Steve couldn't remember the last time he had taken a vacation. Hell, he wasn't sure he had ever taken one to begin with. Not since he was defrosted at least. And even before he went into the ice, the only true vacation he had gone on was with Bucky's family to Coney Island one summer. But that was only for a day and a half.
A few days had passed since he had agreed to stay in Croatia with Q. And despite everything that had happened between them - all the lies and secrets and what not, they were having a really nice time together. It was relaxing, as a vacation should be. There wasn't a graph or a chart in sight. There weren't any sudden missions or ops that needed his attention. The Avengers commitments that usually took precedence over their alone time together were ignored. It was just the two of them. Alone, in a country far enough away from the Avengers and whatever it was Q was doing. No interruptions at all. Just the two of them.
While there were two separate beds in the apartment, they ended up sleeping together in the same one. Mostly out of habit, partly out of making up for lost time. Both intimately and otherwise. Though it was different than the time before. Before, she would be the first one asleep while Steve would lie awake for a few hours. Now, it took both of them an equal amount of time to let sleep take them, almost for the same reasons. Both for fear of nightmares coming to haunt, but for Q there was a noise in her brain that wouldn't quiet, which she tried to explain to him. He couldn't understand it, but it didn't stop him from staying up with her, lightly tracing patterns across her skin so her brain would focus on something else until she fell asleep. Physical white noise.
Falling asleep in each other's arms was a familiar comfort, though now Steve was much more careful when wrapping his arms around her; thanks to Q's newly discovered sensitivity, one small touch would be enough to wake her. Waking up in the morning to find Q still slumbering somewhat peacefully next to him was a calming reminder that she hadn't ducked away in the middle of the night, left him again without an explanation. Sometimes, he woke up to find her staring at him, a tell tale sign that she had woken up in the middle of the night from a nightmare he didn't know about - and didn't know what about, but didn't dare move from her spot in case he woke up too. She knew where his mind would immediately go.
The early morning light backlit her almost every time they woke up together. Casting her in an almost angelic light that sharply contrasted the serious, almost fearful look on her face. He would watch her eyes search his as if she was looking for something important that only was able to be found in his eyes. When she found whatever she was looking for, her entire body would relax. Almost as if it were a reminder that they were still there. Together. And it wasn't a trick.
The days were spent doing various pre-planned activities together. Though there weren't any graphs or charts, there certainly was a folder. Or two. He had seen them on the table in the dining area the first morning of their "vacation" while she was in the shower.
"I can't believe you made us schedules." he commented once she had joined him in the main area. She tried not to smile at the sight of him holding up one of the schedules she had came up with while planning.
"Really? You can't?" she asked back with a raise of her eyebrows. The corners of his lips twitched, his stance relaxing almost immediately with a hint of their familiar banter.
"No, of course I can." he backtracked, glancing at the schedule again, "I just didn't think you would." a warmth blossomed behind his sternum at the sight of all the things she had planned for them to do together. Even before he had agreed to stay with her.
"Well, I did." she answered matter of factly before moving over to peck a kiss to his cheek, "And we better get our asses in gear if we're gonna make the bus to the vineyard."
"Jar." he responded out of habit, but instead of cringing like he had when he said it in battle, he glanced over his shoulder with a smirk as he saw Q roll her eyes.
The beautiful thing about Croatia, beside the country itself, was that no one knew who he was. Sure, they knew who Captain America was. That was made clear by the similar graffiti he saw in Sokovia that called him a socialist. But no one knew who Steve Rogers was. Making it so he could actually enjoy his time with Q doing whatever it was they were doing.
Following along with the schedule she had made them, they spent one day visiting a local vineyard. They walked through the fields and pretended to know all about wine. Mainly, they just made stuff up in an attempt to get the other to laugh. Of course, they ended up buying too many bottles from the vineyard itself, but those were easily drank throughout the remaining days.
"You come all the way from America just for a vineyard?" an older gentleman asked in lilted English after he had taken a previously requested picture of Q and Steve.
