Since the remaining Avengers were all dealing with the ramifications post-Ultron, no one really questioned him when he said he was going to be taking a few personal days before returning back to the States. After all, they had almost just died. Some of them even did.
There were the textbook post-op things they had to do similar to what they had done after the Battle of New York: Tony would set up relief funds, Nat would look after the reuniting of families, and Steve - along with all the other Avengers, would have to have debriefs upon debriefs from all different branches of the government. Plus, there was the added bonus of figuring out what to do now that the stone inside of Loki's scepter was inside an android that had helped save the world. Not to mention trying to track down where Hulk had flown off to after saving Nat. But hell, all of them deserved a bit of a break before jumping into what came next. A chance to heal and rest and, in Steve's case, travel all the way to Split, Croatia to see his ex-girlfriend.
All he remembered about Croatia was that in World War Two, it had been fascist puppet state of Germany. Obviously, times had to have drastically changed since that was where Q wanted to meet. Though he didn't remember every single country he and the Howling Commandos had been to while taking down Hydra - the landlines weren't as clear in the middle of forests or in the valleys of mountains, he was sure that he had to have made his way through Croatia at least once. But the details were fuzzy when it came to specific details.
What with Sokovia being close to the country itself, he was expecting it to be similar to the country he had just risked his life to save Though he was pleasantly surprised to find that Split was a much more quiet, coastal town. The address Q had given him a few hours before he touched down led him to an apartment building that looked out across the docks and a very nice Croatian man named Tommo who was more than happy to lead him up to the apartment he was apparently staying in. Steve barely listened to a word he said about the town, being too tired to really focus on anything except getting to wherever had a bed for him to collapse into. Saving an entire flying city from a murderous AI took a lot out of a guy. That and he was also a little nervous about seeing Q again. Even if they had seen each other only a few days prior. A lot had happened in between those days.
Tommo left him in front of a door with a set of keys, a wish for a comfortable stay and a reminder to let him know if there was anything Steve needed. He waited until the man walked away to turn his attention to the door.
The keys in his hand were suddenly heavier than anything he had ever held before. He rolled them around in the palm of his hand for a moment, debating with himself. He could just not go into the apartment. There was no reason why he owed Q any sort of visit like this. But she had asked. She had made the effort. So that had to mean something, right? And maybe this wouldn't fix everything at once, but it would probably help the healing process. At least a little bit. He tried not to get his hopes up, remembering what she had done and what she had failed to do in order to keep him grounded.
The door to the apartment opened easily, allowing him to step inside and shut the door behind him. There was a bowl on the side table against the wall that already held another pair of similar keys. Which probably meant Q was already at the apartment, even though he didn't see any other sign of her. Or even her herself. Not that it mattered, it gave him a chance to do a quick sweep of the apartment. Partially for safety, mostly out of curiosity.
Right in front of him were two massive windows that gave way to a beautiful view of the docks and neighboring buildings. One pair of windows had a handle on it that led to a small balcony area that had two chairs and a smaller table set up. The front room was simply decorated with all the normal living room furniture plus a couple of nicely framed photos of random spots around the town. As he stepped more fully into the apartment, he looked to his right to see there was a small kitchenette complete with a breakfast bar that divided the hallway he was standing in from the rest of the kitchen. With a small table and a few chairs, he knew that was the dining area. Everything was white and almost sparkly, with only a few hints of navy blue and grey as accent colors, but almost no sign of being lived in.
There were a row of mirrors alongside the opposite side of the wall of the mini hallway he was standing in and he took a glance over at himself. It was a miracle he had even made it to the apartment. Even he could tell he looked pretty wrecked. Before he could get too deep into his self-assessment, he paused when his peripheral vision caught another reflection in the mirror. His eyes shifted up, looking over his reflected shoulder because standing behind him was Q herself. They stared at each other in the mirror for a moment before she gave him a small smile which made him turn around to look at her.
While it had only been a few days since they had last seen each other, it could've easily been a lifetime. Back on the homestead, she had looked like hell - even after her shower. Nothing could erase the bags under her eyes, no amount of Lelia's detangling shampoo could have gotten those knots out, even Laura's clothes were huge on her despite the height difference (though maybe that also had something to do with Q not being pregnant).
