A/N: This chapter started going into crack territories at times, so I scrapped it and tossed into an omake chapter. It was easier for me to go off the deep end and write my insane ramblings as a crack omake than it was to structure my story into a coherent piece…. There may be something wrong with me….
Well, here is the chapter. Rating has been bumped up to M since I write the full swear words out, cause I'M A HOT-BLOODED MALE.
Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail it belongs to its rightful owner Hiro Mashima
Bold: Magic being used
italicized: internal thoughts
Strawberry Cake
Chapter 2: Second Layer
The next day
"All right, now stir twice in a counterclockwise direction, while chanting 'Happy is the greatest cat in the world and I should have included him in the previous chapter' " Happy said as he read from a book.
"Happy is the greatest cat in the world and I should have included him in the previous chapter" Natsu monotonously stated as he stirred a cauldron in the middle of the Fairy Tail guild.
"Hmm, the next step says to add as much fish as you can into the cauldron, then start heating it while cackling 'Soon my pretties…. you'll be tasty for me!'"
"What in the world is going on over there?" Lucy asked Mirajane, while sitting at a bar.
"Ah… well poor Natsu blew up Erza's strawberry cake during Fairy Tails brawl last night, so he's trying to bake her one as an apology."
Lucy sweat dropped as she watched Natsu getting angrier and angrier at Happy's ludicrous instructions.
"That's… surprising, isn't it?" Lucy asked, taking a sip of her drink.
"Hmm?"
"I mean, Natsu of all people? This doesn't seem like something he would normally do, does it? Wouldn't he be more likely to respond with viole-"
"MAKE SLIME MOTHERFUCKER!" Natsu screamed and punched the cauldron with his flaming fist.
The cauldron exploded and flaming pieces of slime rained down on the guild.
"It didn't work Happy"
"That's because the proper casting is 'BAKE TIME MOTHERFUCKER!' Natsu, you have to say it properly otherwise the spell will self-destruct" Happy disappointingly said while putting the instruction manual down.
"GOD DAMMIT NATSU, WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT TRYING TO COOK SOMETHING IN THE GUILD WITHOUT ADULT SUPERVISION!" Makarov roared, bringing a giant hand down onto Natsu, effectively squashing him into a pancake shape on the guild floor.
"But Happy was my supervision!" Natsu shouted underneath the guild masters hand.
"Aye!"
"What a bunch of weirdo's" Gray said standing around in his boxers.
"HOW ARE YOU ANY DIFFERENT!? ALSO YOUR CLOTHES GRAY!" Lucy shouted
"Gah! Dam it! Why does this keep happening?!" Gray frantically started searching for his clothes.
Makarov sighed as he shrunk down to his normal form and stood behind Natsu, who was now sitting cross legged with his hands on his knees, glaring at the floor.
"Natsu, I appreciate the fact that you're trying to make things up with Erza, but could you please do so WITHOUT BLOWING SOMETHING UP!?"
"Che…yeah, whatever Gramps." Natsu grumpily stated.
"Natsu, how about you talk to Mirajane about making a cake, she's prepared many for Erza already." Natsu perked up at the suggestion and grinned.
"That's a great idea gramps! Hey, Mirajane teach me how to bake a cake!" Natsu shouted as he ran over to the bar where Mirajane was conversing with Lucy.
"Sure Natsu, let me just grab the ingredients and set up at one of these tables. I'll call you over when it's all done." Mirajane said
"Aye!" Natsu and Happy both shouted in unison.
"Mmmm… sooo good!" Erza squealed taking another bite of her strawberry cake.
"Umm miss? Will that be all?" the waitress asked
Erza motioned with her hand to shoo and took another bite of the cake, a look of pure joy adorning her face. The waitress sweat dropped and walked off to help her other customers.
Erza continued to enjoy her cake while going over the events that transpired at the guild last night.
'Maybe I should have told Natsu what was wrong'
'...but he was being annoying…' another part of Erza reasoned
'That may be true, but he was doing it for a good reason'
'Since when have you cared if Natsu was doing something for a good reason or not? Don't you usually just punish him regardless of whether something is his fault or not?' Erza froze at this thought, the piece of strawberry cake falling off her fork.
'No, no, you're mistaken. I punish Natsu, because he does something incredibly stupid or destructive to the guilds well-being.'
'You mean telling Natsu to back off was your form of punishment?'
'I…'
'It would have been normal if you had punished Natsu after he blew up your strawberry cake, but you didn't, you told him you wanted to be left alone'
Erza continued to ponder her quarry before looking down and realizing her cake was gone. Immediately the air thickened as a murderous aura started to surround her. The patrons of the café started sweating as a feeling of immense pressure started to emanate around them. One patron got up from their seat and bolted.