"We're big winers." Q responded with a straight face. But hearing Steve's barely concealed laugh explode from his chest almost made her break out into her own set of giggles.
There was a day they took a boat trip out to one of the surrounding islands. The boat trip would've been more than enough, but of course she took it one step further. What surprised him was when she declared they were going hiking to one of the supposedly hidden caves together.
"But you hate hiking. And exercising in general." he said, doubting her but still taking the backpack she handed over to him. He took another look at her outfit, noticing how she was dressed in what she considered appropriate hiking gear: shorts, sneakers, a button up shirt that she wore open so that he could see her bathing suit underneath and complete with two French braids in her hair and one of his baseball caps on her head. All she was missing was a bandana.
"But you don't." she pointed out, "And this is something cool that I wouldn't want to miss out on just because I hate walking uphill." she explained, making him realize that she was doing this for him no matter her personal opinions on the subject of exercise.
If her willingness to go wasn't enough of a surprise as it was, the fact that she could actually keep up was another one. Steve was certain he would end up carrying her most of the way because she would remember how much she hated physical activity and start to complain until he remedied the situation. But she stayed in step with him, and was even able to keep the conversation going without seeming out of breath in the slightest. Apparently, another side effect of the serum Hydra had given her. Though definitely not as bad as some of the other ones.
Once they made it to the secret cave - and the additional beautiful body of water that was hiding it, they set up a little picnic to enjoy. The rest of the afternoon was lounging on the rocks, swimming together (which subsequently led to splash fights), eating the snacks Q had packed and finishing off another bottle of wine from the vineyard. And when the time came to hike back down, Steve ended up carrying Q on his back just for the hell of it.
At first, there had been a silent agreement that they wouldn't talk about subjects regarding Sokovia or what Q was doing. It was better that way. No need to have their vacation be tinged with bitterness of what was done or regret of what wasn't. However, as the days passed, some things came up naturally.
"Say what's in your head." she softly prompted him one night. They had been lying in bed together, letting the after that came once they did fade away. Her forehead was resting against his, hands intertwining just as their bodies were. The windows were open, letting the curtains blow gently with the wind.
"I couldn't save someone." he admitted, voice but just a whisper. He didn't want to ruin the moment, but it was in his head. And she had asked, "In Sokovia. I mean, there were probably other...but she slipped through my fingers." he continued without adding the literally to it, "And it reminded me of when Bucky…" he trailed off again, knowing she would understand. Her free hand moved to softly caress his cheek, wiping away a tear he didn't even know escaped.
"You saved so many others, Steve." she reminded him. He nodded, knowing it was true but still knowing that trading one life was one too many. No matter how many people it saved, "And you traded your life for millions too, you know." she pointed out as if she could read his mind. Maybe she could; what with the serum and all. Who knew.
"I know." he breathed out, trying to give her a strong smile, but he could tell by the look on her face that it didn't do what he wanted it to do - end the conversation.
"We think we lost someone too." Q responded, giving him a small smile. His brow furrowed, not knowing who she was referencing. His mind immediately went to Dawson, figuring that maybe he had somehow, someway knew that he needed to go save Nat. At the thought, his heart dropped, not knowing how he would even start to comfort Q about losing her best friend. But luckily, he didn't have to yet because she continued, "One of Dawson's friends. She was helping us and went to Sokovia for...well we think to rescue Nat but..." she raised her shoulders up, "she never came back." she looked a little sad. Questions flicked through his head: why was one of Dawson's friends allowed to help, how close was she and Dawson's friend, who was this woman in the first place? But instead, he said,
"I'm sorry, Q." she gave him a sad smile with a little nod, hand continue to caress his cheek.
"Tell me about it. The woman. The bridge." she lifted her chin up a bit, changing the subject so it refocused on him again and encouraging him to do something he had done countless times before. Though it had been a while since their last talk.
