Chapter 3

Paul

Fuck, this is going to hurt.

Once again, like so many times before, I find myself on the expanse of beach near downtown, nestled between rugged high cliffs on either side. The hours I spent here growing up have been doubled in the past ten months since I first saw her. I could never forget that day, not that my primal urge would let me if I wanted to, but sometimes sitting here it came back clearer than others.

At first, right after it happened, it would happen daily. I would be doing something trivial and suddenly the whole scene would play out in front of my eyes. I could not do anything about it once it started, it was a moot point. I just had to sit and wait for the familiar agony to come.

I had automatically felt the presence of her when she walked onto the beach. I remember looking over at her from a distance; wondering why this fragile looking girl was here, exposed, on such a cold day.

At first I had brushed off the feeling as my pack instincts telling me I needed to protect those in this town– the innocent, non-bloodsucker kind. That is I felt this need as just a part of my job as protector; to be concerned for this girls well being. I had ignored the part of me that said to go to her and instead continued my work of setting up the bonfire for that night. I continued to feel an odd pull no matter what I was doing though, in my mind I was tracking her movements.

When she had stood and walked towards the water I was puzzled on what her purpose was, she kept looking back at the car she had gotten out of nervously. I remember feeling uneasy at the sight of her small frame contrasted by the rough waters she teetered so close to.

Then she took and step, then another.

My heart stopped when she did the unthinkable and took off running straight into the frigid waters. I was frozen in shock, what was this girl doing? Wave after wave she took, hit after hit but she preserved unfazed. I was almost impressed; that is until I realized this girl must have a death wish trying to swimming in this weather. The water was too cold and too rough, if she got too far out she would end up in a riptide.

Adrenaline overtook me and I sprinted to the water; quickly following her movements, so far ahead of me, with my eyes. Right as I reached the edge of the water I saw her head go under and not bob back to the surface. Ice hit my veins as I ripped through the waves to get to her, I couldn't seem to move fast enough. Finally, I got the spot I last saw her and dived under to search for her in the dark depths.

I spotted a halo of blonde hair and directed myself toward it. She wasn't moving or attempting to swim up, she almost had a look of joy on her face that bewildered me. I reached out and grabbed her right arm, pulling her into me and up towards the surface. When we breached I heard her gasp for air and I relaxed a bit, at least she was alive at the moment. I have never moved so fast to get back to dry land, carrying her in my arms. My body had slight tremors from the excitement of it all, my wolf wanting to get out and be a part of the action.

Once we reached the beach both Embry and Jacob were there, yelling questions at me at what they should do. I tuned them out and inspected the girl– no women in front of me. Her small frame was deceiving from afar, now that I was holding her so close I could see the strength of well used muscles under her skin. I could tell she was tall by her long legs that laid motionless in my arms, though she would still be dwarfed by my size.

I kept asking her if she was alright, frantically trying to get her to respond to me. She was coughing up water and tried opening her eyes once, but didn't succeed. She tried again and her blue eyes met mine.

My body stilled.

Imprint.

I was lost in a sea of blue, lighter than the sky on a clear day at the edge but then transitioned into a deep navy that match the darkest parts of the ocean. A switch flipped in my brain as I stared at the only person that I would always put above myself, the one that I would both live and die for. I felt the world shift in this moment; I no longer needed air to breathe, not when I had this woman to fill my lungs.

I was broken from my thoughts by a man, dressed in a business suit striding towards us. He was a large guy, both in height and bulk, though still smaller than even Embry. I recognized the look on his face as anger and I shifted my girl behind me protectively.

"What the fuck happen," he yelled as he walked over to the girl.

I felt her stirring, trying to detach herself from me and I instantly felt the pain of her untangling herself from me. She stood up and didn't say anything to anyone, but the man then yelled, "Get you shit and get in the car."

I instantly rose, ready to tear the man apart that would dare talk to my girl that way but Jacob held me back. I watch her walk back up the beach, collect her stuff, and get back into the car she had emerged from just a half hour earlier.

There was an exchange going on between Embry, Jacob, and the man but I only had eyes for the women sitting in the car. I was begging her to look up at me, to just tell me she needed me to do something – anything for her.

Eventually the man followed her tracks back up the beach and got in the car. I could see her flinch when the door shut, my heart leapt. I need to go after her, but Embry grabbed my arm.

