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Chapter 9
(In which Yukine commits the ultimate betrayal.)
"You want me to do what?"
Yukine squared his shoulders and met Bishamon's wide-eyed gaze with some difficulty.
"I want you to name me," he repeated, although 'want' was an awfully strong word in this situation.
Hiyori scooched her chair a little closer in support, but he didn't look over. They had debated this all morning before bringing Kofuku, Daikoku, Bishamon, and Kazuma back into the boardroom to share their plan. Although, admittedly, 'plan' was a bit of a strong word as well. Yukine very emphatically did not want to do this, but he had agonized over it all night and all morning and all afternoon, and the conclusion he had drawn was that he absolutely could not sit here helplessly any longer.
The dull uproar from the rest of the table was not unexpected. The worst part wasn't the noise but the silence from the empty chair where Yato should have been. Their war council was missing a member, and the hole he left was louder than the clamor of everyone else talking over each other.
"Look, I can't just sit around anymore," Yukine said. "I have to do something, and what we're doing obviously isn't working. And with Hiyori and her family being targeted… We have to find something that works. I can't leave because Yato's dad will just make him call me, but if I…" He took a deep breath and forced the words out through gritted teeth. "If I have another master and you called me first, it wouldn't work, right?"
Bishamon's brows drew together in a frown and the shock in her eyes faded to a thoughtful gleam. "Well… In theory, maybe. The truth is that in the case of having two masters, Yato would have the natural advantage over me. He feels more strongly that you belong to him than I do, and so do you. If we both tried to summon you under equal conditions, his summons would probably be stronger. And usually you would fight to go to him, which would make it even harder for me to keep a hold of you. But if you're trying to ignore his call, you have a better shot of doing so if I call you first. It might not be as easy as you think, though. He has a pretty strong hold on you, and you're inclined to obey him over me. I think we could do it, as long as I can call you first, but it wouldn't necessarily be easy."
Kazuma sat up ramrod-straight in his chair and gaped at Bishamon. "How can you even be considering this?"
"I'm not, really," she said with a defensive little huff, crossing her arms over her chest. "I was just answering the question. It's still too risky to let the sorcerer have a shot at capturing him. And he hasn't exactly proven himself trustworthy or reliable lately."
Kazuma's eyes were hard and brimming with judgment as he turned his gaze back on Yukine. "I can't believe you'd even suggest such a thing."
Yukine glowered. He didn't need Kazuma's opinions or approval anymore. That ship had sailed. Once, Kazuma's approval would have been secondary only to Yato and Hiyori's, but Yukine didn't need a mentor anymore. How dare Kazuma look at Yukine like he was betraying Yato? Who was he to talk of betrayal?
Unfortunately, he had helped mold Yukine's own rather rigid view of loyalty, and Yukine felt much the same despite himself. Betraying Yato to his dad was terrible enough, but abandoning him to serve another god bordered on unforgivable.
"You had better think about this very carefully before you decide to commit to something so drastic," Daikoku said solemnly.
"I have," Yukine muttered. "It's all I've been able to think about."
"I don't like it either, but…" Hiyori bit her lip and looked around the table before glancing back at Yukine. Yukine had not quite managed to make her agree with him, especially when he was having a hard time convincing himself, but she had agreed to abide by his decision and present a unified front to the others. They were running out of better ideas, anyway. Even she knew that. Desperate plans were the only plans left. "We've been discussing it all morning, and it's the only plan we've really come up with that would give Yukine a shot at helping. It's crazy and a lot could go wrong, but we have to save Yato somehow."
"I want to save Yato-chan too, but…" Kofuku shook her head at Yukine. "You have to be prepared for the consequences. And even then, it might not work."
It seemed like all Yukine had been facing lately were consequences. The consequences he'd already accrued were horrible enough that one or two more would blend right in. He'd risk piling on some more in the hopes of fixing what he could.