As he took in her appearance standing in the middle of the apartment, there were still traces of the bags under her eyes and her hair wasn't as tamed as it normally was, but her clothes didn't swallow her whole anymore. He wanted to say she looked better, but that would've been a lie. Yet, she didn't look worse, which was good to see.
"Hi." she greeted him softly, then cleared her throat a bit. She was anxious as hell, having cleaned the already clean apartment from top to bottom during the few hours she had before he arrived. And it didn't help that he had been running late.
Briefly, she thought that he had bailed on her. She wouldn't blame him; even she was thinking about bailing. But after everything she had gone through and seeing almost everything he had too, she knew she needed to go. And he had shown up, which calmed some of her anxiety. He was alive. He had survived. It wasn't a trick.
Maybe only a few days had passed since they saw each other last, but it had been a long time since she had seen him post-mission. Just by looking at him, she could tell that what had happened in Sokovia had taken a toll on him. Much more than any of the other missions. His shoulders immediately, instinctively slumped down at the sight of her, dropping the Captain stance he had been wearing during his travels. Making him look less like a superhero who had just saved the world and more like a regular man, exhausted from a plane ride. Though Q knew there was more going on inside that head of his. There were a smattering of healing cuts and bruises around his face, the smell of antiseptic was strong, and his fingers continued to fiddle with the keychain and the strap of his bag, telling her that he had basically come straight from Sokovia. Coming down from an adrenaline high and only treating the injuries that needed immediate care.
"Hey." his eyebrows raised a bit as he breathed out his response, sounding almost defeated even though they had won. She gave him a small smile at his greeting, immediately hearing the tone and reacting as she used to. It was odd; she hadn't played this role in a long time - being there when he returned from a mission, yet it was so easy to fall back into old ways. Instinctive, really.
Of course, her brain still remembered the drill: get him inside, out of the uniform, and have him take a shower. Then, while he was in the shower, make sure there was a snack or small meal that she had JARVIS order ready along with a fresh set of comfy clothes for when he was finished. From there it was about checking out the wounds while he ate, making sure medical didn't miss anything too terrible - not there was really anything to worry about with his serum infused body doing all the healing on its own. During that, he would talk about whatever had happened on the mission and she would listen. Like she always did.
And after everything he had just been through, Steve wanted that too. That sense of normalcy even though they were thousands of miles away from their home - or rather his home now, and their relationship had shifted. Which was how he found himself on the couch with Q next to him, inspecting the quickly patched up wound on his side. After getting out of his much needed shower, he found that she had laid out a set of comfy clothes she must've gotten from his bag. The smell of food made his stomach grumble and remind him that he probably hadn't eaten since he left the homestead.
Neither of them said anything as Q cleaned the area surrounding where one of the mini Ultrons had managed to slice him with its weird arm. He didn't even realize it had happened until he was already back on the SHIELD helicarrier. And as much as he trusted whichever medic had taken a look at it, he felt much better knowing Q was too. He always wondered how she knew what to do, considering she rarely got hurt herself on account of never getting involved in any sort of dangerous field missions, but figured it must've had to come from her past antics that ultimately landed her in jail.
The silence was both good and bad while she took care of the injury. In the past, she would talk about everything he had missed while he was away. Most times it would be stupid stories about what she and Dawson got up to while both he and Nat were gone. She would always start laughing while she told them, which made him laugh even though he could barely keep track of what was going on. A distraction from what she was doing and why she was doing it. Now, he wasn't even sure what they would talk about. Even though there were plenty of things to talk about.
Being this close to each other again was intimate, especially considering the tender way she touched him. Softer than she ever had before. Like she was holding back or was nervous that she was going to do something to hurt him - not that that would ever happen. Sometimes he wondered if she had pulled away without him realizing. A quick side glance over at her proved that she was entirely focused on the task at hand. Her hands lingered every so often and at one point, instinctively, he found himself leaning into the touch, which made her pause in her motion, tensing even. Eyes shifting up to meet his, they stared at each other until she swallowed hard and looked back down at his side.
"The good news is," she cleared her throat before she spoke, breaking the silence that had fallen around them, "you'll survive." she placed a gauze pad over the freshly cleaned wound, then pressed a bandage over it to make sure there was no chance of infection.
"Thank God for that." he sighed, glancing over to see her work and catching a brief glimpse of her amused smirk before it disappeared. She quickly pulled her hands away from his skin, almost like she was being burned by an unknown heat, then let them come together and began to twist her fingers around each other, "Looks good. Much better than what the SHIELD bay medic did." he complimented her and she let out a slight laugh.
