Steve was waiting for them at the main entrance of the compound. He was dressed in a simple t-shirt and jeans, which surprised her. A part of her was expecting him to be in one of his Captain America uniforms. Only because she had figured since this was the Avengers Compound, he'd always be acting as Captain America. It was nice to see that he was comfortable enough to let the facade fall.
Ever the gentleman, Steve stepped up to open Q's door for her. He gave her a smile that reached his eyes, which made her heart skip a beat. He was actually happy to see her. Not just pretending for show. Though her nerves had been all over the place regarding her decision to come back to New York and to Steve, the simplest of smiles from her quasi-boyfriend had been enough to quell those nerves a bit. She had made the right decision. It was time, and she needed to be there for Steve. She wanted to.
"Hi." he greeted her alongside the genuine smile, "Did you have a good flight?" he asked politely. She raised her eyebrows and made a face, not giving him a positive answer because she hadn't really. Despite all the tricks Bucky had taught her, being stuck in a tin can at three thousand feet in the air for multiple hours was much different than wandering around a local farmers' market.
"We made it." she settled on, making him laugh a bit and shake his head. Taking her small suitcase from her, his eyes then darted to the inside of the car behind her, silently wondering where the rest of her stuff was, "That's it." she told him with a shrug. And it was true. She hadn't left with much to begin with and anything else she bought later or got was left at the beach house in Ukraine since they left to Romania to find Bucky before he disappeared again.
He gave her a quick smile and nod, adjusting his grip on her carry-on. His other, free hand reached out for hers. She hesitated for a moment, not expecting the motion, but still moving her hand to take his. His fingers intertwined with hers and she felt herself relax a bit more. A good decision.
"Hey, man," Dawson greeted his ex-friend with an upward motion of his chin, "What's up?" he asked, trying to act casual and cool despite the last, tense interaction the two had had. Steve took in a breath and took his hand away from Q's, only to reach out to Dawson. She watched the two do the handshake he had taught Steve way back when in D.C. then nod at each other.
"Uh, I think Nat's somewhere around here." Steve tilted his head toward the entrance of the compound, "She's looking forward to seeing you." he added, getting a scoff from Dawson because he clearly didn't believe him. He made eye contact with Q, the two of them silently communicating for a moment. He wanted to make sure everything was good, and that she was okay - which she was. After a brief moment, he glanced back at Steve and made a face, adjusting the grip on his bags,
"Guess I should go get my room assignment, right?" he asked a rhetorical question, using it as an excuse to leave the two of them alone. She gave him a grateful smile, watching him walk off into the compound before returning her attention to Steve.
"I don't know who he expects to tell him where his room is." Steve's brow furrowed in worry and she laughed a bit,
"He'll figure it out." she waved her hand in the air, "Or just yell at someone until they tell him." she smiled at her friend's retreating back, Steve's head turning to look at her with an easy smile.
"For the record, you'll be staying with me." he turned his whole body to face her, one hand moving to settle on her hip. She raised her eyebrows up,
"Is that so?" she asked, receiving a noise of affirmation back from him. Then he paused, moving away from her a bit, but his hand stayed on her hip.
"Unless you don't want to." he backtracked a bit. She could tell he was suddenly a bit unsure of what he had just said. Even if they were better than they had been, he didn't want to assume anything. The ground beneath them was still a bit uneven. "I mean, there's enough space for you to have your own room - really they're like little studio apartments. Just with a shared kitchen and common room area." he explained a bit. She wanted to laugh; she hadn't seen him this nervous in a long time. She was always the nervous one where he was always the level headed one. And as much as she wanted to tease him and continue to watch him get flustered, she knew it would be better to reassure him.
"Steve," she stopped him by pressing her hands against his chest, "I want to. I just...wasn't aware that was allowed." she couldn't help herself, making an exaggerated face. He laughed and rolled his eyes, "I'm just saying," she raised her shoulders up, "it seems very...military here." she glanced around her surroundings where there were different groups of people wandering around; some running drills in the standard SHIELD recruit gear she had learned to love, some in white lab coats walking past the wall of windows inside the compound, others meandering around the campus in smaller groups. Steve had told her that the compound had become a fusion of SHIELD and the Avengers, but it was still strange to see in person. It almost reminded her of the facility she and Spencer had broken into way back when, which then caused everything to happen. But it wasn't. She was sure of it.
