"Why does my pear keep endin' up lookin' like an ass?" Bucky murmured to himself as he erased the line for what felt like the hundredth time.
"Maybe it has something to do with the person drawing it." Steve shot back, gaining an unamused look from his best friend. He smirked at his friend and turn back to his sketch pad, glancing at the basket of fruit that was set in front of them.
The beginner's class they were taking at the community college had tasked them to draw still objects as life-like as possible. Something easy for someone like Steve, who drew even when he didn't mean to, but Bucky was struggling.
"I can't believe I let you talk me into this." the older friend sighed heavily, trying to draw his pear again.
"I didn't talk you into anything." he shook his head, premature laughter creasing the corners of his lips, "You were the one chatting up that blonde at the movies last night who said she took this class."
"And she ain't even here." Bucky grumbled, once again erasing the curve of the pear he had drawn. Steve suppressed his laughter by furrowing his brow and pretending to really concentrate on the shadows of the bowl. "Serves me right, I guess." he mumbled, playing the victim as he usually did whenever a girl stood him up or dumped him. For as many girls he charmed, there were plenty who didn't fall for his tricks. Of course, those were the ones he focused on most.
"You're so fuckin' dramatic, Buck." Steve rolled his eyes, even though he was still a bit amused by his friends pity party, "You probably don't even remember her name." he cast a side eye in a challenging manner.
"I sure as shit do." he widened his eyes at Steve, "It was…" he trailed off as he wracked his brain for the name of the girl at the movies, "Kim." he settled on sounding confident in his very wrong answer.
"Georgia." he corrected his friend, who waved him off with a 'psh' noise. It was close enough. Steve rolled his eyes again, amused by his friend's reaction.
"Listen, Stevie, whaddya say we head up to the Stork Club tonight?" Bucky was already moving on to the next girl he would no doubt find success with. To make up for the loss of the art class blonde.
"And watch you dance with every available dame - woman, in there?" Those nights always went the same: Bucky would drag him to some club in the city where he'd sweet talk two very pretty dames, only to introduce Steve and the girls would realize he was the friend Bucky had been referencing - who clearly didn't live up to the picture that had been painted. And while Bucky would dance with one of the girls, the other would go freshen up or get another drink and never return. Leaving Steve to sit at the table and watch Bucky dance and flirt until he got bored and went home or met up with Becca at the diner.
"This time it'll be different." Bucky swore just as he always did, "Listen, I'll invite Becca and her friends too. We'll make it a group thing. It'll be fun." he assured his friend, knowing that Steve was more likely to agree with there were more people; that way he wasn't left alone if Bucky found someone to dance with.
"Alright, okay, damn." he shoved his friend back, annoyed with the incessant nudging Bucky was giving him, "I'll go." His agreement came with a slump of his shoulders, defeated per usual by his charismatic friend. Even though most times it was Bucky going along with whatever Steve's reckless plan was, there were a few times where Bucky had the wheel and Steve was just along for the ride. This seemed to be one of those times.
"Good." Bucky grinned at his friend before gesturing to him with his pencil and then motioning to his sketch pad, "Now, c'mon, help me make this pear look less like an ass."
The screens in front of him suddenly flipped off, pulling him out of his memory and cutting off the reporter mid-sentence. Not that it mattered. All the news outlets had been saying the same thing for the past month as they continued to report on what happened in Lagos. How the Avengers had killed almost a dozen Wakandan volunteers. Not how they had stopped an international terrorist threatening to release a toxin of some sort. Never the good news.
"You have to stop torturing yourself." the sound of his girlfriend's voice made him turn around in the desk chair. She was leaning against the doorframe with one hand on the remote, the other wrapped around her midsection. "It's been a month." she reminded him while setting the remote on the dresser and stepping into their bedroom. She shrugged out of her blazer so she could set it on the bed as she continued to walk over to him. Straddling his lap, her hands immediately went to softly comb through his hair.
"How were the interviews?" he changed the subject before she could chastise him any longer. She fixed him with a knowing look, seeing through his game rather easily. He adopted a rather innocent look in hopes that it would sway her a bit. He needed a distraction.
"Fine." she summed up simply, playing along for a moment. She had just gotten back from a few days in Berlin where she had been interviewing with different personnel on the CIA's task force. "The job seems right up my alley and I'd be working with Sharon again which would be nice." she continued to run her hands through his hair - soothing both of them at the same time, "Like SHIELD but with less, you know, Hydra." Eyes widening, she made a face to go along with her comparison, "So, now we wait and see." she shrugged a bit as an end to her story. In an effort to try and play off her nerves surrounding the job limbo she was currently stuck in. All of her eggs were in this basket.
