- I can't. - Frollo said, horrified.
Esmeralda withdrew her arms from him, leaning away so she could get a better look of his face. He looked desperately worried.
- Have you never thought of telling him before? - she asked, with involuntary accusation in her tone.
- Of course I have! - Frollo defended himself, and the growing anxiety gave him enough strength to finally get up from the floor. - But it would destroy him! And he would never forgive me. - he added, grimly.
- What's the plan, then? Taking the secret to your grave? - she replied, getting up behind him, as he began to pace across the room.
- No. - Frollo answered without second thought. She saw him hesitating to say anything else.
- So…? - she invited him to continue.
- I wrote him a letter. - he explained reluctantly. - It's right there, on the table. I was hoping that whoever found me would get it to him.
Esmeralda was suddenly hurt that he hadn't thought of leaving her a letter. However, this was no longer about her. She tried to get back to the point.
- So that means you were ready to tell the truth! - she concluded.
- It's not that simple. - Frollo refuted, shaking his head. - The only reason I wrote him the truth was because I knew I wouldn't be here anymore when he got the letter.
- How brave of you. - she stated sarcastically.
Frollo threw her a hurtful look.
- I'm sorry. - she quickly apologized.- Look… I know it's hard. But if you truly want to redeem yourself, this is the right thing to do.
- How are you so sure? - he asked, skeptical.
- What do you mean? You don't think telling the truth is better than lying? - she replied, confused.
- Well, generally, yes. - Frollo said carefully. - But think about what this particular truth will do to him. Not only will he be traumatized by it, but he will also feel betrayed by me. His faith and trust will shatter. And I do love him, Esmeralda. That is not a lie. But he won't see it that way, I'm afraid.
She pondered his words, biting her lower lip with concern.
- I don't know how he will react. - she admitted. - Maybe you're right, and he will never forgive you. But even so… just consider this for a moment. - she asked, walking towards him.
Frollo turned to look at her again, intrigued.
- You know the pain of being an orphan, the pain of knowing your parents are dead, that they were taken away from you, by whatever power took them.
The judge nodded cautiously.
- I know the pain of being abandoned. You've seen how that shaped me. The darkness it created inside of me, the constant feeling of unworthiness, despite having people who cared for me and loved me.
- Aha. - he nodded again.
- Now consider this. As horrible as it was to lose your parents… or your mother, at least – she clarified, remembering the stories he had told her about his father. - Would you rather know that she had voluntarily chosen to leave you alone in this world?
Frollo inhaled deeply, understanding her point. Esmeralda saw his reaction and was encouraged to keep talking.
- Quasimodo has spent his entire life believing he was unworthy of his mother's love. That she chose to leave him behind, abandoning him in the cold streets. And I bet my life that he has felt that inner darkness as well. His heart is so pure, much purer than mine… so he turned his pain into compassion and kindness for others. But it is still there, that pain. That deep belief that no one will ever truly love him. And you're the only one that can take it away.
- But I wouldn't be taking it away… - Frollo protested. - I would just be trading it for another kind of pain. He will go from believing his mother was unable to love him to believing even the one person he has always thought loved him, myself, actually never did. Do you think that's better?
- I don't know if it's better. - Esmeralda answered truthfully. - But I think that he's the one who should be making that choice. If you tell him and he chooses to believe that you never loved him, he will have lost you… but maybe he will have gained the opportunity to find love somewhere else, finally believing he's worth it. That could change his life. You owe him the chance.
- What about me? - Frollo asked then, looking away in embarrassment.
Esmeralda felt deeply moved when she realized the extent to which Frollo truly cared about Quasimodo. The way the judge treated the bell ringer, it was so formal and aloof, that even if she rationally knew that the man cared for his adoptive son, she had barely witnessed it from an emotional point of view.
- I hope he will find the way to forgive you… - she said quietly, stroking his arm. - Love has a way of making the impossible, possible. - she added with a weak smile.
But Frollo was shaking his head, with his eyes closed.