"It's like when you said the only way I could help Yato in the underworld was if I went into Yomi as someone else's shinki," he said. "Bishamon and Hiyori saved me from that before, but no one else is saving Yato this time and I'm… I'm ready. You asked if I was willing to become a nora for him, and I am. I am. Whatever it takes."
Just the idea of it sent shivers down his spine, but he couldn't put his pride above Yato's life anymore. He had already ruined Yato—he would risk ruining himself to fix that.
Kofuku nodded once. "You're so brave, Yukki," she said, but she sounded sad. "It's still an awful idea, though. I'm not sure you've really been…thinking clearly lately."
"At this point, I don't know that it would be enough, anyway," Daikoku muttered. "All we're likely to do is make things worse."
Yukine appealed to Bishamon once more, because she was the one he most needed to win over. "Please," he said. "It's only until we rescue Yato. You can release me again then. But I'm his hafuri and it's my job to protect him, and I can't just sit around and wait anymore. We can't wait around until his dad goes after Hiyori, either. If you can get me close, I can fight the ayakashi instead of him. I don't see him as an enemy like the rest of you do. And I get it, you have to because he's trying to kill you too, but one of you is going to kill the other sooner or later and I think I can save you both."
Bishamon opened her mouth, but Kazuma beat her to the punch.
"It's not that simple," he said. "You're still prioritizing Yato's life. And that's your job, but it puts Veena at risk. If it comes down to it, you would choose him over her and that's a dangerous place to put us in during the middle of a battle. I respect how far you're willing to go to protect him, but this isn't in Veena's best interests and I think it's a bad idea."
Yukine ground his teeth together, because Bishamon listened to Kazuma like Yato listened to him. Sure enough, Bishamon gave her hafuri a sidelong look before turning her considering gaze back on Yukine.
"He has a point," she said. "I see how this scheme of yours has the potential to help Yato, but what makes it worth it to me?"
Yukine cast a desperate look Hiyori's way, but she looked as lost as he did. They were losing traction and fast. He cursed his short-sightedness. He was so focused on how best to help Yato and Hiyori that he didn't particularly care how it might affect Bishamon, and that callousness would not help him win her over. Of course she would want some reassurance for taking such a big risk.
"Of course I can help you too!" he said quickly. "I mean, Yato's still attacking you, and I'm strong. I'm a hafuri. I can–"
"That's not enough." Bishamon's voice was sympathetic but firm. "I have plenty of shinki to defend myself. I don't doubt you're strong, but I don't really need another weapon, to be honest."
"And you aren't used to working with our team," Kazuma added. "Nor would Veena have enough time to properly assess your abilities before using you. That lack of coordination could prove deadly."
Yukine glared. He did not appreciate Kazuma's interference. There had to be something–
He straightened up as a flash of inspiration struck like lightning. "I can be bait," he said confidently.
Bishamon quirked an eyebrow. "I'm listening."
"You're having a hard time finding Yato and the sorcerer unless they find you, which puts you at a disadvantage. They're just wearing you down little by little until they're confident they can take you out even without me. But Yato's dad is waiting for me, and he's expecting me to turn myself over in the next couple days to protect Hiyori. If I go down, they'll come to collect me whether you're there or not. He'll think you're trying to pull something like when we turned Yato over, and he won't care because he doesn't think you can.
"Plus, we'll have the element of surprise. Yato's dad will still probably try to get me away from you since this is the best chance he's gotten so far, so they won't just run off and disappear. We'll actually be able to fight, and I know I can kill the ayakashi and save Yato."
Bishamon hummed thoughtfully as she mulled over the proposition. She wasn't totally won over yet, but at least she was considering it.
"Sounds dangerous," Daikoku grumbled.
"It's already dangerous," Yukine said. "And if we don't do something fast, Hiyori is going to be in a lot of trouble too."
Hiyori shifted in her chair, guilt tightening her features, and Yukine tried to give her a reassuring smile that probably looked more like a grimace. It wasn't her fault. Anyway, maybe this was the impetus he had needed to take a real risk and actually do something.
