Things were changing.
By the time Steve returned back to the States, he was informed that the Avengers had moved to upstate New York to what seemed to be some sort of facility. Spread across a large chunk of land by the water, he learned it was previously a Stark Industries warehouse that was used to store Stark Industries equipment, but was now the new Avengers base. According to the press conference Tony had the base was going to be used for scientific research, military training, weapons development, and the New Avengers program.
If anything, it reminded Steve of Camp Leigh and it seemed to be almost a modern day version of it. Being welcomed by recruits in uniform running drills around the outer area of the compound, to the busywork of scientists and analysts. A fuse of SHIELD and the Avengers had happened. All under Tony's command.
It took him a few days to learn the layout of the new compound. There were labs where he was subjected to post-op tests. A rather large conference room where government officials spent a full day debriefing him about Ultron and Sokovia, then another conference room where he gathered with the remaining Avengers to talk next steps. Of course, Tony had put in all the amenities he could think of; a gym, a shooting range, and even a movie theater - which Steve thought was a bit much.
He was given a room assignment, which was more like a furnished studio apartment just without a kitchen, at the end of the winding, connected compound. While his personal items had already been moved from the Avengers Tower, nothing had been unpacked. Nor did everything fit in the smaller space he now had. He spent a few days deciding what would be useful to keep and what could be put into storage. A lot of Q's stuff finally went into storage, but there was a little more of a realistic hope put on the idea that she would be returning one day, some day.
Q, much to his surprise, had helped keep that small flame of hope lit. He didn't talk to her daily, but over the course of the month after Croatia and moving into the compound, they kept in casual contact. Quick, late at night, or early morning texts were sent - always from an ever changing number, even though Steve couldn't care less about tracking her anymore, containing small life updates or brief callbacks to their time in Croatia. It wasn't the best, but it was certainly much better than the absolute radio silence he had been getting before. Though he missed her like hell, it was comforting to know she was doing okay.
Things were changing.
Throughout the month, there were meetings with the other Avengers about what had happened in Sokovia and what that meant for the team. Bruce, or rather the Hulk, was still missing after taking off in a cloaked Quinjet. Thor wanted to go on a search for the rest of the Infinity Stones. And both Tony and Clint had decided it was time to retire from the Avengers. Clint to go be a father to his newborn son and his other kids, Tony to deal with his guilt at causing the whole Ultron fiasco in the first place. Steve was expected to be surprised by one of the decisions. But he understood the guilt Tony had been harboring. He couldn't fault him for wanting a chance to make up for what he had inadvertently done.
And then there were two. As much as he wanted to take this opportunity and run with it - get out just as the others had, meet up with Q wherever she was and help her find out what happened to her family member, he knew he couldn't. He had missed his chance. He couldn't desert Nat, leave her to try to save the world on her own. Even though he knew she very well could. And if he was being honest, he needed a new distraction. There was only so much he could do while he waited for Q to come home.
With certain team members leaving, there were spaces that needed to be filled. Despite leaving, everyone was involved in the decision making process. Though there wasn't much of a decision making process to begin with; the names on the list of options were just a natural progression. The current Avengers had all interacted with, fought alongside and trusted them. It was just a matter of giving them the official invitation.
Things were changing.
Even with all the seemingly permanent changes that were happening, there were a few that ended up being for the better. Like having Q semi-back in his life again, working on their relationship and hopefully being able to move past the lies and deception to something better and stronger. Together. But there was still a good amount of time before that happened.
Overall, Steve felt better. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he needed some time away to remember how to be himself. Not Captain America, destined to save the world time and time again. Just Steve Rogers, navigating a complicated relationship with the woman he loved. The two were separate, and not always equal. But Croatia let him leave the shield behind and be with himself. And of course, it didn't hurt to have Q there either. He was in a better mindset when he came back, able to take the changes that were happening and run with them rather than just pushing them aside to deal with later.
"So are you ever going to tell me where you disappeared to after Sokovia or will I just have to make up my own theories?" Nat asked him one night while they were sitting in one of the common areas. He looked up from his phone where he had been texting Q about Sam finally joining the Avengers. Nat was looking at him expectantly, one eyebrow raised and lounging on the couch on her side. He waited a beat before raising his eyebrows and sliding down in his chair a bit.
"I went to see Q." he answered plainly, knowing it was no use to try and hide it, then taking a sip of his beer. Her eyebrow twitched a bit, giving way that she was a bit thrown off by his answer. There weren't many times he could surprise her so he took a little bit in pride in being able to.
"No shit." she was half impressed, half jealous that he had gotten to see Suit while she still hadn't heard a peep from Dawson, "How'd that come about?" she asked, wondering if he had figured out where they had been hiding out. If so, she'd be more than a little angry that he didn't tell her so she could go with him.
"She called me." he began to explain, "Told me to meet her in Croatia." he continued with the bare details, "So I did." he shrugged, taking another sip of his beer. She made a face, nodding a bit, but feeling a little hurt that Dawson didn't do the same for her.
