Across the hall, Q was taking the quickest shower of her life. The water was too cold to have a proper "standing under the water and thinking about everything" moment. Instead, the water hit her skin hard and made her teeth click together. It reminded her of the water they doused her with when she was strapped to the chair in the facility. Right before they tasered her. Yet this was much better than the dark room she was trapped in, cold water aside it was otherwise rather warm. The kids' bathroom she was showering in was decorated as such: stickers on the tiled walls, toys on the edge of the tub for obvious bathtime and a colorful collection of different soaps and shampoos. Laura had bought them despite knowing they had plenty of the items already; her children wanted them because of the design of the bottles. It was a little ironic, where she was, all things considering, but she didn't linger on it for long. The coldness of the water made sure of that.

She quickly washed the sweat and grime that came with international travel off her body with some of the clearly kid-friendly soap; it had a cartoon picture of Steve in his Captain America uniform. If it were any other time, she would laugh and tease him about it, but at that point, she just stared at it as if it would give her an answer. The shampoo she chose to use was in a bright pink bottle that had some sort of pony head on top of it - it smelled like cotton candy bubblegum. She had yet to meet Clint's kids, only having ever seen Laura when she was pregnant with Cooper, but she already learned a lot about them based on the brief moment she was in their shower. Even though they had separate rooms, they still shared a bathroom. Though managed to put their own flair on it: from the stickers, to the glitter infused toothpaste, to even the very Adult-Like razor that was still in the packaging. Cooper wanted to learn how to shave.

Wrapping herself up in one of the brightly patterned towels (it had butterflies all over it), she stepped out of the bathroom and into the adjoining kid's room. Lila's room, she figured when she picked it over Cooper's. With her pink walls and her princess decorations, it weirdly made Q feel warm and comforted. Like she didn't have to be afraid of what was lingering on the horizon or worry about the lack of a future she had with Steve. No one would ever hurt Lila, Clint would make sure of that until his dying day and just by simply being in her room, Q could understand that feeling of secureness. She was safe there.

The floor was still the same minefield of toys it had been when she first walked in and she carefully picked her way over to where she had folded her clothes on the chair next to the dresser. Without pause, she quickly reached for the bright purple comb that was resting amongst the brightly colored scrunchies and butterfly clips so she could at least try to detangle her hair. It would air dry, which would make it much more of a mess than it usually was, but she didn't feel comfortable asking Laura to use her hairdryer after she had already so graciously accepted them into her home despite not being aware they were coming. That and she was too tired to go through all that. And her arm was already getting tired simply from combing her hair.

Just as she began to pull on her grimy shirt - she was already grimacing at having to do so after having just washed herself, a knock came at the door, making her pause. Then the door slowly opened and she held her breath, thinking it was one of the kids. Which would make for an awkward explanation even though Laura had told her she could use the kids' shower. No one wanted to find a stranger in their bedroom. But instead of a small child or pre-teen walking through, it was Steve. They stared at each other for a long moment, his eyes widening a bit when he first realized she was there, while she couldn't find it in her to react. Her brain was already offering up thousands of ways their interaction would go down based on his reaction, stature and how he had walked in. She was just trying to deal with that first.

"Sorry, I thought you were still in the shower." he apologized rather stiffly, eyes glancing to the now open bathroom door.

"Just finished," she gave him a small smile, "Someone used up all the hot water." she explained as her excuse. There was a small twitch from his eyebrows that made a ping go off in her head. He had been the one to use up the last of the hot water. But she didn't comment on it. Not the time for teasing or amusedly calling him out. She couldn't do that anymore.

"I, uh, asked Laura if she had some clothes you could borrow," her eyes flicked down to see that he was holding some clothes in his hands, "Figured you probably didn't want to stay in your travel clothes or that you even brought a change of clothes to begin with so…" he trailed off rather awkwardly then held the clothes out to her. She took them with a small, grateful smile.

"Thank you." she said quietly. The fabric beneath her fingers was soft and warm. Laura wore the shirt often. He slipped his hands into the pockets of his running pants and nodded once, looking like he still had something more to say. Of course he did, he probably had a years' worth of things to say.