"I can see why you like it." she looked back at him with a knowing smile. He took in a breath and looked over her head for a moment to do a sweep of the grounds with his eyes. He hadn't spent much time at the compound as it was; trying and failing to track down Rumlow, but both of them already knew that. Then his gaze landed back on her,
"I like it better now." he admitted, making her heart swell again. Another tally mark on the side of it being a good decision to come back.
Without thinking, she moved in to give him a kiss. A sure one, as sure as she now was about her decision to come back. He responded immediately, kissing her back lovingly and moving his hand from her hip to cup the side of her face. Deepening the kiss a bit, he demonstrated just how happy he was to have her back - be able to kiss her again, and of course left a little something to be desired. A hint of what was to come after they had settled in his room.
As they walked through the compound to the living quarters, Steve took a moment to react to her actually walking next to him. Holding his hand. She looked better than she had in Croatia, or during their Skype conversations, even after a however long flight. Though she wasn't wearing any makeup, the bags under her eyes had faded and her skin looked a lot better. Her hair was pulled back in a messy braid and wearing clothes that actually fit her but were still comfortable looking. Those brown eyes of hers still flicked around as they walked down through the compound, trying to take it all in at once, but there wasn't the anxiety behind them anymore. Whatever was going on inside her head was still happening, but it was clear she had found a way to deal with it.
He squeezed her hand gently, getting her attention for a moment and watching her eyes find his, her brow relaxing once they did. She gave him an easy smile and leaned into him a bit, which calmed him down a bit. While he was happy she had come home, he had been nervous about what it would be like. He was bracing himself for the awkwardness that would undoubtedly come at some point. Both of them were.
"This is it," he pushed open the door and rolled her carry-on into the room first, "Home sweet home." he sighed, tone telling Q that even if he did seem comfortable at the compound, he still didn't believe it was actually home. He glanced around the room as if he hadn't been living there ever since Sokovia. His gaze shifted to Q, watching her take in the room. She stepped in carefully, as if afraid something would jump out at her, "We can rearrange it if you want." he started talking to fill the silence, "I, uh, still have some of, well most of, your stuff from D.C. in storage." he found himself saying, and then winced, not sure why he felt the need to tell her that. Maybe it was because the room suddenly felt like it was more focused on him rather than the two of them together.
"You do?" she asked, glancing over her shoulder at him, "Why?" her brow furrowed as if she was confused by his actions. If she was him, she probably would've thrown everything out, or even burned everything as a reaction to the pain she was feeling that was caused by him.
"Uh, in case you ever came home." he admitted, hands slipping into his pockets. A look of regret crossed her face quickly, but she recovered just as quick, giving him a small smile and nod.
"Right, yeah," she responded as if it made total sense. This was one of the awkward moments both of them had been waiting for. Reminders of what had happened, what caused the schism between them and the fallout that came from it.
She turned away from him to keep looking around the room for a moment, just to avoid prolonged, awkward eye contact with him. It was bigger than a dorm room, fitted with everything one could possibly need in their bedroom. A queen sized bed that was properly made was in the center of the room, up against the back wall. Diagonally across from it, against the windows was a desk that looked very official along with a few of Steve's old art resting on the ledge. There were two closed doors that Q figured led to the bathroom and a closet respectively. There was a nightstand next to his bed that had a worn in looking journal and a framed photo of them two of them resting on top of it. At the sight of it, she smiled to herself and then turned back to look at Steve who was waiting expectantly.
"Figured I'd let you get settled and then we could talk." he laid out a bare bones plan, "I have a couple of Avengers things I have to take care of, but I'm free after. And I'm sure you want to shower and change or whatever, so…" he trailed off a bit, leaving it open for her to add whatever it was she wanted to add. She nodded, arms wrapping around her middle.
