.

Chapter 6

(In which Yukine eavesdrops, comes up with a plan that no one but Nora will entertain, and wavers at the crossroads.)

Yukine woke slowly, to the feeling of fingers carding rhythmically through his hair. He was groggy enough to think it felt nice, even if he seemed to be hunched over uncomfortably with his cheek smushed into the mattress.

"…should probably give you all that," Yato was saying, his voice a little muffled past Yukine's bleariness and the blanket covering one ear. "No point hiding it anymore, I guess. You'll need to know everything about him. There won't be any reason not to kill him once I'm gone, anyway."

That took a second to pierce through Yukine's daze, but then his breath caught in his throat. He stayed still, hardly daring to breathe as he listened in.

"I suppose…" Bishamon mumbled. "But…later."

"What are you waiting for? There's not going to be much later left, you know."

There was a long pause before Bishamon said, "You've been awfully calm about this whole thing."

"Everyone dies eventually," Yato said dismissively. "Even gods. I've lived for a long time. It was bound to happen sooner or later."

"That doesn't mean you have to be so resigned about it. You've always fought so hard before. Why are you just accepting it now? Aren't you upset?"

"What's the point in getting upset over it?" Yato asked. A pause, and then his fingers tightened in Yukine's hair and his voice hardened. "You know what? I am upset. I'm furious. You have no idea of everything I've done and all the wars I've fought to make it this far, and he's just going to take me out on a whim? And like this? It's not fair. I don't want to die. Not now. Not like this. Yeah, I am upset.

"But…" The fire faded from his voice, leaving his next words heavy and exhausted and weary. He resumed petting Yukine, but it wasn't comforting anymore. "What's the point in kicking up a fuss about it now? There's nothing I can do, and the kids are already upset enough without me falling apart."

Tears burned hot behind eyelids squeezed shut, and it cost Yukine dearly to stay motionless when his chest was clamping viselike around his heart. He remembered the bittersweet smile on Kuraha's face when Yukine said he didn't want Yato to die.

"Neither does he."

Of course he didn't. Of course he was upset. Yukine knew that. That was why he hated Yato pretending everything was okay when it obviously wasn't. But maybe Kuraha was right again, and it was his way of avoiding the truth. Of trying to protect Yukine and Hiyori with the added bonus of not dwelling on how afraid he was to die.

Yato might have given up, but it couldn't be because he was okay with dying or didn't want to fight. He would surely be fighting right now if he hadn't been shaken to the core by whatever his dad had done.

"Yato," Bishamon said, her voice thick, "I–"

The fingers stilled in Yukine's hair again, and he could feel Yato looking down at him. Yato's gaze was like a physical thing, startling in its intensity and sharper than glass, and Yukine could feel it even if he couldn't see it.

Bishamon had paused, but now asked, "Is he waking up?"

"…I don't know. Maybe. I thought I felt something. But maybe I'm imagining it. It's getting harder. I can barely feel him anymore."

Yukine did his best to smooth out his expression and even his breathing, even though his heart was a jackhammer against his ribcage. What was that supposed to mean? He really shouldn't eavesdrop, but Yato wasn't this open with him and he needed to know.

"What do you mean?" Bishamon asked.

Yato was quiet for a minute before saying, "I'm used to feeling his emotions so strongly, but the blight is so bad that I can barely feel him. I can't tell if he's upset or it's just the blight eating at me. It hurts too much to feel his pain past it anymore. I can see it in his face, but I don't feel it the way I used to." He resumed stroking Yukine's hair. "It's lonely."

Yukine swallowed past the lump constricting his throat and pressed his trembling lips together.

"That's…" Bishamon blew out a breath and sounded uncharacteristically subdued. "He's not going to take it well when you…"

"You'll take care of him for me, won't you? You and Kofuku can figure something out."

Her laugh was more resigned than amused. "Yeah, I'm sure that would go over well. He wants nothing to do with me or Kazuma. We're probably the last people he'll want to see…after."

"It's not like he hates you, he's just…super protective sometimes. Like Kazuma. Hafuri, ya know? And since he can't do anything about the real threat, he's taking some of it out on you.

"But… I just need… I need to know he's going to be okay, you know? I'm sure it'll be rough for a while, but he's a good kid. Just look out for him, okay? He'll have Hiyori, but he'll need a new master. Maybe you and Kofuku can work something out with him."

"…I'll do my best."

"Thanks." Yato sounded far too optimistic when he added, "Don't worry, he'll probably forget all about me in a few decades and it won't be a big deal anymore."

What?

"What?" Bishamon demanded, disbelieving.