"Too risky," Kazuma said. "It's still putting Veena in a bad position."
"Then again, it has been hard to find Yato-chan and keep him in one place, and the sorcerer is even more elusive," Kofuku mused, tapping her finger against her lips.
Bishamon nodded slowly, and Kazuma's eyes widened. He launched into an impassioned attack against the idea, listing off half a dozen reasons why it would be a terrible idea. Hiyori argued for the plan, despite her obvious reluctance—she and Yukine had already gone back and forth all morning raising concerns and counterpoints, and they were both committed to the scheme despite their reservations. Kofuku alternated between expressing tentative agreement and wailing about what a terrible thing it would be, while Daikoku looked on in grim silence with lowered brows. Bishamon was fairly quiet as well, gaze darting between the players as she considered her options.
Yukine was sure he could bring her around, but Kazuma was just so stubborn and wouldn't quit. One small corner of his mind whispered that he was the same, that he had just as adamantly warned Yato against running to Bishamon's aid against the heavens, but it was drowned out by the clamor condemning Kazuma for getting in his way.
He drew in a breath to spit out another defense wreathed more in spite than logic, before a conversation half-forgotten—or, to be more accurate, a conversation he had done his best to forget—sprang to mind and his trump card appeared like magic.
"You promised Yato that you'd take care of me, didn't you?" he demanded, turning on Bishamon. The implication that that involved offering him a name once his master was dead hung heavy in the air.
"How did you–?" Bishamon shook her head, surprise melting to resignation. "I did," she agreed tiredly. "Although he's not gone yet."
"He will be if we don't do anything. It's not like he can take care of me himself right now."
Yukine pressed his wobbling lips together and lifted his chin. He met Bishamon's gaze defiantly while fighting back the burning of tears in his eyes. She stared back for several long heartbeats, and he saw it in her eyes that he was going to become a nora.
He wasn't sure if he was more relieved or terrified.
"Right," she said. "Let's do it."
The victory tasted bitter in Yukine's mouth as he rose stiffly to his feet, heart rattling the bars of his ribcage in desperation. The pounding in his ears nearly drowned out Kazuma's protests. He rounded the table and stood before Bishamon, every muscle tight and ready to run. She pushed her chair back and stood, mouth drawn in a tight line.
"Are you really prepared to do this?" she asked.
"You don't have to," Hiyori whispered. She slid around the edge of the table to stand by him in a show of support. Tears welled in her eyes. "Are you sure you want to?"
Don't, Yukine wanted to say. He needed Hiyori on board to make sure he followed through with this. He needed her support to keep from turning on his heel and running. She couldn't offer him a way to back out, not now.
"I'm sure," he croaked, his tongue thick against his desert-dry mouth.
"He's going to blight you," Kazuma warned. His hands were balled into white-knuckled fists at his sides. "And he'll sting you like crazy. There's no way he won't. Plus his emotions have been all over the place. And his loyalty is still to Yato."
Yukine kept his mouth shut, his conscience itching at the hard-to-reach place between his shoulder blades like so many ayakashi eyeballs. He didn't dare mention that he was already covered in blight since he knew Kazuma would seize on it in an instant. He didn't want to risk giving Bishamon another reason to change her mind.
"I know," Bishamon said tiredly. "Do you want to keep Yuki or take a different name? I can use a different character and your vessel name will be different, or we can do something entirely new."
Yukine hesitated. His first instinct was to say he needed something as drastically different from his real name as possible to remind himself that that wasn't him, but he also couldn't imagine going by anything other than the name Yato had bestowed upon him. He wavered with indecision and cast a pleading look Hiyori's way.
She swallowed hard. "It's up to you, but… I can't think of you as anything other than Yukine."
Yukine nodded sharply. That would have to be enough.
"Keep Yuki," he said.
Hiyori slipped warm fingers between his own and held on tight. He squeezed back until his knuckles were white and her bones were creaking.