"Yeah, definitely." she agreed, "We can talk after you're finished." she added, feeling her stomach knot up at the idea of talking to Steve. If only because it meant it was time to tell him about Bucky. And she was nervous as to how he would react.
Still, she had some time to figure out what she was going to say and how. With Steve taking care of his Avengers' things, she was left to her own devices for a few hours. First, she showered and changed into a clean outfit. Then she unpacked what she could: hanging things up in Steve's closet and setting up her things in the bathroom. That way he could see that for her, this was permanent. And that she wanted to be there with him in the weird dorm-like room that they were going to share. Maybe one day they could get an apartment close by. But that was a conversation for another day.
After she was finished unpacking, she let herself wander the compound a bit to get used to her surroundings. It would be helpful in adjusting - something to organize her mind. The walk through the compound was enough to send her into a brief panic. There was so much, so soon: like the random groups of people, or the loud explosions every so often that came from the lab areas, or grunts echoing as agents sparred with one another, or the sounds of quinjets taking off and landing. A new place, meant new things to get used to.
The compound was intimidatingly big, meaning there was no way she was going to be able to see it all in one day, so she settled on learning the layout of the wing she was in. Steve had said it was the residency wing, but it looked like much more. It was pretty soundproofed, which relieved her; she wouldn't be up at all hours of the night listening to the sounds of experiments or other SHIELD/Avengers activities. Not that she ever went to college, but the residency wing was similar to what she thought a college dorm building would look like. That is if the college was for superheroes and full of grade-A tech. It was complete with a kitchen and living room area but also different meeting rooms and a gym area and even a shooting range. A separate place from the SHIELD going ons, but still merged with everything that seemed to be needed for the Avengers. Almost like Tony had taken Avengers Tower and flattened it. She could get used to it.
A little while later, Steve found her in the common area, sitting on one of the couches and paging through a magazine that had been left on the coffee table. She had showered, hair drying into its natural waves, and was in a different outfit than the one she had arrived in. There was a blanket covering her legs as if she was cold, even though it was pretty much the dead of summer.
"Found you." he announced himself, even though he was sure she knew he was there. She looked up from her magazine and gave him a smile,
"I wasn't hiding." she responded, closing the magazine over and letting her eyes follow him as he crossed over to settle down on the couch next to her. "Everything good?" she asked, shifting a bit so that she was fully facing him. He nodded in response,
"Just the usual stuff." he vaguely told her before getting into detail, "Still trying to track down Rumlow. He's moved on to police stations now." he added, making her eyebrows raise. She hummed to herself thoughtfully.
"Well, I haven't heard anything since the lead I gave you a while back." she told him and then took in a breath, "But I'd be more than willing to dig in a little deeper." she added, surprising him a bit.
"You'd be okay with that?" he asked, referring to her past with Rumlow. She scoffed a bit, raising her eyebrows up,
"Tracking down my Hydra ex-co-workers-with-benefits with my superhero boyfriend?" she paused for the dramatics, "Absolutely." she agreed with a grin. He laughed a bit with a shake of his head, happy that they were back to referring to each other as 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend.'
"Alright, as long as you're sure." she scooted closer to him, shifting so that she could hook her legs over his lap.
"Of course. Gotta earn my keep somehow." she reached out to tuck his hair behind his ears even though it wasn't long enough to do so. He grinned at her, leaning forward to give her a kiss. She kissed him back, relishing in the moment where everything felt normal again. And right. Like she never left.
She rested her forehead on his for a moment, noses barely touching, and let her fingers run through his hair. He moved to lightly kiss her again before pulling back and wrapping his arm around her waist to pull her fully onto his lap.
"Did you find who you were looking for?" he asked, other hand on her arm. She nodded, taking in a breath and preparing herself to tell him who it was she had really been looking for.
Then, out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of someone in the kitchen area that was across from where they were sitting. Alarms went off in her head and she turned her head to fully look at the person, which made the alarms grow louder. It was a young woman, older than Molly, but younger than Q. She was familiar in the worst way possible.
