There was a time when I was alone

Nowhere to go and no place to call home

-Ruth B.

Chapter 9

Diana did not pressure me to speak right away, she gave me an ample amount of time to prepare myself. After quite a few moments she asked, "You were here before?"

I nodded, still not ready to talk.

She pressed on, "Were you with Tom?"

I flinched as she said the name, it felt wrong coming from her lips. In my mind, this world was separate and not tainted by him. Even Diana speaking his name made me realize how connected he still was to me.

I nodded again. There was no going back now, sighing I began to speak, "He travels a lot for work, and no matter where he went took me with him. He always claimed it was because he wanted to show me the world, except that no matter where we went I was confined to whatever hotel room we were staying," I said bitterly. "I believe he actually thought that if he left me alone I would come up with some crazy idea about running away," I let out a short laugh that held no humor.

"Ten months ago he had a job up in Port Angeles, we usually fly but this time his work wouldn't pay for it so we had to drive which put him already in a bad mood," I took a long deep breathe. "While we were driving there he received a work call and pulled over into the nearest town, which just so happened to be La Push. I wasn't allowed to be in the car during the call and so he found the beach, I assume from your reaction last night that you know that rest of the story..." My voice had grown quiet as I wound down, the last words barely about a whisper.

"Why did you go into the water?" Diana asked, not in an accusing or judgmental way, but more so curious.

It was a question that I, myself didn't even know the answer to. "I don't know," I responded honestly, "I just remember feeling so numb, both emotional and physically. The ocean was violent that day." I could now see the water in my mind as clear as it had been ten months ago, "I sat there with my feet in the sand just staring out at it, I guess something snapped in me and before I had even realized I was moving the water was up to my waist. My body kept pushing me further and further out towards the calmer water."

I was surprised when I felt tears start to streak down my cheeks. The feeling brought me back to the present and I looked over to see Diana's face mirroring my own, conflicted with tear streaks. "I wasn't trying to kill myself," I assured her, "at least not consciously, but when I went under and the water started to pull me out to sea I couldn't find the will to try and fight it. I remember thinking that there were worse ways to go. When Paul pulled me from the water I was not disappointed to be saved, but at the same time I was not happy to go back to him."

Warm, soft hands enveloped mine, "And afterwards?"

I thought carefully about what I wanted to say, not wanting to frighten Diana too much, "I think that day changed me and I found a new will to survive, I started planning my escape shortly after. I don't know why, but something about this place was pulling me back. It was almost as if I had left a piece of my soul some where her in the ocean."

She squeezed my hands in a comforting way. "No matter how you ended up here, I am happy you did," Diana said matter of factly.

We sat there for a few more minutes in silence, both of us thinking about the story that I had just shared, before I retired to my room. Once alone I felt the weight of what we had talk about hit me, exhaustion over took me but I could not find sleep. For what felt like hours I laid there, wishing for sleep to find me but when I closed my eyes I didn't see the senseless water or the comfort of Paul's eyes, instead when I closed my eyes all I could see was the part of the story I didn't tell Diana. The part that happened once we reached the hotel in Port Angeles.

The next several days passed similarly; Diana would leave early in the morning and Paul would always be there working on the house. Paul and I got into a rhythm of eating breakfast and then together we would work on what needed to get done for the remainder of the day, at some point taking a small break for lunch. We would work until Diana got home at which we would eat dinner and Paul would run off to take care of tribal business. I began to grow surprised about just how much work the tribe apparently needed done.

The days we spent together were peaceful, Paul didn't question me to why I was helping him, in fact we didn't talk much outside of my questions and his directions. I was eager to learn and Paul was willing to teach me; after the roof, we fixed up a pipe that had a small crack, then we moved onto repairing a broken window in the back of the house, and so on and so on. After we finished one task we would seamlessly move onto the next, there was apparently a lot that need to be fixed before winter hit.