"Well, once he's had a new master for a while, he won't need me anymore. It's only been a year. Give it a century and he'll barely remember me. It'll make it easier to move on and all that."

Yukine wasn't sure if he wanted to cry or strangle someone, preferably Yato. Did that idiot really think he would just forget? After everything? Maybe it had only been a year, but it had been a life-changing year. Yato had saved Yukine, and Yukine had sworn eternal loyalty back. Did Yato really think he was so cheap as to just throw that away at the first chance? There were some things time couldn't erase, and Yato would be one of them.

But that Yato thought it would cut deep. Especially since Yukine knew exactly how afraid he was of being forgotten, how much it hurt him. Did he really think Yukine would be that cruel?

"Are you stupid?" Bishamon seethed, genuinely angry. "That shinki, the one you told us about, how long did you know her?" When Yato didn't respond, she continued on as if he had. "And you said she died when you were still a child, so how long has it been since you've seen her? Centuries? But even I can tell you still care. You haven't forgotten her, have you? What makes you think Yukine will forget you so easily?"

Exactly, Yukine wanted to say. How could you think I'd forget?

Despite his wariness of Bishamon, he was indescribably grateful that she had voiced his thoughts while he was rendered mute.

Yato was quiet for a long time before murmuring, "Maybe it's just wishful thinking. I want to think that he'll be okay, even when I'm gone."

It hurt. It was like Yato was disappearing right in front of Yukine, slowly erasing himself well before the blight did him in. He was disappearing behind the crumbling façade of normalcy he stubbornly held up, and Yukine was suddenly afraid that when that front finally came crashing down, he would look behind it and realize that Yato was already gone and had been for some time. Like the blight had already eaten away at his core and left only a hollow shell, and Yato had taken care of the rest in some misguided, self-effacing attempt to protect his friends by withdrawing a little at a time and erasing himself as he went.

Yukine couldn't take it anymore. He sat up, forgetting he was supposed to be asleep, but doubled over again immediately as his cramping muscles and aching back protested the movement. He choked out a hiss of pain, and Bishamon snapped her mouth shut.

"Oh, look who's finally awake!" Yato was grinning again, voice light and upbeat. "That looked pretty uncomfortable! You look terrible."

He pulled his hand away. The back was already purple, and Yukine had the silly thought that he wouldn't be able to touch them much longer. The other hand was already covered in splotchy purple down to the fingertips. The blight had spread further across his face while Yukine slept, dark against the pallor of his skin and feverish brightness of his eyes.

"I look terrible?" Yukine croaked as he winced and carefully worked the kinks out of his muscles. "You look awful."

Yato pouted. "That's not very nice, Yukine. I'll have you know that I'm a perfect dreamboat. And it's all natural, too!"

His reversion to fake sunniness yet again made the anger well up inside Yukine, but it sputtered out as he recalled what it had led him to do last time.

"I'm sorry I said I hated you," he blurted out before his brain caught up to his mouth. The heat rushed to his face.

"Aw, it's alright," Yato said cheerfully. "I think everyone hates me a little bit. Just ask the psycho bitch! She's always telling me how much she can't stand me."

Bishamon cleared her throat and stood up, her gaze fixed on the floor. "I should go," she said. "We still have an ayakashi to find."

She retreated from the room quickly, leaving them their privacy. Yukine noticed that Yato's hand, the one already overrun with blight, was trembling. His fingers twitched as they clutched at the blankets and loosened their hold restlessly. His chest was rising and falling in an erratic, too-fast pattern, and his eyes were a glassy kind of too-bright.

"Stop it," Yukine rasped.

"Sorry, no can do! Everyone is, like, required to hate me a little bit for something. It's natural, like my good looks and general awesomeness."

"No," he snapped. "Stop pretending like everything is okay when it's not. I hate how you do that. It's driving me crazy. You think you're hiding it, but you're not. I can't take it anymore. Why can't you just be honest with me for once? Why won't you just tell me the truth?"

Why will you open up to Bishamon but not to me?

Yukine bit his lip as a frown replaced the smile on Yato's face. The god stared down at his hand twitching in the rumpled blankets.

"The truth…?" Yato repeated. He shook his head and sighed. When he looked up again, he met Yukine's gaze with solemn eyes. "I know it's been hard on you. And the truth is that it's hard on me too. I'm not happy about it either. And I hate having to sit around and wait to die when I would rather be fighting it.

"I know you think I've given up—and you know what, maybe I have, because I don't see any other options at this point—but I would fight until the end if I saw a way. So yeah, I guess I'm going to die pretty soon, and it sucks.