The nice looking clothes were a stark contrast to the ratty old t-shirt dress that Q remembered her in - same going for how her brown hair now fell in soft curls rather than stringy pieces. Filling a glass with water so casually that the action seemed out of place considering what she had done with those hands before. Looking so innocent that no one would ever believe that she was the girl who tortured Q until she felt like her head was going to explode. Broke her down to her weakest point and left her there to put herself back together in fragmented pieces. And she was there. Standing there. In the kitchen area. At the compound. How had she gotten in? This had to be a dream. One of her fucked up visions again. Shit, what if this entire thing was still just one big vision? Meaning she was still strapped to the chair in the Hydra base.
"Steve." Q managed out, grip tightening on him, mouth suddenly very dry, "Steve, what is going on?" she asked, eyes never leaving the girl at the sink. Watching as she turned and faced them, blood draining from her face at the sight of Q sitting on Steve's lap.
The glass slipped from her fingers, crashing against the floor and shattering into a few large pieces. The sound alone was enough to make Q jump, and echo around her brain in a way that felt like the shards of glass were stabbing every available space. She let out a cry of pain, squeezing her eyes shut and scrambling off of Steve's lap.
"I'm sorry!" the girl immediately apologized in an accented voice.
"Wanda, shit." Steve said at the same time, realizing who it was. If he was being honest, Wanda and Q seeing each other for the first time after what Wanda had done to her wasn't something he had taken into consideration when Q told him she was coming home. He was just so happy and relieved that she was finally coming back that he didn't want to do anything to ruin it.
"Hey, hey, it's okay." he moved off the couch to console Q, who was standing on the opposite side of the couch. Her eyes never left the spot where Wanda was currently on her knees and picking up pieces of glass from the floor.
"What is she doing here?" she asked, eyes wide with fear as Steve moved in front of her to block her view.
"That's Wanda. The girl I was telling you about." he referred to the many times he had brought Wanda up in conversation, both before and after she told him what she had done to Q.
"No, no, no you said she was a victim of Hydra. That, she, is no victim." Q glanced at him for a split second before looking back over her shoulder at Wanda, "She tortured me, Steve. Made me see…" she trailed off, not wanting to relive the horrors she was forced to see. Her eyes found their way back to his and she read his expression almost immediately. She let out a shaky breath, on the verge of tears, "You knew." she stated, not bothering with a question because she knew it was true, "You knew and you let her in? You brought her here? And then you let me come home without telling me?" she asked, even though she knew all the answers were yes. She just wanted to hear him say it out loud. He didn't know what to say, meaning he ended up taking in a deep breath, which clearly was the wrong thing to do. She pushed away from him, biting down on her lower lip to stop herself from crying, and giving one last glance over to where Wanda was.
Without another word, she turned and walked away from him, not sure where she was going but knowing she needed to remove herself from the situation. The last resort Bucky had talked about. Her mind was going a mile a minute, all sorts of different explanations and ways to react running through. And none of them ended well. A ton of negative emotions were flooding her body: anger, betrayal, fear, worry, sadness, concern, all shocking her nervous system. And it left her body trying to figure out how to handle them, while balancing the sudden chaos inside her head.
Steve hesitated for a moment, knowing he should go after her, but also wanting to make sure Wanda was okay too. Though he knew the moment he hesitated, he made his choice. Plus, he rationalized, it might be better to let Q work through it on her own for a second - he wasn't sure how her head worked anymore, but from what he remembered in Croatia, she tended to get overwhelmed easily.
"Are you okay?" he asked, crouching down in front of Wanda and helping her pick up pieces of glass.
"I'm sorry." she apologized again, quietly, "I didn't know she was here. I would've - I should've stayed away." she sounded regretful of doing something as simple as getting a glass of water.
"It's okay." he assured her, "You would've run into her eventually." he gave her an easy smile, not wanting her to feel at fault for what happened. Because, in all honesty, it was mostly his fault for not telling Q in the first place. "You didn't cut yourself, right?" he asked, moving on to address any sort of wounds she might have gotten from the glass.
"No, no, I'm okay." she shook her head, hair falling like a curtain in front of her face, "Go. She needs you more than I do." she peered through the small section of space at him, eyes urgent, "I can clean this up on my own." she urged him, flicking her hands a bit in a gesture that told him to go. He did as she said, straightening up and going in the same direction that Q went in search for her.