"That's nice." she settled on, "Must've had a good time, considering you stayed for over a week." she added with a gesture of her beer and a knowing look. He laughed and shook his head, eyes finding the beer bottle label.
"It was good to see her." he nodded. Natasha made a mhm noise that meant something more than a noise of agreement. That much he could tell by the sly smirk on her face. He rolled his eyes at her, but then fell silent for a moment, "I learned what they're doing." he admitted, getting her attention. His eyes met hers and he began to repeat what Q had told him on their last day. About the family member who had been experimented on by Hydra. How she didn't want to get Steve involved because of what happened to Bucky. How she was just trying to protect him.
"Oh, God." Natasha reacted after he finished. Sure, history tended to repeat itself, but learning that both Suit and a past relative of hers had been taken and tortured by Hydra was a little too on the nose for her liking. If she had just come out with it and told both Natasha and Steve in the first place, then maybe it wouldn't have happened. They could've protected her from it, gone a different route.
Thinking he had to be privy to what Steve just told her, she could almost understand why Dawson had gone along with Suit in the first place. It didn't lessen her anger or frustration toward him in the slightest; he made it personal and made her feel like it was her fault he was leaving. Not only that, he didn't come clean and allow her the chance to offer her help. She was sure so much could've been avoided if he had.
"I know." he nodded, more solemn than he had been when he mentioned his mini-vacation with Suit, "I know…" he repeated himself, trailing off as he got lost in his own head.
While his eyes moved away from her, looking at one of the random art pieces on the wall, she let her eyes linger on his face. Since he had gotten back from his apparent rendezvous with Suit, he had looked a lot less tired. More comfortable. And weirdly a bit tanner. But there was still a sadness that lingered, one that she knew well, one that was clearly caused from missing Suit. She doubted that it helped even a little knowing what they were doing and being told that he couldn't help. All he could do was wait for her to come home - and it was clear he hadn't been given a timeframe as to when that would be happening.
While she was annoyed at Suit for stringing Steve along, Natasha wanted to at least offer her help. If only to speed up the process and get her back home so he would quit looking like a sad puppy dog. Her offer was purely for Steve's sake - and maybe a little for hers; bringing Suit home would bring Dawson home too.
The line rang once, then twice and as it continued to she had the feeling that he wasn't going to answer. At least she could leave him a voicemail. Tell him that while she didn't forgive him yet, she understood. Tell him that she could help get them whatever answers they were looking for. All they needed to do was come back. Come home. That could be enough.
"You have two minutes." he answered on the final ring. Natasha immediately straightened up at the sound of his voice. It had only been a little over a month since they had last talked but it was still a bit surprising to hear.
"I'm not tracing this call." she responded, not knowing if there was a way to convince him of that. But he had answered, which meant maybe he wanted to talk to her too.
"Sure." he scoffed, ever the skeptic.
"Steve told me what you and Suit are doing." she got to the point in case he really was going to hang up in the alloted time he gave her. He was quiet on the other end, clearly wanting her to explain what she knew instead of filling in the blanks. A smart move. One no doubt he had learned from her at some point, "About Suit's family member. The one from World War Two who Hydra captured." she briefly summarized what Steve had told her earlier - even though there wasn't much to begin with in the first place. "I can help, Dawson. I have friends...people I know who have connections." she corrected herself, knowing her connections weren't friends but not necessarily enemies either.
"We're handling it on our own just fine, Nat." he assured her, sounding almost annoyed that she was even offering her help, "I should get going."
"Right, yeah, two minutes." she responded almost a bit sadly. She had tried - and failed it seemed. And so quickly too. Usually she would try and push back, convince him that they needed her help. Manipulate him in a way that he wouldn't even know he was being manipulated. But hell, it had been a little over two years since they left now. There was no convincing anymore. And after everything, he wasn't someone she wanted to manipulate. Maybe one day they could actually have a real conversation about what happened between them, but that wasn't happening then.
"Why do you even want to help?" he suddenly asked out after a long moment of silence. Honestly, she had thought he had hung up. There was a beat as she debated whether or not to lie or to tell him the truth. But enough lies had been shared between them as it was.
"Because I want you two to come home. I want you two to come home safe." she admitted, stressed even, as she crossed her free arm over her chest. She heard him scoff again.
"Oh, wow, look who cares." he responded sarcastically, a defense mechanism that hit too close to home for once.
"Don't be a dick, Dawson." she snapped back, momentarily losing her cool. How dare he laugh in the face of her trying to show she cared about him, even despite what he did to her, "I've always wanted to help. You just didn't let me. You didn't let me in on the secret. You -" she stopped, knowing it was about to get more personal than it already had.
"I what, Nat?" he asked, goading her. A part of her wanted to say what she had been about to: that it had hurt her that he had chosen Suit over her. But that meant being opening up a vulnerable part of herself with him. Something she hadn't done in a long time - the last time she had, he didn't believe her and left her. And she didn't want to come off as being someone who someone else wanted to choose. That would make her seem weaker than she wanted to.
