My eyes remained on the empty road in front of me.

I went into this night thinking I was going to get engaged. Everyone was so sure of it… I was so sure of it.

What did I do wrong? Did I wear the wrong dress? Did it make me look fat? Did I use the wrong perfume? Nathan always tells me that he prefers the other one. Damn it, why didn't I use the other one? Or maybe it was because I ordered mac and cheese? He's always teasing me about it belonging to the kid's menu. Oh God, did he think I was childish?

Does he think Im not ready for marriage?

I felt the tears forming in my eyes.

I was so sure he was going to propose tonight. Everyone kept dropping these little hints. His sister, Brooke, insisted I get my nails done. His mom let it slip that he asked for the family ring last month.

I looked at my left hand, my ring finger to be exact, as it was resting on my lap. Bare. It was mocking me. Im sure of it.

"You okay there?" Nathan asked softly.

I shrugged. "Im fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You're thinking too loud."

"Im sorry…" I sighed. "I've just got a lot on my mind right now."

"Yeah? Like what?"

I bit my lower lip, contemplating whether I should tell him or not.

The night's been perfect so far—except for the fact that my left ring finger is still bare, of course. He was the perfect gentleman as always and this could easily be one of the best dates we've ever had. I don't want to ruin it.

But I don't think I can take it anymore.

I've been waiting long enough.

"Marriage, Nathan. Im thinking about marriage."

There it is. I said it.

He let out a frustrated sigh and glanced at me for the first time since we started our drive back home.

"God, Haley, this again? We already talked about this," he shook his head.

"Yes, three years ago and then we got into a huge fight. I know, Nathan, I was there." I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "But we never talk about it now. And every time I try to bring up, you suddenly remember that there's something you have to do and bolt instantly."

"We're already living together. Im committed to you as you are to me. I love you, you love me. What more do you want from me, Haley?"

"I want you to want to marry me."

"What difference would it make?" He yelled. "I don't need a fucking piece of paper to prove how much I love you!"

This time, I couldn't help the tears that fell from eyes.

I hear Nathan release a frustrated sigh as the car started to slow down. He pulled over to the side of the road.

"Baby…"

"I want to get married, Nathan. You know that. I told you that when we were just friends, way before we even started dating." I bit my lip as I tried to hold back even more tears. "Marriage is more than just a fucking piece of paper to me and you know that."

He ran a hand through his hair and leaned back on his seat, still refusing to meet my eyes.

"I know that and I understand—"

"I don't think you do!" I yelled. "We've been together for over 8 years now, Nathan! We've been together since sophomore year of college and now, you're playing in the NBA! Your dreams came true and Im so proud of you for that. Nobody deserves it more than you do but… I want a family, Nathan. I want to start a family. That's always been my dream. And I want it with you."

He finally looked at me. He reached his hand out to tuck my hair behind my ears and let his hand linger on my cheek.

This time, he spoke softly. "I know, baby. Im just not sure… I… Hales…"

"I moved away from my home to be with you here in Charlotte. I left everything and everyone I knew behind to support you pursue your dream… but what about my dreams, Nathan?"

He removed his hand from my cheek and balled it into a fist on his lap. He squeezed his eyes shut.

"Im just not ready for that."

"But will you be?"

This time, it was my turn to reach out. I cupped his cheek and leaned into him.

"Will you ever be ready, Nathan?"

Silence.

I don't know how long we stayed at that position. The only thing I could hear was my faint sobs and Nathan's heavy breathing.

I can feel my heartbeat running wild.

He grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed my palm and gave it a gentle squeeze before letting go. Slowly, he turned his face towards me and peeled his eyes open.

And then my whole world came crashing down.

He didn't say anything—he didn't have to.

I felt a whole new set of tears spring to my eyes and this time, I didn't have the strength to even try to stop it. Nathan immediately pulled me into his arms.

I used to love the feeling of his arms around me. I've never felt safer in my entire life than when he was holding me. But now… now, I just don't know.