What with the compound being so massive, it took a while for him to find her. Surprisingly, she was up on the roof, overlooking the campus with her arms crossed and back to him. He cleared his throat a bit, alerting her to his presence, but she didn't move or give any indication that she cared he was there.
"Queenie, I…" he trailed off, trying to figure out what he should say first, "I should've told you." he settled on, "And I'm sorry I didn't." his apology hung in the air for a long moment. He stepped closer, hoping to close the space between them - both literally and figuratively.
"Why is she here?" Q bit out, the venom in her voice clear and unlike anything Steve had heard before.
"She's part of the team, you know that." he reminded her with a gesture to her. She scoffed, shaking her head a bit.
"No, no, I know about a young girl named Wanda, who you painted as a victim - hell compared her to me! And then told me that she proved herself in Sokovia." she turned to face him, face red from angry tears.
"She did." he said matter of factly, keeping his hands on his hips, "And she was a victim -"
"No, she's not!" she cut him off swiftly, "She is not a victim, Steve. She did all that shit to me willingly! She fucked with my head!" she gestured to her head. Steve felt his anger flare, his protectiveness toward Wanda coming out as well,
"She did the same to me too!" he raised his voice a bit to match. Not so much his tone, but his words surprised her. She pulled back a bit, not realizing he had gone through something similar to her.
"And you still let her become a part of the team?" she asked quietly, almost in awe of the decision he made.
"Yes." he answered firmly. Of course there had been some hesitation in Wanda joining the Avengers, but he could understand her story more than most. A teenager letting a scientist experiment on them so that they could stop a war against their country. Sounded familiar. And she had proven herself, proving that she was on their side, time and time again. Now it was just about convincing Q of that too.
"What did she make you see?" she asked a question Steve hadn't been prepared for. He was ready for the argument, the fight between the two of them regarding the trustworthiness of Wanda.
"Uhm, it was...I was…" he trailed off thinking back to the vision he was forced into by Wanda in South Africa. He glanced at Q, a bit nervous in admitting what he saw because he knew it was based on one of his biggest fears at the time: being torn between two worlds, two women he loved. Shifting his weight, he took in a breath and began to tell her about the vision. The dance club, Peggy, her, the house, all of it. Her arms fell from where they were crossed over her chest to hang at her sides, becoming almost defeated while listening to the vision.
"Of course." she responded after he was finished, "All you had to live through was choosing a woman to stay with." she gestured lamely at him, "Meanwhile, I had to watch you die. Over and over and over again." her voice broke a bit on that last part, "Because that's my biggest fear. You dying and it being my fault and not being able to do anything about it." she admitted, "And she made me live through it for what felt like years." her voice cracked and she took in a broken breath, "She tortured me, Steve!" he flinched at how raw she sounded, "Did she tell you that?" he looked down at the ground, giving her an answer without saying anything, "Before or after you made her an official Avenger?" she asked, again getting nothing but silence. She scoffed, falling back on her foot, "
"She was scared -" Steve started to explain that day on the bench in D.C. and what had held Wanda back from telling him.
"So was I!" Q cried out, cutting him off and pairing her words a wide eyed look, "I was terrified, Steve!" she took in a shaky breath, wiping under her nose with the back of her hand, "And I thought - God, I don't know what I thought, but I certainly wasn't expecting her to be here! Or for you to be okay with it!" His eyes flashed in anger; even if he was protective over the girl, he still was working on forgiving Wanda for what she did to Q and didn't like being accused of anything but.
"I'm not!" he defended himself, looking back at her, "God, I'm not okay with it at all."
"You are! Because she's here!" she gestured to the general area of the compound, "You welcomed her onto the team because she, what?, crushed a few robots with her powers?" she scoffed, "Fuck, Steve." she shook her head a bit.
"She's a kid, Queenie." he pointed out, voice hard, "She didn't know what she was doing."
"Yes, she did!" Q cried out, eyes widening as she gestured wildly at Steve, "She used her weird little glowy hands and fucked with my head!"