Still, he did. It was easy to slip right back into how they had been. He told her about how he saw the woman while the bridge was breaking off. Neither of them realizing the women in their stories were the same one. But he told Q how he sprinted as fast as he could to get to her but how gravity was faster. His grip around Q's fingers tightened as if he was demonstrating how he would've grabbed the woman if he had a second more. The silence that followed her fall, even though a war raged on behind him, had only been replicated once before. The last time he had been a second too late in catching someone before they fell.
"It doesn't erase the fact that you still tried." she repeated what she had said to him so long ago. When he had finally opened up about the day Bucky died - or when Steve believed he did. She had been right there to help him through it, just as she was at that moment.
Moving forward, he kissed her soundly. She didn't hesitate to respond, hand moving from his cheek to the back of his head as if to anchor him where he was. Fine by him; this was exactly where he wanted to be.
There were days where there was nothing on the schedule except a dinner at a nice restaurant she had found. Those days were spent either walking around town or on the beach. Neither one would admit it, but they like those days best. Holding hands while walking through the town, stopping every so often at a small store or a food cart. All parties involved were surprised by Q's ability to understand and speak Croatian and Serbian - though it did make it easier when buying things or getting food.
Wherever they walked together, there was a story waiting to be heard. Croatia was full of so much history, both of them could spend hours learning about everything that had happened. Especially considering how recent their last war was. There were so many survivors, most in worse shape than any of the men Steve had ended up leaving behind when he crashed into the ice. He could sympathize with the storytellers who had lived through the war and offered up his understanding. It wasn't much, but it was something.
With their apartment being right near the water, it was only a short bike ride to the beach. The beach was a sharp contrast to the Jersey shore both of them were used to; it wasn't as crowded with both people and pesky seagulls. And it certainly had a nicer vibe than the beach Q had been at for over a year. They raced to the water like teenagers on their summer break, ending with her jumping on his back at the last second to send both of them tumbling down into the waves. He retaliated by picking her up and tossing her a few feet away from him like she weighed nothing, only hearing her shrieks right before she hit the water.
While Q was comfy on her beach chair, Steve took to the water, giving her a nice addition to her already pretty perfect view. Beach Steve was a new Steve to her, but she wasn't going to complain about seeing him in nothing but board shorts and sunglasses they had bought from a little old lady. The Irish in him made him burn rather quick - just as she did, but if the serum was good for one thing it was quickly making sure it turned to tanness within a few hours. Despite the way he looked, she also noticed how he acted. He was much more relaxed than he had been when he first arrived. A large weight had disappeared off his shoulders, especially once he let himself enjoy the vacation that had accidentally happened. He smiled and laughed more, which was something she had missed in her time away.
If she was being honest, she hadn't felt as happy as she was in Croatia in a long time. He had not only stayed, but made an effort to participate in the different activities they had done together. Hell, he had even surprised her with a few things he had planned on his own. Even though they were miles away from home, things felt normal again. And a big part of her didn't want to leave their hidden oasis. Though she knew they would need to eventually; not even because of her, but because he still had responsibilities to take care of after everything that had happened in Sokovia.
Steve hadn't thought about Sokovia since he talked with Q about what happened with the woman on the bridge. Instead, he let himself bob in the waves, enjoying the weird balance of the ocean. There was a calmness to it, but also a danger that lurked beneath. Something that was akin to him and this life he was living. Though he didn't feel that way during the days he spent with Q in Croatia.
Instead, he felt like everything was finally in place again. The anger had faded - her actions presently proved louder than her previous ones. There hadn't been another fight between them about what had happened in the past. Nor was there a conversation about what was coming. What would happen once their vacation ended. No, they were just focused on enjoying each other's company as much as they could, knowing they'd probably never get another chance to do so - even without what had been going on before which had brought them there in the first place.
Of course, they couldn't put off the conversation forever. Same with the end of their vacation. What with both of them ignoring calls from people wondering where they were. Wanting updates or wanting to give updates. Steve still needed to take care of some Ultron things, while Q had missed messages from Dawson regarding their missing person's case. Their time in paradise was coming to a close, no matter how they tried to stop it from happening.
