Yo! Long time no see. It's been a while.
This notice is for those five lovely people who still sometimes pop in and message or review after so many years - as a thank you, and as a sorry. So yes, this is a long-time coming abandonment notice, because I looked at the past few reviews on the page and I felt sad that I never gave closure. There is one reason for this - the story doesn't come out of my fingers any more.
When I first started reading fanfic, I always wondered why authors abandoned fics so easily, and now I realised it isn't easy at all since, well, it's a choice you make in realisation that you've once put so much effort into something. It took me years to realise that this isn't something I can seriously sit down and get back into, and that does sadden me quite a lot, because this is another of those things in my childhood that can't be truly engaged back any more. The ideas, writing style, and wild-style of writing is all gone now. It's not as if HXH isn't still one of my favourite mangas of all time (it's great), it's just so much has changed, from 2009. I'm not fuelling myself from what my brain held when I was 12 anymore, and when I scan over this fic I read it like a stranger.
But I also wanted to say thank you - after getting my degree and getting a job that sometimes deals in writing, I can solidly say that writing fanfiction (starting here) and having such a wonderful, supportive community to engage with, discuss with, write with, was the driving force for why I still love writing today. If you're here because of a years old ping and a hit of nostalgia from years past, then this is for you. Thank you so much for being here. 2020 has been a wild ride, and I wish you all the best.
I'll give an official summary of what I planned (vague notes) from here:
York Shin was going to be a serious turn in the fic - Dusky would've had a major growing up arc as she realises Kurapika will never be fully reachable, and that he's not what she's always dreamed him to be. That's when she realises that something is weird with her existence. She goes to Wind.
Wind is hanging with the boys, and they go through the plot. Slowly, they realise that Dusky was a product of one of her wishes, and all her memories of Dusky are implanted by Jeb because she always wanted a 'badass' friend who liked anime because she was a lonely hospital child. That's why her brother was confused about Dusky's existence because such an impossible friend never existed in the first place.
Existential crisis ensues alongside York Shin shenanigans. A lot of death and blood, as in canon, and Wind tries to realise who she is, what she wished herself to be, and who she really is. She finally reads the pages and pages long wish she wished at first, and there're things like wishing she was smarter, braver, things like wishing she had a character growth arc too, and such like that. Wind realises that's why she's so impossible too, and why she's never thought about it because it's part of the wish (as Jeb will confirm) and she honestly wonders what and where and how she is going to go, the family she left behind, the value of her life in a world that never needed her in the first place. Killua and Gon help with friendship moments, and Dusky forgives her for wishing her this way, even though she needs a break from everything and think about who she wants to be without Wind or Kurapika.
Greed Island was my absolute favourite arc - I rewatched it so much back in the day the CD nearly got scratched, hah. I had notes on anime shots of the cards in the books, of literal chapters based on hunting cards and whatnot as Wind tries to heal and find herself too, without all the wishes that she's made. I wrote this before Alluka, the majority of the Chimera Arc, the revelation of the Dark World and everything, but basically Biscuit was going to be a Great Mentor and talk to her about the cost of Qi and Powers and such like that. Wind's powers are very strong, reality bending even, and the ongoing cost of that is of course, the ongoing loss of her whole life, her memories, her past, her identity, her access to her world. She will have to smush the power into some sort of logic that's undefined as of now, because Jeb was lazy with this part of the world-building, so that she can finally start integrating herself and her powers into HXH's meta. By building rules on matters that didn't have rules because of wishing, Wind will be able to confront and identify more of the things that the wishes have changed in her and truly find out who she is (she can't really remember) and what she might want.
Basically, the whole fic was unreliable narrator. But also with a heavy dose of 12-14 yr old writing, haha.
While all that sounds heavy, I think most of the chapters if I had written them, would also have a tonne of like, fluff and moments between Gon and Killua and Wind being a friend trio. Hunting cards, having fun in Greed Island (the game) that the anime and manga never really covered.