"You're gonna get it." The support he gave sounded confident, which made her smile a bit.
"I don't know." Again, she shrugged, trying to play it off as if it were no big deal, "And I don't know if I'm going to take it anyway."
"Why? You said it was right up your alley." She moved her hands down to the side of his face, tilting his chin up a bit so she could look at him more.
"Because it means leaving you again." she pointed out a fact neither one of them brought up while she had been going through the process, "And I don't want to do that again. I like being here with you." he gave her a soft smile. The reassurance that she wasn't planning on leaving any time soon was comforting.
"I'm not going to be the reason why you give up a great job." Even with the comforting feeling spreading throughout his body, he knew that this was a different situation. It wasn't her leaving with no warning to go off on some adventure for two years. This was a job, something that she needed to feel like a normal person again. He wasn't going to stand in her way, "We can do long distance." he suggested, knowing the conversation they were about to have wasn't meant to be had yet. She stared at him for a moment as if trying to figure out the correct response. Then, she relaxed and let out a slight laugh with a shake of her head.
"Listen, I don't even have an offer yet." she reminded him, her hands moving to his shoulders, "Let's just wait until it becomes official and then we can have the long distance conversation." As much as she was grateful for him suggesting long distance - meaning he wanted her to take the job and trusted her enough not to be scared of her leaving, it wasn't a conversation she wanted to have yet. There was a bigger one she needed to have first.
Though her trip was supposed to be to Berlin for her interviews, what Steve didn't know was that she had made a quick pit stop to Romania to check in on Bucky on her way there. Just to make sure he was doing okay. He was, just as his letters told her, but it was still nice to see him again. He even, surprisingly, got her a small birthday trinket and an orange. Saying something about family tradition and how he always gave Rebecca one on her birthday. Learning about her grandmother and her sibling relationship with Bucky, the little glimpses into a past life she never knew, never failed to make her smile.
If anything, her short visit supported the fact that she needed to tell Steve about him. He was much better than when she first found him. His memory and mental state had improved greatly. He was more...personable than before and she could tell that the man was beginning to come out more. She was no longer afraid of the threat Bucky posed to Steve - though a part of her was afraid of the threat Steve posed to Bucky, but that wasn't something she wanted to focus on at the moment.
She hadn't been able to tell him after Lagos simply because she was convinced the timing wasn't right. He had been upset over what happened in Lagos, and adding her confession about Bucky wasn't going to help. Then she had gotten the invite to Berlin shortly after the debriefing and post-Lagos meetings ended. She had come to the conclusion that there would be no perfect time to tell him. Just like she had learned many a times before. But before she was able to tell him right then and there about Bucky - which she was ready to do, she saw that he was staring off into space. A cloudy look in his eyes and the way his jaw clenched just a bit was enough to tell her that something was taking over his thoughts.
"Say what's in your head." she prompted, sliding a thumb over his cheek in an attempt to get his eyes back on hers. Once his blue eyes met hers, he let out a sigh and gave her a sad smile.
"Lagos." he put it simply but both of them knew it was much more complicated than that, "I should've...realized Rumlow's game sooner. The bomb vest...But he said Bucky and I…" he trailed off as he tried to explain the feeling behind the moment. Like he had been reverted back to the pre-serum version of himself. The entire world fell silent, his only focus was on the words coming out of Rumlow's mouth. Hoping for answers that would lead him to finding Bucky. Nothing else mattered. Not even how he had been a mere six seconds away from his own demise. Only Bucky. And in the month that passed, he had thought about nothing but Bucky. Their past lives lived, their present lives living and where the hell their future would take them. That is if he was still...
"I know." she rubbed her thumb around in a small circle against his skin, "I -" she started to tell him about Bucky but he cut her off,
"I'm sorry." The apology surprised her. What did he have to apologize for? He hadn't done anything wrong, "Rumlow's dead because of me." he blinked a bit and she tried to control her reaction. While she wanted to laugh, she knew it wasn't an appropriate response. He was trying to console her for a loss she didn't feel.
