When Esmeralda entered the dining room, Frollo wasn't there.
She was surprised, for she had once again lost track of time while writing with Quasimodo, and it was later than she had meant to arrive for dinner. For a moment she thought that maybe Frollo had already eaten and had decided not to wait for her. But it wasn't that late… was it?
One of the servants entered the room carrying a jar of water.
- Excuse me…- she asked the servant, who was immediately alarmed, worried that he might have done something wrong.- Has the Minister already eaten dinner tonight?
- No, miss. - the man answered briefly, looking at the ground.
- Is he at the palace? - she inquired, even more confused.
- No, miss. - the servant repeated.
- Do you know where he is? - she was starting to get worried.
But, for the third time, the servant replied:
- No, miss.
- Alright, thank you. - she said, irritated at his lack of cooperation. The servant left the jar on the table and rushed out of the room.
She wasn't sure what to do. She didn't feel like eating, though her body thought differently. Her stomach was growling. But she didn't know what else she could do either. She had no clue where Frollo could be, he had just said he had business to attend. And apparently, no one at the palace was willing, or able, to provide any information.
She tried to prevent her mind from jumping to the worst, most terrifying thoughts. That he had been hurt somehow, and was now alone or in trouble. She was almost certain that was not the case, though having seen him in his deathbed a week ago was still haunting her.
She decided she was going to eat and try to distract herself from those dark thoughts. If by the end of her meal Frollo hadn't come back, she would decide what to do next.
With that determination in mind, she sat at the table and began eating, trying to focus on the flavor and texture of the food and nothing else. But, slowly but firmly, other kind of thoughts started to crawl from the depths of her mind.
What if… She shook her head, trying to discard them. But they came back nevertheless. What if… What if Frollo was avoiding her again? He had been so cold at the cathedral earlier… what if that wasn't because of Quasimodo's presence? What if it was because of her? Maybe her words criticizing religion had made him realize that she wasn't what he was looking for. She remembered her confession two nights ago, when she had bared the deepest, darkest parts of her soul to him. Maybe it had been too much. Maybe he was avoiding their conversation because he didn't know how to tell her he had changed his mind.
What was she doing? She scolded herself, dropping her fork and knife and hiding her face in her palms. Why was she torturing herself like this? She had never been this insecure and paranoid before, with anything or anyone. Why was she acting like this now? She knew the answer, though she didn't like it. It was him. It was the way she felt about him. She had never cared for anything or anyone that much before, that's why.
She couldn't eat anymore so she got up from the chair and decided to get some air. She would take a walk around the palace, and hopefully find some sign of Frollo.
But when she got to the main hall, she saw a silhouette racing towards her from the dark. She flinched, adopting a defensive position, but then recognized the boy's features.
- Miss! Sorry to startle you. - Pat said, lifting his palms in a tranquilizing gesture.
- Pat! What's going on? - she asked, catching her breath.
- I need you to come with me, quickly. - the boy said with an urgent tone.
Esmeralda's worst fears came back flooding her mind, and she felt her heart pumping adrenaline through her veins. She automatically walked towards the courtyard, but Pat grabbed her hand.
- No, miss. This way. - he said, pointing to the main door.
- Where are we going? - she asked, looking around to see if there were any other servants there, for she knew Pat was only supposed to use the back courtyard entrance.
But the hall was empty, and no one stopped them when they stepped out of the front door. The night was cold, for the skies were absolutely clear of clouds. The bright full moon was illuminating the empty streets like a lamp, almost concealing any other brightness from the stars, like an arrogant diva hoarding the stage.
They began walking down the stairs, but Pat was suddenly stopped in his tracks and turned around.
- Here! - he said, taking a big handkerchief from his pocket. - Cover your eyes with this!
- What? - Esmeralda said, stunned.
But without a warning, the boy quickly climbed up a few steps to situate himself above her and he placed the cloth over her face, tying a knot at the back of her head, blinding her.
- Pat, what the hell are you doing? - she asked, half way between irritation and amusement.
Once again, the boy didn't answer her. He just took her hand and pulled her forward.
- Follow me, miss. Don't let go! - he instructed.
Esmeralda obeyed, but she was still worried.
- Do you know where Frollo is? Are you taking me to him? - she asked, hopeful.
- Stop asking questions! - Pat laughed.