During our days working together an effortless companionship grew between us. I didn't realize it when I had been in California but it was blatant now; besides needing to get away from him, I also needed basic friendship. It had been so long since I had spent any amount of time with someone beside him and I was worried that I wouldn't know how to interact with someone. Paul surprised me though, he didn't need me to constantly be talking to him, he didn't need to know all the intimate details about my life right away. He gave me space and was content with us just being around each other, which was what I needed right now. I needed that solid presence, a gentle voice and hand that made me not feel like I had to put up a front or a fake persona.

We mainly let the sounds of nature be our background music, occasionally taking breaks where Paul would talk about his life; about stories growing up with Diana as a mother and the trouble he would get into with friends from the reservation. He talked about how he learned to work with his hands, knowing college was never going to be to route for him, that he found his passion in being about to build things and help families around here. He didn't require for me to give information back in exchange for his, rather he was content with doing the talking and allowing me to listen or comment on the stories he shared.

At the end of our fifth day of working together, Diana had just gotten home and I was helping to set the table for dinner as Paul washed up in the bathroom.

"I talked to Mr. Peterson at the print shop and put in a good word in for you..." Diana said to me from the kitchen. I had told her about the add in the paper but didn't expect her to talk to him for me.

"You didn't need to do that for me," I started but Diana quickly cut me off.

"I know I didn't but I did and he would like to hire you."

I just looked at her not believing what I was hearing, "But... I haven't even meet the man..." I was shocked and happy but also scared at the same time, I hadn't had a job in such a long time.

She walked over a stood in front of me, grasping both my shoulders and looking at me with a smile on her face, "You'll do great, but just know you don't have to work. I am not kicking you out by any means and if you need more time then you can take as much as you need."

How did I get so lucky to end up here. I thought to myself not for the first time.

I nodded at what she said and continued to set the table as I thought about my options.

Paul eventually rejoined us and we all sat down to eat, Diana was telling a story about someone named Brady cleaning her out of muffins this morning at the diner because someone named Emily had apparently banned everyone from her house for the day. I was only half listening to her, thinking more about my what I wanted to do about the job, when I impulsively made a decision.

"Tell him I'll do it," I interrupted Dianas story. Both Paula and Diana looked at me with confusion in their eyes and I realized that I had said that quite out of the blue. I flushed and explained quietly, "Tell Mr. Peterson that I will take the job."

"Job?" Paul questioned with almost sad a look in his eyes.

"A the print shop in downtown," Diana explained.

Paul's face changed from sadness to confusion, "Wait you're getting a job downtown..." to comprehension "A job in La Push..." to complete elation, "So you're staying here then?"

I remembered that the story that Diana and I had told everyone at the bonfire made it seem like my relocation here was not permeant, of course he would have been confused. "Yeah, I think I will stay around here for a while longer," I explained.

My statement made Paul get even more excited, "That's- I mean-," he didn't seem to be able to finish his sentences and his body was visible shaking, "Great news, we are more than happy to have you." He bursted out of his chair, a huge grin still covering his face, "If you'll excuse me- I have to go- tribal stuff-" He placed his half eaten plate of food in the sink and half walked, half jogged, visibly shaking the whole time, to the front door before turning around and looking at us one more time, he looked as if he was going to say something else, before shaking his head seeming to change his mind and racing out the door.

All of this happened within a matter of seconds and I was left looking at Diana, wondering if she had just witnessed the same thing I had. She looked at me with a knowing grin and a slight shrug like it was normal behavior and offered up, "Men" as an explanation, before going back to her dinner.

All weirdness beside, Diana and I spent the remainder of the night discussing what Mr. Peterson had told her about the job and working out the details of what I would need to get done. It was decided that the next day I would go to work with Diana to talk to Mr. Peterson in person and then spend the rest of the day helping out at the diner.

With all the details planned out I retired to my room for the night and as I was drifting away I thought about how I never heard Paul truck turn on when he left.

Paul

She was fucking staying.