"But you aren't." He leaned forward to take Yukine's face in his hands, his sleeves pulled down over the blight. Yukine didn't have the presence of mind to protest. He couldn't look away from the soul-bright intensity of Yato's eyes. "You're going to live. You're going to find a new master to take care of you, and you'll learn to love them too and make a new family.

"But you were mine first. You're mine. Even when you move on and find some other god… You were still mine first. And I will be yours until the end. So I know you're going to be okay, because you're my kid and I'll never give up on you, so you can't possibly give up on yourself. You're going to move on and be happy with someone else, but don't you forget that I loved you first. And I loved you the most."

Yukine swallowed hard past the lump in his throat, and the startling blue of Yato's eyes wavered and blurred behind a bleary film of tears. He pressed his trembling lips together and felt warm tears sliding down his cheeks.

"It's okay," Yato said in the softest voice Yukine had ever heard. "You're going to be okay."

Yukine snuffled and tried to come up with something to say. What was he supposed to say to that? That he loved Yato too and didn't know how to go on without him? That Yato was an idiot and kind of annoying but he was family and Yukine would do anything to keep him?

That Yukine would always, always belong to Yato?

"I should call Hiyori," he croaked instead, dropping his gaze. "She wanted to know when you woke up."

He had wanted to hear the truth, but the truth hurt too much.

"Great idea!" Yato said brightly, like nothing had happened at all. He fished his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Yukine. "Here, take it. I'm sure you'll be having more use for it than I will."

Yukine's hand tightened around the hard plastic. He hated the feeling that the phone was being quite literally bequeathed to him, like Yato was already passing on his paltry handful of possessions.

He practically ran out of the room. For the first time, he really understood why Yato was wearing that stupid smile again. Why he preferred to overlook the truths they were all painfully aware of. Right now, Yukine couldn't face that either.

He paused for a brief second in the doorway, but Yato was already looking away, frowning down at his trembling, poisoned hands with an air of hopeless defeat. Yukine remembered another time when he had been blighted, when Yukine himself had done the blighting and almost killed him. But Yato had survived in the end, and saved Yukine while he was at it.

Yukine's grief hardened into sharp-edged resolve. If Yato wasn't going to give up on Yukine, Yukine sure as hell wasn't giving up on him. Not even if he had already given up on himself. This time, Yukine would save Yato.

Whatever the cost, whoever might be hurt in the fallout, and however it might betray the person he was trying to protect.

Hiyori was crying when she shut the door to Yato's room and drifted over to where everyone was huddled in grim silence in Yukine's.

"He's saying goodbye," she said through her tears.

Yeah. Now that he thought about it, Yukine thought that was exactly what Yato was doing. Kofuku, still sniffling and scrubbing at her face herself, motioned Hiyori over to sit with her on the bed. Daikoku leaned against the wall a short distance away, arms crossed and brows lowered as he frowned at the ground. He hadn't spoken a word in twenty minutes, not even to Kofuku. Bishamon and Kazuma had claimed the chairs in the corner after they'd returned from another round of ayakashi hunting. They hadn't said much either.

Yukine had been pacing the room like a caged animal from the second he had escaped Yato. He circled the others like a shark scenting blood as he debated how to best win them over to his plot. Yato's cellphone was a hard lump in his pocket.

"We're going to save him," he announced.

Five sets of eyes swung in his direction. Bishamon's and Kazuma's gazes held too much sympathy, like they thought he was just grasping at straws instead of accepting the inevitable. He didn't care if that was what they thought. Daikoku's face didn't show much of anything at all, but Yukine could practically feel him pacing beneath the collected façade, searching for a way out. Kofuku burst into tears again, but she had been doing that on and off ever since talking to Yato earlier.

"Yukine," Bishamon said carefully, "you–"

"How?" Hiyori asked simply, swiping the back of her hand across her eyes and meeting his gaze steadily despite the film of tears separating them.

Yukine loved that about her, how she could grasp the smallest hope in the most desperate situation and pull together her determination to give it one last shot. How she would take him seriously, even when he said crazy things.

But he took a deep breath anyway, because it would still be an uphill battle to convince everyone else and even she would have a hard time swallowing this.

"We're obviously not going to find the ayakashi in time," he said.

A downright mutinous look settled over Bishamon's features. "Look, we're trying. We can still–"

"Yeah, I know, but Yato's dad is doing too good of a job hiding it. You aren't getting anywhere. You don't even have any leads, do you?"

She settled back in her chair and frowned at the floor

"Nothing," Kazuma sighed. Yukine wondered when that permanent, troubled crease had appeared on his forehead. "We've got nothing. And we're out of time. He has a day, maybe two at most."