- But even if he doesn't- Esmeralda said, grabbing both of Frollo's hands with her own. The judge opened his eyes to look at her. - I will stand by you. You won't do this alone. We'll get through it together. - she promised.
The judge let out a sigh of surrender.
- Alright. - he yielded at last.
.
- Finally! - Quasimodo yelled, visibly relieved, when he saw Frollo and Esmeralda climbing the ladder to his quarters. - I was so worried! - he recriminated.
- Hi, Quasi! It's been quite a week. - Esmeralda greeted him, with an apologetic smile.
- Where were you? - he asked anxiously, and then he looked at Frollo. - You could have let me know you found her!
- I'm sorry, Quasimodo. - Frollo said quietly. The lad noticed the dark circles around his eyes.
- Are you alright? - he asked the judge, concerned.
Frollo swallowed, unable to answer, so Esmeralda stepped in.
- We're just tired. But how are you? How is your head? - she asked, trying to change the subject.
- Oh, it's just a bump. - Quasimodo replied, rubbing his hair on the place he had been hit by the gypsies.
- Let me see. - she said, getting closer and carefully moving his hair away to examine the skin. There was no open wound, but the area was inflamed and red.
- I'm fine, really. - he insisted, blushing under her gentle touch.
- I'm so sorry they did this to you. - she said, visibly upset.
- Well, we didn't expect a warm welcome with flowers and wine anyway, did we? - Quasimodo joked, winking at Frollo.
The judge winced, trying to smile back, but he only managed to grit his teeth in an awkward grimace. Esmeralda witnessed his poor attempt and moved to get herself between the two men, in front of Quasimodo.
- Anyway, it was wrong. I can't believe Clopin hurt you, he knows you're my friend!
- He didn't mean to … which reminds me! - Quasimodo suddenly exclaimed, turning around and rushing to his bed.
Esmeralda seized the opportunity of his brief absence to turn towards Frollo.
- I can't do this. - the judge muttered anxiously. - I need to go.
- No. - Esmeralda replied, walking to him and grabbing his hand. - We've talked about this, you know it's the right thing to do.
- But I will crush him! - Frollo argued, devastated.
- Look… - the gypsy whispered, looking over her shoulder to make sure Quasimodo was still gone. - If you really want to go, I won't hold you back. But I'm here with you, and I think you can do this.
Frollo looked deep into her emerald eyes, and her reassuring gaze calmed his heart a little. He then looked away, frowning, pondering his options.
- Here! - Quasimodo said, getting back to them.
He studied their faces for a minute. It was clear that something was going on, as they both looked concerned. He felt guilty that he was about to deliver such bad news.
- Esmeralda… - he began, tentatively. - There's something I need to tell you.
The woman looked at him surprised.
- What is it? - she asked cautiously.
- Maybe we can sit down for this? - Quasimodo suggested.
Once again, he saw the couple exchanging a weird look, as if they were hiding something. Maybe there was something going on between them, something that had nothing to do with him. Yes, that was probably it. Anyway, he hoped that what he was about to reveal wouldn't make it worse.
He pointed to the table, so the three of them sat in the benches around it.
- What is it, Quasi? - Esmeralda asked again, baffled.
- Clopin came to see me yesterday. He snuck into the cathedral after mass, given the crowd.
- Aha… - she nodded, intrigued. - What did he want?
- He said he had come to check up on me… That he was feeling guilty for their assault.
- Right. - she spat sarcastically.
- I think he was honest. - Quasimodo replied, shaking his head. - He explained that they only meant to get you. - he pointed to Frollo.
- Well, that's quite the consolation. - Esmeralda stated with great irony.
- Anyway, he apologized, and I forgave him. - the lad concluded.- Though he reminded me that we must not show up in their place under any circumstance again.
- We weren't intending to. - Frollo pointed out grimly.
Esmeralda was shaking her head, dissapointed. Quasimodo hesitated, and then reached across the table to grab her hand. Frollo was surprised by this gesture, but he said nothing.
