Frollo couldn't understand a word Mr Flamcourt was saying. He heard the sounds, alright. But they were just that. Sounds. His mind was entirely elsewhere.
At the library, with Esmeralda, to be precise.
In his defense, it had been obvious from the second he entered the dining room that Mr Flamcourt was there for the food and the wine. Apparently, he hadn't had enough the previous time, so he had come to enjoy himself a little more, with a weak excuse of business talk that was clarified in the first five minutes. So Frollo just nodded, while he secretly wished the man would just hurry the hell up and leave him alone with his thoughts.
When the distant sound of the bells announced midnight, Frollo sent an inner blessing to Quasimodo and dismissed his guest unceremoniously. But Mr Flamcourt was full and inebriated and he didn't took offense on it.
Finally. He was alone. He went up to his chambers, where the servants had already lit the fireplace so it would be nice and warm by the time he got there.
He dropped into an armchair, suddenly exhausted from the day. The intensity of his feelings, that had been forcefully repressed during dinner, finally caught up with him, making him feel a little light headed.
The vivid images from their encounter by the harpsichord took over his mind, as he tried to recall every small detail, every word she had pronounced, every single gesture of her face. And then… the kiss. Had that really happened? He wondered, still amazed, while absently touching his lips with his fingertips, as if trying to relieve the sensation.
He had suspected that Esmeralda was feeling some sort of curiosity for him, even attraction. But he would have never dared to dream that she would actually act upon those feelings, after everything they had been through. Maybe she had acted impulsively and was now in her chambers, deeply regretting it. Yes, that was probably what had happened, a cruel voice in his head sentenced.
And the mere thought of that possibility felt like a monster eating away his insides.
Did he regret it? He asked himself then, though he knew the answer.
Of course not. He had dreamed about kissing her from the moment he laid eyes on her. But he had always thought of it as primal, vulgar instinct. A physical trap for the senses planted on his insides by the need of preserving the species. He couldn't have imagined the feelings that would come with it. He thought it would be like drinking water when you're thirsty, or eating when you're hungry. The pleasure of relieving a material need, that's all. But instead, he had felt another kind of pleasure; the one that comes from fulfilling a spiritual need. The need to commune with something bigger than yourself, and feel loved by it. It had been a religious experience.
He felt as if God Himself had sent him a message through Esmeralda. And the message was... he was forgiven.
Forgiven for every sin and selfish act he had ever committed.
But he couldn't accept that forgiveness. He didn't feel worthy of it, when he was unable to forgive himself. How could he, when he was still the same man? He knew his own weaknesses. He knew that he didn't have the strength to never commit those sins again.
Esmeralda's kindness had brought him closer to God, to His Light. And that light was now illuminating everything he had been hiding away at the depths of his soul. He didn't want her to see. He didn't want anyone to see.
For then she would realize he wasn't worthy of love, and she would turn away and leave him alone forever.
He knew he wouldn't survive that.
There was only one possibility left. He knew what he had to do.
Esmeralda woke up next morning when the brightest ray of sun shone on her face. After the storm last night, the sky had completely cleared up.
She decided to take that as a positive sign from the Universe. She was feeling optimistic.
Her mind was wonderfully quiet since the night before. Maybe it had surrendered when it realized it couldn't stop her heart. Or maybe it had realized that it didn't need to understand what was going on in order for it to be real.
Whatever it was, Esmeralda was very grateful for the inner truce.
She was so cheerful, she even started unconsciously humming while she washed her face and combed her hair, getting ready for breakfast. She was excited to see Frollo again, and discover what the next chapter of their story would be. Now that she had gotten a glimpse of his true essence, she was eager to uncover more of it. And apparently, he must have been too, for she heard a gentle knock on her door, and when she turned around, he was standing there, waiting for her permission to come in.
- Good morning! - she greeted him, with a big inviting smile.
Frollo walked in and closed the door behind him. He gave her a quick glance, but looked down to the floor right afterwards. He seemed tense.
- How was dinner? - she asked, to break the ice. Of course, she wasn't so naive as to think his whole attitude would change overnight.
- Boring. - he answered honestly.- You didn't miss much.
- Good. - she said gladly. - Do you have any plans for today? It's gonna be a beautiful day. - she pointed, gesturing towards the open window.
- It is. - he agreed, before adding - A great day to enjoy the sun outdoors.
Esmeralda looked at him, puzzled. That comment wasn't accidental, she could tell that much. Was he trying to tease her? To rub her imprisonment down her face? Now, why on earth would he do that? Had he bounced off after last night to the other extreme, to despising her again? Her stomach started to stir uncomfortably.
- Wouldn't you like to take a walk on the sunny streets of the city? - he asked her, looking down the window.
Okay, that would be too cruel even for him. He wasn't mocking her. With a rush of excitement, Esmeralda realized maybe this was a proposition. Was he planning on taking her somewhere?
- What are you talking about? - she inquired, trying to conceal her excitement.
- I'm letting you go. - he replied instead, plainly.
Esmeralda felt as if an iced water bucket had been abruptly poured over her head. Her breath was caught in her lungs.
- What? - she asked, not sure she had understood.
- You're free to leave. - he repeated, with a soft, emotionless voice. He still hadn't looked at her.
