The phone in his hand had been softly, rhythmically vibrating for several moments. And yet, he couldn't bring himself to press either of the buttons that were lit up as options for him. One to answer, one to deny. The caller ID was blocked, but only about ten people had his number and half of them were taking up space in the quinjet with him. Deep down, he knew who it was.
Before, he had been looking forward to this moment. The moment when she finally returned his countless voicemails. He imagined what she would say, what he would say and the countless directions the conversation would take. He could be angry, upset, forgiving, or whatever else came to mind. But at that moment, with his phone vibrating in his hand, he didn't feel any of what he had felt in the past. All there was, was dread, and a little bit of confusion.
Not that he dreaded talking to Q, it was just that he dreaded hearing the impact of whatever happened to her, and learning what they did to her in the Hydra facility. He wasn't prepared to handle that quite yet.
And the confusion came second; why was she calling him now at all times. She had plenty of time before to give him a call back - and get a quicker response than the slow reaction time it was taking him then.
That being said, his slow reaction time caught up to him. The call, as quickly as it appeared on his screen, disappeared. Screen turning dark, Steve immediately swiped his finger over the surface to light it up again. There was no sign of her missed call nor any voicemail he could listen to. She had made the decision for him and hung up. Damnit.
Almost instinctively, he went to call her back, only to be distracted by JARVIS' voice alerting them to how they were arriving back at the Avengers tower. He moved from his seat and crouched down near Tony's pilot seat to slip his phone into one of the pockets of his duffel bag. There wasn't any time to call her back at the moment. It would have to wait until later.
Once landed safely on the dock, the quinjet's ramp lowered. Clint was taken off first, with Nat by his side along with a team of Helen Cho's assistants and Bruce behind them. His wound took precedence over everyone else, which was more than understandable. Thor ambled off next, the case with the scepter tucked under his arm and hammer in the other hand. As he walked off, Maria Hill walked on, already summarizing what was happening at the Tower. A role he could see Q fitting perfectly in, if she ever decided to come home. Maybe that's why she was calling. He couldn't think about that now, though, not with Maria coming toward him.
"What's the word on Strucker?" he pushed out of his crouch and took his duffel with him. He had been wondering what happened to the man he had left in the back of the van after getting zero answers as to what he did to Q.
"NATO's got him." Maria answered sounding almost disappointed by it. In truth, Steve was too; NATO made him untouchable. The Avengers operated outside the government, meaning while they were able to help anyone anywhere, it made things a bit tricky when it came to what happened after they caught the bad guys. Usually they were shuffled off to whatever foreign national government there was - or, in this case NATO. Steve wouldn't be getting anymore answers on Q anytime soon. At least not from von Strucker.
"The two enhanced?" he walked over to her, both of them turning to walk off of the quinjet. Maria tapped at her tablet as she did, pulling up their information.
"Wanda and Pietro Maximoff. Twins." she passed off the tablet which was now displaying a video of the pair of siblings she named. The woman looked familiar, the man not so much; that might be because he didn't really get a good look at him…
"Orphaned at ten when a shell collapsed their apartment building." she explained while he let the video of them at some sort of rally play. They were speaking some foreign language that Steve didn't understand, but based on the signs it looked to be about peace and war, "Sokovia's had a...rough history." The phrase she used made it clear that the country had been at war for what probably was forever, "It's nowhere special, but in a way, it's on the way to everywhere special." she compared and contrasted as they walked into the Avengers tower itself.
"And their abilities?" he needed to hear more about the twins rather than the history of Sokovia. If the twins had been experimented on by von Strucker in the same way Q had, then maybe that meant she had some sort of abilities as well. He hoped not, only because he thought she was perfectly strong enough, fast enough, smart enough, and whatnot in her own way.
"He's got increased metabolism and improved thermal homeostasis. Her thing is neuroelectronic interfacing, telekinesis, mental manipulation." she reported with a motion of her hand that was similar to the one Wanda made when the red tendrils of energy slithered out of her fingers.