"You know I still want to know what you'll actually be doing." Steve broke the comfortable silence between them. There were two things she could gather from what he said. One was that it was clear he wasn't trying to start a fight. The second was how he left off the once you leave. It was their decided last night in Croatia, both knowing that it had gone on long enough. And neither of them wanted to end it in a fight.
"Just so I don't think the worst." he added as an afterthought in a way to prove that he wasn't trying to get into an argument. She could understand that. She didn't want him thinking the worst either; that might lead him to continue to look for her.
The sun was setting around them, casting everything in a soft light. They had brought a blanket down to the beach, pairing it with the last bottle of wine from the vineyard and whatever food they had left in the fridge plus some treats they picked up on the way. She looked out across the water, watching the waves crash into the shore before returning to sea - only touching for the briefest of moments before separating again. It reminded her of a poem she had read once: Because there's nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it's sent away.
"There was this person in my family," she started, keeping her eyes on the ocean in front of them and choosing her words carefully, "who we all thought died in World War Two." the mention of the war immediately got Steve's attention, but she still kept her eyes fixated on a certain spot in front of her, "But he was actually captured by Hydra." she raised her eyebrows up while her eyes finally shifted over to Steve. He swallowed back the lump in his throat, fingers twitching around the stem of the wine glass.
"Like Bucky." he related the two. She nodded, letting out a bit of a breath,
"Yeah, exactly." she agreed, but didn't tell him that Bucky was who she was actually looking for. And technically it wasn't a lie either; she was talking about Bucky. It would be something she and Steve would argue about later. The technicalities of the situation and the lies that had been told, "And then when the data dump happened…" she trailed off, letting Steve fill in the blanks himself. She raised her shoulders up, reaching for another piece of food, "I've been trying to figure out what happened to him." she admitted with a small smile. His mouth opened in a silent question she already had the answer to, "I didn't tell you because I knew it would hit too close to home for you." she referenced Bucky without actually saying his name, "I didn't want to distract you from your responsibilities as an Avenger. You're too important to the rest of the world to deal with this just for me." she admitted, actually telling a half truth outright.
"I can help now, I want to help, Q." he offered seriously, hand sliding over to take hers. While he could understand why she didn't tell him, he didn't want her to be doing this alone. She shouldn't have to - and besides, she had become one of the most important things in his life. He'd give up the Avengers, the title, all of it, if she asked. But he knew she never would.
"I know." she gave him a small smile, "But you can't either." she shut him down, "You have to deal with Ultron, the Avengers." she reminded him of his real world responsibilities that he had been neglecting for the past several days. He wanted to argue with her, push back a bit and tell her that the rest of the team could handle it on their own. But he was a leader, and he couldn't just desert his team more than he already had.
They spent the rest of the night on the beach. Falling asleep to the sound of waves crashing against the shore. Tangled up in each other's arms as a way to keep each other warm and to be as close as possible for what was the last time for a long time. Hours later, the sun rose to wake them, but they stayed a bit longer in each other's arms. Both taking in their final moments, exchanging soft kisses, murmurs of love and gentle touches that were committed to memory for a lonely day.
"When will I see you again?" she asked, just loud enough to be heard over the waves.
"That's up to you." he pointed out, both of them knowing she was the one witholding her rather permanent location. She took in a breath, giving him a soft smile while feeling his hand slide through her hair. The salty air had turned it into a mess of knots and curls but he didn't mind at all.
"I don't know." she truthfully answered the question she had asked. There was no way to determine when they would actually be able to see each other again. And she didn't want to make any empty promises, but she could make one promise, "But I'll see you again." he gave her a smile before moving in for a sure, loving kiss.
Both of them would hold onto that promise until they saw each other again.
A/N: I really suck at the fluffy stuff so I'm sorry if this chapter was lame/felt like nothing more than a filler chapter. I honestly can't believe we're at 75 (!) chapters! Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing. I love you all! Please don't forget to leave your thoughts, comments or concerns! Also the poem is from Sarah Kay!