Yours was the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
And I don't know where I am, I don't know where I've been
But I know where I want to go

First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes

Chapter Twelve

If Diana noticed a change between the two of us, she hid it well. She made no comment when Paul and I walked into the house later that night holding hands and I was thankful for that. Right now everything was simple and uncomplicated. It was easy and I felt no need to explain myself - or have to admit that there was something, to begin with.

That's how things stayed. Uncomplicated, there were no talks of defining the unspoken connection between us. Paul was already a fixture in my new life here and the only difference was that I was now ingrained into his life almost as much as he was mine. We spent the rest of the weekend together, mainly around the house doing odd jobs, though it seemed to me like at this Paul was just making up things to do at this point. How much work can one house need?

After the day in the cliffs, I decided to test myself with physical contact with Paul. He has seemed to be aware on some level of my aversion to contact from early, always respectful of my space and never moving to fast especially when coming from an angle I could not see him, I respected that he was conscious of that. I hoped that his consciousness of me was not so astute that he would notice the purposeful way my fingers brushed his when I handed him a tool or the way I walked close enough for our shoulders to natural touch every so often.

The day was an experiment of sorts and my conclusion came to that I like the way my chest felt lighter when Paul and I were connected. The feeling was not one that had words, it was as if a weight that I was unaware of was lifted. From then on, I made every excuse possible to be linked as inconspicuous as possible, I was thankful that he always allowed me to initiate the meeting. If he was aware of the change he did me the honor of not forcing me to explain it to him, I was easily able to convince myself that there was no way Paul was as cognizant of me as I was of him.

The weekends were now spent nearly always together, where I use to see Paul for a few hours here and there, my plans or his plans gradually became our plans. He wanted to introduce me properly to his friends and I was eager to see how Paul acted around other people, interested to see if he was different around others the way he used to be.

It gave me a strange feeling of unease to compare the two, they were so different and it felt unfair to Paul. There was an errant thought in the back of my mind that was waiting for the other foot to drop, but for the moment I kept that pushed down.

The first time Paul brought me over to Emily's house for an evening meal I was afraid of being seen as an intruder, a foreigner encroaching on and disrupting an established routine. As we drove down the long drive and pulled up in front of a small faded grey house with a large blue front door thrown open under a covered front porch, there was a line of cars out front. I swallowed and tried to keep the feeling be overwhelmed by the number of bodies that must be squished into the small house at bay.

Paul must have seen the look of trepidation on my face, "We can do something else if you want."

"No," I quickly interjected, "I am excited for tonight!" It did not sound as confident as I would have liked but I forced, what I hoped looked like a reassuring smile towards him.

Paul followed me as I timidly walked up the couple steps, I could hear a chorus of voices spilling out the open door like the golden light that lit the night. Giving myself an internal pep talk I allowed my hand to find Paul's briefly before we walked and he gave me a reassuring squeeze, that was enough to propel me the last few steps into the house.

It was sensory overload when I walked in, there were bodies sprawled on every open surface and everyone seemed to be talking at once. When our arrival was noticed there was a loud mass of greetings flung our direction. I felt out of place with my ash blonde hair and blue eyes, looking out at all the beautiful hues of browns starting back of me, I was not sure where to go and it was only Paul's warm presence behind me that kept me from turning around a fleeing.

I was saved by a relieved looking Emily, she was still very pregnant at the sight of me and quickly begged me to help her cook in the kitchen. Emily was one of the few people in La Push outside of Paul and Diana that I knew a little about. I had ended up shooting maternity pictures for her and printing them for her at the shop. Though we only spent a few hours together, most of which did not allow for much talking, I did feel familiar with her and the easy way in which we were able to get along.

"Do not feel obligated, but I could use another set of hands", seeing the massive amount of food that she was working on behind her I quickly acquiesced. I turned to tell Paul only to find him already engrossed in a conversation with one of the guys I did not recognize about some game that was coming on tonight.

I turned and followed Emily into the kitchen gave me a brief explanation of what needed to be done, the noise from the crowded family room spilled into the kitchen but the order and method of cooking settled my nerves. Emily must have sensed my tension because she allowed me to settle in instead of pushing me into a conversation, within the first ten minutes we were working in perfect tandem and feeling relaxed in this new environment.