"We will figure out who she is," he said to me, "don't worry Paul. We will take care of it but you can't go after her right now. You're too hyped up and you need to go phase and work it out. You don't want to hurt her." He said his last sentence a little louder than the one before it, emphasizing the word hurt.

My eyes still had not left her downturned face, when they started to pull out her head snapped up and met my gaze. It was like I was imprinting all over again. She held it this time, refusing to look away from me. It was only when the car turned off that our gaze broke and I lost her.

Sitting on the beach now, ten months later, I could still close my eyes and still see every feature of her face, having memorized the only connection I have to my imprint.

My imprint, what bullshit.

I winced, knowing that it was not at all her fault for how I felt. I was angry though, not at her but at the stupid tribal magic shit that left me this way. The anger never really left.

I don't understand how I got the imprint that would abandon me without even giving me the chance to know her name. Come for an afternoon and then disappear without a trace into the great wide world. I have searched every town within 100 miles of La Push, checked out every owner in the state, and surrounding states, that own the car she drove off in. Nothing came up.

I would think of the man she was with and wonder if that was her boyfriend or husband. Allow myself to fall down a hole of thoughts. Thoughts of if he was touching her at night, the way only I should be. I would think of the way he yelled at her and the way she filched back and wonder if that was a learned reaction, if he was instead touching her in a way that I never would.

I blamed Embry and Jacob at first. For not allowing me to go after her then and there. In the months directly following it had been bad, I couldn't stop the changes from happening. I felt like it was the first week I had changed all over again. My thoughts in both forms were excruciating and uncontrollable; the pack suffered from me.

It took time but I was able to rein in my changes and thoughts, but the pain was still there. The ever present ache inside that told me something was missing. Most of the pack refused to run patrol with me unless ordered by Sam. Embry felt responsible for my pain and thus felt obligated to take the majority of the patrols, I don't blame him anymore. I have come to accept that it was my fault and my fault alone for not following her.

The longer I am away from her the more I consider leaving this town. Going rouge and searching for her away from here. She was tanned, maybe she lived in the south. I would start there I had decided. Every time I would build up the courage to go I would think of a reason not it. The most obvious being that if she ever came back and I wasn't here I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

I knew one thing though.

If I ever found her again I would never let her go.

I left the beach shortly after my little escapade down memory lane. I headed into the woods and shifted as soon as I knew I was clear of wandering eyes. As soon as I shifted I felt the calming presence of my guys in my head, their trivial thoughts help me decompress when I am having a particularly bad time of it. While it is helpful to me, I know that my doom and gloom can be a bit much for some of them. I feel Collin and Brady shift out of their wolf forms, I tend to be a bit too dark for them.

Headed to Sam's. I think to no one person, but get figurative head nods from the other guys.

I try and think about anything but my imprint and that day, I am sure the guys have seen that through line one to many times. I instead focus on the freedom I feel when running and try and clear my brain.

Being a wolf use to be one of the best things that had ever happened to me. I was 16 when I shifted for the first time, just at the ending of my junior year of high school. While I was by no means unpopular in high school, the friends I had weren't really friends but more so followers. People hung around with me because I could help them in some way; be it on the field or with a girl. I was just a vessel to propel them to what they wanted. Besides my mom I had no one I was close with and with graduation approaching I had no really dreams or aspirations. Shifting changed that for me.

Suddenly I was a part of something bigger than myself, I had a purpose a drive. I was bonded to a group of men that shared something with me that no one else would ever understand. Their victories were also my victories. The strength we had as a pack relied on every single one of trusting each other without question.

I had an extended family that I had always wanted, they accepted my mom and I into their lives and we reciprocated. I had brothers to show me what it meant to be a real man to a woman. I had hoped to one day be able to have a family like so many of my brothers had started forming.

Now though, what I wouldn't do to not be a wolf. The pain I have to live with may never go away. There has never been a recorded case before of a wolf and an imprint not end up together, but I am defying all odds.

As I am arriving at Sam's I quickly shift back and throw on some clothes. As I am approaching the door I catch the smell of Emily's cooking and almost hum with excitement. I quickly take the stair and enter only to walk in on a tender moment between Sam and Emily. Sam is eye-level with Emily's very much pregnant belly, talking sweet nothings to the baby inside. The scene is too perfect and private it makes my chest ache with jealousy.

I quickly turn back outside and barely make it to the woods before I am shifting again, howling with the agony and loneliness I feel.

Author's Note:

I hate a sad Paul. We are getting closer to the big meet up between them.