Stopping in front of the elevators, Steve looked at Maria for a more simplified description. All the things she said sounded like stuff out of the video games Dawson played or the movies he showed Steve. The real superhero stuff, apparently.
"He's fast and she's weird." Maria plainly put it. That much Steve could understand. He nodded, pulling the corners of his mouth down as he looked back at the tablet to take one last look at the twins' information.
"Well, they're gonna show up again." he commented, handing back the tablet to Maria with one hand and pressing the elevator button with the other.
"Agreed. File says they volunteered for Strucker's experiments." While her voice was level, he could hear the hint of disbelief in her tone, "It's nuts."
"Right," he couldn't help but make a joke, "What kind of monster would let a German scientist experiment on them to protect their country?" he rose his eyebrows at her before pressing the button for the entrance level for the living quarters. She fixed him with an unamused look,
"We're not at war, Captain." she reminded him of the situation he had been in when he chose to take the serum.
"They are." he pointed out with a defiant lift of his chin. The elevator doors began to slide shut, but Maria quickly snaked her hand out to stop them. His brow twitched in confusion, but she ignored it to hand over her tablet.
"JARVIS scanned and saved every database from the facility. Video footage, files on volunteers..." she trailed off, keeping her eyes locked on Steve's and he tried not to react, "You might want to take a look at this." she said as if she knew something he didn't. He took the tablet from her with a heavy hand, already dreading what he would find.
"Thank you, Maria." he gave her a curt nod as she stepped back from the elevators and let the door close between them.
As the elevator pulled him down to the living quarters' entrance, the tablet in his hands seemed to get heavier. There was an added weight now, knowing what was on there. He didn't dare look down at the screen, as if scared that the image on it would be something related to Q and the trauma she went through - even though it was only a black screen. From the way Maria spoke, it sounded like she had already pulled up the supposed folder he was supposed to see. But he wasn't quite sure he wanted to. It would just confirm the fact that something truly horrible had happened to Q and he wasn't around to stop it or save her. The only solace he found was that she had to be alive, right? She had called him after all…
Dropping his duffel by the entranceway and the tablet on the small table against the wall, Steve let himself relax slightly once the door behind him was shut. He was back on his personal, private level with no one there to bother him except his own thoughts. For a short while, Q was the only other person on the floor - greeting him warmly whenever he got back from whatever Avengers mission he had to go on. Ready to order pizza or takeout and help him decompress from his missions by talking or not talking. So when she first disappeared on him, it was hard to come back from missions. His heart still thought she would be there waiting for him, while his brain was smart enough to know that she wasn't.
Only a few months ago did he finally pack up Q's things that they had moved into the tower when she had decided to live with him. If unpacking the boxes from his New York apartment into his DC apartment was hard, packing up her things was much harder. His things were from a past long gone that he could never get back, while her things (or the things they shared) were from a past he could've kept as his present if he had just tried a little harder or noticed something a little sooner. Her things ranged from clothes that still smelled like her to small trinket items from random date nights or little gifts he had brought back from missions. Stuff she apparently didn't deem worthy enough to take with her when she left. For a while, a part of him thought it was her way of saying she would be back. She had to come back to get the rest of her things and maybe he would have a chance to convince her to stay. But time went on and he was proven wrong yet again; she never reappeared.
Though her things were out of sight, they were still in rather large boxes which took up a dedicated corner of the living room. He didn't know where else to put them. Not wanting them to go into the tower's storage with all of Tony's old Iron Man things or whatever else was down there. He wasn't sure if she had a storage unit either, but figured she did since she hadn't brought everything that had been in her DC apartment. He just didn't know where it was. And he couldn't bring himself to get rid of the boxes either, the same - now smaller, part of him still holding onto the smallest amount of hope that she would come back. So he kept her things in the boxes in the corner of the living room, trying not to look at the small tower every time he walked into the room.