Bishamon nodded and raised her hand towards him. He flinched back despite himself, and only stood his ground because of Hiyori pressed against his side. The blood roared in his ears, drowning out the damning words. His eyes followed Bishamon's hand, like watching a viper and waiting for it to strike.
He felt the exact moment that it did. He could feel Bishamon sink her teeth into his soul and leash it tight. What should have been a blessing was now venom coursing through his veins. The name stuck to his skin, even when he panicked and tried to rub it off. It had adhered itself to the back of his right hand—like Kazuma, his mind whispered with a hysterical little giggle—in an ugly red stain. It crept beneath his skin and wrapped around his chest, constricting tighter and tighter. It was smothering him.
He didn't realize, until Hiyori grabbed his hands tight to stop their scratching and he was left staring at her mouth opening and closing soundlessly past the roaring in his ears, that he was shaking and gasping for breath. It was all so disconnected, like he didn't quite know who he was anymore and wasn't really that branded, broken boy shivering in the middle of the floor. But then everything slammed back into him all at once, and he was gasping and shaking and consumed with panic.
He had committed the ultimate betrayal and ruined himself beyond redemption. Yato might take a more blasé attitude and shrug of the shoulders in a nora's direction, but to Yukine becoming a nora was the worst of the worst. Turning him into something a little less than human.
But this was for Yato. It was to protect him. Yukine grasped that lifeline until it crystallized in his mind, something solid and tangible. How could he justify betraying Yato to his father if he wasn't also willing to betray himself?
He held his breath until he went lightheaded and had to suck in a deep breath. It pushed some of the panic back and snapped the world into focus once more. He couldn't fall apart if he wanted to save Yato, so he pressed his lips together and raised his chin and blinked back his tears in defiance.
Panic was one of the most infectious emotions, and it had already sent its shockwaves through the room. Everyone was crowded around, and a jumble of concerned voices asked if he was okay and debated what they should do.
"I'm fine," he rasped.
The ugly red slashes on his hand looked wrong. He pulled down his sleeve to cover them and tried not to look.
"You're not fine," Bishamon observed flatly.
There was a slight pinched crease between her brows that looked strangely familiar and left Yukine with an out-of-place sense of déjà vu. It took a moment to recognize that it was similar to the look Yato sometimes wore when Yukine was upset, if only for a second before he smoothed his expression back out.
It slapped Yukine across the face and left him breathless. He didn't want Bishamon feeling his emotions, poking around his mind, laying claim to him like he was hers. It felt invasive and made his skin crawl. As annoying as it could sometimes be with Yato, he had grown used to it and even started taking some comfort in it from time to time. But that was something reserved only for Yato, and Yukine hated sharing.
"Maybe this is a bad idea," Hiyori said, twisting her hands together. "Maybe–"
"It's fine!" he said more sharply than he intended, and Hiyori snapped her mouth shut. He winced and took a deep breath to steady himself. "It will be fine," he said more evenly. "I just want to take care of this as soon as possible."
A ring of worried faces stared back at him, but everyone was quiet now. They probably didn't know what to do with him or how to comfort him or where to go from here, but he couldn't blame them. Neither did he.
"Right." Bishamon was watching him with hooded eyes, and he couldn't quite put his finger on what had changed in the way she looked at him but he knew something had. "Shall we see your vessel form, then? Usually I would have summoned you right at the end of the naming, but you were having such a strong reaction that I cut it short."
Yukine squared his shoulders and nodded, even though actually being summoned and used by a new master seemed like the final betrayal of accepting a new name. His weapon form would determine how he would go about saving Yato, so they needed to know.
The name that slipped from between Bishamon's lips was unfamiliar and strange, and Yukine didn't even realize it was supposed to be his until he felt the familiar tug of a summons. His first instinct was to resist because it was wrong, but after fighting it for a few seconds, he grudgingly relented. The magic felt slick and oily against his skin, drawing out and tempering his soul to a brittle point. It made him feel like he was being broken and reshaped, and he didn't want to be anything other than what he was. He dug in his heels.
