AN: Here's some alternate scenes from chapter 2. I'm sure most normal authors wouldn't post their riff tracks of their works, but fuck it, why not? If this gets even a slight chuckle out of anyone, I've done my part.

Crack Omake # 1:

'You mean telling Natsu to back off was your form of punishment?'

'I…'

'It would have been normal if you had punished Natsu after he blew up your strawberry cake, but you didn't, you told him you wanted to be left alone'

'I wonder why that is…'

'I dunno, isn't that why we're having this internal monologue?'

'I can't believe I'm sitting in a restaurant having a conversation with a voice in my head about what I did last night'

'Schizophrenia?'

"NOT HELPING!" Erza abruptly shouted at the top of her lungs. The patrons in the restaurant all jumped in their seats and stared at Erza in alarm.

Erza blushed and started eating her cake again to drown her embarrassment.

'Very smooth'

A tick mark appeared on Erza's forehead and she angrily thought 'Can you please leave?'

'HA! Good one Erza, yes, tell yourself to leave, that's the kind of intelligence I expect out of Natsu, not the great Titania of Fairy Tail, let me just gain sentience and walk away, KIND OF LIKE HOW JELLAL LEFT YOU!' Erza 's fork snapped in half and she gritted her teeth as a murderous aura started to surround her.

'I don't know who you think you are, but get the hell out of my head!'

'I told you, I'm you! The entire point of this was to show us going back and forth discussing the unusual actions you did last night, but you squandered that by questioning the voice in your head, LIKE ANY NORMAL SANE PERSON WOULD DO! But how else are we supposed to show the internal struggle of a character?'

'Maybe show them trying to rationalize their actions?'

'But that would lead you to convince yourself that you were right in telling Natsu off, you see thinking to yourself is an entirely normal thing to do, however, we're on a time constraint here and this needs to be sped along. …So what's more entertaining than having a voice constantly question the thoughts and actions of a character? Thrown in some sarcasm and you're golden!'

'I'm getting a headache' Erza thought to herself

'How original…'

'Text is a poor form to convey sarcasm, voice-in-my-head-kun'

'GAH! Stop it with that cutesy talk!'

'voice-in-my-head-chan?'

'…'

'I can keep going if you want.'

'Fine, I'll leave, it's time to go check on what Natsu is doing anyway.'

"WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS SCENE THEN!?"

"Now stir clockwise three more times and say 'Love makes any cake better'" Mirajane said while standing next to Natsu as he stirred another cauldron.

Natsu flipped the table over spilling the contents all over the floor.

"STOP MESSING WITH ME AND SHOW ME HOW TO MAKE THIS DAMN CAKE!"

"okay, okay, but we're going to have start over again, since you knocked over all the ingredients." Mirajane cheerfully said.

Natsu exhaled steam through his nose and glared at Mirajane, before he signed and asked "Hey, why are we using this cauldron to make a cake anyway? Aren't cakes usually, you know, baked in a kitchen or something?"

Mirajane quickly spun to face Natsu, a look of horror crossing her face, before tears started to cascade down her cheek. Natsu, now alarmed at the rapid change of emotions displayed in front of him was about to ask what was going on before Mirajane chokingly said,

"Natsu… you asked a reasonable question… YOU'RE GOING OOC!"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?" Natsu shouted.

"OOC, means out of character, it's a term used in many fan fiction summaries to describe a character that usually does actions or has a personality that is very different than the one in cannon, more often than not it's done so the author can make a character more interesting or project themselves onto said character and get tons of babes…. Wait… WHY THE HELL DO I KNOW THIS!?" Lucy screamed to the ceiling.

"Natsu, you're the lovable goofball who always blows things up in the guild, the guy shouting 'I'M ALL FIRED UP!' before punching an enemy in the face so hard they burst into flame, the guy who gets all the babes, the guy who I or any other female in this guild will immediately throw themselves at when his 'hidden' inner power is released, the guy who I'm already starting to fall for, don't you see Natsu? You showing signs of intelligence means that this is going to head in that direction and I DON'T WANT TO BE A PART OF THAT ANYMORE!" Mirajane finished while collapsing onto the floor.

"….okay…okay…umm….I LIKE FISH AND PUNCHING BAD MEN IN FACE!"

"Now it just sounds forced… " Mirajane sulkily said

"Can we please just get on with this and bring us back to some semblance of normalcy?" Natsu exasperatedly stated.

"Anything for you dear." Mirajane seductively said.

"Shit….ummm…please help me make this cake?"

"Okay"

Crack Omake # 2

The patrons were terrified. Their fear was coming true. A demon was coming toward them with vengeance on its breath. No one could move, but one man stood up. One individual who had logic and reasoning on his side. One person who's undeniable reasoning could quell this foe.

He stepped forward and shouted, "I bring light!" and bright light waves shone form his hands.

The patrons watched in awe as it washed over the demon.

It screeched and fell to the ground clutching it's head in agony before the aura dissipated and a naked girl with long red hair was laying on the ground.

The man walked forward and draped his cloak over her shoulders.

"wh-who-who are you?" the mysterious red-haired girl with metal armor, brown eyes, a symbol on her left arm in the form of a fairy, steel gauntlets, a blue skirt and black boots asked after the attire mysteriously appeared on her in addition to the man's cloak.

"That's not important young lady. What's important is that the demon no longer has possession over you. Science… has won yet again." He tilted his hat at the girl and walked out the door.

The patrons and the mysterious girl with red hair, a heart-kruz armor set and a sword watched in awe as light shone down from the heavens above. One detail remains to be unseen in this little drabble though. The man's name had incredible power, so no one ever spoke of it. People dubbed him the "light-bringer" and his journeys across magnolia enraptured the hearts of many.

Not all of them were of the savory type though. Many miscreants tried to tarnish the science man's reputation, but his followers stuck by him ardently. Singing his praises for years until his untimely passing. His funereal was a quiet affair as he lived a quiet life. The mysterious girl now named, Erza, for simplicity sake was at the funereal. In his dying request he stated that his tombstone read as so.

'Here lies the greatest scientist ever known to man. His magic and work astounded all… and his name…..was…

ALBERT EINSTEIN