To see you again, to be your friend, to hold you in my mind

Leaving it up to you

-George Ezra

That night Diana did not pressure me to talk more about my connection with this town and her son. Instead, she took one look at my pensive tired face once we arrived back at her house and sent me straight to bed. I was thankful to not be questioned just yet, it gave me time to collect my thoughts and decide what I wanted to say.

I had to tell Diana the truth. I had committed to telling her my story so far, granted in small bits a pieces, and it would feel wrong to now begin to lie. So, if she asked the next day I would tell her. What would it matter anyway that her son had saved my life and set of a chain reaction of events that lead time to saving myself?

Oh, Paul.

Seeing him again had brought this unexplainable connection we shared back to the forefront of my mind. I was astutely aware of the fact that I had been sleeping in his room, in his bed, these past nights. It was his scent that relaxed my body and pulled me to sleep. It confused me and troubled me at the same time.

I under no circumstances wanted to be close to another man, but something about him seemed to put me at ease.

I settled for not thinking about it and instead, readied myself for bed and let myself enjoy the comfort I got from the woody scent of the sheets and pillows I slept in.

I didn't dream that night, instead I went from nothingness to consciousness. It was early, earlier than me and Diana had been getting up since I started staying here, but I could smell the fragrance of bacon and her it's sizzle in the pan from the kitchen. I resolved myself to the prospect of the questioning that Diana had put off the night previous, and I braced myself with how I would explain my connection as I walked out of my room.

As I entered the kitchen instead of being met with Diana I ran smack dab into a huge slab of hard flesh, "Omph". Looking up, I already knew who's eyes I would meet. My skin burned has blood rushed to the surface and I took a step back.

"Sorry," I mumbled looking down at my feet, "I didn't realize you were here." I pulled down on the edge of the shirt I had slept in that night, his shirt I thought, aware that it was just long enough to cover the scars on the tops of my legs that my sleep shorts didn't quite reach.

"No, no" he quickly ushered out, "you're absolutely fine. I mean there was no way for you to know I was here or anything. Not that you did anything wrong to apologize for, if anything I should be apologizing for not letting you know I was coming over. It's just moms been needing me to do some repairs on the house before winter comes and I have been putting them off for a while now and I figured I could just start..." he was speaking so fast, rushing to get the next word out before he had even finished the one before it. He kept going on about all the different tasks that Diana needed done and I just stood there feeling stupid and exposed in my pajamas, "... and so I just came by really early this morning so I could get a head start right away but then I got here and was hungry so I thought I'd make breakfast and so I started to cook and then I thought I'd make stuff for you. I really hope I didn't wake you, I was trying to be as quiet-"

"You didn't," I said cutting him off, "wake me that is." I looked up at him and saw a large grin that made his whole face light up and offered him a smile back. We stayed like that for moment, only the sound of sizzling bacon filling the room.

A door opened from behind me, "Is something burning?" Diana's voice asked from over my shoulder.

"Shit," Paul quickly turned around and started tending to the pan of the stove.

I turned to Diana, still a little flushed. She was dressed in the same clothes that I had seen her in at the diner. "Emma," Diana said, "will you help me out with something in the bathroom real quick?"

I nodded and followed her, happy that she had found a way to get us alone so that she could clean and rewrap my side bandage.

In the bathroom she turned on the sink and the tub, I guess so that Paul wouldn't hear us, not that I thought he wouldn't be able to anyways from the other side of the house, but better safe than sorry.

As she fixed me up I asked about her clothing, "I figured I have allowed my diner to go on long enough without me, will you be okay here by yourself today? Paul will be here if you need anything and you can always call me, but if you feel uncomfortable being here alone I can stay..."

I cut her off and assured her that I would be okay. The idea of spending the day alone with Paul both frightened and excited me, but no matter how I felt I didn't want to continue to be burden on Diana.

"Plus," I added as she finished up, "I think I am going to spend most of the day looking for a job so that I can get out of your hair."

Diana looked at me with an emotion I couldn't read, "You do whatever you want child, you can stay here forever if need be. You will always be welcome in my home." Diana then pulled me into a hug and when she pulled away I thought I might have seen a tear in her eye.