Yukine shivered at the icy finger running down his spine and went back to pacing. It was one thing to know Yato was dying, and another to hear such a short timeframe tagged onto his life like a fast-approaching expiration date.

"It's progressed too far," Bishamon said quietly, her eyes dull. "We don't have time to pull off miracles anymore."

Yukine shook off her negativity and dismal pragmatism. "There's still one thing we can do."

He paused, partly for dramatic effect but mostly because all his restless scheming still hadn't shown him a good way to present this idea. He readied himself to bite the bullet and opened his mouth again, but Kofuku's eyes widened suddenly.

"The sorcerer?" she asked.

"Yeah."

All the air in the room congealed at once, thick with shock and dissension.

"Absolutely not," Bishamon said sharply. "It's much too dangerous to go striking deals with him."

"Just hear me out," Yukine said, flapping his hands in an attempt to quell the protests written across every face. "We don't actually have to go along with it, but his dad is the only one who can save him at this point. And he'll need the ayakashi to do it, so if we can get him to bring it with him when he comes to get Yato, we can set up a trap and kill it."

"Too risky. The sorcerer is a master manipulator—he'd be unlikely to fall for such a simple scheme. All we'd be likely to do is hand over Yato so the sorcerer can create a monster out of him."

"Look, I don't like it either!" Yukine snapped, balling his hands into fists at his sides as he glared around the room. "I know it's risky and kind of stupid, but it's the only option we have left. His dad says he can save him, which is better than any of the rest of us can do."

Kazuma pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose and studied Yukine. "And you believe him?"

Yukine hesitated for a split second but then nodded firmly. "I do. He's not trustworthy by a longshot, but this is exactly the kind of thing he'd do. He doesn't really want Yato dead—he wants a way to keep using him. He created a trap for if Yato somehow managed to escape, but he'd make sure he had a way to reverse the effects. The point of this whole mess is to force Yato to come back, not to kill him. He'll have a way."

Bishamon was already shaking her head. "We can't. It's much too dangerous. As much as I'd love to set a trap for the sorcerer to lure him out of hiding and take him out… The cost of failure is too high."

Kazuma nodded in agreement, but his eyes were murky and his lips tight. "It will be much harder to kill the ayakashi if it gets its claws into Yato again, and Yato himself will be exceedingly dangerous. People will die. Gods could die. It would throw everything into chaos, and we would have to kill him before he killed us."

Yukine glared. He didn't want to hear that.

"Yukki…" Kofuku slumped over and stared at the ground. "I want to save Yato-chan too, but to hand him over to the sorcerer to be taken over by an ayakashi… It's too horrible. And dangerous. Yato-chan is a very powerful god, even if it doesn't always seem like it. A dangerous god. And they'd go after you too. If Yato summons you while possessed… We would all be in trouble."

Daikoku nodded almost imperceptibly but didn't look up. Kofuku sniffled loudly. Bishamon and Kazuma avoided Yukine's gaze. They all seemed so upset about the situation, so why wouldn't they do anything about it?

He appealed to Hiyori instead, because surely she understood.

"We have to do something," he said.

She swallowed hard and stared down at her hands folded neatly in her lap. "I would do anything," she said. "But everyone else is right too. If we worked off that idea, we'd have to be very careful, and it would be very risky. But also… Yato would never agree."

"Yato will be dead in a day or two, so his opinion doesn't count for much," Yukine said harshly.

Hiyori flinched and somehow deflated even more, and he almost—almost—felt bad for snapping at her.

"Maybe," she said. "But it would be even harder to make it work if he's not cooperating. And to be honest… He was so upset, Yukine. He didn't really talk about it, but he's really shaken up. I just… I don't want to send him back to that. He said he would rather die, and I've never seen him like that before. If we mess up, we're leaving him at his father's mercy again after he fought so hard to escape. I don't know that we should risk that."

Yukine couldn't accept that she was right, because that meant they were out of options with nowhere left to go.

"The other option is that he dies."

She hunched her shoulders about her ears. "I know. I'm not saying that we shouldn't try, just that we need to think this through and be careful about–"

"Fine," Yukine snapped. "Forget it."

He didn't want to hear her excuses. If she wasn't going to help, then he would do it on his own.

"Yukine," Hiyori protested, "I don't–"

He turned on his heel and marched out of the room. He'd heard enough. Maybe he should stay and work harder to convince them, but they'd already wasted too much time talking and everything they had to say was too painful.

Hiyori and Kofuku called after him, but no one followed. Just as well that they thought they should give him space, although not because he was going off to sulk like they thought.