- Anyway… that's not the only thing he said. - Quasimodo explained, lowering his tone.
- What else? Any other threats I should be aware of? - Esmeralda asked bitterly.
- No… He came to tell me that something happened. - his tone was dark and concerned.
- What? - she asked again, this time actually getting worried.
Quasimodo looked at Frollo, trying to get his support. But the man had the weirdest expression, one he was unable to decipher, like a mixture of dread and nervousness. Whatever was going on with him, Quasimodo realized he wasn't going to be very helpful. So he looked at Esmeralda again, who was waiting anxiously for his response.
- There's no easy way to say it. - he excused himself, lowering his eyes to the table. - He said your father died yesterday.
Frollo was utterly shocked. Of all the scenarios he had envisioned when thinking about this conversation, he never imagined that Quasimodo would be the one revealing shocking news about parents, and not the other way around.
He looked at Esmeralda, who seemed calm.
- Did he tell you what happened? - she asked, quietly.
- He died in his sleep. - Quasimodo answered, trying to offer some consolation. - He didn't suffer.
- Okay. - she said, nodding slowly.
- I'm so sorry. - the lad murmured, squeezing her hand.
- Hmm… it's okay. - Esmeralda said, though her voice sounded scratchy. - We hadn't been close for a long time. He was quite older than our mother, and she was the one who raised Clopin and me… He was always out in some… adventure, as he would call it.
Frollo remembered what she had told him the day before, about his adoptive father being a thief and telling them stories of the "hidden treasures" he had found.
- Even so...- the judge began, as he gently placed his palm on her forearm. - It must be painful to lose him.
- Yeah… - she said, absently. - I'm not sure how to feel.
Frollo understood. When his own father had died, he had felt all sorts of emotions. Grief was there, of course, but also the big relief of finally being free of his abuser. And then, the guilt for feeling so relieved and not too sad. He knew how complicated family ties could get.
- Whatever you're feeling, it's natural. - he tried to reassure her.
She threw him a weak smile, moved by his unusual display of empathy and emotional wisdom.
- Thank you.- she whispered warmly. - And thank you too, for telling me. - she told Quasimodo with another weak smile.
- Of course. - Quasimodo nodded, returning her sad smile. - Clopin asked me to give you this. He said he didn't want to see you himself, but that his father had requested that you had it, and he wanted to honor his wish.
He reached with his other hand, that was closed, holding something. He carefully dropped it on the table, in front of her. It was a silver ring, with a small sapphire on it. She took it to get a better look, and her eyes teared up.
- This was his ring. - she explained. - He wore it for as long as I can remember. He used to tell me it was magical, it had protective properties that kept him safe on his adventures. I always wanted to borrow it as a kid… but it was too big for my girly fingers. - she tried it on, and it fit her middle finger almost perfectly. - It fits now. - she declared, and a tear rolled down her cheek. - Thank you.
- You're welcome – Quasimodo responded, moved. - Maybe its magic properties will protect you now. - he suggested, with a bright smile.
- I'm sure they will. - Esmeralda agreed, smiling back.- This will be the perfect way to remember him.- she stated, contemplating her hand, and trying to stick to the good memories of the man, instead of the bad ones.
- A father is a father. - Quasimodo said with a shrug. - Not that I know, but… Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean… - he quickly apologized, when he saw Frollo flinching at the sound of his words.
The judge felt his mouth dry and his heartbeat speeding. This was it. This was his cue for coming clean.
Esmeralda noticed it too, and her free hand reached for his under the table. She squeezed it reassuringly.
Frollo cleared his throat and he inhaled deeply.
- Now that you mention it… - he began, and the sound of his voice was so tense and forced that he barely recognized it. - There's something I've been meaning to tell you.
- Oh, really? - Quasimodo inquired, curious. - What is it?