"Because Hydra told her you were a threat!" Steve shouted back, defending Wanda and wanting Q to see the other side of things. She groaned in response, getting frustrated with his stubbornness, "She thought she was doing the right thing! Hydra fucked with her just as much as they fucked with you." he said matter of factly, jaw clenching a bit, "You have to know that. How else do you think she got those abilities?" he asked. She paused, gaze still holding his as her posture shifted a bit. Standing up a bit straighter, she crossed her arms over her chest as Steve continued, "Everything I told you about her was true. I left out some details because it's still hard to talk about what happened -"
"Yeah, I bet it's hard to talk about being forced to choose between two women who love you." she cut him off with a scoff, eyes rolling a bit. He glared at her, but didn't have a retaliation. What she had seen was much worse than what he had, but he was sure if Wanda had a bit more time like she had with Q, he'd seen something equally terrible.
"I'm not trying to use it as an excuse for the shit she did to you, Queenie." he softened his voice a bit, "But I just want you to try and see it from the other side." he raised his eyebrows a bit.
"I can." she lifted her chin a bit, "Thanks to those fuckers at Hydra, it's very easy for me to see the other side of things." she reminded him with a narrowing of her eyes, "And while she might be a victim of her circumstances, it does nothing to lessen the pain she put me through." she swallowed back the lump in her throat as memories of the visions started to creep back into her head, "She still tortured me, Steve. And it sucks coming here to find that apparently I'm just supposed to forgive her and move on."
"I'm not asking you to do that." he shook his head. She gave him a sad smile, arms crossing over her chest.
"Not directly, no." she pointed out, having noticed how long it took him to find her, even if he supposedly came after her right away. Something she loved about him was his ability to see the good in everyone, and forgive enough to have a relationship with them. But she couldn't do that. Not this time.
"I'm sorry, Q." he apologized again, slumping down a bit in defeat. He wasn't sure what else he could do or say. She was standing her ground and holding her opinion on Wanda. Rightfully so, of course, but he didn't know what the next steps were. Especially since she was a part of the team and would be working with Steve more often than not in their continued efforts to find Rumlow.
"Maybe I should go get a hotel or something." she twisted her mouth to side, not really wanting to do that, but wondering if it would be the best option. She couldn't be around Wanda, not after all the girl had put her through.
"I'll go with you." Steve offered, not wanting her to leave so soon. He hated how quickly their reunion had been ruined.
"No, no, you should stay here. In case something happens with the Avengers or whatever." she waved her hand in the air casually, brushing it off, "I'll be okay." she promised him with a tight smile. The formal, polite one that he used to see in the beginning when they first met. The one he hated being on the receiving end now. Because he knew he fucked up.
"Don't leave, okay?" he asked of her, "We can get you another room. There's plenty of space." he reasoned, trying to find a way to get her to stay. She took in a deep breath, slipping her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. Turning her head to the side, she looked out to the forest area of the mountain range the compound was nestled in.
"I can't stay here, Steve." she looked back at him, "Not while knowing that she's right there. I mean, I don't feel safe." she stressed, gesturing to herself. Steve's heart dropped to his stomach. It was his job to keep her safe, protect her from whatever sort of terrors were out there and he failed again. "And I know you aren't going to ask Wanda to leave because..." she trailed off, not finding the right words, but knowing she was correct. And she was. "I have to get out of here." she said after a moment, shaking her head and walking past him.
"Q..." he trailed off, turning to watch her go.
"Don't. No. You made your decision." she turned around and put her hand up to stop him from following her, "Just leave me alone." she said with an air of finality. He took in a breath, not liking the feeling of guilt returning to his shoulders. She gave him one last glance before turning and walking away, trying to ignore the twisting of her gut at the realization that maybe it wasn't a good idea to come back.
A/N: Womp, womp, I know you all hate me, but I had to. I couldn't just not talk about the consequences of Wanda v. Q! I promise it'll be okay tho, she's not going anywhere. Please feel free to let me know all your thoughts/comments/concerns.
Also have you SEEN the Black Widow trailer?! What are your thoughts? I have so many ideas - especially concerning Dawson and Nat! LMK~ Thank you love you!