"Is everything alright, dear?" her calm voice pulled him from his thoughts. Eyes moving away from the horizon in front of them, he turned his head so he could look at her instead. A semi-embarrassed blush colored his cheeks at the realization that he had been caught daydreaming. If you could really call what he was thinking about daydreaming. More like reliving a moment from the past. He ducked his head down and let out a slight laugh.
"Yeah, sorry, just thinking." he told her and she tsked.
"You do too much of that." she lightly chastised, lifting her teacup to her lips before reconsidering her statement, "But also not enough." he grinned at her, twisting the ceramic coffee cup around in his hand.
"Heard that before, Peg." he sighed, leaning back in his chair, "Mostly from you." she gave him a brief smile, her eyes twinkling a bit as she took a sip of her tea.
Today was a good day. Which was a miracle in Steve's eyes. There hadn't been many of those in a long time. The last good day he had with Peggy was the same day he got coffee with Sharon almost two years before. Every time since, when he came back to D.C. to visit Peggy, it had been painfully obvious that she was just getting worse. Limited time. A never ending theme in his life — especially with Peggy.
But that day he came to find her actually out of bed, up and moving around. Excited and happy to see him. She had gotten her nurse to bring them tea, coffee and a few pastries to eat out on the small balcony she had. Since the weather was nice, despite the cold spring they had been dealing with, and they could properly enjoy each other's company instead of her being stuck in a bed and him sitting by like they were in a hospital rather than assisted living.
Another dead end in the hunt for Rumlow had brought him back to D.C. The tip he had gotten from Q hadn't led anywhere helpful, but he couldn't fault her for trying. At least they were talking again. And even, on a rare occasion, Skyping. Talking about the new Avengers, or whatever sort of thing Dawson had a compliant about. Never about her missing person's case or his search for Bucky. Still, it was the small steps - and actually having contact with her was one big small step.
So while the rest of the team went their separate ways: Sam to the VA to attend a meeting, Natasha to check in on how the Triskelion clean-up was going, and Wanda at the safehouse, Steve had decided it was the perfect opportunity to visit an old friend. Which turned out to be exactly what he needed.
"What were you thinking about?" she asked after a moment, "Something good, I hope." he gave her a quick grin from behind his coffee cup.
"That time you tried to introduce the Commandos to English tea." he reminded her, "After one of the Hydra raids, we had all come back to base and found our coffee supply was gone, so you brought out tea." Peggy smiled a bit as she remembered what he was talking about,
"Yes, right and it was Dum Dum who told me that tea was just wet leaves." Steve laughed, ducking his head down to hide his smile, "And Barnes forced everyone to act incredibly proper - dramatically so." he glanced at her with a grin, remembering how straight Bucky sat, pinky out and mocking Peggy's accent. All in good fun, of course, but it didn't stop her from gently slapping him upside the head.
"I think that was the first - and last, time any of them had tea." he told her with a slight furrow of his eyebrows.
"I'm not surprised." she sighed, relaxing into her chair a bit, "How are the men doing now that the war is over?" she asked. It took a beat for Steve to realize she was serious - and had forgotten that almost all of them were dead.
"Uh," he cleared his throat, "good," he played along with her, not wanting to trigger anything or ruin their mood, "Good, all back home with their families, living very boring lives and avoiding tea." she smiled at his joke, and he tried to do the same - ignoring the dread in his stomach and the sadness in his heart at knowing the truth.
"There's nothing boring about a normal life, Steve." she reminded him with a knowing look, "Could be good for you." he hesitated before nodding in agreement, not really wanting to get into it again. He had already had a conversation about the topic with Tony several months before.
Their visit ended shortly after the coffee and tea had been finished. He gave her a kiss on the cheek and told her he'd visit again when he could. She squeezed his hand, reminded him that she was happy - both in general and for him, and told him to be careful on his next mission with the Commandos. He promised her that he would.
When he arrived back at the safehouse, Wanda was still the only one there. He spotted her curled up on the corner of the couch, intently watching the weather channel. How that could be entertaining, he didn't know. Leaning against the entryway to the living room area, he crossed his arms over his chest,
"How's the five-day look?" he asked, getting her attention. She glanced over her shoulder at him and gave him a small, amused smile.
"There's another cold front moving in." she responded, her accent lilting her words, before turning off the television. He laughed to himself, pushing off the wall and stepping into the living room area. Readjusting her position on the couch, she turned so she was fully facing him. Her hair fell in soft curls — no doubt from Nat and she had changed out of the bulky, muted clothes she had worn while they did recon and was now wearing a flowy tanktop under an oversized cable knit cardigan and a pair of cotton shorts.
