December 2017

It's a Monday morning, and for the first time in several years, Jang Gyeoul does not have to rush to the hospital. She already asked Ikjun for a day off last night. He didn't probe, but he understood that she was so upset that she had asked for a day off. The other GS professors assumed she was sick, and they wished for her speedy recovery. She feels a bit guilty in leaving her GS team, but she knows she can't work with a condition like this.

She can't feel anything but hurt. It's worse than being rejected for a dinner invitation or being lied too. Last night, Ahn Jungwon said explicitly that he never saw her as more than his mentee. She thought that she saw those little signs for sure. The choco pies, the little glances she swears she could feel, his odd reaction of her dating news, and how he greeted her informally. She even thought perhaps his indifferent and slightly aloof way toward her was because she was different than any other girls he has known. But no. There is nothing between the lines. He is indifferent toward her because he never has any feeling toward her. She only projected her wishes on his reactions and actions.

She has no one but herself to blame on her heartbreak. She can't even blame Prof. Lee Ikjun, she understands that everything he has done is for what he thought is the best for both her and Prof. Ahn Jungwon.

For today, she just wants to pity herself. She will be listening to Beck's "Everybody's Got to Learn Sometimes" and bawling while watching "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" for the nth time.

July 2018

"There is actually a beautiful waterfall around this district, but I don't think you would enjoy it since it will be dark around there. Is it okay if we just walk around here?"

"I'm alright with wherever you want to take me."

So they decide to just stroll around the village. It is a warm and quiet night. There are still several people selling food and eating. Some even sell exotic fruits that Jungwon never sees.

"Dr. Ahn, if you want to buy food or something else you can just tell me. I bring enough money to buy them," said Gyeoul.

"It's alright, I'm full already," replied Jungwon. He then smiles as if he remembers something. "Shouldn't you the one who buy those fruits? Between us, you're the one who eat and love food more anyway."

Jang Gyeoul is surprised by his sudden familiarity and warmness toward her. She can't help but widening her eyes and stay silence. Jungwon notices her reaction.

"I'm sorry if I offend you. My comment doesn't intend to be offensive. It's simply my observation," said Jungwon.

"Oh, no, it's alright. If you don't mind me asking, Dr. Ahn, why are you here? I thought you're in Italy, for the seminary."

"Ah, Dr. Park here is a friend of my mentor. He asks for his help regarding this. Pastor Lee, my mentor, feels that I would've waste my talent if I hadn't helped him. So, here I am, I guess."

"That's very kind of you, Dr. Ahn."

Jungwon only thanks her for that comment. They continue their strolling with Gyeoul's occasional comment about their surrounding. It is a village, so there's only a few cars passing by. The air is quite clear though, and the moon is visible.

"Dr. Ahn, considering our history...I - It's fine if you are not comfortable working with me. Really, I can ask Dr. Park so we don't have to share the same shift. At least not often."

"Dr. Jang, I honestly feel happy working with you. You are a very dedicated doctor of course. It will be a pleasure to work with you," said Jungwon. He pauses for a few seconds before he gives her an uncertain look. "However, if our history makes you uncomfortable, I will also be fine with whatever arrangement you have in mind."

So that sudden warm attitude means nothing after all. He is indifferent and unaffected with the idea of working together with me, Gyeoul thinks. She is happy that he sees her as a dedicated doctor, even ignores their awkward history. On the other hand, she also feels slight disappointment that he never feels anything with said history. She berates herself for failing to bury her feelings about him, even after his explicit rejection and separation.

"Dr. Ahn, I'm happy to work with you again."

If only she knows how her words affect him.

December 2017

Jang Gyeoul eats a very hearty buddae jiggae with her brother in her house. She craves a homey and hearty food to heal her broken heart. She decides to cook buddae jiggae with her brother. She uses egg, spam, green onion, sausages, instant ramyeon, kimchi, and chilli powder. It is delicious, filling, with a bit of kick from the chilli powder. She knows it is a meal that's usually eaten for three people, but damn it, she just needs food to heal her heart. She ends her meal by drinking the broth from her bowl.

"Wow, you're that hungry huh," her brother blurts.

She doesn't answer her brother comment and just continues drinking her broth.

"Do you never eat at the hospital or something?"

"I do eat, but sometimes I eat so fast that I can't enjoy the food."

"How is your work, by the way?"

They chat about their work life for a while. It's her brother who mostly talks. It's always been that way since they were children. So it's not surprising that her brother ends up becoming a car dealer. He knows how to use words from a young age.

Whilst his sister is a quiet and introverted person, she also has her own quirks and interests that can surprise other people. She's an ARMY who has cried because of BTS more than once. It's a shame Junsu didn't record her for blackmail stuffs. Despite her slender form, she loves food so much that she can eat two Eggdrop's sandwiches in one sitting. She sometimes also enjoys non-mainstream movie, hence why she loves watching "The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind". She has high curiosity since childhood, and is not afraid much of anything.

She has focused on studying and working so much that she never has any real experience of dating and relationship. Sure, there's a one-two crush and blind date, but never anything serious.

Until now, at least.

"So...how about that guy from your work? The one who stood beside you a few times when I picked you up? I have to say, not a bad catch, noona!"

His sister only puts down her utensils. Her eyes look sad and she hangs her head down for a while.

"He will be going to Italy to become a priest around this month. He doesn't like me anyway," mumbled Gyeoul.

Junsu feels bad for his sister. It is not everyday her sister likes someone. Based on her expression, this one hits her deeper than any previous crushes. Junsu is definitely not blind. He can see how her sister smiles just by looking at that guy's pictures in her phone. One time, she giggled at a freaking choco pie for some unknown reason. A freaking choco pie. She has hummed BTS' "Just One Day", when it's not even her favorite song.

Whoever that guy is, he surely softens his stoic yet good noona. It's a shame that he doesn't reciprocate her feelings.

"I'm sorry, noona."

"It's okay. I will surely forget him. Well, maybe not tomorrow. But soon."

Junsu reaches out to hold his sister's hand. "Noona, I'm sure you will meet a better person in the future anyway."

I don't want someone "better", I want him.

Author's Note: anyone else still alive after episode 10? :p