"Thanks." she blushed, ducking her head down a bit so he couldn't see her face, "How's everyone else doing?" she asked with a raise of both her head and eyebrows. He pulled down the edge of his shirt so it covered the bandage.
"Good." he nodded, not sure if he should get into the various injuries and deaths the other Avengers had sustained. There was a lot she had missed and he wasn't sure if she really wanted to be caught up or if she was just being polite.
"Good." she matched his nods for a moment before the silence resumed for a moment. Then, she took in a breath, eyes shifting to his empty plate, "Food okay?"
"Yeah." he reached for it at the same time she did, both intending to take it to the sink. He paused in his motion, as did she, causing for an awkward dance between their hands before he finally backed off. As she took the plate in one hand, she grabbed the glass with the other, gesturing to him with it,
"Do you want more water?" she asked and he shook his head,
"I'm fine, thanks." he responded politely, stiffly almost. She gave him the briefest smile as she got to her feet, walking around the table and avoiding him rather than just stepping over him like she normally would.
Both of them cringed inwardly at the sheer amount of awkwardness happening between the two of them. As familiar as the acts between the two of them had been, falling into old ways didn't stop them from realizing that there was still a wide divide between them. Over a year had passed. Things had happened that neither were a part of. People met, people lost, places gone, things done. The longing to have everything be the same, to pick up right where they left off and pretend nothing had happened was nothing more than a pipe dream. It wasn't possible anymore. They were practically strangers now.
"I have to ask, Q," Steve finally broke the silence, getting up from the couch as he did, "What the hell are we doing here?" he asked the question that had been on his mind since the moment he walked through the apartment door. Hell, even before that - when he had gotten her text with the address of where to meet. He was curious as to why she had decided now of all times was the time she wanted to reunite with him. Willingly. She turned around to face him, bracing herself on the counter of the breakfast bar.
"I just wanted to see you." she answered, not sounding super sure of herself. And considering how she nervously played with the edge of her shirt, it was clear she wasn't.
"Could'a done that any time over the past year and a half." he pointed out with a slight eyebrow raise, "Why now?" he settled his hands on his hips, waiting expectantly for an answer - he was waiting for a lot of answers, actually, but this one should've been an easy one.
"I...I wanted to make sure you were okay." she admitted with a sad smile, "I saw what happened in Sokovia and I was...terrified." she breathed out, blinking a bit rapidly, "Terrified I was going to lose you."
"You already lost me though. In New York. The day you walked out the door." he reminded her with a slight raise of his chin. He knew the words were harsh, but they were true. And she needed to hear them. She took in a slightly surprised, sharp breath, shaking her head a bit.
"Don't, don't say that." she couldn't bear knowing that it was true. That one of her worst fears was coming true. His jaw clicked, getting a bit peeved that she wasn't accepting the consequences of her actions.
"You left, Q!" it came out louder than he intended, but he didn't pause, "And you lost the right to be concerned about me!" he sliced his hand through the air, ignoring her flinch at the volume of his voice.
"That's not fair, Steve." she breathed out, "That's not fair."
"Fair? You wanna talk about fair?!" his eyebrows rose, taking a step forward as he did so, "You want to know what's not fucking fair, Q? It's not fair that you left without a word. It's not fair that it's been over a year of silence and now all of a sudden, you're here!" he gestured to her rather aggressively,
"We've already been through this!" she snapped out, "I know I fucked up! I know I -"
"Then why are we doing this?!" he cut her off, also not wanting to rehash the same conversation they had a few days earlier, "Why are you here!? Why are you taking care of me and -"
"Because I love you!" she rose her voice above his, taking two big steps forward and motioning to him with her hands, "I love you, you idiot!" he barked out a laugh, shaking his head a bit,
"You don't love me. If you loved me, you wouldn't have left the way you did! Or you would have included me in your little adventure plans!" she glared at him, not liking how he was referring to her plans as little. Maybe her plan of action hadn't been as thought out as her plans usually were, but she had thought about them. Including the consequences, which was why it hadn't come easy to actually enact said plan. But she did, unfortunately.