In the end, Rumlow meant nothing to her, despite however many times they had been physically intimate. That didn't matter to her. What mattered was the emotional intimacy she shared with someone. Like Steve. Rumlow never had that with her. He was a stress reliever for her. And also working for the evil organization that ended up ruining her life so that erased whatever sort of connection she had to him. All that was left was betrayal and bitterness.
"It's okay." she assured him, holding his gaze, "It wasn't your fault." His apology was more for his sake than for hers. She knew that and would say the right thing so that he felt absolved of his sins. "He had a bomb strapped to him, right?" he nodded, letting her continue, "He was on his way out whether you had any say in it or not." she shifted against his lap, "And besides, what girl doesn't want the ex who turned out to be a literal Nazi dead?" she tried to lighten the mood a bit, feeling victorious when a small smile broke out across his face. She matched his smile and leaned forward so that her forehead rested against his, "You did the right thing. You stopped someone bad. Remember that." his nod made their foreheads rub together for a moment. She let a moment pass and then shifted so she could kiss him softly, lovingly, forgivingly so. Hand coming up behind to support her head, he deepened the kiss and squeezed his eyes shut a bit so that he could really be in the moment.
"Love you." he murmured after pulling back just to tell her that and then moved to kiss her again. She kissed him back, never not getting enough of his kisses. There were far too many lost ones they had to make up for.
"Love you too." she responded with a soft smile. She gave him another quick kiss before wrapping her arms around his neck and shifting them so his head was resting against her chest. Though it was always nice to hear the words, he truly did believe her more so then than ever before based on her actions. She had been at the compound waiting for him to get back from Lagos - just as she had countless times before when they briefly lived at the tower. Proving that she wasn't planning on leaving again anytime soon. Proof extending into her not wanting to take the Berlin job simply because it meant leaving him.
"Hey, I…" she pulled his head away from her chest, breaking the small moment they were sharing. Shifting back on his thighs, she guided his head back so that they were looking at each other again. Hands gently gripping his hair, Q licked her lips and took in a breath, "I should tell -" she started to say before his eyes flicked over to the doorway. She hesitated, then looked over her shoulder to follow his gaze. No one was standing in the doorway causing her to look back at Steve, a bit confused.
"Do you hear that?" he asked, concern writing itself across his face. She shook her head, unsure what he was talking about. He took in a breath and then let it out as a heavy sigh, clearly putting the pieces together, "Wanda's watching the news again." he explained what he was hearing. Swallowing, Q tried to push past the ache that grew in her stomach at the mere mention of Wanda.
"How's she holding up?" she asked what was supposed to be asked. Played the part of concerned girlfriend despite not being concerned at all.
Sure, she felt bad for Wanda - it was never easy to be blamed for causing something terrible. Not to mention how she had talked to Q about wanting to save people rather than hurt them, only to end up accidentally killing a whole lot of innocent people in one fell swoop. There was a part of Q's brain that wondered if it actually was an accident. She felt shitty for even considering it, but based on her experiences with the girl, it could be a possibility. That, and it was proof that the girl wasn't ready to be on the team. She lost control and killed almost a dozen innocent Wakandan volunteers and hospital patients. Imagine if something worse had happened.
Though Q could never say anything like that to Steve, who had taken Wanda under his wing in an effort to help her become the hero he thought she could be. Something Q was a little doubtful of, still not trusting the young girl at all or making any effort to build a relationship with her abuser.
"She's struggling." he admitted in his answer to her question, "The news is not being kind. To any of us." he raised his eyebrows up, gaze on a random spot on the wall. At this point, Steve should have been used to it, but it never got easier. Most of the reporting done on the Lagos operation were discussions and debates about the legality of the Avengers, how they operated outside and above international law, and even the Wakandan king was berating the team for not caring about the collateral damage caused while taking down Rumlow and his mercenaries.
It was stupid; none of them were discussing all the good the team had done since operating outside of the government. How they had stopped terrorists, exposed nasty underbellies of organizations, and brought peace to so many places. Hurting innocent people was never their plan, which was why they always meticulously planned for as much as they could. Though some things couldn't be planned for - like what happened in Lagos. But they had tried to save as many people as they could. Tony was supposed to be on his way to help aid in damage control, tell them what to say versus what not to the press so that the news could move on to something else that didn't involve them. Not that that would ever happen.
"You want to go check on her." It wasn't a question, but Steve acted like it was. Nodding, he gave his girlfriend an apologetic smile. She tried her best to be understanding, knowing what it was like to be in the spotlight of negative news - and she hadn't even killed anyone or had any sort of enhanced powers at that time.