"Have you eaten?" he asked with raised eyebrows as he draped his jacket over the opposite arm of the couch.
"Not since this morning." she pulled down the corners of her mouth and shook her head, eyes suddenly leaving his face to look at her lap where she was picking off an invisible piece of lint, "I'm okay." she added as he realized it was close to dinnertime. He watched her for a moment, trying to understand the shift in her disposition. But he was no Q, and the only thing he could come up with is that it had something to do with the time she had spent in the Hydra research base. He must've stuck his foot in his mouth...again. Something he seemed to do a lot with her.
"C'mon." he moved past it, picking up his jacket again, "Let's get out of here and go get something to eat." he shrugged on his jacket while she studied him skeptically, "You forget that I lived here for almost a full year. I know some pretty good places." he tried to convince her, but didn't want to force her to come with him. She hesitated for a moment before getting up from the couch, only to walk into her room and shut the door. Steve tried not to be too disappointed or take it personally.
It was easy with Sam and Nat; he was already friends with both of them before they started on their mission to find Rumlow. He knew how to talk to both of them, how to act around them and what to share vs. what not to share. With Wanda, it was difficult. Sure, even though she was still learning how to be an Avenger, she was a great addition to the team. But Steve had made no progress in forming any sort of bond with her outside of the Avengers. She tended to close herself off and not be a super willing participant in any of the group activities they did outside of chasing down leads.
Still dealing with the loss of her brother, the newfound hero status she had and just adjusting to being able to live her life again, it was clear she was going through a lot. And it was enough to make it hard for everyone involved; they didn't know how to act around her or what to say or do versus what not to. Hell, it almost reminded him of himself when he first came out of the ice, and then two years later when he came to D.C. Now, he understood how hard it had been for Q. And he probably owed her an apology or two for being so stubborn and hard to get through to.
Though, thankfully, he learned a thing or two from all the time Q spent trying to chip away at the wall he had up. And if he remembered correctly, food was one of the main things she used to connect with him. So goddamn it if he wasn't going to try similar tactics with Wanda. He would just bring her back something from the deli.
Much to his surprise, Wanda's bedroom door reopened a few moments later. She had traded her leggings for a pair of ripped jeans and had a pair of combat boots on her feet. Slipping her arms into a light jacket, she walked over to Steve with a nervous smile.
"Ready?" she asked him with a slight eyebrow raise. He fought the smile on his face, nodding once and gesturing to the door.
"After you." he responded, letting her go first.
Being in D.C. without Q always felt a bit wrong. He always half-expected her to pop up somewhere, coming out of a coffee shop with a hot chocolate or heading into a record store. Some things he didn't even think about until they were at the place where the memory happened. Walking past the bar where Q tried to audition for the USO show during their bar tour, or the hot dog cart that Q had bought him food from on Fourth of July. Like a muscle memory.
"When did you live here?" Wanda asked at one point, breaking the silence and pulling him from his memories.
"A couple years after the Battle of New York. Moved here to work with SHIELD." he told her, slipping his hands into his coat pockets. Wanda wrinkled up her nose in disgust at the mention of SHIELD. An understandable response, considering they had done nothing for Sokovia during their time of war, and had only spurred on Wanda and Pietro's decision to sign up for von Strucker's experiments. He decided not to comment on her reaction, he couldn't defend SHIELD for what they didn't do, nor did he want to apologize for their lack of response either.
"Used to come here almost every day." he nodded at the deli they were coming up on, "Mostly because it was right down the street from my apartment." he pointed down the block at where his building was, knowing they had passed Q's a moment before. He remembered seeing her rush out of it countless times, looking both put together and frazzled at the same time. "Best sandwiches in the city." he gave Wanda a grin as they got to the door. Holding it open for her, he let her go in first.
Tentatively, she explored the store while he went up to the counter to get in the sandwich line. He glanced over his shoulder to see her eyeing the display of chips before selecting a bag of spicy ones.
"Mr. Steve!" Albert greeted him loudly, happily. Steve turned back to face the older man with a smile of his own.