But Frollo's eyes were fixed on the table and he seemed unable to articulate anything else. Esmeralda looked at him concerned, and after a few seconds of silence, she decided to intervene. However, when she took a breath to start talking, Frollo stopped her.
- No. This is on me. - he said, shaking his head.
She nodded, and just squeezed his hand tighter.
- Quasimodo...- Frollo began again. The lad was observing him carefully, eager to know what the judge was about to reveal. - I should have told you this many years ago… once you got old enough to understand. But I never found the right moment, or… to be fair, I never wanted to find the right moment.
- Okay… - Quasimodo invited him to continue. - What is it?
- Remember how I told you that the archdeacon and I found you abandoned as a baby at the cathedral's steps?
The lad nodded slowly, beginning to fear where the story was heading.
- Well… that's not how it happened.
Quasimodo's body stiffened involuntarily in anticipation. But it wasn't the fact that he was about to find out the truth about his origins what frightened him. It was the fact that Frollo seemed completely unable to look him in the eye. The usually composed and cold judge seemed to be falling apart right in front of his eyes. And that could only mean that what he was about to reveal was worse than Quasimodo could imagine.
- You weren't abandoned, Quasimodo. - Frollo said at last. And then, he took a deep breath and gathered every ounce of strength and courage he had left to be able to look at him in the eye as he said these next words. - Your mother loved you fiercely. She did everything in her power to protect you… and she fought so bravely to remain by your side.
Esmeralda gasped softly, as her heart bursted. She realized what Frollo was doing; he was desperately trying to make sure that Quasimodo would know he had been loved, so when he lost his only father figure, he would at least have that consolation. Even if speaking that way about Quasimodo's mother only made him look worse and crueler.
She was so moved by his selflessness that she could barely contain the urge to hug him.
- She did? - Quasimodo asked, in disbelief.
- Yes, she did. - Frollo confirmed, holding his gaze to transmit as much confidence and certainty as he was able to.
- Then...what happened to her? - Quasimodo inquired, hesitant. He was pretty sure of the answer, but still, he needed to hear it.
- She died. - Frollo explained, confirming his suspicions.
- Oh… - Quasimodo muttered, lost in his thoughts. - And that's when you adopted me? - he asked.
Frollo lowered his gaze, his heart about to pump out of his chest. It would be so easy to just say yes, and let that be the story. It was all technically true. This way, Quasimodo wouldn't feel that he had been unworthy of love from the beginning, but he would get to keep him as well. No harm done… right?
He looked at Esmeralda. She was staring at him, waiting for his decision. She was perfectly aware of the inner battle he was fighting in that very moment. And she had already made her choice, that if he hid the fact that he had been the one to murder the woman, she would not judge him. It was an impossible situation, and she knew the pain Frollo was facing. She couldn't blame him if he chose not to reveal that crucial, devastating detail.
But it was precisely the lack of judgment in Esmeralda's gaze what tipped the scales. Her pure, unconditional love, despite everything she knew about him, made Frollo realize that it was the same kind of love he wanted to be able to show Quasimodo. And that kind of love couldn't be supported by any more lies. Whatever that cost him.
- The truth is more complicated than that, I'm afraid. - he stated, fighting hard to be able to look at Quasimodo. The lad seemed puzzled and worried. - I want you to know that I will never, ever be able to express how sorry I am, Quasimodo.
- For what? - Quasimodo asked, refusing to consider what was coming to his mind.
- I was the one to take you away from him. - Frollo confessed, and his voice cracked.
- I don't understand. - Quasimodo said in a low tone, though his heart was already grasping the meaning of what his mind refused to face.
- I caused her death. I killed her. It was me. - Frollo blurted, and he hid his face in his hands, filled with shame and sorrow.
He didn't see the expression on Quasimodo's face, but Esmeralda did.
She watched his eyes and mouth opening widely in disbelief. She practically saw the thousand questions that were coming to his mind, and how he discarded every one of them because none of them truly mattered.
She watched him shaking his head over and over, unable to accept what he had just heard.