The tablet was left on the table while he walked through the apartment, going through his post-mission routine: showering off the blood and dirt of wherever he had been, redressing himself in plainclothes, feeding himself and then settling at the table to journal his post-op thoughts. Since he didn't have Q to talk with after every mission anymore, he had turned to journaling, finding it the best way to organize his thoughts and make it easier on himself if he needed to make a report for whomever requested it.
Doodling the outside architecture of the facility in the corner of the page, his thoughts continued to turn back to Q every time he tried to write about the details of the op. He got the basics down in brief bullet points, but he couldn't bring himself to write about what he had found inside the facility. The parallel to how Red Skull's facility looked when he saved the 107th was there and made his chest tighten when he thought about it. The glass boxes where volunteers were kept (trapped), were like the cages he had found dozens upon dozens of men locked in. The chairs with straps that reminded him so much of the one he had found Bucky tied to. Then there was just the general eeriness that settled in the air that made a shiver go down his spine; something bad had happened there.
As he continued to jot down his thoughts about the mission, the weight of the tablet was starting to settle on his shoulders - even though it was all the way across the room. He could see exactly what happened in the facility, and know every terrible thing that was done. All he could think about was what was on it, letting the pressure of it fill his head with a rhythmic pounding until he finally got up from his chair and moved to grab the tablet from where it rested.
Without a moment's pause, he tapped his finger against the screen to open up the file folder Maria had left pulled up. It was hundreds of video files and documents that spanned over the course of twelve days. Choosing one at random, he walked over to the couch - knowing that he needed to sit down for whatever he was about to see. The cover image of the video was enough to make his heart sink into his stomach. Q was strapped to a chair, not unlike Bucky had been, all beaten and bruised. She looked strung out, and desperate to be let go. And terrified. So fucking terrified. He couldn't remember a time where he had ever seen her look so scared.
The first thing he heard was Q's cries of pain. Ones he had never heard before. The only other times he had seen her in pain was when she twisted her ankle during a sparring session with Nat, which was just a loud gasp, or when she had been injured during the scene on the causeway with Bucky, but that was incoherent mumblings because of the adrenaline. This was full on screams that sent sharp stabbing sensations straight to his heart, her begging for it to stop as some man in a white lab coat proceeded to shove needles into her arms and ignore her pleas.
Not being able to take the sounds of her pain, he muted the tablet as he pulled up another video. This time it was von Strucker delivering the torture with a wire, wrapping around her wrists and causing her enough pain for her to throw her head back against the chair she was strapped to. Her face contorted into an expression Steve had never seen on her before and one he certainly never wanted to see on her. Jaw clenched so tightly he could've sworn she was trying to snap it, eyes rolling back into her head so all he could see were the whites of her eyes and the way her body arched and twisted like she was trying to do some form of yoga, just without the whole centering yourself part.
Video after video showed her in situations she never should've been in. Hooked up to a machine that shocked her over and over until she passed out from the pain. Hit with a metal rod of some sort for some reason he had no explanation to. The constant plunging of needles into her arms with vials that were a strangely familiar blue.
Eventually, he had to put the tablet down. He couldn't take it anymore. Seeing what she had gone through was somehow worse than imagining it. The pain in his heart didn't even compare to the pain she had dealt with but it was still there. All he wanted was to find her and bring her home - as far away from the nightmare she had lived in for the past twelve days.
"Agent Romanoff is here to see you, Captain." JARVIS' voice alerted him, startling him out of the daze he had been in while digesting what he had just seen and heard. Taking in a shaky breath, he nodded and quickly wiped his hands under his eyes to get rid of the tears that had started to fall against his own accord.
Opening the door before she could knock, Steve tried to muster a smile but he knew it fell flat by the way her expression shifted. She noticed. And walked right past him onto his floor to try and figure out what was going on. Shit.
"I came here to give you an update on Clint." her voice was casual, but her eyes were sharp, an underlying message that she knew something was up. She had changed out of her stealth suit and into plainclothes as he had. Her red curls were more like waves now, having been fresh from a shower and reminiscent of the ones she had towel dried at Sam's house so long ago. A makeup free face paired well with her casual outfit of yoga pants and an old crew neck sweatshirt that Dawson had left behind, "He's gonna be fine, by the way."