"Hi, Al." he responded, stepping up to the counter, "How are you?" he asked, getting a nod from the other man,
"Could be better, but could also be worse." he told him with a shrug of his shoulders and a ehh noise. Steve let out a little laugh; he understood the sentiments, "But what about you? Heard about what happened in Sokovia. Scary stuff." he tsked and gave him a knowing look. While Albert had never flat out told Steve that he knew who he really was, it was clear that the man knew. He appreciated the discretion and also the concern.
"Taking it day by day." he gave him a reassuring smile, "Could always be worse, right?" the man nodded, pointing at him a bit,
"That it could, that it could." he agreed before moving on down to start on Steve's sandwich.
"Uh, two today." Steve told him, holding up two fingers and effectively getting Albert's attention. His eyebrows rose and his face broke out into a smile. Steve could see where his mind went and quickly explained, "It's for a friend of mine." he watched as Albert's smile fell a bit and immediately felt bad, "Q's still out of town. But we're...trying." he settled on, knowing it was super vague, but hopefully enough to reassure Albert that he hadn't moved on from his favorite customer.
"Well, that's good, kid." Albert told him after a moment, "Trying is the most important thing. The right thing. Hell, I had to try a lot with Liesel." he laughed to himself, remembering something about his late wife that he didn't expand on, "Good for you, kid. For both of you." he nodded firmly, then went back to making up the sandwiches for Steve.
After paying for both of the sandwiches, drinks, and the chips Wanda picked out, the two of them left the deli. He led her to a small grassy area that was right across the street from his old apartment building that had benches and spaces to sit and eat. He and Q would sit out there whenever the weather was nice - she doing her crossword and he reading the paper.
"You know the owner?" Wanda asked as they sat down on one of the benches. He nodded, unwrapping his sandwich as he did so,
"Yeah, well, through Q." he amended, "She took me there the first day I got to the city, and we just kept going." he explained, glancing over at Wanda, "You haven't met her yet, but I think you two would get along." he gave her an encouraging smile. He had mentioned Wanda to Q on a few occasions and Q seemed sympathetic to the things Wanda had gone through. He hoped that when they met, Q would be a good influence on Wanda - shared trauma and all that.
"She's your girlfriend, yes?" she asked, studying him a bit, as if trying to connect the dots. He hesitated for a moment, cracking open his water bottle so he had something to do with his hands,
"It's...complicated." he settled on with a heavy sigh.
"How so?" she asked curiously. He glanced at her, not really wanting to get into it, but she was clearly expecting an answer.
"Uh, we were together for a bit, but then she left, I didn't hear from her for over a year and then she came back only to leave again. And now we're...trying to figure it out." he summarized briefly, then taking a sip of his water, "She's been through a lot." he paused, "We both have." he added, fiddling with the cap. Wanda watched him for a moment, a small ball of guilt forming in her stomach. While she may have already apologized for what she had done in the refinery in South Africa, what she had made Steve and the other Avengers live through, and proved that she was on their side, she hadn't told him about what she did for von Strucker. Who she had done it to.
She hadn't said anything yet, mostly because it had taken her a bit to connect all the dots. She wasn't entirely sure if Steve was the man from the woman's head or if the woman in Steve's head was the same one from the base. And then once she did, she had kept it to herself for fear of his reaction. Fear that he wouldn't trust her anymore. Fear that she would be outcasted and exiled and forced to live on her own again. The Avengers had become the closest thing she had to a family - a home, again, and she didn't want to lose them. But she had to tell him.
"I have to tell you something." she voiced her thoughts, immediately looking away from him and across the small park where a dog and owner were playing fetch. She felt his eyes on her profile, waiting for her to continue, "After the Scepter...created me," she let a small, red, energy wave dance over her fingertips for a moment, "Strucker wanted to test my abilities. Strengthen them." she furrowed her brow a bit, remembering the different types of tests she had been put through, "First it was just little things, moving wooden blocks without touching them or crushing cans from a few feet away." she paused, "Then it was animals, mice usually, manipulating them to do things or making them hallucinate." she cleared her throat, keeping her eyes trained on the dog and its owner, "And then one day, he said there was a woman who had infiltrated and wanted to destroy what he had built. A threat. Said she was the perfect test subject for my abilities." she swallowed back the lump in her throat as she got to the part she was dreading, "I didn't realize who she was until later, when I saw her in your head." she finally stole a glance at Steve, who was still staring at her, features hard and serious. His fist clenched for a brief moment before unclenching and flexing out.
"Q." he figured it out for himself, voice thick. Eyes locked on his, she nodded, telling him he was right. Her first instinct was to defend herself, blame it all on von Strucker, but she couldn't. Because, in all honesty, she had taken some joy in breaking Q down under her abilities. Powerful even. And she had finally felt like she could have some influence in the world to stop the terror and chaos that was happening in her city. Now, later, she knew it was wrong. Knew she shouldn't have done that to an innocent woman.
"I'm sorry, Steve." she managed out, looking at her sandwich. Her stomach rolled at the sight of it, feeling almost disgusted with herself, "I know I should've told you sooner, but…" she trailed off, looking back over at him, "I couldn't. I didn't know how you...what you would do…" she tried to explain her reasoning behind keeping the secret, but nothing felt good enough, "She loved you so much." she said quietly after a moment, not knowing if that was the right thing to say, but remembering the feeling flooding through her when she entered Q's mind. How every scenario seemed to be centered around him.
"Don't." Steve's voice was hard, unlike any sort of tone of voice she had heard from him before. She had said the wrong thing. And god, she was itching to take it all back, slither her way into his mind and erase what she had just said. But she couldn't. It wouldn't be right. And ever since she had joined the Avengers, she had been trying to do the right thing.
The quiet between them was deafening. Wanda didn't know what to do; a part of her wanted to keep apologizing, the other wanted to just leave. While she didn't like the tension between the two of them, the weight she had been carrying around had finally left her shoulders. She wasn't harboring this giant secret anymore, waiting for it to be exposed and for everything to come crashing down.
"I don't know what I'm supposed to…" Steve finally broke the quiet, eyes on a random spot of grass in front of them, "Fuck, Wanda." he sat back on the bench, running a hand through his hair. She shrunk into herself, picking at the edge of her jacket sleeve as they fell quiet again,
"I understand if you don't want me on the team anymore." she told him quietly. He did a double take, straightening up a bit,
"What? Wanda, no, this..." he trailed off, trying to organize and explain his thoughts, "I can't blame you for the things you did at the Hydra base." he put it plainly, "You thought you were doing the right thing." she tried to hold back a flinch at the phrase, "Strucker told you that Q was a...threat, right?" she nodded a bit, afraid to really answer, "I mean, you were just a kid, Wanda. You're still just a kid." he reminded her, even though she was bordering on close to eighteen now, "I don't like what you did - or who you did it to, and it may take me a bit to forgive you," he admitted and Wanda felt her heart sink, "but I understand the reasoning behind it." he finished with a brief, small smile. Strangely, his heart went out to her. Yes, she had done this terrible thing to the woman he loved, but she came to the realization that it was wrong - only to be afraid of his reaction. She was scared. She had always been scared, and he didn't want her to be anymore, "Thank you for telling me." he added with a nudge of her shoulder. She scoffed, not feeling totally relieved, but a bit better in knowing that she still had a place, a home, on the team.
"Yeah, I'm sure you really wanted to hear that." she said a bit sarcastically. He pulled down the corners of his lips in a face,
"Not really, no." he agreed, then shrugged, "But we're a team. And you can't trust someone on your team when they're keeping secrets from you." he told her with a look that meant she'd have to tell everyone else too. The fear re-instilled itself in her gut at the thought of having to tell both Natasha and Sam. But maybe it would be easier, now that she had said it once, and had Steve to help her. She let out a slow breath and tried to give him a strong smile.
"Now, eat," he nudged her again, lifting his chin toward her untouched sandwich, "Or else I'm gonna have to tell Al that you didn't like his food and, well, if you think Bruce gets angry…" he scoffed a bit, telling her that Albert's reaction would be akin to the Hulk. There was a bit of an amused smile on his face, "Even I won't be able to protect you from that." she laughed a little, but nodded and unwrapped her sandwich.
Steve watched as she dug into her sandwich, noticing how she was a little more relaxed than she had been at the safehouse. Everything made a bit more sense - why she had been so distant and why he didn't feel like he had been able to make a connection with her. The secret she had been keeping from him was holding her hostage. Keeping her from truly feeling like a part of the team. She had already proven that she was a valuable asset to the Avengers with her abilities, but after what she had just told him, Wanda had also shown that she wanted to be a part of the team - no matter how hard it was to tell him about Q.
And he admired her for that.
A/N: Just a lil Steve chapter for you! I hope it was okay! Please let me know all your thoughts and concerns. Also we're almost at the two year anniversary of this story - what should I do to celebrate? Tell me here or feel free to send me a message on my tumblr (cassercole)! Love you all!