She relaxed a little. If the boy was in such a good mood, there probably was nothing to worry about. Though this was certainly strange and unexpected, she decided to trust him and see where it all led her.
They walked in silence, except for a few indications that Pat gave her to avoid obstacles in her way. She was cold, and she regretted not taking her cape with her. But her curiosity clearly outweighed her discomfort. She truly had no clue what was going on. Frollo was certainly unpredictable in his emotions, but at least his actions were usually ordered and logical. This sneaking her out in the middle of the night blindfolded was definitely not something she could have seen coming.
Eventually, Pat stopped.
- Wait. - he told her, letting go of her hand. She fought the urge to remove the handkerchief from her eyes.
She heard a low creaking sound, and felt the air moving around her.
- Come on. - Pat said, grabbing her hand again and pulling her forward. She felt a change in the ground, from the cobblestones to a smooth, flat surface. She figured they were entering a building. - Alright, you can look now. - Pat indicated with an excited tone.
Esmeralda hastily took of the piece of cloth that was blinding her, and after a second, her eyes adapted to the surrounding darkness.
The floor was made of black and white square polished tiles. Next to her stood a massive column that reached up to the towering ceiling. A row of such columns extended on both sides. The place was in complete silence, so much that her soft breathing reverberated, echoing in the vaults. Though there were no candles lit, the smell of wax filled the air, along with the intoxicating scent of incense. No one else was there, but Esmeralda felt a subtle but incredibly powerful presence surrounding her, as if the cathedral herself was alive and watching her every move. Notre Dame had never looked so hauntingly beautiful.
She turned around just in time to see Pat's back disappearing out of the small lateral door, which closed after him.
She took a few tentative steps towards the main nave, though she felt so small and insecure that the sound of her own footsteps startled her. She looked around, trying to find any trace of Frollo, but the judge was nowhere to be found.
Suddenly she heard an almost inaudible whisper. She focused on the sound and realized it came from the lateral nave, where the Mary altar was placed. She slowly walked over there, and as she got closer, she could finally discern a dark tall silhouette against the black background.
Frollo was standing with his back at her, looking at Mary's figure and muttering a prayer. His hands were pressed together, with his long pale fingers intertwined. Esmeralda moved aside quietly to get a glimpse of his face.
He had a pleading look, as if he was a child begging his mother. She had never seen that expression on him, such innocence and humility. She struggled to discern the words that the man was whispering, but all she could hear was "Please, give me the strength to..."
Her fear returned. Was it possible that he was gathering his strength to "do the right thing" again, like he had done after their first kiss when she told her to leave the palace? She couldn't take the uncertainty anymore.
- Claude…? - she called in a soft whisper.
Frollo turned around and saw her standing there with a concerned look on her face. He lowered his hands and walked towards her.
- You made it.- he said with a discreet smile.
She smiled back timidly, with an inquiring look. Frollo walked past her towards the main aisle, and with a wide gesturing movement of his hand, he explained.
- You said you wished to have the cathedral to ourselves.
She opened her eyes in disbelief.
- I never thought you would take that literally. - she said astonished.
- I didn't, at first. - Frollo clarified, before adding. - But then I thought… I would also like that very much. You know, I'm not very keen on multitudes either. I had never been here on my own, without anyone else present.
- But how did you…? Are we allowed to be here at all? - she asked, worried, looking around to make sure no one was there.
- I spoke to the archdeacon this afternoon after I left Quasimodo and you. - Frollo explained. - He wasn't sure at first, but I managed to convince him. I told him I was in deep need of some private time for prayer. And I promised no one would ever find out. So finally he gave me the key to the lateral door. The main door is locked, and the archdeacon is sleeping by now. No one will come.
- What about Quasimodo?
- He knows we're here, I spoke with him as well after you left, told him I wanted to surprise you.
- Well, I'm surprised, alright. - she pointed out, and suddenly frowned at him. - Though I was worried about you! You didn't show up for dinner.
- I was telling Patrice that he should bring you here, and making sure he knew the proper way to the lateral door so no one would see you coming in. - Frollo justified himself with a crooked smile.
She couldn't be mad at him, not when he looked so proud of himself for his plotting skills.
She took a deep breathe, finally relaxing, and looked up at the beautiful ceiling, with the dome and the stone arcs.
- It's so high… - she sighed with admiration.
- I know. - Frollo agreed, also fascinated by the cathedral's nocturnal beauty.