The anime OVA (this was before the 2011 remake) for the 1995 anime stopped here, and the Chimera Arc was only starting back then. So, I never really planned much after that. Just vague thoughts - Wind maybe breaking the rules she set and losing all the progress she's made to find her identity for the sake of Wish fuelled World-Breaking Power so that Gon/Netero/? can be saved from death or something? Dusky returning from isolation to confront this threat and face Wind again, and see if she's important to her because she's her creator, or because she's truly her friend. Alluka being hugged by more people because she deserves it, etc.
But otherwise, that's it folks. I honestly don't know if I'll ever get to it. I see the fun in these ideas, and I can see how these chapters will be shaped in my current style of writing, but, I have a job now, and two, I dredged myself up out of fanfic retirement to write a fic for another fandom (lol it's on Ao3 because the fujoshi spirit there is Strong and Called Me, and yes, it's a slowburn for a gay pairing that touched my heart) and that's taking up a lot of my time.
So genuinely, thank you. For coming all this way, for caring enough to click on this even after, what, seven years or something. I'm sure you've all grown into wonderful people, and I wish that this fic is as much a hot mess of fun nostalgia for you as well as me. Reading my 12 yr old writing is fun, cringy, and low-key sometimes surprising in it's surprising creativity, and I bet you've found better things by now ;D
Secondly, this is not directed in any way towards the community that supported this fic while it was written.
I still get pings for reviews. Only two, the most recent, have told me this fic is homophobic or depicts bi-erasure. One has told me anonymously that they hope I've 'educated' myself since then. I think that's the only review I've ever deleted in my life, lol.
No, I like to make a distinction in homophobia. One, I was not as much homophobic as much as I was literally 12 when I started writing this fic, and 2000s primary school wasn't a great LGBTQI educator. Adults back then all avoided the topic, and therefore my 12 yr old brain avoided it too. I think... it was around yr 9 that social movements truly blossomed past the strong fleet of childhood activists who want to protect their children from 'asocial' ideas, and when people told me about LGBTQI rights, I kinda thought about it for a day and shrugged and said 'ok' and moved on. I understand many people don't have such a simple journey of 'what is it' to 'oh it exists' to 'yeah that's cool', but that's mine, it is quite a bit later than this fic was written. Is this a product of its time? Yes. Will I take my time out to edit out my 12-14 yr old thoughts out of 59 chapters?
Quite frankly, no. I have better things to do with my time. If someone who does reach to chap 60 and reads politics into a fic like this and wishes me to delete it in a rage over how this is a conservative, ignorant destructive piece of fanfic to read, I may actually do so. I have so many fond memories of this fic, so many positive and inspiring moments with readers and nostalgia besides, but it's just really not worth embroiling my work, writing and current feelings into this debate. I like discussing politics in media, but I personally dislike adding politicisation into media if it's not: 1, horribly horribly offensive and 2. written with a political stance in mind, and I'd rather just... not get involved with discussions on that nature with people I do not know. Especially when this movement has become... very heated.
Genuinely, if it's uncomfortable, simply don't read. We live in a time of informational overload where many modes of media are oversaturated. I'm sure you can find something that suits your tastes.
Secondly, I know this message will probably not reach the one it is intended for. But please don't say 'I hope you've been educated'. It disturbed me not because of how it applied to myself, but it distinctly reminded me of some lovely people I know who struggled to accept more liberal values, took years to shrug off education that was very socially and morally restrictive, and still struggle with it today because of how their acceptance of liberality has impacted their relationships. Words spoken with such moral high-handedness would have never helped, and I cannot help but see such words as, and always will be, deeply unconstructive. Please be more careful with well-spoken intentions.
Otherwise, it's been a lovely journey, eleven years from the date this was posted. Thank you very much for coming and reading thus far, and I wish all of you who reach this page the very, very best. You were all the best of people that supported an awkward, new-comer of a writer with only friendliness, welcome and joy. I'm more active on archive these days under the same name. If you wish to pop by, please do so. ^^
Thank you very much.