"When you're finished getting dressed, can we...can we take a walk?" he asked with a slight eyebrow raise. Though it seemed an innocent question, there was enough undertone that she knew what he meant by it. He wanted to say those things that he hadn't been able to for over a year. And he certainly didn't want to do it in the house of his fellow Avenger. That was understandable. She didn't want them to overhear it either. They probably already knew enough - or at least Nat did.

"Sure, of course." she agreed with a warm smile, trying to appear like she was following his lead. And she was. He had total control over this situation. She was just in the passenger seat, forced to go along for the ride. Unfortunately or not, remained to be seen.

He responded with a quick smile of his own, then turned and left her alone to change. She waited until the door was shut to let out a slow breath in an effort to calm herself even though it wasn't possible.

All the times she had imagined their reunion, this was never one of the ways she pictured it happening. What she did know was that it was going to be tough. Tough to listen to him yell at her about leaving; he was going to yell. He was angry with her, she could tell that much simply from when she first saw him. Hell, she didn't even need to see him to know that. It was understandable, and while she never thought she would be able to be welcomed back with open arms, it didn't mean it wasn't going to hurt any less.

Tough to put herself in his shoes. To hear about all the ways she hurt him. She knew she deserved that guilt. As it was, she was already carrying some of it. She just wasn't sure how she was going to be able to carry the rest. The worst part would be coming to terms with the fact that she really had lost his trust. Deep down, she knew she lost it the moment she left. That was the thing about knowing. Knowing was different than assuming. It hurt more. Because it was the truth. His truth. And who was she to say it wasn't. She had to accept it and bear the weight.

Tough not to want to try to immediately fall back into how they were. Pretend like nothing was wrong. So many things were wrong - not just with herself personally, but with whatever was happening in the world: Bucky's revenge mission, Hydra's underground network, whatever threat that was looming which caused them to come back in the first place. They couldn't just be who they were in the Avengers Tower. Of course she still loved him, which is what would make it so hard not to long for the moments. The moments where she could just kiss him or hold him or look at him in a certain way. She couldn't go back. Neither of them could. They had to start over. It was only a hope that they could build something new, stronger, better from it. He just had to want it to - and she hoped he did.

Tough to be truly faced with all of her mistakes and fuck-ups; she knew it was her fault. Q took full, personal responsibility for her actions. This was no one's fault but her own. She did this. She ruined every good thing she had. Like she always had even before him. She was surprised she had managed to not ruin SHIELD - though maybe she was in a way, with her sex-ationship with Rumlow and all. But this time, she hoped she had learned her lesson. It was going to be a long, hard road to forgiveness. But it was one she was ready to start walking down.

This wasn't going to be a fun walk for either of them.

Steve waited for her on the steps of the porch. The afternoon had become cooler as the sun got lower in the sky. There wasn't much for any of them to do right that second - having come to the homestead to regroup and come up with a new plan against Ultron. Something that took into consideration the Maximoff twins, who they didn't realize were on his side until they met in South Africa. Even at the thought of them, a heaviness rolled over his shoulders like a fog. The song from the jazz club echoed in his head, but was interrupted by the sound of the porch door squeaking open.

Timid. That's the one word he would use to describe the way Q looked as she stepped out of the house. And it never even reached the list of words he would have used previously describe her. But the way she wrapped her arms around her midsection, and almost tried to fold into herself was startling. He was used to the confidence, the way she held herself with professionalism or at least easiness. Now, she held herself like a scared child, and it almost made him feel sorry for her. Almost. Because he wasn't sure if it was in reaction to what had happened to her or in preparation for the conversation they were about to have.

"Hi." she greeted him with a small smile. Then almost like she could tell what he was thinking about her, she rolled her shoulders back and pulled herself up a bit more. Her arms stayed wrapped around her midsection, but didn't have as tight a grip as they once did. He responded with a slight nod, then stepped off the porch, figuring she knew to follow.

