the exponent of breath
It's later. Much later. She's on the Falcon and he's sitting on the pilot's chair but it's on automated commands so he's just sprawled back, legs up, eyes closed. Rey thinks about how he hasn't looked that serene in years; not since she met him, not during the Rebellion, rarely even now, sometimes, later.
It's much later and it's like Finn's sleeping but he's not - she almost listens for Chewie's snores which she had grown so accustomed to but does not find them, only then remembering all over again how he's with Lando, peaceful too; broken and sad and mourning and content and peaceful all at once and she feels the pang of his pain - and she lets herself look at Finn, she does that so often and it's almost weird to not have him looking back.
She reaches to him through the Force, gently, to not disturb him. Lets herself bask in his grace. Lets the stillness of him become her own. She has forgotten the last time she felt their emotions seperately, the last time she was not acutely aware of his entire presence every breathing moment. She wants to reach out with her hand, gently nudge his attention. Get a look in his tranquil eyes and feel at home. He's always looked at her like no one else ever has; like she was a place to return to. But, she lets him be at peace.
It is much later, and Rey is on the Millenium Falcon, and she is looking at Finn, and she is serene.
At the beginning, he was the only person to ever hold her hand. She felt the contact tenfold, had been so starved for the touch it took time to get used to.
At the beginning, he had told her she looked at him like no one ever has.
Sometime in their middle, but mostly throughout all their time, she had hugged him and felt a hum of something she never quite could identify.
Not until later.
Later, he opens his eyes, finds her looking at him, and it's as familiar as the feeling that spreads through his chest.
Finn smiles at her and she smiles back, teeth lightly showing between her lips, dimples on her cheeks.
"You never did tell me, you know." she says and for a moment he stills, wishes he had something to do with his hands. He wants to reach out to hold hers, but the thought of it makes his skin burn, makes him warm all over. His Force connection to her vibrates and tugs his heartstrings. He never wants the feeling to go away.
"Tell you what?" it's a weak try and he knows it. She shakes her head, her smile doesn't drop and she looks away briefly before her eyes are back on his.
"All that time ago, when we thought we would die. You said you never told me. And you never have, not since."
Finn looks down at his hands, puts his feet down on the floor of the Falcon. It grounds him. He puts his elbows on his knees, is close to her to touch but doesn't, is almost afraid to. He looks up. Doesn't know how to say it. "You know." it comes out in a sigh, comes out as a truth. His eyes don't leave hers, not even to blink.
"Tell me."
Rey doesn't deny it.
Before, she had cried, her head in his lap, and she talked about Ben. Talked about the only time she saw him smile. How he reminded her of Leia. How her chest emptied out all over again thinking about her Master. How she still saw Han die. How she held those same hands that had killed him and managed to forgive. How the Force enveloped her, told her hope in redemption is the entire point. How she had kissed him and it had felt like a goodbye she should have seen coming. She told him about the Dark Side calling to her, how she would feel tempted but pull back. How she feared herself and missed Luke. She told him of her parents, told him of the Palpatine name she cannot take but also cannot shake; how one man who is her grandfather and the one man who is her father both make her so torn about expelling her legacy and honoring it.
Before, she had cried, her head in his lap, and he had brushed fingers through her hair and listened, and he had told her how hope is the point, and he had told her that her heart is too kind and her soul is persistant light. He had told her how she does not need a last name, or how she can take any last name she wants, or how they can make one, together. Just the two of them. Just how it started; two orphans finding each other in the deserts of Jakku.
Later, but still before, she had lifted her head from his lap, tears running down her cheeks and more forming in her eyes, and she had put each of her hands on his face and caressed his lips with one thumb and his brow with another and he had closed his eyes to her touch.
"I can feel it." he had said. "I can feel the Force within living things, the Force that surrounds me, but more than that I can feel you and I felt you die and I died, too." he had opened his eyes, looked at her with tears to match her own clouding his vision of her. "You died-" his hands caress her so gently, touch light as a feather, wipe the streaks of tears down her face. "You-"
Later, but before, he had cried, his head in her lap, and she had brushed her fingers through his hair and listened.
That was before.
He leans over, puts his hands over hers. "You can feel it."
"Tell me."
"I love you." his eyes are so honest, his voice touching the core of her soul. Rey closes her eyes to the sound. He reaches up to move a strand of stray hair from her face and she leans towards his touch.
"Say it again."
He leans forward, spreads his fingers to cup the side of her face and she leaves the lightest of kisses on his palm. Their foreheads touch, she can breathe his air. "Can I-"
She kisses him, the hand in her lap that's entertwined with his gripping it tighter.
It is later, much later. He is what he hopes will never have to be a Rebel base again, in what has been left of it, in what has now been repurposed to help move on after it has helped break free. He's not sure what will turn out to have been the harder job.
"General Dameron." he greets Poe, laughter in his voice. His oldest friend hugs him, taps him twice on the back.
"General Skywalker." he greets back.
There is a ring on his finger.
It is later. Much later.
There is a string that goes from her heart to his and she can feel him through the Force.
Through the years, she thinks:
So, this is peace. This is joy. This is love. This is family.
So, this is balance.