Esmeralda rubbed her arms.
- It's giving me goosebumps. - she mumbled. - This feeling… it's just so beautiful. As if the whole world is holding its breath and right now, only this is real.
Frollo threw her an enigmatic smile.
- What?- she asked, amused.
- What you just said… it's exactly what I was thinking. That is how I feel every time I come here to pray. It's kind of overwhelming, but at the same time it feels so…
- Safe. - she completed his sentence. Now that she knew the story about his father, she realized the deep meaning that word must held for him - Like a sanctuary.
- Exactly. - Frollo nodded hoarsely. - That's what I wanted you to see tonight. You said you wanted to understand my relationship to God. This is the main feeling of it.
- I see. - Esmeralda replied, impressed. She knew how important this moment was for him, and felt so honored that he was sharing it with her. - I'm sorry I interrupted your prayer before. - she apologized, embarrassed.
- Oh, it's okay. - Frollo reassured her with a smile.
- Can I ask you something? - she asked carefully.
- Anything. - Frollo nodded.
- You always speak about God… However, I've noticed that whenever you pray… you pray to His mother, Mary. Is that…? Sorry, maybe this is a stupid question. - she hesitated. - But… I wonder why is that.
Frollo frowned, considering her question. She was right, though he had never noticed this before. He addressed God during mass, when reciting pre-established prayers. But whenever a personal prayer arose from his heart, it was always addressed to Mary.
- I'm not sure. - he answered honestly. - I think I find Her more… relatable. It's easier for me to confide in a motherly figure, I guess.
- Why? - Esmeralda asked, lowering her tone.
- Hmm… - Frollo doubted for an instant. Esmeralda was internally hoping that he would reveal his story himself, so she could comfort him without betraying Quasimodo's trust.
- You don't have to explain… - she said, watching the judge's internal struggle.
- I want to. - Frollo replied, inhaling deeply. - My relationship with my father was… complicated, to say the least. I admired him greatly… but my admiration was rooted in fear. I desperately wanted to please him, to get his approval, which I never seemed to get. And he would go out of his way to prove that to me.
- Did he hit you? - Esmeralda asked cautiously.
- All the time. - Frollo replied plainly. - I was devastated when they died but… a small part of me also felt relieved that he no longer could hurt me.
- Of course. - she said in an understanding tone.
She looked at the man, that was gazing at the glass stained windows, in an effort to come back to the present moment. She understood the magnitude of his pain. The reason behind all his constraint and defensiveness against the world. He had been abused, betrayed, and the weigh of the world had been put on his shoulders way too soon. She felt a burning knot in her throat, and she realized that there was absolutely no trace of resentment towards him in her heart. Whatever he had done in the past, right or wrong, all she could see know was a wounded soul trying to do his best.
- I wish I knew how to pray. - she mumbled involuntarily.
- Why do you want to pray? - Frollo asked, surprised and kind of amused.
- I would like to ask for you to never be hurt again. To always feel safe like this. - she confessed, blushing.- But I don't know any prayers for that.
Frollo chuckled warmly, though he was deeply moved by her wish.
- You don't need any specific prayers. You can just speak from the heart. Though I seem to recall that you did pray once before, here. Didn't you? - he asked her with a mysterious smile.
She paused for an instant, until the memory came back. But how could he know about that?
- Quasimodo told me he heard you singing. - Frollo explain, as if he could read her mind.
- Oh…- she said, with her cheeks burning. She wasn't aware that Quasimodo had actually been listening to her that day.- Well, that… it's like you said, it's just what came out of my heart, I guess.
She took a few steps forward, turning around so he wouldn't watch her embarrassment face.
The full moon was now situated right in the middle of the rose stained-glass window. A big column of moonlight came through it, illuminating the floor below with a pearly mixture of white and blue. She walked towards it, and the light reflected on her white shirt and purple skirt, making her raven hair glow. She heard a soft gasp and turned around.
Frollo was staring at her with a deeply moved expression.
- What? - she asked, timidly.
Frollo walked towards her slowly and silently. There was a reverence in his gaze and his careful movements, as if he was approaching something sacred. Her heart started racing in her chest. No one had ever looked at her like that. And somehow it made her feel stripped of all her human layers and left only with her pure divine essence. She had never thought that spirituality could be so romantic.