I was racing through the woods my paws carrying me faster and faster in no general direction. Currently, Embry and Quil were running patrol and I wasn't due on for another hour or so, but when Emma told me that she was staying I couldn't control my emotions- not that I can even control my emotions around her.

Pull yourself together man, I heard in my head from Embry as I replayed what just occurred over and over again in my head, you probably scared the poor girl running out of there like that.

My heart felt a little pain at the thought that I might have frightened Emma in some way.

Shut up man, Quil pipped in, let the guy be happy for a change. God knows he was the most miserable piece of shit for the past year.

I growled at the slight dig but then chose to tune both the men out as best I could.

She was staying in La Push. As elated as I had been this past week with her back in my life, I had always been thinking in the back of my mind that she could up and leave at any moment.

Since when I saw her at the beach I have spent every day trying to be around her. Staying on my moms couch at night after night once I was off patrol, waking up before she does so that she doesn't suspect that I have stayed there. The amount of random tasks I have had to come up with to have a legitimate reason to be at moms house all day, had turned almost ludicrous. That first day, while I was working on the roof and she came outside all progress on the shingles came to a halt. I instead opted to watch her in her element, taking pictures. She was so fucking beautiful, her wavy blonde hair that cascaded down her back and contrasted with her sinfully sun-kissed sin. She was tall and lean, when she moved I could see the toned muscles beneath her clothes contract and move gracefully. More than anything her eyes are what do me in, if I wasn't scared of frightening her off I could look into their blue depths for days.

It was only when I realized that she was starting to move back towards the house that I quickly started to try and act like I was working the whole time, that is till I heard the shutter of her camera and I looked over to observe her again. Only to find that her camera was pointed at me, I saw the blush rise up her cheeks and I died a little inside. She was taking a picture of me, what for? If anything she was the model. It had surprised me even more when she asked to help, without hesitating I said yes. Not that I would ever be able to tell her no.

That began our routine, each day I had to come up with more tasks for us to do. She was so smart, always picking up whatever it was that we were doing so quickly. I loved the fact that she wasn't afraid to get into the projects and get her hands dirty. She didn't talk much, but neither did I. I longed to get to know more about her but was happy to let it happen naturally eventually. The silence between us was not tense or uncomfortable but rather natural, like we had know each other for years and didn't need to fill blank spaces. She didn't like to be touched, that much I figured out quick. I noticed the way she always avoided contact and flinched if I moved to quick, I filed that away and put forth an effort to make sure she was always comfortable. I don't know why she wanted to spend her days with me but I was more that delighted that she did.

Every night it pained me to have to leave and run patrol, I always made several swings back by moms just to listen to her steady heartbeat through the walls of the house. I know the guys were tired of me thinking and talking of nothing except her but everyone was more so happy that I finally had her back in my life to every try and stop me. My relationships with my brothers in the pack was beginning to feel less strained as they didn't mind being shifted while I was anymore, or scared to share their joys with me. After patrol I would race to my house grab a shower and a change of clothes and immediately make my way back to my moms, quiet as I could in the middle of the night I would settle my self of the couch and fall asleep to the rise and fall of her breathe and the beating of her heart that was just separated by a single wall.

Today at dinner while I was watching her, as always, and only half listening to what mom was rattling on about, Emma abruptly said something about a job and my heart froze for a second. My mind instantly went to the worse, she had gotten a new job and was going to leave me again. My walls started coming up and the ache in my chest started to form again, until mom observed my pain and confusion and explained that she would still be here. Then, when Emma herself admitted that she was planning on being here for a while longer I couldn't control the change, my girl was staying here. I had rushed out of the house and ended up here. Remembering it all I let out a joyful howl and ran faster into the night

Authors Note

As many of you have noticed I have picked my story back up, it just won't seem to leave me alone. I am also going back through my chapters and fixing some grammatical errors that I missed. I try my best to get my editing done right the first time but sometimes it just slips through. I appreciate every and all reviews, favorites, and follows I get for this story. You all make writing that much more enjoyable. Would love to hear for y'all.

K.