She watched him get up from the bench, and moving erratically around the room, heading for the outside and then back, and then towards his bedroom, and then back again. Struggling to decide on what of the many emotions that were overwhelming him should take the upper hand.
She watched him crumbling down to his knees, burying his face on his arms and beginning to sob violently, still denying with his head.
Her heart was torn. She wanted to rush to him and wrap him in her arms, but she also wanted to remain by Frollo's side, as his heart shattered with the sound of Quasimodo's crying.
But before she could make a decision on where she was needed most, Quasimodo suddenly stopped his sobbing right away. He got up from the floor and turned towards them, his face flaring red with rage.
- GET OUT! - he yelled, pointing at Frollo.
The judge looked at him, horrified by his contorted expression.
- Quasimodo, please… - he begged.
- OUT! - the bell ringer repeated, pointing to the exit with a menacing gesture. - And never come back! - he added furiously.
Frollo got up from the bench, lifting his palms in a pacifying gesture.
- I'll go. - he assured him. - But we'll need to discuss…
- THERE'S NOTHING TO DISCUSS! - the lad replied, out of control. - YOU'RE A MONSTER! YOU'VE LIED MY ENTIRE LIFE! YOU SHOULD BE THE ONE DEAD!
- Quasi! - Esmeralda called, desperately trying to stop the increasing violence.
- You!- Quasimodo yelled, pointing at her. - You knew this!?
- I… - she hesitated, throwing Frollo a quick glance.
- You're just like him! - Quasimodo accused, throwing his arms above his head. - I thought you were different! I thought we were friends!
- We are!- she tried to defend herself, with a strangled voice.
- No, we're not! I never want to see you again! Clopin was right about you all along... It takes a monster to love a monster! - he stated, pointing at both of them.
Frollo tried to say something in her defense, as she was paralyzed in her spot, but Quasimodo didn't give him the chance.
- GET OUT NOW! BOTH OF YOU! DON'T COME BACK! - he yelled again, walking towards them, ready to push them out if needed.
Frollo didn't let it get that far. He grabbed Esmeralda's hand firmly and began walking to the exit ladder. She made a protest sound, but eventually followed him.
- We can't leave things like this! - she claimed, as they descended the tower's spiraling staircase.
- There's nothing else to do. - Frollo replied convinced.
- But…
- Esmeralda, stop. - he said, suddenly stopping his descent. Though they were in the darkness of the stairs, she was able to discern the fierce determination on his gaze. - It's over.
They barely spoke another word during the way home or while they were having lunch.
Each one was sunk deep into their respective thoughts and emotions. Both of them wanted to say something that would help or comfort the other, but there was not much to say. So they took comfort in, at least, being together in the dense silence that surrounded them.
When they were done eating, Esmeralda timidly suggested that they sat in the stone bench on the courtyard, where the afternoon rays of sunlight were still warm enough. Frollo followed her there absently.
- Are you mad at me? - she finally dared to ask, once they were sitting side by side.
The judge looked at her, confused.
- Mad at you? - he repeated, frowning.
- For saying you should tell him the truth… - she clarified, looking down with a sad expression.
- No. - Frollo stated plainly. - You were right. I'm only mad at myself.
- You did the right thing. - she immediately defended him, turning to face him better. - Claude, the way you explained it to him… making sure he understood that it hadn't been his fault at all… you were really brave.
Frollo threw her a quick glance, but then shook his head.
- You were.- she insisted, placing her hand on his thigh. - I'm serious, you had the chance to leave things like that, but you chose to tell the whole truth. I don't think I know anyone that brave.
- You would have done the same thing. - Frollo replied quietly.
- I'd like to think I would, but I don't know. I've never been in the position to prove it. And honestly, I hope I never have to find out, because I'm not sure I would rise to the occasion like you did.
- Thank you. - he said, absently. - But it was pointless. Did you see him? I've never seen anyone so angry before.
- I think that's a good sign. - Esmeralda replied cautiously.