He reached her, and with utmost respect, he grabbed a strand of her black hair and placed it behind her ear, so the light would illuminate her face completely.
He looked up at the rose window, and the brightness of its beauty almost hurt his eyes.
- It's like… heaven's light. - he murmured, fascinated.
Suddenly, his eyes started tearing up. She raised her face to get a better look at him. He looked down at her, and his hands searched for hers.
- Esmeralda… - he said, and only when the name left his lips he realized he had never pronounced it in her presence before. Something that didn't go unnoticed to her either.
- This is the first time you call me by my name. - she said, deeply touched. - Not witch, or gypsy, or… just my name.- He looked at her with a guilty embarrassed smile and she smiled back warmly.
- I was saving it for a special occasion. - he joked, but his voice sounded scratchy with emotion. He opened his mouth to add something, but he couldn't.
- I wanna say something. - Esmeralda said instead. He nodded, to let her know he was listening. - I know your life hasn't been easy. At all. I know you're in pain, and tired, and lonely.
Frollo was listening carefully, still with watery eyes. She took a small step closer.
- I wanted to thank you. - she whispered. - I know that you could have left, that day. I felt it.
It took a moment for Frollo to realize she was talking about the day he almost died.
- And watching you here, now… I realize how much you must have wanted to do it. To reach that heaven's light, and finally be at peace.
- How do you know…? - Frollo asked, astonished. He had never said a word about his choice when he had woken up.
- I just do. I felt it.- she repeated. - It felt as if my soul was being torn apart… as if you were pulling from it, and I felt you getting further and further away. I can't explain it. But I knew you were leaving, and then… then you came back. And I understand now how hard that must have been for you.
He nodded slowly, and a single tear rolled down his cheek. Esmeralda raised her hand to wipe it gently.
- Why did you do it, Claude? - she asked, almost inaudibly. - Why did you gave up heaven for this?
Frollo displayed a sad, tender smile.
- You know all of that and you don't know this? - he asked her lovingly.
She lowered her gaze, she didn't dare to believe the implicit answer in his question. She felt unworthy of it, and suddenly small and insecure once more. But Frollo gently grabbed her chin and lifted her face to look her in the eyes again.
- I came back for you. For me, it wouldn't be heaven without you. - he pronounced firmly.
And then he leaned on and kissed her.
It was the softest kiss she had ever received. His lips barely touched hers. His cold fingers still held her chin so delicately, and yet she felt completely nailed to her position, as if he was holding her with an iron grip. She forgot to breathe. She could feel every tiny point in which their lips met, as if they were shiny stars in a whole galaxy contained in the microscopic space between them.
Her heart bursted open, and all the emotion she had been containing so far was released through her body. She threw her arms around his neck and crashed her lips into his, unable to withstand the separation any longer, however small it was. Frollo seemed surprised by her outburst but he responded immediately. His left hand grabbed the back of her neck, while his right hand grasped her waist and pulled her closer. She moaned in his mouth, and he seized the opportunity to slide his tongue into hers.
The sound of their accelerated respiration reverberated throughout the entire silent cathedral. Frollo felt worried for an instant that this could be interpreted as a blasphemy, an offense to God. But it felt so right, so sacred, that there was no way it could be a sin.
Without ever interrupting their kiss, he slowly pushed her towards the nearest column, where he pressed her back against the stone.
He stopped for a second to look at her, and make sure she was comfortable.
- Don't stop. - she begged, pulling him closer again.
- Wait! Wait. - he said, grabbing her wrists.
- No- she protested with a frown. - No more waiting. I can't wait anymore. - she confessed with a pleading tone, that only fueled his desire to insane levels.
- Neither can I. - he whispered, leaning into her ear. His baritone voice sent a shiver down her spine.- I need you now. Just… not here. - he explained.
- Let's go then! - she resolved, grabbing his hand firmly and walking straight to the door.
Frollo couldn't help but laugh at her determination, though he was shaking internally. He wasn't lying, he needed her like he hadn't need anything before in his life. But he was absolutely inexperienced in these kind of matters. He felt a surge of crippling terror cooling off his heated blood. Until Esmeralda stopped, noticing his subtle resistance to her fast pace.
- Are you coming or what? - she asked, lifting an eyebrow.
- I am.- Frollo replied quickly, and taking another look at her smoldering eyes, all his fears vanished instantly. - I am.