"Good, that's good." he nodded, arms crossing over his chest as he tried to focus on the conversation they were having instead of the tablet that was resting on the couch. One she could see and then pick up to see what he had been watching.
"It is good." she repeated him, raising her eyebrows up as if she was surprised by his reaction. God, she totally knew something was up, "You done journaling your thoughts and feelings yet?" she asked with a slight teasing tone and a pointed sip of the green juice she was holding. He let out a breath of a laugh, ducking his head down to hide his amusement,
"Almost." he lifted his head up again and let out a sigh, "NATO's got Strucker and Hill has more information on the two enhanced we came in contact with." he continued, shifting into Captain mode seamlessly. Nat kept her eyebrows raised as she took a long sip of her green juice before speaking again,
"Well, thank God for that." she commented dryly, before turning and walking over to the couch. He tried to hide his wince as she gracefully fell onto the couch, putting her feet up and lounging right next to the tablet. Deciding to take it out of the equation fully, he crossed over to where she was sitting and scooped up the tablet to take it to the table where his journal was, only to hear her ask, "What's that?"
"Hill's tablet." he answered as vaguely as possible, "Just extra information on the two enhanced." he tried to make it sound uninteresting but of course Nat saw through his attempt.
"Let me see." she got up from her spot on the couch to meet him at the table, "Could use a little extra insight for the next time we cross paths." Without pause, she exchanged her green juice for the tablet in Steve's hand and settled herself in the chair at the table, already clicking play on the video before he could stop her.
Q's desperate begging for whatever was happening to stop filled the otherwise quiet area. He shut his eyes at the sounds, his chest tightening as it had the first time he had heard it. There were some things that would never get easier. And he couldn't bear to look at the video footage again - seeing his ex-girlfriend go through something he would never wish on his worst enemies.
"Oh my God, Steve." Nat's voice was so quiet, he barely heard her, "Steve, what is this?" she asked, but didn't pull her eyes from the screen, hypnotized as he was by the horrible things that were happening to someone they loved. The woman strapped to the chair looked too familiar for it to be a coincidence, even despite the battered way she appeared. This wasn't her first time under the hands of the man in the white lab coat and based on the length of the video, it certainly wouldn't be her last. The anguished pleas for whoever was with her was enough to make her blood run cold. She knew the voice, but had never heard it sound so...hopeless, "Is this Suit?" her nickname for Q sounded wrong given the circumstances, but still he nodded and her heart sank.
"Yeah," the word came out rough and tight, making him clear his throat before he spoke again, "Yeah, it's her. Strucker had her in one of the rooms at the facility before we got there." he explained, realizing that if they had just found the hideout a little bit earlier...maybe he could've been the one to save her.
"Steve…" the way she said his name was in a way he had never heard from her before. Sympathetic. It sounded wrong, especially with the way she was looking at him now: like a kicked puppy.
He pulled out the chair next to her, suddenly feeling crushed by the weight of what he had seen. His head immediately dropped while his elbows came to rest on his thighs. Without another word, she shifted her position in the chair so that she could reach around and wrap her arms as much as she could around him in an uncharacteristic hug. It was the only thing she could think to do, not knowing what to say for once in her life. Memories threatened to surface of the Red Room and the techniques they used to train her and the other dancers. The screenings of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs with subliminal messages woven in to brainwash them, the handcuffs that went around their wrists each night before bed, killing roommates without a moment's pause during a sparring session. Everything they did all led up to their graduation ceremony. Nat couldn't bear to think of Q going through something remotely similar and just as traumatizing.
It was why her grip around Steve tightened almost instinctively, like she was trying to protect him just as much as she was trying to comfort him. They stayed like that for several long, quiet moments until Steve finally took in a shaky breath and picked himself up. She moved away from him as he lifted his head up and sat up properly in the chair.