"I'm sorry." he apologized again, though this time his apology was warranted. There had been efforts to try and mend the relationship between Wanda and Q - or at least heal it, but Q still saw Wanda as someone who had been a big part of the torture that had happened to her. Wanda had suggested using her abilities to help heal Q's mind, but for good reasons, Q was very against it. She still didn't trust the girl - and probably wouldn't for a long time. So his apology was more because he was choosing to comfort Wanda over being with her. Q was smart enough to understand why, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt any less.
"I get it." she sighed, giving him a small smile and excusing his choice. If she wanted to be with him, which she did, this was just a reality that she had to accept. That Steve felt some sort of protectiveness over the young girl. If the situation were any different, if Wanda hadn't been the one to fuck with her head, then Q could see herself feeling the same way. But the bitterness toward her and the fear of her were woven deep into her mind. Something that would never fully go away.
Left alone in their bedroom, Q paused for a moment to readjust to her surroundings. Knowing that Steve was in the other room with Wanda, the room suddenly felt too small. She needed a more open space. More things to focus on rather than the idea of Wanda and Steve being a room alone together.
The thought or worry never crossed her mind before, but maybe it was the situation that was causing the feeling - the fact that he was going to comfort her, tell her that it was okay and not her fault. Any other time the two were together it had been in a group setting: a debrief, a recon, a team mission that had other people Q trusted like Sam and Nat to look out for Steve and make sure Wanda didn't do anything. Her fear was that Wanda would manipulate his mind without him even knowing.
But she had to remind herself that Steve was smarter than that. Stronger than that. He wouldn't let her try anything. And even Wanda had said it herself that she wanted to do and be better. Manipulating her teammates' heads wasn't the act of a hero after all. She had to trust both of them, and was only struggling to trust the one.
"Fancy meeting you here." Glancing over from the glass of wine she was pouring herself, she spotted Nat sauntering into the common area. Q gave the redhead a brief smile in silent greeting, then recorked the bottle, "Didn't realize you were already back." she added in reference to the Berlin trip Q definitely didn't tell her about.
"Yep." she lifted the glass to her lips, not really giving a lot to the conversation mostly because she wasn't sure what direction it was headed quite yet. There were too many variables, so she wanted to play it safe. A smart move in general when talking to an ex-KGB assassin turned SHIELD agent turned Avenger.
"Officially a suit again?" she continued her line of questioning without pausing in her steps toward Q. She got to the other side of the island and perched herself on the stool without hesitation.
"Uh, not yet, no." Cursing silently, she realized she should've been physically moving opposite of Nat so not to become trapped in the widow's web like she now was. On edge, she was trying to predict the next question, and the best possible answer to give so that she was freed that much faster. The air between them hadn't been cleared since her return to the compound. And the tension was forming again, creating a bubble that was threatening to pop at any moment. It didn't help how casual Nat was acting - as if they were still friends.
"I'm sure you'll get it." While her words sounded light and supportive, the smile on her face said otherwise. Tight and forced, she was holding back what she wanted to say. Most likely about how Q would be leaving again. Forcing the guilt she had carried for the past two years back onto her shoulders where it belonged.
"I'm not." she ducked her head down to avoid the intense gaze Nat was giving her. Finger trailing around the rim of the wine glass, she shook her head a bit, "And I'm not sure I'm going to take it even if I do." she admitted just as she had to Steve a bit earlier, "Leaving again just doesn't seem fair."
"No, it doesn't." Eyebrows raising in agreement, Nat watched Q distract herself with the motion and feeling of the lip of the wine glass against her finger. "Can I get one of those?" Her question was sudden enough to stop Q's distraction and look at her with an embarrassed smile.
"Right, yeah, totally." she bobbed her head in a nod, backing away from her wine glass and turning to get another one for Nat. Clearing her throat, she geared up for a subject change, "Hey, I never thanked you for the birthday gift." she navigated to hopefully a safer topic as she went through the motions of pouring Nat a glass of wine, "It's actually pretty badass." she smiled to herself at the memory of trying it on and then understanding why Nat always walked like she did while wearing her Black Widow suit. The suit instilled some sense of confidence in her, made her feel like she could take on the world. And it didn't hurt that she looked ungodly sexy in it - something Steve made sure to tell her and prove to her when she modeled it for him.