As we were wrapping up I looked through the cut-out in the kitchen into the main room, it was easier to take in all the people present from this angle, though there were many I had never met. Sam was there laying in the center of the carpet throwing a toddler who had a striking resemblance to Emily into the air while she giggled uncontrollably, must be their first child. A tired-looking Jared was sitting with his arm wrapped around and equally tired-looking Kim on one of the couches, cooing into the face of a swaddled chubby baby. A few of the other guys, Paul included had turned the television to a football game and were animatedly alternating between cheering and groaning every now and then. There were other women there, wrapped up with some of the men I had yet to meet, all of them seemingly at ease and content.

Looking at the picture with an aura of joy surrounding it I felt an ache in my chest, wondering if I would ever have what these people had found in each other. Everyone was seemed to be exactly where they were supposed to be in that moment, I questioned if this was also where I belonged. I stole a glance at Paul, his mouth set in a wide grin at some pass that had just been completed and then, as if sensing my gaze, watched as his head quickly moved my direction his eyes soften when they reached mine, a blush ran up my neck and my stomach gave a dizzying flip. Softly smiling I dropped my head, turned around, and promptly got back to the work at hand unable to push the warm feeling in my core away.

Where I was frightened of being singled-out as an intruder into this tight-knit group of people, the reality turned out to be far from the truth. As Emily and I served food, some of the younger men attacking it like a pack of starved dogs to my amazement, I was embraced as if I had been around for months instead of weeks. Hasty introductions were made and I tried my best to remember everyone's name, but it would not be for a few more weeks before I finally got them all down. We all ate wherever there was space, I sat wedged between Paul and Seth, a new acquaintance, both of whom were in a contest to see who could scarf their food down faster while their focus was almost solely on the screen in front of them.

I turned my attention to the game and almost laughed when I saw who was playing, the Chargers whom I pledged some allegiance to, was currently locked in a tight game with Washington's team. The environment was infectious and carefree I allowed myself to get wrapped into the game. It had been years since the trivial matters of a football game mattered to me and it felt almost relieving to be doing something so normal.

I was still in the process of learning how to be myself again, more importantly, who exactly figuring out who I was now. There were things in my life that I would never have had to think about before I met him, like whether my laugh was too loud when Emily dragged a boy named Collin out of the kitchen when she caught him trying to sneak dessert easily. Allowing myself to discover how I genuinely reacted to things and deciding what I still liked a did not like was a daily adventure, today I discovered I still held joy for football, something that I use to pay attention to- before.

Comfortable as I was in the house I became so absorbed in the game I surprised myself when I let out a loud, cheerful shout of joy whenever the Washington quarterback threw an interception. Seven pairs of eyes looked at me like I was insane for cheering and Paul gently tried to explain it to me as if I did not understand the play that had just occurred, "Emma, that was an interception, that is not good for our team, not something to cheer for."

"Well Paul," I teased out at him, "while that might not have been good for your team, that was quite a good defensive play for my team. In fact, seeing as the half only has less than a minute left I think it would be safe to say and we are in the RedZone, barring any interceptions on the Chargers part, this will be the final possession of the half and we are almost guaranteed points either through a touchdown or a field goal. Either way, we go into half time with good momentum and in the lead, so I believe that my cheering was well placed." I ended my rather long-winded explanation with a wink in his direction.

All the guys that were invested in the game along with Paul himself were looking at me with incredulous eyes.

Seth was the first to speak up, "You know football and are a Chargers fan?"

"Well I did grow up and live in southern California and I would die before being a Raiders fan, as far as football it is a lot more interesting than baseball and only gets the slight edge over basketball and just below hockey."

Paul's eyes shifted from incredulous to elated at learning a new thing about me, "You've been holding out on me."

I blushed and shrugged nonchalantly happy he seemed to approve of this new development.

"Even if you have horrible taste in sports franchises," he added on with a playful smirk, his statement getting laughs from all around.

I glanced at the TV just as the Charger's running back ran it in for a touchdown and I smirked right back at him, "My horrible franchise happens to be beating yours."

"For now, there is still another half to go and I good feeling we will pull this one out," he countered.

Feeling brave in my jovial mood I boldly challenged him, "Wanna bet?"

"Absolutely," Paul said without hesitation.

"If I win you have to get a Charger's jersey to wear for the rest of the season," I said proudly at him.

Paul's smile grew larger, "and if I win you have to let me be your date for the art show at the shop."

Heat flooded my cheeks and I realized how close we were leaned into each other and quickly straightened up, I stole a glance at the rest of the guys, all of which had eyes locked on the television, even though it was a commercial break, giving us some semblance of privacy.

I stuck my hand out in full confidence, "Deal."

His warm hand enveloped mine and my stomach gave that same flip from earlier, I quickly release his grip and turned back to the screen but was aware that Paul's gaze was still on my face.