"Did it ever occur to you that maybe I had done all that to protect you?" she asked with a cross of her arms over her chest. Anger was one of the emotions she hadn't quite felt yet after the serum had taken affect. There was an itch in her brain, different than the general static she always heard in the background. An itch that was dying to be scratched, one that she knew if she did - things would most likely get physical. She ignored it, never being one to lash out with her hands and trusting that she could defend herself mainly with her words and explanations. Though, her head was quick to remind her, that this seemed to be an undefendable situation.
"From what!?" he rolled up on his toes a bit, hands shoving into his pockets, "What could possibly be so fucked up that you had to do what you did in order to protect me?!" she opened her mouth to respond but he barreled over her, "Hell, Q, you can't pretend like everything you've done is for me! Not anymore! Not after all that's happened." he shook his head, "And now you just expect to come in here and act like we're fine?!" he asked with a gesture to the door to the apartment.
"Of course not!" she trilled out, "I already told you I know I -"
"Fucked up, I know." he quoted her, rolling his eyes a bit, "You've said that a lot these past few days, but it doesn't even begin to cover what you did." she glared at him,
"At least I'm trying to fix it." she gritted out, barely keeping a level tone. His eyes widened at her comment, obviously not believing her.
"Are you?!" he took a step closer, "Because after the homestead, you disappeared -" he started to point out.
"Because you went to fight against a rogue, murderous AI!" she defended herself with a step and a motion at him, "What did you expect me to do?! Follow you?! Go back to the Hydra base where I was held hostage and got my head fucked with for twelve fucking days!?" Steve's jaw clenched at the painful reminder of what she had been through, but his anger was strong enough to burn past it. "Even despite that, you know I don't do well in those types of situations!" she cried out, referring to the last time she had been thrown into the middle of a similar situation. No flying cities per say, but just an old, Hydra brainwashed friend who was set on trying to kill them all. She had barely made it out of there then and all she had to do was run around. His eyes flicked to her thigh where her scar from Bucky's stray bullet was, remembering the same moment.
"So then is this your attempt to fix it?!" he shook himself out of it, knowing it wasn't the time to spiral deep into his previously resolved guilt of not being able to save her, which would then lead him to being reminded of how he hadn't been able to save her from Hydra. He moved on with a wide gesture to the space around them and a step closer to her, "Because this seems like you're compensating for a bit too much!"
"Oh fuck you, Steve." she groaned, getting angry at him for not appreciating the time and effort she had put into making this trip happen, "Of course this is too good for you. Would you rather me have us meet somewhere shitty? Would that prove to you how sorry I am?" she pouted a bit, which made him seethe; God, she was really playing it to get him as riled up as she could, wasn't she?
"No!" he shouted back at her, making her anger flare even more. He was offering up nothing in terms of ways he wanted her to make amends. All he was doing was criticizing her for things out of her control or even for trying to make things a little bit nice for them, at least for a passing moment.
"Then I don't know what you want me to do!" she gestured widely, matching the level of his voice, "I don't know what I can do or say to prove to you that I'm sorry!" she cried out, feeling both angry and desperate. It seemed like nothing was good enough for him now. And they would just keep going in circles, over and over and over again until one of them gave up. Since both of them were clearly so stubborn, she wasn't sure when that would happen.
Not realizing it until that moment, the two of them were standing right in front of each other. Their anger and frustration had moved them against their own accord. There was a heat that radiated from their bodies. Chests heaving from the accidental yelling match, each of them could almost hear each other's hearts hammering against their ribcages, beating fast with unintentional adrenaline. Eyes boring into each other's, there was a fire behind them that neither had seen in each other. And though they were mere centimeters apart, a thick wall of tension kept them apart.
But they were still so close to each other. So close that Q could see how his jaw clenched a bit in response to being so close and so worked up. So close that Steve noticed how her tongue darted out to quickly lick her lips. Breaths were hitched, pheromones were coming off in waves, and eyes were locked on each other's. There was an instinct pulsing between them that both wanted to act on, but neither knew how the other would react.
"I don't know either." he breathed out after a beat of silence.
Then, acting on the instinct, his lips crashed against hers.
A/N: Just a tiny lil cliffhanger! I mean, we all knew this was gonna eventually happen right? Some angry sex? Who doesn't want THAT in a fanfic?! Please feel free to let me know all of your thoughts! I love reading each and every review you all leave. Thank you so much for reading/reviewing and everything in between!