I put the shirt back over my fresh bandages, "About last night..." I began but was stopped by Diana.

"Later," she said with a small smile before exiting the bathroom with me trailing after her.

Paul had already set up the table with a smorgasbord of breakfast food for the three of us. There was no way we could finish off the amount he made; that is until he started eating. I have never seen anyone consume so much food in such a small period of time.

We didn't talk much as we ate, Diana filled the silence with gossip from the bonfire the night before. I tuned in and out between listening and observing the possible Olympic food eater in front of me. He wasn't so much as eating as he was inhaling the food in front of him. I was nibbling on some bacon and pondering how Paul kept in such good shape with the amount of food he was eating when he caught me staring and said sheepishly, "Sorry about burning the bacon."

I blushed and took a bigger bite, "I actual prefer burned bacon," I said quietly.

He seemed relieved at my small statement and replied, "I'll remember that."

If possible I reddened more but chose not to respond. I need to pull myself together, I was at a loss for why I was feeling this way about a man I barely knew. It had to be the fact that he saved my life, there must be some post traumatic dependency or something. No matter it what it was I couldn't help but feel aware of every action he did and hang on every word he said. I was thankful once breakfast was over until I realized that Diana would be leaving and I would be alone with Paul.

I tried to help with dishes but Paul pushed my hands away, so instead I opted for going about my morning constitutions and changing into some casual clothes. As I looked over myself I was happy to see that my bruises had almost faded away, at least the visible ones, and that I wouldn't have to cover them in make-up anymore. I took my time getting ready, in no rush to head back out into the common area. When I finally did emerge again I found that the house was empty. Surprised, I peaked outside and was graced with an image of Paul hacking away at some tree branches that extended close to the house.

With each stroke I could see the muscles of his back and shoulder contract, I had a feeling of attraction that was immediately followed by guilt. I quickly walked away from the window and settled myself on the couch with the local newspaper.

Flipping to the classifieds section I began searching for a position that I was both qualified for and that wouldn't require too much paperwork to be drawn up. There were several low entry level jobs but one particular caught my eye; a printing studio in downtown La Push. The advertisement was just for a general worker to run presses and take the orders for people. I circled it with a pen and told myself I would ask Diana about it tonight.

After doing a few house chores, making sure not to exert myself too much I remember my promise to show Emily some of my photo work and realized I would need to practice up some. He had loved the idea that I was a photographer but didn't like that I spent hours at a time away from home, sometimes with other men, and had insisted that I stop my novel hobby. It had been at least two years since I had done any serious work as a photographer.

I grabbed my camera from my bag and headed outside to find some shots. I was taken back again by the beauty of the Pacific Northwest forest, the color contrasts and vibrancy would make it hard to not get a stunning picture if you knew what to shoot. Since I had been in La Push almost everyday had been in overcast, but today was different. There was not a cloud in sight and the sun shined freely down on the trees surrounding the house. Walking out into the front of the house I saw a huge pile of branches that I assume Paul had cut from the surrounding trees but I could not locate the man himself.

"Do you need something," Pauls voice came from above me. I stepped a little farther out from the house and saw that he carrying an armful of shingles that matched the roof up a propped up ladder.

"No," I replied as I strained my neck looking up at him, "I was just going to take some pictures of the surrounding area." I gestured to my camera in my hand as if needing to prove my reasoning for being outside.

He nodded and with a smile, "Okay, if you need anything don't hesitate to ask and don't wander too far."

I quickly turned around and walked towards the surrounding forrest, Diana's house was situated in what felt like the heart of the reservation's woods. I set my camera to the correction perspectives and took some tester shots, adjusting as need be. It was almost as if muscle memory took over and within a few minutes I was immersed in my work, finding inspiration behind every nook and under every rock. It had been so long since I had be allowed to do what once had been the center of my life and I felt comforted by the action. I was oblivious to anything going on around me and truly felt relaxed in my work. Eventually, when I was satisfied with a handful of the shots I had taken, I turned to head back into the house.

Once I got back to where the woods meet Diana's property I saw Paul still on the roof, as involved in his tasks as I had just been. He look so natural up there and I was just itching to get a shot of him that I subconsciously adjusted my setting and brought my camera to my eye. The way the light was catching between the trees and landed onto him gave him the appearance of having been graced with a golden aura.