"I would've chosen you over Steve." she settled on rather matter of factly, telling him what she meant to say without really saying what she felt. Dawson was quiet on the other end of the phone, no doubt working out the meaning behind what she said.
"I'm sorry, Nat." he finally said, "I just...Q's…" As he trailed off, she understood what he was trying to say. Him and Suit had a history together, one longer than she had with anyone. Bonded by certain things she couldn't relate to, but she could still feel hurt by the fact that she was his second choice.
"It's fine." she shook it off, wanting to move past her semi-vulnerable moment, "I get it." Again, Dawson was quiet. His silence didn't help at all; it unnerved her a bit since it was so out of character for him. She wanted him to tease her or make some dumb comment, but instead all she heard was,
"I really am sorry, Nat. You need to know that." his voice was serious, tone level, "I'm sorry for not involving you, you're right that was stupid." she never said that it was, but she was glad he had come to that conclusion on his own, "Let me talk to Q." he said after a moment, "I don't know how much help you'd be, considerin' we kinda got everything figured out here, but…"
"Right." she bobbed her head in a nod, even though he couldn't see her, "Hey, if anything, I know those Hydra documents aren't the easiest to translate." she offered, remembering how they had to go through Hydra's old records to find out more on Strucker. The bare bones of her abilities, but something that could be of some use. If they had all the documents, maybe all she needed to do was translate them so that they could read what happened and Suit could have some sort of closure. She heard him laugh lightly and then sigh,
"Are you offering? Cause I don't think we'd be able to afford the Black Widow." he asked, making a smirk tug at the corner of Natasha's mouth.
"Friends and family discount." she responded, making him snort. She could practically picture him rolling his eyes.
"Typical." he muttered under his breath. A small, wry grin peeked out across her face and she let the quiet between them hang for a moment before he continued, "Thank you, though." he said uncharacteristically, "I should get going." he added, concluding their conversation, "But I'll let you know if we need anything or run into any trouble." he assured her, almost promised her, but she didn't take it that seriously.
"Okay." she straightened up a bit more, arm falling to her side. She remembered why she had called in the first place - for Steve, to try and get Suit home to him. This wasn't a personal call. There was another beat where it felt like he was going to say something else, but instead he just sighed,
"I'll talk to you later." he ended before disconnecting the call.
And that was it. No decisions made, no way to know if he would actually talk to her again, or even talk to Suit about bringing Natasha in to help so everyone could get home. Just a vague, almost empty assurance.
"Who was that?" Fury's voice boomed out across the open space she had been conducting her call in. It wasn't considered a room since there was no furniture, but it was too wide to be considered just a hallway. She glanced over to see him walking toward her with a tablet in his hand, ever present leather jacket flowing out behind him.
"Agent Twenty-One." she answered matter of factly, using Dawson's old SHIELD title as she turned around and let her arms cross over her chest. He gave a huff of a laugh,
"Didn't realize you two were still involved." he responded, gaining an unamused look from her before she took the tablet he was holding out to her.
"We're not." she shut him down, holding back her deep sigh, but continuing with, "You know what he's like." she summed up vaguely, not wanting to get into it.
"I do. I recruited him after all." he nodded, "But he's not the same twenty-two year old with a smartphone and a problem with authority like he was back then." Natasha met his eye, waiting for him to continue, "Though you're not the same woman who Barton brought in all those years ago either, are you?" he perked an eyebrow, "People change, Ms. Romanoff." he reminded her. She didn't agree, but didn't necessarily disagree either. Sometimes she thought she had changed, but sometimes she was reminded that she hadn't.
"Did you know then what was going to happen?" she asked, wondering his thought process behind bringing in both her and Dawson. Wondering if he somehow knew the impact the two would make on each other. If he saw the similarities between them and set a plan in motion.
"You never know." he shrugged, "You hope for the best, then make do with what you get. I got a great team." she couldn't help but smirk at that; the great team he was referencing was disbanded, scattered both before and after the events of Sokovia, leaving only her and Steve to pick up the pieces and start again. Still, the sentiment was appreciated.
"Anyway, one of our tech boys flagged that." he changed the subject, referring to the radar that was on the screen of the tablet. There was a pulsing red dot resting in the otherwise empty space, "Splashed down in the Banda Sea. Could be the Quinjet." he added, reminding Natasha that there were other problems they were still dealing with - like Bruce's disappearance, "But with Stark's stealth tech, we still can't track the damn thing." he paused while she nodded, "Probably jumped out and swam to Fiji." he added, as if that were some sort of comfort. Knowing that their teammate was relaxing on a beach while they were dealing with preparations for whatever threat came next.
"Thanks." she nodded, giving him a brief smile before tapping away at the screen to send out the information to Steve and whoever else needed to be updated. Easily shifting back into a mindset she was familiar with, comforted by, a safe one. Far away from any thoughts of Dawson or changes.
After all, she still had a job to do.
A/N: I don't even know you guys. This chapter was...so hard to write. So I'm sorry if it sucks. Nonetheless, reviews are always appreciated.