- What? - Frollo asked, turning his head at her, unsure he had heard well.
- Maybe the fact that he was so angry means it wasn't pointless at all.
- Why would it…? What do you mean? - he inquired, utterly puzzled.
- Let me tell you a little story. - she began, adjusting her position to face the baffled judge. - Remember the Tupsy Turvy day, when I claimed sanctuary at the cathedral so you wouldn't be able to arrest me?
Frollo's frowning increased.
- I'm not particularly fond of those memories. - he remarked darkly.
- I know, but I'm going somewhere with this. - she clarified, nodding. - That day, I followed Quasimodo to his tower and discovered his hidden life. We talked and became friends, and later he helped me escape the vigilance of your soldiers.
- Aha...- Frollo muttered, uncomfortable.
- But before he did… we had a conversation, at the rooftop. I was so mad at you, you know, for trapping me in there… But he defended you. - she said, meaningfully.
But Frollo shook his head, not following.
- He defended the man who that very day had allowed the citizens to mock and basically torture him!
- I'm really not following you, and this isn't helping.- Frollo stated, gritting his teeth.
- Claude, do you think that's normal? - she asked him, raising an eyebrow. The judge shook his head again, baffled. - It's not! He should have been so mad at you! But there he was, arguing with me about your kindness. Of course, I didn't know you back then the way I do now, but still… I realized how badly damaged Quasimodo was in that moment. He was so afraid of losing you, the only person he thought could ever love him… that he didn't even allow himself to feel angry about what had just happened! It was so unnatural.
Frollo grunted, beginning to see the point.
- And later, when you used him to get to the Court of Miracles… how long did it take him to forgive you?
- He is a kind person. - Frollo said quietly.
- He is, but that's not the point. He was unable to be truly mad at you.
- Well, he certainly isn't anymore.
- That's what I mean! - she said, in a celebratory tone. - Rightful anger is a healthy thing. When you're unable to feel it, it means something's wrong. Remember what I said yesterday?
- You said many things. - Frollo stated, recalling their intense long conversation at the dungeons.
- I mean what I said about getting mad at you. That I needed to know that I could get mad at you without it meaning you would do something like that again. - she reminded him.
Frollo adjusted his position again, uncomfortable. He just wished she would stop talking, for all she was saying only made him feel worse. But she kept going.
- It's the same thing! I knew that as long as I feared that you would do something dramatic, I wouldn't allow myself to get angry. When you fear losing someone so much, it twists all your emotions.
- What are you saying? - Frollo finally snapped, losing his patience. - That I should be glad that he no longer cares about losing me?
- It's not that he doesn't care. - she explained, trying to remain calmed. - It's that he's not terrified by it. Because he no longer believes you're the only person in the world that could care about him. Which means it worked. Don't you see? The truth you so bravely told him finally changed that inside of him!
Esmeralda carefully observed Frollo's reaction. He was still frowning, but she could almost hear the pieces of the puzzle clicking inside his mind. Finally, his expression softened.
- So it wasn't pointless. - he concluded, slightly relieved.
- Exactly. - she nodded.
However, Frollo's eyes were still filled with sadness. She moved closer to him on the bench.
- Maybe we can try talking to him again in a few days. - she suggested, trying to give him some hope.
- You heard him, he doesn't want to see me ever again.
- Well… that's how he feels now. But maybe he'll listen to me. Maybe he just needs time.
- Would you do that for me? Speaking on my behalf? - Frollo asked, surprised.
- Of course I would! - she answered, with a reassuring smile. - I told you, we're in this together.
To her pleasant surprise, Frollo smiled back. He knew that the pain from Quasimodo's rejection wouldn't go away easily, but having her by his side, when just a day before he had believed he had lost her forever, was too good to be ignored.
- You beautiful, wise woman. - he said admiringly.
She looked at him, with a timid smile as her cheeks reddened. Which only made him want her more. He took her hand and placed a gentle kiss on her knuckles.
And then his expression shifted completely into one of horror.