A sword sailed through the air and embedded itself into a wall directly in front of the person trying to escape.
"EEK!" the man shouted as he heard thundering footsteps come closer to him. He slowly craned his head and the only thing he saw was a demon.
"N& ONE G#TS TO L A^E" the entity screeched. Red hair swirling around as a dark aura enveloped it and a shining bright light emanating from within what a face would be.
"oh god we're going to die!"
"Forgive me god for I have sinned…."
"TH*ERE I# NO G D, FOR SOMEONE HERE TOOK MY STRAW* CAKE."
"FOOL MY ONCE? SHAME ON ME. FOOL ME TWICE? SHAME ON YOU. TAKE MY STRAWBERRY CAKE?
I BRING DEATH UPON YOU."
The patrons were petrified, unable to move as the demon moved across the café. Dragging its sword along the ground and creating an eerie scraping sound.
'krrrshhhhhhhhhh'
The waitress hidden behind the bar counter held her serving plate close to her luscious, supple, well-developed, lustful breasts. Her perky nipples poked out throughout her uniform in fear. Her shivering breaths caused her voluptuous mounds to sway like two buoyant diamond rocks in an ocean. Her breasts were heaven itself and any man who was lucky enough to fall within their grasp would be enraptured by coarse soft-
"HEY! STOP SEXUALIZING ME AND MOVE ON WITH THIS DAMN SCENE!"
The bartender jumped over the counter and charged the abomination. Swinging his hand down he grabbed the demon's sword and stopped it dead in its tracks.
"Erza! You ate your own damn cake and forgot!"
Everyone froze as the aura continued to emanate around the being. Slowly like a tide receding back into the ocean the feeling of death went away and what was left was a scarlet haired girl who was blushing from head to toe.
"My apologies Dylan. I have caused undue problems to you and your patrons. Please hit me!" Erza shouted while bowing her head and smacking her metal gauntlet onto her metal chest plate.
Dylan sighed heavily and placed a hand on Erza's shoulders a look of slight pity adorning his face.
"Erza… it's normal for you to get riled up if someone takes or destroys your strawberry cake. But it's not normal for you to forgot you ate it…"
"But how did you know..?" Erza asked
Dylan stared blankly at Erza before handing her a serving plate.
"… all I see is smudges of grease and is that an attempt at Avant Garde art using the stains?…."
"Whoopsie, forgot about the ol spit n'shine, let me get that for you" Dylan grabbed the serving plate out of Erzas hand.
"HRRRGHHH! URRRRKKKK! HRRRRRGGGGGHH URRRRRKKKKKKK! Man this is harder than I thought….
HHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK PATHOIE!" Dylan globbed a fat wad into the dirty rag and wiped down the serving tray to the best of his ability.
"I think I'm going to be sick…." A patron said while holding his green face.
Erza stared with a blank face as Dylan handed the tray back to her. Thanking the strange man for his cleanliness she looked at the tray. Her reflection stared back at her with globs of strawberry cream surrounding her lips. Steam rolled out of Erzas's ears as she turned bright red and meekly handed the tray back to Dylan.
"Now before you turn around and bust down my door again. How about you come on over to the bar and I'll make you a new cake and we can talk about your dilemma?"
Erza nodded before following Dylan to the bar
"Now stir clockwise three more times and say 'Love makes any cake better'" Mirajane said while standing next to Natsu as he stirred another cauldron.
Natsu flipped the table over spilling the contents all over the floor.
"STOP MESSING WITH ME AND SHOW ME HOW TO MAKE THIS DAMN CAKE!"
"okay, okay, but we're going to have start over again, since you knocked over all the ingredients." Mirajane cheerfully said.
Natsu exhaled steam through his nose and glared at Mirajane. He started to tap his foot on the ground as his discomfort started to mount.
"Now where did I put that cauldron…."
Happy flew onto Natsu's head and started pecking his pink hair.
"Caw! Caw"
"Will you stop that Happy" Natsu annoyedly stated
Happy frowned and plopped down from Natu's head. Turning to look at him a coy grin appeared on the blue felines face.
"You know Natsu. Mirajane, may be able to help you make the cake…. But she won't be able to tell you the secret ingredient…"
"What secret ingredient?"
"The secret ingredient is…."
AN: and that's all folks.
Nah, Im just fucking with you. That's it for this chapter, but I have got an outline for chapter 3 already and the story will be concluded with that.
Well I would normally add the Crack Omake's at the end, but they are almost half as long as this chapter, so I'll just upload them as separate chapter for easier reading.
I hope everyone enjoyed this dumpster fire of a semi-sane psych ward patient.
I'm out, see you in the finale.