty cars, fancy cars, and old cars, Sam spotted his dads truck. A rough, angry laugh broke through his lips. So this was where his dad has been for the past THREE days while he scrounged for food. What an ass!
Sam took every ounce of human he had in his soul and left it on the ground as he started to walk towards the building. The moment he opened the door, the little bell rang. Everyone's attention went to him, obviously taken aback that a child was entering an adults facility. The strong stench of booze and BO attacked his face. He ignored it and started to walk in. Nearly the entire place was silenced, only a few people kept talking. Sam searched the tables for his dads familiar face. He couldn't find it, next looking on the ground. Instantly he spotted a boot. A boot that belonged to his father who was currently passed out on the dirty, unsanitary floor of a bar. That was extremely gross, did he even understand how much bodily fluids have spilled on the ground? Sam walked over to the body that was faced up. His fathers face was pale. His chest fell and rose. He was alive, that's all he could care about. Pain, eh. Breathing, okay. Sam looked down at his dad's boot and kicked it with his own foot.
" John," he said in a moderate tone. No emotion of being scared, frightened, nothing.
" John?" He question a little louder and gave a harder kick. Nothing that would hurt him though. He got absolutely not response. Sam let out an audible sigh.
" Dad!" He nearly yelled. Still silence. Some of the men shook their heads, whispering. He ignored them.
" Been out for a while," A man next to him said. Sam looked at the guy for a moment, considering this. He didn't need his dad, he just needed his hustled money. Sam leaned down and bounced on his feet searching each pocket for money. By the third try he pulled out 200 in cash. He smiled, finally he's gets to quench the gnawing in his gut. He was turning away when the bartender caught his attention.
" Hey! He has a 3 day tab he hasn't paid for," the man said not angrily, but obviously annoyed with his father. He wasn't the only one.
Sam slapped down a50.
" Yeah and I have eaten in three days," Sam growled. He didn't want to leave his dad here to just spend more money they don't have so he bend down and picked up one of his heavy booted legs. While he dragged the unconscious body of his father he could hear the whispers of bikers. Somethings like " Bastard" and "Deadbeat". None were necessarily wrong so he let them slide. He even added a few kind words himself.
Even though his dad was build like a giant, he still managed to drag the man to the truck where by some miracle was able to pull him in. The keys were left in the ignition, dumb. But he took this as a blessing so he didn't have to strip search his dad again. Starting her up with a growling engine, Sam started back to the hotel. The storm clouds had gathered and started to release its fury on the world. The rain started to pick up every minute that passed. It's not like he had his license so driving in the rain inexperience wasn't ideal but it was what needed to be done. A silent tear broke down his face. He was the kid that had to find his dad drunk off his ass and save him from going to prison. Other kids did chores. Nope, he retrieves his parent from bars. You know? The usual.
He started to breath faster, finally putting the truck in park. He ran out of the vehicle and paced in the rain. He let out a sob for the first time in forever. Years. He walked farther, to the small patch of grass right outside of their room. He started to panic. Breathing was becoming increasingly harder with every attempt. He fell to his knees, and finally onto his back. He stretched out and let the icy cold rain patter onto is clothes, soaking them in seconds. His hairs started to stick to his forehead. Bursts of sobs were masked from bouts of thunder. His tears fell just as fast as the rain. Sheets and sheets. His chest heaved. Hitching. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't do this anymore. He was done. After all the frustration building and building from keeping in his silent anger. Listening to every deafening order. He finally blew. He let it all out. The cold of the rain was nowhere near the cold in his heart. His teeth started to chatter but it didn't stop the sobs. He howled with the wind, cried with the rain, sobbed with the thunder.