"Figured you needed an upgrade from...that." Nat gestured to the pantsuit Q was still in which made her glance over herself.
"Alright, don't hate on the pantsuit." she held her hand up in defense, becoming protective of her outfit and love of pantsuits, "They're practical and professional."
"They limit movement and are uncomfortable." she argued with a smirk. Rolling her eyes, Q brought her wine glass up to her lips again as she thought of a retort.
"They have pockets." she raised her eyebrows up challengingly.
"Fake pockets." Nat pointed out, which made Q scrunch up her features in annoyance. The debate could go on, both of them knew this. Both of them were skilled arguers, especially with Q's head was offering up plenty of responses that would add to her argument. But this wasn't about pantsuits, really, it was just a conversation to get the other conversations going. One to dispel the original tension that clouded over them.
"Well, I like them." she made a face before taking a sip of her wine.
"I know you do, Suit." Nat used the nickname Q pretended to hate, signaling that they were okay. Or at least on the right path, on the road to being okay again. She gave her friend a small smile, glancing into her wine glass as Nat studied her. "I'm glad you're back, Suit." she admitted out of the blue, exposing a small vulnerable spot to Q and hoping she wouldn't use it to her advantage. "Steve needed you much more than he cared to admit." she added with a small smile. While she was protective of Steve's feelings and wary of Q's intentions, time had proven that Q was trying her best to mend their relationship. She could loosen the noose a bit, but would still be prepared just in case she left the way she did again.
"I think the same argument could be made for Dawson with you, Nat." Q pointed out, and Natasha wondered if she knew the way it made her feel. Loved and weirdly validated, "And I'm sorry about...how everything happened." she finally apologized to her friend, both of them realizing she hadn't done it yet, "We weren't thinking." she included Dawson into the apology even if he had already apologized to Natasha. "Kind of ironic considering me." she gave Nat a wry smile, both of them well aware of how anal Q got when it came to planning. Natasha remembered the large packets she was given during Project Van Winkle when she had been brought on by Fury.
"Situations sometimes change thought processes." she wisely said, alluding to the fact that she knew what Q and Dawson had been doing. How they had been tracking down Q's long lost family member and what had happened because of it. Q raised her eyebrows in agreement, but didn't respond verbally. Natasha took in a deep breath and gave her a placating smile, "I get it. Just next time, for future reference, don't go into a Hydra base alone." Q let out a small, amused scoff.
"Duly noted." she lifted her wine glass at Nat, "I'll be sure to include you next time, Nat."
"Oh, you better, Suit." she teased lightly, though there was a serious undertone to it. She lifted her wine glass and clinked it against Q's. Exchanging matching smiles, the two women sipped their wine as the wall of tension between them shrank a bit.
Both knew that Q hadn't been totally forgiven quite yet. The resentment Natasha held toward Q for leaving Steve, one of her closest friends, the way she did was lingering. Though it wasn't as intense as it first was - mostly because once she found out why Q had left, she understood the reasoning behind Q's disappearance. That, plus what Q had gone through was punishment enough. She wasn't going to continue to lay it on her because that would be just added pain that Q didn't need. But she was going to keep Q at arm's length for a bit longer. Just to protect herself.
Q's phone chiming with an email notification was enough to break the post-apology moment the two women were sharing. Natasha slipped off the stool as Q set down her wine glass and exchanged it for her phone. While she opened up her email, Steve and the Vision came into the common area.
"Tony just got here." Steve didn't mean for it to sound like an announcement, but he just wanted to warn everyone before they found out for themselves. Q wasn't paying attention to any of them, instead looking at the email in her inbox from the agent who had been handling her application process to the CIA. She clicked on it as Steve continued, "And he brought Secretary Ross." Natasha raised her eyebrows at the mention of Thaddeus Ross, a flicker of an emotion Steve couldn't figure out quick enough flashing across her face before her expression became neutral again.
The email expanded and filled her phone screen:
Ms. Proctor,
Based on your past experiences, skills and the conversations you had with fellow agents, we'd like to offer you the position of ANALYST - TARGETING DIVISION - BERLIN TASKFORCE.
A/N: She got the job! She got the job! Although at SUCH an inopportune time lol oh well. I hope you liked this chapter! We are officially into Civil War haha oh wow I can't believe it either. Let me know all your thoughts/predictions/reactions.
And I wish you all a very happy new year! Here's to 2020 being the year I finish this story! And also get to 1k reviews! (I know we can do it come on peeps.)