"Oh," said Bishamon. "That…could be a little problematic."
The magic faded and slunk away in a huff. Yukine felt a small thrill of excitement. His form was similar enough to his true one that it would have felt almost comfortable if it was Yato's hands wrapped around the hilts instead of Bishamon's. He was drawn out into two long blades again, even if the handles were smoother and more traditional rather than rough and wrapped in bandages. This was good. This was what he knew. This was the form Yato had chosen for him.
"Why?" he asked, practically crowing in triumph that was dampened slightly by the strange, icky feeling of speaking into Bishamon's mind. He wasn't used to communicating with anyone but Yato like that. "This is great! This is the form I'm comfortable with, so it'll be easier to face off against Yato."
"For you, maybe," she said with a sigh. "I haven't fought with these kind of swords in centuries. I was hoping for something a little more long-ranged to use against the sorcerer."
Yukine shrugged it off. "It'll be fine. I know how to fight like this. Yato taught me a lot. And being able to go in at close range will make it easier for me to knock the ayakashi out of him."
Bishamon hummed noncommittally as she examined the blades. The scrutiny made Yukine uncomfortable.
"He's…pretty much the same," Hiyori said slowly, her whole face scrunching up. "Is it supposed to be like that?"
"Not really." Bishamon shook her head and pursed her lips. "Shinki are supposed to take a form useful to the god that names them, and this would not be my preferred form. I suppose he just has such a strong sense of who he is and such unshakable loyalty to Yato that he was able to warp the magic to adjust to him instead of to me."
"I'm warning you, this is how it's going to be," Kazuma cautioned. "He's Yato's hafuri first of all, and that bond will be much stronger than any he makes to you. It's going to cause problems."
"I know," Bishamon said. "I suppose we'll have to make do."
"Can you change me back?" Yukine asked. Familiar form or not, touching Bishamon's mind so intimately was beyond uncomfortable. Her hands were much too small and dry and not disgustingly sweaty, and he just couldn't stand them.
"You're going to have to be able to stand it, comfortable or not," she warned, as if she knew exactly what he was thinking. It chafed at him that she actually did have a much better idea of what he was feeling than she really should. "This is what you chose, and it's too late to back out now."
"I know," he groused. "I want to be able to talk to everyone, not just you."
She hummed in the back of her throat, a flat, skeptical sound, but complied. "Yuki."
There was a terrifying instant where the soft lilt of an 'h' whispered at the end of his name and he thought she was going to call him Yukiha, but she snapped her mouth shut around the last syllable instead. It was bad enough that he wasn't quite Yato's Yukine anymore—he didn't want to take on Bishamon's mark any more than he already had.
He stepped away from Bishamon automatically as he materialized, before catching himself. She regarded him with cool, guarded eyes, like she was picking through his mind to uncover all his secrets. He looked away.
"I don't know how well this is going to work," she mused aloud.
"It's going to have to," he snapped back.
"Are you okay, Yukine?" Hiyori whispered, inching a little closer as if to seek comfort or, perhaps, offer protection.
Yukine let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, and it whistled softly between his teeth as he deflated just a little. Yukine, she had called him, like he still had the right to that name despite everything. Whether or not he deserved it, he was going to hold on with everything he had.
"Yeah," he said. "Now we just have to save Yato."
"The sorcerer threatened to go after Hiyorin after tomorrow, right?" Kofuku asked. She exchanged a troubled look with Daikoku. "That's not much time."
"We don't need much time," Yukine said with more confidence than he felt. "We're going to go out to meet him when he expects and catch him by surprise."
"She means that we won't have much time to integrate you into the team," Kazuma said. His eyes shone bright with disapproval and his mouth was pinched into a tight line. "Ideally, god and shinki would take some time to get used to each other before jumping into a life-or-death fight, but we don't have that kind of time."
Yukine shrugged. He had no real intention of integrating into their team or getting any more used to working with Bishamon than he had to. They needed just enough communication to team up and save Yato, and that was about it.