"What's gonna happen to us, Nathan?" I whispered as I buried my face deeper into his chest, searching for that feeling. Hoping to become safe again.

I felt him inhale a deep breath as he tightened his hold on me.

"I love you."

"And I love you too." I wrapped my arms around his neck and continued to sob in his chest. "But this isn't just about that anymore. I need to know what's gonna happen to us. Are you gonna want to be married and have kids someday or is this all we're ever gonna be?"

"I wish I could tell you what you wanna hear…"

"I want to hear the truth."

"I… I love you. I don't know what else to say."

I pulled away and looked up at him. His eyes containing his own pool of tears.

I wiped my tears away and took a deep breath. "I saw the ring last night."

He immediately sat up straighter. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it back almost instantly.

"You just got back from your practice and left your gym bag on the floor. I was gonna do laundry while you were in the shower so I was going to get your dirty clothes but I found the ring instead. I saw the ring, Nathan. Your grandmother's engagement ring."

He ran a hand through his hair again and leaned back on his seat, tearing his gaze away from me and turning towards the empty road in front of us instead.

"I was going to do it tonight," he spoke softly. "But I… I couldn't do it. It's not you, Haley. It's me."

I couldn't help but snort at his words while he cringed as soon as it escaped his lips.

Then suddenly, it hit me.

That was the generic break up line.

Oh my God.

"I didn't mean it like that, baby. It's just… marriage isn't for me…" He began explaining all the reasons why he doesn't want to get married, why he didn't believe in marriage, why he's not ready to become a father, and why he's never going to want to be a father.

But I couldn't hear anything.

His previous words still ringing in my ears.

It's not you, Haley. It's me.

It's not you, Haley. It's me.

It's not you, Haley. It's me.

What the fuck does that even mean?

I didn't understand it on shows and movies and books and I, most especially, do not understand it now.

Our love story was nothing too extraordinary but it was loud. We met at our freshman year at Duke where he was the star basketball player and I was a tutor. He needed higher grades to remain eligible to play and I was assigned to tutor him. We started out as friends then we began hanging out outside of studying. Inevitably, crushes developed. Nathan insisted that we try dating and just like that, the fireworks began.

Grand gestures were present on all occasions. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays. I'd show up to all his home games in his team's jersey with Scott on the back, the number 23 painted neatly just below the corner of my right eye, my hair tied with ribbons of his team color. He'd throw a wink in my direction every now and then and point to me after every three pointer he makes. He'd fetch me after my classes, every time that he can. He would even come in to greet my students whenever he was early.

Our beginning was roaring and up until this point, it still was. I just never thought our end would be this quiet. This silent.

Our end.

I don't even have it in me to say it out loud.

I gathered all my courage to look up at him once again. His eyes searching my face, waiting for a response, for me to say something. Anything.

Once again, I wiped my tears and took a deep breath. I reached for the hand curled into a fist resting on his lap. I held it in mine tightly. Tighter than I ever had before.

"This is all we're ever going to be, isn't it?" I whispered.

He squeezed me hand. "Im sorry."

Well, shit.

"Yeah," I gave him a sad smile, "me too."

We stayed just like that as if we were frozen in time. Until he decided to break it and lean forward to give me a kiss on my forehead.

His lips remained there for so long, I lost track of time. I felt his tears falling on my face and I held his hand tighter.

I knew his kiss would linger even after this night. Even after he's long gone.

He pulled back and sad smiles were exchanged. After one more squeeze, he let go of my hand and started driving again.

I leaned back on my seat and watched as we passed by the town I called home for the past six years. But I never belonged here. I knew that.

I just belonged with him.

Belonged.

Not anymore.

I squeezed my eyes shut as I let my tears fall again.

Just like that, our time was up.

8 years and a half of hoping and waiting.

8 years and a half and I couldn't change his mind.

8 years and a half and he still won't marry me.

8 years and a half down the drain.

8 years and a half that I would not trade for anything.

8 years and a half… was a really long time.

I should've just kept my mouth shut. Damn it.