She was frozen, unable to move. Her mind was completely blank, but she could feel her throat tightening and burning up. She felt like she wanted to cry, but wasn't sure of the reason.
- Why? - she asked hoarsely, biting on her lower lip, trying as hard as she could to maintain her composure.
- It's the right thing to do. - he simply stated.
The right thing to do. The right thing to do. His words reverberated inside her ears.
Bullshit.
What the hell did that mean? The right thing to do?
Esmeralda was so confused and hurt. Of all the reactions she could have anticipated from him, this one she had never seen coming. She was expecting him to be cautious, distrustful, or in her most optimistic moments, excited to be around her again. But he was just tossing her aside, like he suddenly had lost all interest. Was that what had happened? Had she been some sort of conquest, of trophy that he had already scored and now held no value to him anymore? Had everything been a part of his twisted cat and mouse, chase and run, hunting game?
Her eyes started tearing up, and she could feel her cheeks burning with rage and humiliation.
If Frollo had looked at her at that moment, things might have gone a different way. Or maybe he would have seen that they were not so different after all.
But he was too focused on keeping his eyes on the window, for he knew he wouldn't be able to stand what he though he would find in her face; relief, and joy for being able to leave.
His heart wasn't ready to be broken by that. So he didn't look. So he didn't see.
He didn't see Esmeralda's fists shaking, because she felt so stupid and small and powerless, that she was suddenly terrified.
He didn't see her turning around to hide her face when she was finally unable to fight back the tears anymore. She had never been rejected before, not once in her life and much less by a man. They usually fought for her attention. Everyone did, actually. Except for him. Why would it have to be his attention the only one she had truly ever needed?
He didn't see her scorching eyes staring at the back of his neck when she realized he had treated her like a whore, and was now dismissing her without contemplation after getting what he wanted from her.
He didn't see any of that.
He only heard her sudden ice-cold voice, answering with a deadly calm tone:
- Great. When can I go?
Frollo closed his eyes, as if he had just been sentenced to death. He inhaled deeply, trying to gather the strength to answer, and forget the fact that she hadn't even complained a little. Of course she hadn't, he scolded himself. What did you expect? She never wanted this. She was only here because you forced her to make an impossible choice. Her true choice would always be freedom, with the people she actually cared about. You truly thought she would voluntarily choose to stay with you? You poor idiot.
- You can gather your things and leave now. - he finally stated.- However… - he paused.
Esmeralda's heart stopped in expectation. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe he would ask her to stay. Maybe he just wanted to release her from the threat over her people, to show her he truly cared about her.
- What? - she rushed him, in an almost inaudible voice.
- You must report once a day. - he stated in a cold, professional tone. - Our deal was based on your statement that a gypsy's word could be trusted. If you continue to prove so, your people will still be allowed to live in the city, as long as they don't cause any disturbance. But if you break your word, you'll prove I was right about gypsies and you all will be prosecuted.
Esmeralda didn't know how to react. She was standing there, mouth open in disbelief. What kind of game was this? Had they gone back to the blackmailing stage?
Maybe... it was just his convoluted way to make sure he would still be seeing her. That softened her heart a little. Perhaps not everything was lost.
- So I'll have to come here once a day to let you know I'm still holding up to my word, is that it? - she asked, with a hint of hope.
But Frollo's hope was long gone. He had fallen back into the pit of darkness he had inhabited his entire life, and now the brief moment of light they had shared seemed nothing but a naive dream. His only option was to leave it behind and to never see her again. He would only allow himself the weakness of knowing she was safe; that was his only concession to his hurting heart, that was still fighting so hard not to break in her presence.
- No. Not here. - he clarified harshly. - You'll report to Quasimodo, at the cathedral. I'm a busy man, and I don't have time for that. Quasimodo on the other hand, will be delighted to receive your visits. But make no mistake; I'll ensure that he notifies me immediately if you fail to show up any day.
Esmeralda's last hope shattered into a million pieces. He didn't even want to see her again. And still, he had managed to keep her chained under his control and threats. He didn't care about her at all. He just cared about himself, and his reputation. That selfish, hypocrite son of a…
But she wouldn't give him the satisfaction to show disappointment. She would walk out the door and never look back. Starting right now.
Her rigid posture suddenly unfroze. She walked directly to the bed, where she took her purple blanket and pulled it from in between the sheets.
He could see her from the corner of his eye, furiously gathering the few belongings that laid on the table and the armchair by the fireplace. A couple dresses, her cape, a wooden hair brush and some hair pins and earrings. She was moving so fast, as if the floor suddenly burned under her feet.
He felt an impulsive urge to say something, anything, to stop her. To beg her. To gather her into his arms and resume last night's kiss. But he knew this was the right thing to do. The only thing to do. His body was petrified while his soul screamed at the top of its lungs.
But before he could decide whether or not to listen to it, Esmeralda was finished gathering her stuff, and with her hands and arms full, she walked towards the door. She stopped at the threshold, with her back turned at him.
Frollo gathered the courage to look up and stare at the back of her head. Turn around. Please, turn around.
- Goodbye then. I'll get Djali on my way out. - she said, without turning around. And with a final exhale, she disappeared into the hallway.
It was only then that Frollo's heart finally broke.
A/N: You wouldn't believe it was gonna be so easy, right? ;)