"We'll want to keep this as quiet as possible, both to maintain the element of surprise and because I'm sure you don't want this being spread around," Bishamon said, sitting back down in her chair and steepling her hands on the tabletop. "But we'll still need backup. Kuraha for independent movement and mobility, and he's already more aware of the situation than most. And Karuha and Kazuha for long-range attacks."
Yukine stiffened and glared her down. "Don't shoot him! I'll handle it."
"Not for Yato," she said impatiently. "For defense against the sorcerer."
He rolled his eyes. What was it with the gods freaking out about shinki getting close to Yato's dad? Even Yato got all weird about it and had taken hits himself rather than letting Yukine do his job. In his opinion, it was easier to just get in there and take a slice, but he wasn't sure he could bring himself to do much but defense while the creep's life was bound with Yato's.
"Aiha," Kazuma advised. "Yukine's form will necessitate close combat, and you'll want armor against Yato if you have to get in close."
Bishamon tapped her fingers fitfully against the table. "I suppose… She's still injured from the sorcerer's attack, but we don't have much of a choice."
"It's minor. Nothing like Yomi. She'll do fine."
"But who will guard Hiyori?" Yukine demanded.
Kofuku and Daikoku had hung around her house last night while Aiha recovered, but they couldn't stand guard forever. They had important duties of their own to attend to.
"Kinuha," Bishamon said. "I won't have much opportunity to use her anyway while I'm using you. Hopefully the twins will be enough to provide long-range defense and offense. And she's more mature and level-headed than Aiha, so she should do better handling it by herself."
Hiyori frowned. "I could just–"
"No," everyone said at once.
"It's too dangerous, and Yato's dad will use you as leverage if he gets his hands on you," Yukine added.
Hiyori nodded grudgingly, but there was a gleam to her eyes that let Yukine know they really ought to keep an eye on her. He couldn't really blame her. Being locked up and unable to help had driven him to the brink of insanity, but it would really be safer if she wasn't in a position where Yato's dad could use her against them.
Kofuku and Daikoku tried to reason with Hiyori, but Yukine was watching Kazuma as he leaned in close to Bishamon and asked, "How bad is it?"
She shrugged, and he brushed aside the golden hair curling about her neck. He sucked in a harsh breath at the purple stain inking her skin.
"That's bad!" he said. "It's not just from the naming."
"Of course not," she replied, brushing his hand away. "He's been making hard decisions for weeks. There was bound to be blight involved."
Yukine squirmed guiltily but summoned up a scowl for Kazuma's benefit. "Calm down. We can just do an ablution."
Bishamon turned her solemn gaze to him. "Are you ready for an ablution?"
"Huh? Sure. Yato wasn't here, but now you are so it should be fine."
"No," she said. "If we cleanse you, will you be at peace enough that you won't just start stinging us again? It's not worth it if we end up right back where we started within a few minutes."
Yukine opened his mouth, closed it again. He looked away. In truth, he still felt terrible about betraying Yato the first time and guilty about all the people who were dying and downright inconsolable about becoming a nora. Until all that was fixed, his ongoing guilt and unsettled emotions would probably continue to sting his master. Masters.
Bishamon winced.
"You need to get a hold of yourself," Kazuma rebuked him sharply. "You need to manage your reactions so that you don't sting your master."
Yukine met his gaze with a hard glare of his own. "Just because you justify the things you do as protecting Bishamon doesn't mean they aren't also wrong, no matter why you did them. I did what I thought I had to, but that doesn't mean I think it's right."
Kazuma's eyes widened, and surprise knocked the fight right out of them like he'd been slapped across the face. Yukine didn't have the heart to count it as a victory. It just made him feel tired and sad. They were both such broken creatures.
"Play nice. No squabbling." Bishamon rose to her feet. Her brisk, no-nonsense tone swept aside the quarrel without giving the shinki a chance to protest. "We have work to do."