He had to fend off Kuraha's concern in the hall and it was harder to sneak away while all the shinki were watching him and whispering behind their hands, but he left them to their speculations and hid in the shadows. Luckily, there weren't as many people outside to avoid. He crept around the side of the mansion and hurried out to the edge of the property.

"Nora!" he called in a loud whisper. "Nora!"

"Did you convince him?"

He started and immediately kicked himself for being startled every time, even when he was specifically looking for her. He turned around with as much dignity as he could muster. Nora's face was devoid of emotion, but he was convinced there was something simmering underneath that blank mask of hers.

"No," he said. "He won't do it. But he already collapsed and the blight is everywhere and he doesn't have much time left. I don't see another way, so…"

Nora's eyebrows jumped up her forehead and disappeared beneath her bangs. "You're betraying your master? I didn't think you had it in you."

Yukine bristled at the thinly veiled amusement lurking in the twist of her lips. And, perhaps, in reaction to his own discomfort. Even now, guilt wriggled in his stomach like a living thing. He wondered if Yato could feel it.

"He's dying," he snapped. "If the only way to save him is by betraying him, then so be it. Do you want him to die?"

The half-smile slid off Nora's face like water down a windowpane and vanished. "How are you going to get him to us if he's not cooperating?"

"I don't know yet. I'll figure it out." To be honest, Yukine had no idea how he was going to manage that. And imagining the look on Yato's face was already haunting him. "But before that, I have conditions."

"Conditions," Nora repeated tonelessly. "What makes you think you're in any position to set conditions?"

"We're at a stalemate. You don't want Yato dead, and neither does your dad. Can't use him if he's dead. And he's not going to come on his own, so the only way you'll get him is through me."

True or not, it was as much a bluff as anything and he held his breath for her response. He didn't know how much bargaining power he really had, but he was as much at a disadvantage as Nora and the sorcerer. Yato had one foot over death's doorstep, and they didn't have much time to fight over who got what piece of him and at what cost.

"What conditions?" Nora asked, her face giving nothing away.

"Your dad has to save him."

She flicked her hand dismissively. "Isn't that the point?"

"Promise."

Yukine wasn't stupid. He didn't trust them. Even if he was fairly confident that they needed Yato alive, it didn't hurt to make sure.

Nora sighed and looked at him like he was being particularly stupid. "Promise."

"Good. And I'll probably have to go to the hand-off to make sure it goes right and he doesn't mess it up, but I can't do that if you guys are just going to use that to capture me. I need a guarantee of that."

Nora's brows drew together thoughtfully as she turned that over. "I can probably do that," she said after a pause. "Not forever, but a one-time pass. Getting Yato is more time-sensitive, and we can use him whether or not we have you. He's more important. And once we have him, I'm sure Father will realize it will be much easier to get you. You'll come after him sooner or later."

"I won't…" Yukine trailed off, mashing his lips together and glaring at the ground to avoid her knowing gaze.

That was another weak point in this plan, and of course Nora would pick up on it right away. Yukine wouldn't be able to hide in Takamagahara forever, knowing he had handed Yato back to his dad. He would do his best to save his master, and already had walked into a trap once in his desperation to get at Yato. Of course they would expect him to come out of hiding on his own once they had Yato.

But if things went well, he could kill the ayakashi before any of that became necessary.

He chose to swallow his protests. "And you have to bring the ayakashi to the meeting."

Nora's eyebrows crept higher again. "I can't promise that. I'm not sure Father would agree to it. It would be too easy to set a trap."

"Who said anything about a trap?" Yukine said a little too quickly. Nora leveled an unimpressed look at him, and he scrabbled for an alternate explanation. "I just, um, want to be sure that you guys will fix him right away. I want to see that he's okay."

That was genuine enough. He'd feel much better actually seeing Yato saved rather than just trusting that his dad would do it. Even better, he'd prefer to kill the ayakashi and save Yato himself.

Nora's expression didn't change. "Uh-huh. Well, you can rest assured that Yato will live if you bring him back to us."

"But–"

"I can promise that you will have safe passage during the transfer—although not at any time after—but I can't promise anything about bringing the ayakashi. I'll ask Father, but I can't guarantee that he'll agree."

"But–"

"Bring him down from Takamagahara when you're ready. I'll be watching, so we'll know when and where you'll be. But don't wait too long. It sounds like Yato doesn't have much longer left."

Yukine opened his mouth, but Nora turned without another word and walked off. He chased after her, but she ducked behind a tree and seemed to vanish into thin air. He didn't understand how she always did that.

He stood there for a long time, staring at empty air and searching the depths of his soul as he wavered at the crossroads.