Besides the obvious way she held herself, Steve used the beginning of their walk to try to figure out any other noticeable differences or similarities between the woman next to him and the woman he loved. Right off the bat, an almost overpowering smell of cotton candy bubblegum wafted from her. He figured it must've been from her shower in the kids' bathroom, but it made him long for the familiar scent he was used to. The warm floral one from the light pink bottle of perfume she spritzed on herself that mixed with the other white floral smells that came from her shampoo. He would nuzzle his nose into her hair while she slept on top of his chest, trying to drown himself in it.

Her steps were much lighter than they used to be like she was afraid to touch the ground. The way her eyes glanced around their surroundings made him think of how he used to act whenever they were in a familiar place. Still just as sharp as ever, the look behind them was familiar - one that stemmed from war, constantly on edge and trying to take everything in at once so there would be no surprises. An overwhelming task he had learned to let go of for the sake of his mental health.

While her arms had dropped to her sides, he could see the way she was picking under her fingernails with her thumbnail. A tick she hadn't had before, but the hand closest to him still drifted his way ever so slightly, every so often, as if instinctively reaching out to hold his hand before her brain reminded her that she couldn't anymore. Though even he was resisting the urge to take her hand as well, grateful that the running pants Clint had let him borrow had pockets in them.

"Say what's in your head." she murmured after a long, long moment of silence. They had made it to the middle of the driveway by that point. He let out a slight scoff, keeping his focus on the horizon.

"You don't want to know what's in my head." he responded a little harsher than he intended to, but it was still true. Plus, he didn't like her using their phrase like she was. It reminded him of a different time. A better time. She pressed her lips together and glanced to look at him,

"I'm a big girl, Steven. I know I fucked up. I can take it." she said seriously. He stopped walking, letting out a deep sigh before turning to face her.

"You did more than fuck up, Queenie." he told her, ignoring the small look of hurt that flashed across her face. She was giving him an opportunity to finally get everything off his chest. And he wasn't about to hold back, "You disappeared! Left without so much as a goodbye!"

"I left -"

"The letter?" he cut her off abruptly, "Did you really think that a letter would make up for it all?"

"No - well, I mean, I just thought -" she stammered through an excuse, but he didn't let her get any further.

"That's just it, Q, you didn't think! Or if you did, it was about yourself! You didn't even think about how it would affect me or how I would react, you just did what was easiest for you!" he was yelling now, but he didn't care anymore. She needed to hear it. Get it through her rather thick skull that what she did was wrong and hear how it affected him.

"You think it was easy for me?!" she cried out, voice breaking a bit, "You think it was easy to leave you like that?!"

"Sure seemed like it!" he yelled back, stepping up closer and he half expected her to step back, but she held her ground, "You were missing for over a year, Q! No one could find you! Hell, there were times I thought you were dead!" he admitted. Her tongue darted out to lick her lips, eyes locked on his, even though her stature faltered just slightly, but enough to let him know he got to her.

"Got pretty close to being so." she mumbled quietly, but he ignored her and the small stab of pain at the reminder of who had her in their hands and what they did to her. That was a conversation for another time. Her self-pity party was not going to get in the way of him finally being able to say everything he had only dreamed about. God, it felt so good.

"And to do what!?" he continued, voice still at yelling level. Thank God they were far enough away from the house. Tony's comment about Steve not having a dark side rang in the back of his head; Q was seeing at least a different side of him. "What the fuck was so important or secret or whatever the fuck that you couldn't include me!?"

"I - I…." she trailed off, having the choice to tell him, but not wanting to because she still wasn't sure if it was good idea or not. The Bucky who found her was way different than the one she found on the riverbank, so who even knew who he was now months later.

"And then you just come back here!? And expect everything to be okay!?" he talked over her with a wide, angry gesture to the area around them, "Thinking that since I love you, it means I automatically forgive you and forget all the pain you caused?" his heart was pounding in his chest. Despite the situation, it was almost exhilarating to let go like this. His adrenaline was pumping, meaning he was very much in fight-mode.

