March 2018
"Are you happy in here, Andrea?"
Ahn Jungwon, former doctor, now a priest candidate, sits across Pastor Lee, his supervisor. It has been three months since he left Yulje hospital, his friends, and his dear mother. It has been three months since he left the nurses, his brilliant (former) colleagues, and other wordly things.
It also has been three months since he left she-who-must-be-forgotten.
"Of course I'm happy, Pastor Lee. I do not have any reason to be unhappy. My room is comfortable, I'm never hungry, and all of you have been treating me well," answered Jungwon.
Pastor Lee doesn't answer immediately. He's staring at Jungwon whle rubbing his chin with his fingers.
"Well, I'm glad that you're...content with you situation," says pastor Lee, "but, I feel some doubt about your commitment here. No," says Pastor Lee while putting his hand to stop Jungwon from interrupting him, "I and the other pastors do not have any complaint about your studies. You are a brilliant student, indeed. It's just, sometimes you have this faraway look at your eyes, as if you're thinking about something else. Then, sometimes I feel you punish yourself by drawing yourself away from the world. Is there something I should know, Andrea?"
Ahn Jungwon can not answer that. No, surely he lets a certain doctor distracting him. It has been three months since he left the hospital, and six months since they talk. Really, it is just impossible for him to still think about Jang Gyeoul. Well, perhaps there is that one time when he suddenly wonders whether she already eats or not. Also, that one time he suddenly thinks if she still wears that lip tint. But no, other than those two (and more, actually, not like he will admit that) occasions, he never thinks about Gyeoul. There is no reason to, and he's not going to the thought of her shakes his determination to be true to God.
"Perhaps I am a little bit distracted, Pastor Lee. But let me assure you, I will not be distracted again after this. I apologize for the inconvenience."
"Oh, it is no inconvenience, and you do not have to apologize to me," said Pastor Lee while waving his hand. "But, are you sure that you will not be distracted again, Andrea?"
"Yes, Father Lee. I have confidence in that," said Jungwon with a confident nod.
"You know Andrea, I really admire you determination to be a priest, and becoming a God's follower. But becoming a priest, especially a Catholic priest, has many challenges, that understandably can not be overcome by everyone. You do not have to be a priest to worship God too. Being a part of community and spreading His words, are examples of worshipping God too. But, I see for now that you are so determined to become a priest."
Pastor Lee stands up from his chair then paces back and forth slowly. He seems in deep in his mind, so Jungwon decides to not interrupt him. Pastor Lee suddenly stops then looks at him.
"Andrea, you do agree that worshipping and following God, can be done in non-priestly way, right?"
"Right, Pastor Lee, but I really want to be a priest. I have wanted it for a long time now."
"Would you like to lend a hand in something that doesn't directly involve a church? I just remember that a friend of my sister asks my help about this."
Actually, Jungwon has some apprehensiveness on what this "help" entails. He doesn't think he will like with whatever Pastor Lee's plan is, considering he really doubts on Jungwon's commitment. But, he believes in Pastor Lee. Pastor Lee is, after all, an exemplary priest with many experiences.
"I would like to help if I could, of course."
"Good. So my sister's friend is a part of a program called Doctors Without Borders. Do you know anything about it?"
"I join it for about a year."
"Oh, excellent! You have some experience in that! Anyway, he said that he needed another doctor, especially a pediatrician doctor, as they're understaffed. Last time he said, there is another Korean doctor working for him, but she's still young and more experienced in adult general surgery. He's been looking for a pediatrician doctor, but has no luck. You were a pediatrician doctor, weren't you?"
"Yes, I was. But are you sure to send me with your friend's sister? Wouldn't that make me more distracted?"
"Well, you're the one who is so sure about becoming a priest. Surely if you are so determined, you will not be swayed just because you help someone in medical practice, right?" Asked Pastor Lee with a twinkle in his eyes.
"Where does he need the pediatrician doctor be stationed?"
"I do not remember, I think on a small island of Indo? India? Well, I will ask him about it again, if you're really sure about this," said Pastor Lee as he's going back to sit on his chair.
"Andrea, I will not force you to do this. I merely see this as an opportunity to help you reaffirm your decision. I want you to be a priest because this is truly what you want, not because you think this is what you want. Maybe you will not find the answer immediately, or you will want to postpone your decision. Whatever the aftermath will be, I will not be mad at you, Andrea."
Jungwon sits on silence for a while. Does he miss the action of doing chest compression and checking the poo of babies? Not so much. He doesn't miss the stress of having a dying patient or giving a bad news to distressed parents. He misses the feeling of directly helping people, though. And as this person clearly needs a doctor, and he had experiences on being a doctor, why not? Maybe this is God's way of using him as a doctor before he completely becomes a priest. Maybe this is his last chance to use his talent to save people. Yet, he needs to go back to Seoul to resolve something first.
"Do you mind if I talk with my friends and family first before I make my decision?"
July 2018
It has been four months since that conversation, and now he arrives at Lombok, Indonesia. It is a small island in Indonesia, quite close to Bali, surprisingly. Jungwon quickly demolishes the small bitter thought that he doesn't get to visit Bali with his mother. Jungwon is only a bit disappointed that this area is dominated by Muslims, and Christians are basically the minority here. However, he quickly cheers up by the fact that he will stay near a parish.
He doesn't know much about his fellow Korean doctor. Frankly, he also doesn't ask much about her. He's just happy that he can speak with his native language with two people. He, of course, is fluent in speaking English. But nothing beats on speaking with your mother tongue.
He was picked up by a fellow staff named Debora. She just laughed at his surprise on her being a Christian. She explained that while Indonesia has the highest number of Muslims, Indonesia also admits six official religions.
"The Korean doctor is sorry that she doesn't get to pick you up. As she is only one of two doctors that specialized on general surgery, they are quite busy. I have to say," said Debora with a little chuckle, "she seems only slight happy with the idea of another Korean doctor. I have to warn you that the Korean doctor can be...a little bit eccentric? But she is definitely not a bad person, I assure you. She's a very hardworking doctor, although can be a bit rough around the edge."
Huh, doesn't that sound like someone. Jungwon is calmed by the face that there is very small chance that that person is here with him, too. That person doesn't strike him as a person who does this kind of thing. Although she was brave enough to pick maggots and chase a suspected absure, and oh, can be a wild card too, whispered Jungwon's traitorous mind.
"Oh, we're here already. Here, let me help you with your stuffs."
After she helps him with his stuffs, Debora takes him around to meet the staff. There's Astuti, a native midwife, Addison, obstetric surgeon, John Carter, an American emergency physician, Siti, the treasurer, secretary and occasional logistician, Fadil, the supply logistician guy, Made and Mei, nurses, Debora turns out to be a psychiatrist and human resource girl, Park Shi On, Pastor Lee's friend, is the IPC (Infection, Prevention, and Control) Manager, and Aamir, the pharmacist.
"I thought there are two Koreans here?"
"Oh, you must mean my partner, Doctor Jang," said Doctor Carter. "She's probably cooking noodle now, she just finishes her rounds."
"She is also called Doctor Noodle. If someone says something about Doctor Noodle, whom they meant is Doctor Jang," said Debora.
Doctor Jang?
Jungwon just keeps walking with Dr. Debora and Dr. Carter calmly. But he can feel his hands start sweating. And oh, how loud his heart beats! There is a growing trepidation inside his heart. Suddenly, he can see a doctor with a medium hair who is eating a bowl of noodle. Surely there is a lot of general surgeon with Jang as a surname from Korea, right?
"Ah, there she is! Doctor Jang, come here, this is Doctor Ahn Jungwon, he's also from Korea just like you!"
Doctor Jang turns her body. Their eyes meet, and Jungwon freezes. Doctor Jang is the Doctor Jang. Jang Gyeoul. Gyeoul. Long winter. The only woman whose eating out request he rejected. The only non-familial and non-patient woman whom he thinks about a lot. And the only he thought about at the seminary.
"We know each other," Jungwon blurts.
Both Dr. Debora and Dr. Carter widen their eyes excitedly and turn to Gyeoul.
"Really? Why, you never tell us Dr. Jang! You must be happy to meet someone you know from Korea! Are you guys or close friends?" Debora asks.
"Oh, no, we're definitely not friends. He was one of my mentors in the hospital I worked at. But again, we're not friends," Gyeoul says, "though it is good to see you again, Professor Ahn," Gyeoul says while bowing.
Jungwon can only bow to her.
"Ah, you're not close? Huh, it's a shame, I thought there would be scandalous gossips or something," muttered Dr. Debora. She is quite disappointed with that knowledge. She's been so sure that Dr. Ahn and Dr. Jang have some sort of history, based on his reaction to her. Perhaps, she just reads too much of his reaction.
Debora is not the only one who's disappointed. Jungwon is disappointed too, on how fast Gyeoul denies that they were friends.
It is the truth, but a very unpleasant one.