"I can not believe that did not call that penalty at the end! It was clear as day pass interference and it changed the whole momentum of the game!"

"Paul, you are starting to sound like a sore loser," I joked to the energized man driving the two down the dark, winding roads to Diana's house.

The second half of the game had been an intense battle both on and off the screen. I was severely outnumbered in support of my beloved team, luckily Emily who knew near to nothing of football decided she would support me, so our cheering section was built of a small but loud two people. The game ended up coming down to the last drive which Washington could not convert on, leaving me victorious.

"I wonder if they even make jerseys in your size," I teased thoughtfully as Paul shoot me a dirty look. As quickly as I realized Paul was just as competitive as me, I also was being to realize he did not enjoy losing.

The night was more than I could have ever asked, there was not a single moment that I felt out of place of unwanted. Everyone, even those that I met for the first time, was so welcoming and inviting. Every day I feel like I gain a bit of myself back from him, but tonight seemed like a big leap for me. I was able to laugh openly and make jokes and be competitive and not feel like I was needing to hold back. It felt freeing.

Boldly I reached over a seized Paul's hand in mine, intertwining our fingers as I rested out joined hands on the seat space between us. If he was surprised by my action he did a good job of hiding it, instead he simply softly rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb in a soothing motion. The movement made me feel warm all over and I realized that this was the best I had felt in years.

When we arrived at Diana's I did not move to leave Paul's truck, choosing to linger in the moment for a bit longer.

"Penny for your thoughts," Paul asked me after a bit.

I looked over at him, in the dark cab of the truck I could only barely make out his eyes and could not see an expression on his face. The thought came to me I must be similarly cloaked by the darkness and it made me a bit braver.

"I almost wish-" my mouth dried up in my nerves and I had to clear my throat to get my words out. "I almost wish you would have won tonight."

My eyes were trying to see if he understood my meaning, but it was hard to tell in the dark.

"Why is that?" I could tell that Paul was trying sound nonchalant but he was not entirely succeeding.

Looking away from his face I looked down at our joined hands and his thumb making steady swipes across the back of my hand, "I was hoping you would be my date for the art show."

Knots formed in my stomach at my admission, I was brave enough to get the words out and now they were hanging thick in the air between us.

"I would like that, too."

I smiled at his simple statement, dropping my head and letting my hair fall in front of my face to hide my blush even in the dark truck. I felt warm fingers place my hair back into place behind my ear, then his hand lingered for a second longer than it needed to be on the side of my face.

"Emma," he said huskily next to me. I looked up, surprised but not unwelcome to see he was closer than I expected. "Would it be alright if I kissed you?"

The knots tightened even more in my stomach, the corner of my mouth turned up slightly and I nodded not trusting my voice to speak.

Slowly, as if to not startle me, he leaned in looking into my eyes the whole time and brought his face down to mine. At the last second, I closed my eyes just as I felt the soft pressure of his lips against mine. Impulsively I reached up with my free hand to hold onto the side of his face, he instantly responded, dropping my hand and wrapping his arm around me while his other hand wove into my hair.

The kiss was toe-curling and passionate; I could feel the release of built-up of energy coming through our embrace. His lips were softer than what I had imagined, he held me securely in his arms and gently pressed his lips into mine. The second kiss was heavier, longer but still had a softness that I was not expecting. I felt his tongue slide out and explore my bottom lip experimentally. My heart was hammering in my chest and I felt as if the only thing holding me to the ground was Paul, I smiled largely beneath his lips and he pulled away a bit, resting his forehead against mine.

His whispered words were the first to break the silence, "Thank you." His breath dancing across my cheeks and tickled a bit.

I quietly laughed at that, "No, thank you."

We stayed there for a bit, content with just being close to one another. Reluctantly, I leaned away, "I should get going, I have work in the morning."

He nodded in agreement, we both got out and he walked me to Diana's door. He surprised me by wrapping me in a large hug on the stoop, I rested my head right below his left should and listened to his not-so-steady heartbeat, happy to hear that I was not the only one affected. I breathed in the familiar smell, it had started to fade from the room, replaced by my scent and I was thankful to get to breathe his in again.

"Goodnight Emma."

As he spoke his whole chest vibrated in a very comforting way, sending chills up my spine. I stayed in his embrace for one more minute before detaching, "Goodnight Paul."

I walked into the house and quietly shut the door behind me, aware that Diana was already asleep. When I laid in bed that night I fell asleep with a smile on my face and dreamed of nothing but warm hand and soft lips.

Author's Note

I'm alivvvveeeee.