Pressing down on the camera, the shutter fluttered, and through the lens I saw Pauls eyes shoot to where I stood. I immediately dropping the camera and my face to the ground, embarrassment flooding me.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled quietly but loud enough that he could hear it, but unable to look up and meet his eyes/ I waited patiently for his anger to assault me.

"Don't be," he said hurriedly, "I am more than willing to be your subject whenever you need it." His voice didn't hold any anger in it, from what I could tell there was a mix of mirth and surprise.

Curiously I looked, he was smiling down at me. I hesitated about going back in, instead I inspected the tools that Paul was using, "What are you doing?" I asked before even thinking about it.

"Replacing the shingles, we had a bad storm a couple weeks ago that took up a few of moms shingles and with the amount of rain we get down here it needed to be fixed," he talked to me eagerly.

"How do you do it?" I asked, for some reason I felt a pull to continue the conversation with Paul. It was out of character for me but I felt compelled to talk to him.

"It really isn't that hard..." he said and started to explain the process and I listened intently as he explained it. He seemed both proud and bashful as he explained something that he was obviously passionate about.

After he stopped talking I surprised even myself when I asked, "Can I help you?"

It took him a beat before zealously say, "Absolutely, the ladder is over here. I'll help you up." I don't know if I was more taken back by the fact that I had asked to help or that Paul had agreed to let me. Tom had never allowed me to do anything remotely outside of my womanly responsibilities. Not that Tom would do them either, thats what hired help is for, is what he would say.

Either way I found myself depositing my camera in the house and myself making my way up a ladder to the roof while Paul held it steady for me above, once I reached the top he held out his hand to balance me as I transitioned onto the roof. I took it and was surprised by the heat that emanated from his Paul. It was warm but not in an uncomfortable way. The feeling excited me and sent tingles up my arm, and when I was situated on the peak and Paul released me I felt myself mourn the loss of contact.

He was patient as he showed me the whole process, explaining to purpose of each tool and the proper way to use it. He allowed me to ask as many questions as I could possibly think of and never made me feel inferior or stupid for not knowing something. He always answered and spoke to me as if I was his equal. It was such as surreal experience that I had not experienced with a man.

When it came my turn to replace a shingle he guided me through it. He surprised me when his hand came into to correct my hold on something and I instinctually flinched away, he tracked my movements with his keen eyes.

"Sorry," he muttered to me.

I just nodded and allowed him to correct me, from then on I noticed how he was careful to not move too fast or contact me if need be. I was grateful for the patience he had with me. Eventually I let him take control of the actual active part of the replacement and I settled in of the peak of the house, handing him the proper tools as needed. We worked in comfortable silence, it wasn't strained and neither felt the need to fill it with useless babble.

The sun started to move closer to horizon and we had finished more than half the roof when Diana's blue Ultima drove back into the lane. She seemed surprised to see us together on the roof, "Have you two been working all day?" She gave me a hard look, as if admonishing me for possibly over-exerting myself.

I smiled sheepishly but Paul is who answer, "Sorry mom, we just got into a good rhythm. We even forgot to eat lunch."

She scolded him on the fact that he didn't take care of me and I wanted to protest, but they both started laughing so I knew they weren't serious. She called us down from the roof and told us to wash up as she cooked us dinner before walking into the house.

Paul looked over at me, "I didn't mean to monopolized your day like that."

"I feel like I am the one who monopolized you're, I probably slowed you way down," he shook his head at me but I continued on, "plus I had a good time. I needed the fresh air."

He went down the ladder first and then held it steady for me as I climbed down after him, when I got down and turned to thank him he was flushed and as he was walking away I thought I heard him say, "My pleasure."

Dinner went similarly to breakfast with Diana filling the silence. Paul didn't let me help with the dishes again, once he was done Paul gave his mom a kiss on the cheek and me a small wave before saying he had to take care of some tribal business. It wasn't a minute after we heard Paul's truck rumble away down the road that Diana looked at me and asked, "So, this isn't your first time in La Push?"

I sighed and settled in on the couch to explain.