"Of course not!" she snapped out, raising her voice to his level, not holding back on defending herself, "I'm not a teenager in some young adult rom-com." she glared at him, "I'm very much aware that I fucked up. That I lost your trust and your love." she stared at him for a long moment, features softening ever so slightly, "But I'm want to make it better. I have to." he could ask why, he knew that, but he didn't want to. Not because he didn't want to know, but because there was something else she needed to know:

"I don't know how you can." he responded seriously, lifting his chin as if to make a point. It was true. Too much damage had been done. She took in a breath, nodding a bit, "Or at least, it's going to take a long time." he rephrased, not wanting there to be zero hope for forgiveness. Because he did want to forgive her. He just couldn't. Not yet. Not until he knew everything and he was certain they hadn't even made a dent in any of the secrets or the reasoning behind her leaving. A small look of hope appeared on her face but she quickly replaced it, not wanting him to see if even he had, "And you're right. I don't trust you anymore." he added as a final gut punch. Her face fell hard and fast, just as he ended up doing when he fell in love with her. But she pulled herself up and accepted it, eyes widening slightly as she realized something,

"But you still love me." she whispered and it didn't sound like a question, but still Steve found himself answering it like it was. He glanced off to the side, down to the homestead where the farm and the house was. Something he once wanted with someone he loved. With Q.

"I do." he answered, almost sounding disappointed in admitting that despite it all, he still loved her. He hated what she did and was so hurt by it, but he still cared for her wellbeing and wanted her to be happy and okay. "But it doesn't outweigh what you did." she rolled her lips in and nodded once.

"I understand." she gave him a small, tight smile, "Anything else you want to say?" he scoffed, rolling his eyes a bit.

"Plenty of things." he raised his eyebrows. Her smile faltered and she let her weight fall onto her left foot, suddenly looking nervous that he was going to start yelling again. He wanted to. God, he really wanted to. Instead, he took in a deep breath, "Can you tell me why yet?" he asked again, but a bit calmer this time, "Or if you've found whatever it was you went looking for?" leaving off the and can come back home part of the question. She paused for a moment but it was long enough for him to know the answer, "Fuck, Q." he breathed out before she had a chance to explain herself. He let his head drop to his chest and scuffed his shoe against the dirt road, "I hate this. I hate this so much."

"I'm sorry." she responded quietly. He picked his head up, meeting her eyes.

"For what? Cause the list is long, Q." he reminded her. A small, almost embarrassed smile crossed her features.

"I know." she winced a bit, then rolled her lips in before taking in a breath, "Where do you want me to start?" she asked, truly making an effort to start apologizing for what she had done. At least verbally. The other types of apologies could come later. He thought for a moment, looking down the road before returning his gaze to Q.

"I don't even know, Q." he sighed, "I don't even know if I'm sure you mean it. Since you're most likely leaving again after you get whatever you came for." she pressed her lips together then nodded, knowing he was right.

"Then consider this a blanket apology." she gave him a small smile, "To hold you over for now." he scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"Gee, thanks." While he knew she was making a quasi-joke it still stung. He deserved a real apology. Both of them knew that. There was just too much other stuff happening that took precedence. At least he was able to say some of what he was holding back. And he didn't feel the need to yell anymore. All other conversations about it could at least start civil.

That had to mean something, right?

A/N: I KNOW IT'S NOT SUNDAY BUT I'M LEAVING EARLY IN THE MORNING AND WANTED TO GET A CHAPTER OUT! Please don't yell at me for this being a shorter chapter lol I just wanted didn't want to put it off for two more weeks! I don't think I'll be back in time to update next weekend so hopefully this holds you over until then (even with how short it is). Also with it being a Fight, it didn't really feel right to put anything else in lol

SPEAKING OF! I hope this panned out how you guys hoped it would! Obviously, there's a LOT for them to still discuss (and yell about) but for now...they got the first one out of the way which is always the hardest haha PLEASE let me know your thoughts! I love reading all of your reviews so please don't hold back!

Again, I'm sorry about the short chapter but I hope you enjoyed it still! LOVE YOU ALL! TYSM FOR YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT!