SOUL ALCHEMY. PART 2.

(Chapter 22. The Choice)

That sunrise was the first in many, many years that Notre Dame's bells didn't ring. Their unusual silence almost felt more loud than their habitual song. All the citizens of Paris were astonished, as if they had unknowingly traveled during the night to a different land, one covered in snow and devoid of their beloved cathedral's voice. The archdeacon was the most surprised of all, but when he climbed the tower in search for an explanation, the bell ringer was gone.

- Please, Claude, - Esmeralda whispered, with a warm tear rolling down her cheek and falling into his silver hair. - I'm not done with you.

And then his eyelids moved slightly. He was still unconscious, but she had seen it, that small twitch.

She gasped, and placing her hands on his chest, she called his name again:

- Claude? Claude! Can you hear me?

A brief, low grunt vibrated in his throat.

- He's waking up! - Esmeralda cried to Quasimodo, who rushed to her side.

- Father? - he called, hopeful.

Esmeralda was moved to hear Quasimodo call him that. Even if he was indeed his adoptive son, neither of them usually called the other by such familiar appellatives. But now, the young man was filled with emotion and tension, and his true feelings for the man who had saved his life were coming up to the surface.

Frollo grunted again, and his eyes began to open tentatively.

- Quick, bring him some water. - Esmeralda urged Quasimodo, and he raced towards the porcelain jar over the table, but it was empty.

- There isn't any left! - he announced.

- Kitchen! - Esmeralda replied briefly, pointing towards the door with her eyes still scrutinizing Frollo's face. She heard the door closing behind Quasimodo, and his rushed footsteps down the hall.

Frollo finally opened his eyes completely, and looked around with a blurred vision. Where was he? He remembered standing on Notre Dame's highest edge, ready to let go and die and then… her voice, calling his name. Each time she pronounced it, he felt a stronger pull from the silver cord that was connecting his ethereal form with his physical body. He had tried to resist it at first, but it had been useless. The pull was just too strong.

And then… pressure. An awful pressure surrounding him, a claustrophobic density all around his previously translucent form. It was so uncomfortable, so painful. He felt as if he was being trapped and immobilized against his will. Why had he come back? He was free of his burden at last, and now he found himself back to it, only now he could tell the difference with his true essence, so it felt much more horrible. This was wrong. It was a mistake! Why would he…?

- Can you hear me? - her anxious voice repeated, and this time he could hear it with his ears, instead of inside his head.

He moved his head slowly, feeling as if every movement took all of his strength. And then he met her face, leaning over him, lined equally with worry and hope. His gray eyes were able to finally focus, and they met her emerald ones.

And then, as if some missing piece had finally clicked into place, it all made sense. It was all worth it. The pain, the heaviness, the burden. They had allowed him to get back to her, and in that moment he wondered how he had even considered letting go without having looked into her eyes one last time.

- Claude?- she insisted, getting concerned by his lack of response.

He tried to speak but only a faint moan was able to escape his lips. But it was enough. Esmeralda sighed with immense relief.

- Oh, thank God. - she said, letting her face fall down into her palms, her thick messy hair all around it, hiding it from his view.

Oh no. He hadn't come all this way back to lose that precious sight again so soon, he thought, and with great effort, he lifted his hand and tried to move her hair away to uncover her face.

She was caught off guard, but when her teary eyes emerged from her palms, a beautiful smile was accompanying them.

- Thank you – she said hoarsely.

Frollo let his hand fell down to his chest, unable to hold it up any longer, and he barely shook his head, as if to say "it's nothing." Esmeralda wiped her cheeks, and taking his hand she leaned closer.

- No. Thank you for choosing to live. - she whispered.

He looked deep into her eyes again. How did she know? How could she possibly know what he had experienced, that he had had a choice and wasn't simply unconscious? He didn't have an answer to these questions, but he had the certainty that she somehow knew and understood how hard it had been for him. And she sounded so grateful that he had done it. But before he had time to consider why, Quasimodo stormed back into the room.

He raced to the bed, holding a cup of water in his hands. Magdalene was following him, carrying a new jar to substitute the other one.

Esmeralda moved back to give him some space to get to Frollo.

- Is he okay? - he nervously asked her.

- I think so. - she nodded with a smile.

Quasimodo's eyes teared up as well, as he carefully held Frollo's head to raise it and put some pillows under it so he would be incorporated and able to drink. He took the cup to his lips and tried to help him drink, but Frollo was finding it hard, for even swallowing required his effort. So Quasimodo gave up and left the cup by the nightstand. However, Frollo held his hand briefly, and he gave Quasimodo a grateful look. He awkwardly patted Frollo's hand, not used to any display of affection coming from the judge. Esmeralda tried to conceal a smile, looking the other way to give them some privacy.

- It's good to see you awake, Sir. - Magdalene said from a respectful distance.

Frollo hadn't noticed her presence, and when he heard her, his body stiffened a little, and his hand let go of Quasimodo's. Being vulnerable in front of his adoptive son was one thing, but doing so in front of the servants was another. He counted on their respect, and even a healthy amount of fear. He didn't want them seeing him like this. So with a tremendous effort, he cleared his throat and said:

- Thank you, Magdalene. That would be all for now. - his voice was scratchy but decisive, and the housekeeper looked at him with an offended expression on her face.

- Actually, Sir… there's something else. - she stated, irritated.

- What is it? - Quasimodo asked on his behalf.

- The gypsy man… he has returned. - she informed them, unsure of what she was expected to do about it.

- Clopin. - Quasimodo deduced, looking at Esmeralda. - He agreed to let you rest yesterday and to come get you today. It's already morning. - he explained, pointing at the window, that was letting in the first timid rays of the winter's sun.

Esmeralda blew, exasperated.

- Of course he did. Can you help me get down there and talk to him? - she asked, offering her hand to Quasimodo.

- Are you leaving?- he asked, perplexed.

Esmeralda opened her mouth to answer, but suddenly hesitated. She looked back at Frollo, fearful of what he would want her to do.

He was looking at her as well, awaiting her answer, unsure of what he wanted to hear.

Yes, he had chosen to come back to life. To come back to her. But that didn't mean he knew what his next step would be. He still agreed with what he had decided during his ghostly experience; he wasn't ready to open himself to that kind of feelings, and the inevitable risk of grief that came with them. Besides, he knew now that keeping her as a prisoner, even if it was like it had been before her wound, with her mandatory visits to the cathedral… it just wasn't an option anymore. If he was to love her truly, even if it just happened inside of him without her knowing, taking away her freedom couldn't be part of the deal. But that meant if she left now, he wouldn't know when, or if, he would see her again.

Esmeralda was still hesitant, so he finally felt forced to say something.

- You should go home. - he said, and the words broke his heart as soon as he heard them out loud.

Esmeralda's heart also felt as if it had taken a knife.

- But… - she said doubtfully – I don't want my wound to get infected again. If I have to start going back and forth again… maybe I should just…

But Frollo interrupted to clarify:

- No. No going back and forth anymore. You should go home for good.- he said, attempting to smile and failing flagrantly. He knew that giving her freedom back was a generous act, but he just couldn't feel happy about it. He couldn't even fake said happiness.

Esmeralda was too anxious, fearing another separation, to stop for a minute and digest what the man was offering her. Instead, she tried a different approach, searching desperately for a valid excuse to prolong her stay.

- What about you? You just came back from the dead. You'll need someone to take care of you.

But this was the worst she could have said, for it triggered all of Frollo's insecurities. He felt she saw him like an invalid, like a decrepit old man that couldn't take care of himself. His defensive barriers jumped right back in.

- I'm perfectly able to take care of myself. - he stated harshly.

- No, you're not. - she protested.

He couldn't take it. Being rejected by her was an awful perspective, but at least when she hated or feared him, he knew she respected his power. But being pitied by her… that left him with nothing but shame.

- Quasimodo will stay.- he then settled. Quasimodo was looking at them alternately, but when he heard his name he winced and promptly nodded.

But Esmeralda wasn't going to give up.

- Quasimodo has bells to ring – she affirmed in all seriousness. - I don't have anything or anyone depending on me.

- I won't become the first one to do so, then. - Frollo stated, with the same unyielding tone.

They stared at each other in silence, both displaying a stubborn frown.

Quasimodo snorted with exasperation. He was about to say something, when Magdalene came into the room again, visibly upset.

- The man is insisting on seeing you, miss. He says if you don't come out he will come fetch you himself. - she informed irritated at this lack of order.

- Damn it, Clopin! - Esmeralda mumbled. - Please, help me get to him. - She asked Quasimodo again. - I don't want him causing a scene, and he will.

Quasimodo approached her and slid a strong arm around her waist, while she threw her own arm over his shoulders to lean her weight on him.

- Be careful. - Frollo instructed, and though none of them turned around, he could hear her snorting with sarcasm as they left his room.

He looked at her limping figure, trying to carve it into the deepest part of his memory, where no time or oblivion could erase it. He didn't know if he'd ever see her again. And she hadn't even said goodbye.

- Hey! - Esmeralda called out to the man playfully sliding his basic leather shoes through the snow covered cobblestones.

- Finally! - Clopin exclaimed cheerfully, and ran towards her, lifting her from the ground in a tight embrace. - How are you feeling?

- I'm good. - Esmeralda answered, tapping his shoulder so he would bring her down, where Quasimodo promptly grabbed her again.

- You are? - Clopin asked, taking a few steps back down the stairs to get a complete look at her- No fever?

- No. It still hurts… but I feel much better.

- That's my sister! I knew you were strong enough to kick that infection in the ass! - Clopin celebrated clapping.

- Well, it was actually Frollo who kicked it in the ass. - Esmeralda pointed out, copying his words. - If it hadn't been for him I don't know if I would have made it.

Clopin's expression immediately changed, revealing his blunt despise for the man.

- Well, whatever, what matters is you're okay now. Let's go home. - he encouraged her, attempting to take Quasimodo's place in helping her walk.

- Wait… - she said, giving Quasimodo a quick hesitant glance and then looking down. - I think I'm going to stay for a while.

Clopin laughed at what he thought was a blatant joke. But when he tried to grab her arm again and she pulled away, his smile vanished.

- What are you saying? - he asked, baffled.

- Clopin… there are things you don't know. - she tried to justify herself.

- Then tell them to me. - he demanded, getting angry by the second.

- Frollo got sick trying to get me a remedy for my fever. He nearly died.

- Don't get my hopes up. - Clopin pleaded with a dark grin.

Quasimodo grunted lowly, but he decided it was best not to intervene in the already tense enough conversation. Esmeralda was hurt by his words but at the same time, she understood Clopin's feelings. So she kept going, pretending she hadn't heard the cruel remark.

- I think I should stay and make sure he's okay.

Clopin's eyes were wide with bewilderment.

- You have to be kidding me. - he affirmed, but Esmeralda shook her head silently. - So you're telling me Frollo is in his deathbed, sick and weak… isn't he?

- Yes.

- And you say you want to stay? Are you out of your mind? This is our chance! We should leave the city now that he can't chase after us! If we leave today we can settle somewhere else, where nor he or his soldiers will have any power over us!

He was suddenly excited, talking fast and looking past her, to the bright future of freedom he was envisioning.

- You can leave if you want, Clopin. - Esmeralda stated calmly. - But I'm staying.

Clopin's eyes found hers again, and the harsh judgment in them made Esmeralda shiver.

- You're staying. - he repeated, in a cold, spiteful tone. - What is wrong with you? What happened to you while you were staying here? I have been patient, and supportive… but you haven't been the same since you came back. - he accused, shaking his head. - I don't recognize you. You used to be the defender of the weak and downtrodden… and now look at you! When you get the chance, you choose a life at the fancy Palace, is that it?

Esmeralda was so hurt by his words she was paralyzed, her mouth open in disbelief.

- You really think that of me? - she asked with her voice cracking.

- What am I to think, Esmeralda? What could possibly be the reason for you to choose this, over freedom with us? You've betrayed your people! You're betraying me! You're sleeping with the enemy!

- I'm not sleeping with him! - she defended herself, at the verge of tears.

- Then what is going on? - Clopin screamed at her, raising his arms in the air, furious.

Esmeralda looked suddenly exhausted. Her heart was broken. She couldn't even understand herself, let alone explain her irrational decisions to someone else. She tried to picture her people leaving the city, and never looking back. She tried to picture herself not going with them, losing her only family. It was almost unbearable. But then, she tried to picture herself actually leaving with them, and never seeing Frollo again, losing him forever now that she had just gotten him back. And that was, in fact, unbearable.

- Just go, Clopin. - she finally said hoarsely. - This is none of your business.

- None of my business? Now what happens to you is none of my business? - the gypsy man repeated, outraged. - You ungrateful child! You seem to have forgotten that it was our people who were willing to take you in when you were abandoned, not him!

- He did the same for Quasimodo.- she pointed out, trying to defend the judge.

- Oh, you mean that poor boy he keeps locked away in a tower like he's some kind of circus animal?

- Says the man who mocked him publicly the one time he stepped outside!

- STOP! - Quasimodo intervened, his face red with shame and anger. - I'm sick of you! I'm sick of all of you! - he declared, looking alternately at both of them with an exasperated expression.- Look, Clopin. If you want to leave, you're right, now is the right time. I honestly don't think Frollo will chase after you. But you can't force her to come with you.- he said, gesturing towards Esmeralda. - If you did, you would be no better than Frollo.

- Don't you dare compare me to that…

- Freedom is freedom- Quasimodo interrupted him, raising a hand to stop him from talking. - Even if you don't like what she does with it.

Clopin looked at both of them silently. Esmeralda was giving him a pleading look, begging that he would understand her choice, or at least respect it. But all he could see in her now was a traitor.

- Are you absolutely sure? - he asked slowly, in a low, grim tone.

- I am. - she answered, even if her voice and whole body were trembling.

- So be it. - he sentenced. - Then I guess this is goodbye. - he added coldly.

Esmeralda tried to move towards him, leaning on Quasimodo to take a leap in his direction. But before she could get close, Clopin spat to the ground in her direction, and with a hateful look, he turned his back at her and ran away.

She was frozen in her spot, unable to believe her eyes. Quasimodo was also shocked, and watched her expression trying to know what to say or how to react. He just stroked her back gently, and at the kindness of his touch, Esmeralda broke down crying.

What was taking them so long? Frollo wondered, restless in bed. Though he still felt weak, he was getting used to being back inside his body, and his stomach was growling. He felt that he wouldn't be fully back to life until he had eaten something, and gotten on his feet. But he still lacked the strength to do so by himself. He wanted Quasimodo to come back, even though, at the same time, he didn't want to face him. He knew the young man would ask him about Esmeralda, and he didn't feel ready to talk about it.

But when the door finally opened, he was shocked to see two people walking in. The same two that had left before.

- What are you doing? - he asked cautiously.

- She decided to stay. - Quasimodo explained, helping her get to the armchair by the bed, where she let herself fall down with a sigh of effort.

Frollo was about to protest but Esmeralda was faster.

- I'm not doing it for you. - she said convincingly. - You made it clear that you don't need my help.

Frollo's mouth closed, but his frown remained.

- I need to rest. - she explained, very matter-of-factly. - I cannot sleep properly in the floor, at the catacombs. It's hard, and cold, and humid. And there are too many people, too much noise. I was hoping you'd allow me to stay here in my old bedroom, until my foot gets better.

She was trying so hard to put on an innocent face, to not let him see this was a strategy to buy her some time. Frollo was clever and he immediately suspected her intentions, but she was very smart herself, and had presented the situation in a way that he couldn't refuse her petition without appearing ruthless.

- You can stay here – he finally granted, with a hint of defeat in his voice. - Get the rest you need so you can get better and go back home.

His words stung her, but she tried to remind herself not to jump to conclusions. Even if she couldn't understand what was going on in his mind, even if apparently he wanted to get rid of her as soon as possible… She now knew that there was something else, so she decided to hold on to that, and with the most honest smile she could fake, she said.

- Thank you for your generosity.

- You're very welcomed. - he replied, looking at his hands, not wanting his mask of apparent composure to break down in front of her.

She was satisfied and didn't want to push the situation any further either, so she announced:

- Gentleman, if you don't mind I would like to go to my chamber now.

Quasimodo reacted quickly and helped her get up from the armchair and walk towards the door. He considered asking her why she hadn't mention to Frollo her fight with Clopin, but he figured she didn't want to give them away in case they were planning on escaping the city. However, Frollo would find out sooner or later, when Esmeralda was well enough to walk in a couple of days, and he tried sending her to a no longer existent home.

But that was a problem for another day. Right now, they were all safe, finally. So, after escorting Esmeralda to her chamber and make sure she was comfortable, he went back to Frollo's room, where the judge insisted that he should go back to Notre Dame and get some rest himself, reassuring him they would be fine, and well attended by the servants.

Quasimodo was indeed exhausted as he had never been, so he didn't resist his insistence, and left gladly, after asking Magdalene to bring Frollo some food.

As he waited in his room for the food to arrive, Frollo found himself finally alone. Though he wasn't feeling well yet, an unusual, almost foreign feeling was starting to take over his heart. Despite all his barriers, and all his rational considerations and precautions… he felt joy. Esmeralda was there, and she had chosen to stay voluntarily. Perhaps not everything was lost. Maybe there was hope for him, after all.

He scolded himself for such childish attitude.

But, when he finally managed to get up from bed and saw a glimpse of his own reflection in the mirror, he realized he was smiling from ear to ear.