"Hill gave it to me when we got back." he gestured to the tablet on the table, "Sam had told me she had been stuck in the facility when he told me about who had given him the lead on the scepter." he explained, "But I never thought that…" he trailed off, trying to find the words, "The things they did to her…" his hand curled into a fist at the thought. All he wanted to do was find von Strucker and give him what he deserved, NATO be damned.
"You couldn't have known, Steve." Nat responded, already trying to pull him out of the guilt spiral he was inching closer and closer to, "There hadn't been any sign of her for ages. Either of them." she added almost sadly with a glance down to the sweater she was wearing. Getting lost for a moment in memories of the two of them working endlessly to find the people they loved, she was quiet for a long moment. Then she swallowed hard and looked back at him, "Did Sam tell you she was okay?" she asked, changing the subject but also keeping it on theme.
"He has no idea where she is now though." he continued after nodding his answer to her first question. Nat's face fell a bit, disappointed there were no other clues to go off of.
"As long as she's okay." she pushed past her disappointment and gave him a tight smile, trying to let him know that she was okay, even though a part of her wished for an update on the person she had lost as well.
They sat together in silence for a short while, both lost in their own thoughts about the people who left them. Wondering where they were, what they were doing, if they were okay, and how they could maybe convince them to come home.
"She called me." Steve spoke first. Nat's head flicked up at that, silently wanting more of explanation, "While we were on the quinjet." he continued with a slight nod of his head, "I couldn't bring myself to answer it right away and then when I finally went to…" he raised his hand in the air before letting it drop again, "it disappeared. No voicemail." his voice was heavy with regret. If he had just answered the fucking call…
"Did you call her back?" Nat immediately asked and Steve shook his head,
"No, not yet. I got caught up in-" again, he waved his hand toward the tablet on the table before letting out a sigh, "And I don't even know why she called me in the first place."
"Maybe because of all of this." she offered with a similar gesture to the tablet that housed all the different videos on it, "She's probably hurt in more than just the physical way." she spoke as if she knew something he didn't, remembering her time in the Red Room, "And she probably just wants to talk to you again." she kept the same tone, but it was laced with a slight bitterness to it and he knew it was because she had yet to receive any hints that Dawson was still alive, let alone still with Q. "Call her back." she continued matter of factly, before he could have the chance to ask her about Dawson. Getting up from her seat, it was clear the conversation was over, "Call her back, Steve." she repeated herself, sounding a bit more insistent the second time. She gave him a small smile before picking up her green juice and leaving his floor in favor of her own - no doubt to punch a few things, but he would talk to her about that later; he had a phone call to make.
It took him at least an hour to actually make the phone call. A lot of pacing back and forth against the carpet of the living room, stopping every once in a while to stare at the tower of boxes or look at the floor where Q had spilled her wine and they couldn't get it out - the red blotches almost pulsing to their own beat. Across to the kitchen where there was a very dark spot above the microwave from where Steve had accidentally put in a metal spoon and made the machine slightly explode, and instead of freaking out, Q burst into loud peals of laughter. Then back to the boxes, which housed so many memories of better days. But boxes could be unpacked, right? All he had to do was call.
He pulled up her contact info and exited out of it about fifty times. It had been so long since he had called her, he wasn't sure what he was going to say - or what she was going to say. Would she sound different? After being tortured for days on end? Or would she still sound the same?
Finally, he took the leap and connected the call, waiting for the screen to shift into the phone call to bring it to his ear. It didn't even ring. All he got was a robotic female voice greeting him on the other line:
"We're sorry. The user's mailbox is full. You cannot leave a message at this time. Goodbye."
A/N: I know you're all gonna hate me for leaving this chapter like this but I swear their reunion is coming - I just gotta make my way through AoU first. The next few chapters are gonna be heavy on the Steve POV so hopefully that's okay with all of you! Please don't hesitate to let me know your thoughts or concerns. I love hearing them all!
And happy Father's day to anyone who's a dad! And if you don't have a dad, I'm your dad now, sorry not sorry.