Time for Aubrey to celebrate the end of bachelorhood with all his friends...
We'll find out what happens at the shower in the next chapter.
As Booth and Aubrey traveled down New York Avenue, the younger man noticed that they had passed into Maryland. "Booth, how far is Magoo's from home? It's in Rockville, right?"
"Yeah, about thirty minutes north." Booth chuckled as he explained his choice. "They're off the main drag. This way, unlike Bones' party, our antics won't get us arrested and they also won't get back to the Hoover…"
Glancing at his passenger, he was surprised to see that Aubrey looked uncomfortable. "What's the matter? Look, buddy...I was kidding, okay? We're gonna have fun, but it won't be anything that you wouldn't want Jessica to know about…just games and booze, with some farting and belching thrown in for fun...you know, regular guy fun."
Shrugging, the younger man smiled. "I know." He hesitated slightly. "So...um...you didn't have a bachelor party when you married Dr. B, did you?"
"Nah...but I've been to plenty, so I know what's supposed to happen." Both men laughed before Booth continued. "I didn't really see the point of having one for myself, you know? I mean, I guess, in a way, I'd given up being a bachelor long before I actually got married."
Seeing Aubrey's confusion, Booth tried to explain. "I didn't know it at the time, but when I met Bones, it was like deep down inside, I knew she was the one for me. I mean, we both had other relationships along the way, but somehow we always ended up back together."
He shook his head as he checked his rear view mirror. "I even asked Hannah to marry me, remember?" Seeing Aubrey nod, Booth sighed audibly. "I did that, knowing that I still loved Bones, which was stupid, but, you know, I think even if she had said yes, I'm not sure I could've gone through with it. It wouldn't have been fair to her..."
Aubrey considered Booth's statement. "Do you think that you might've ended things with Hannah eventually?"
"I'd like to think so. Who knows?" The older man tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. "Anyway, me and Bones lived together for a couple of years before we got married, and with Parker being my best man, there wasn't really anybody to organize a bachelor party for me. Hodgins offered to put something together afterwards, kind of like Angela did for Bones, but...I guess by then I was too much of a family man, you know? All I really wanted to do was to be home with my wife and baby. That was all I needed to make me happy."
"Yeah, I get that." Aubrey sighed pensively. "You're a lucky man, Booth…"
"Yeah, I really am...and so are you. Jessica is perfect for you, like Bones is perfect for me."
They rode in silence for a few minutes before Booth cleared his throat. "So out with it. What's bugging you, Aubrey?"
"Nothing…"
"Bull shit." Booth turned slightly towards the man next to him. "I know it's something…"
"Yeah...maybe there is something..." Aubrey stared at his hands for a few seconds. "It's so stupid, though…"
"What? That you don't want to leave Jessica overnight? Come on…," Booth scoffed, rolling his eyes. "You're both gonna be fine. It's only a few hours…"
"No, that's not it. I mean, I'll miss her, of course, but…" He chewed his lip slightly. "It's just that...I keep thinking that something's gonna go wrong, okay? I mean, I'm finally gonna have everything I've ever wanted, and it's like I keep waiting for something to come along and fuck it up...like someone's gonna wake me up and tell me it was all a dream, that it never happened…that Jessica was never a part of my life..."
"You know what?" Booth nodded as he glanced at his friend. "I felt that way, too...I was going to marry this amazing woman...the mother of my beautiful little girl...and I kept waiting for the bomb to drop, okay? Like my late dad showing up drunk off his ass, or Hannah surprising me by calling to say she'd given birth to my kid…" He chuckled softly. "...and it didn't help when the church burned down the night before the wedding, right?"
Aubrey couldn't help but laugh. "Right."
"But…" Booth sighed happily. "Here I am, married to Bones, even though I've screwed up royally so many times. She's still with me, and I cherish every day we're together. You'll be fine, Aubrey. You and Jessica will have some challenges, of course...everybody does. But nothing is going to come between you two that you can't handle if you make the effort to get through it, okay?"
"Okay." Feeling better, Aubrey smiled at his friend. "Thanks, Booth...that means a lot coming from you…"
Booth laughed out loud. "Eww. Cut that mushy shit out, okay? What are we...girls?"
"Oh, okay…," Aubrey chuckled. Hearing a text alert, he pulled out his phone and quickly responded. "There we go. I used one syllable words this time. Surely Beau can get there with those directions..."
"Beau? You mean Beau as in soon to be Daisy's ex-husband, Beau?," Booth asked with an edge in his voice.
Aubrey shrugged. "Yeah...Bower let the cat out of the bag about the bachelor party when we saw Beau at Founding Fathers on Wednesday, so I kind of had to ask him. Jessica didn't think it was a good idea, but he's harmless…and besides, he's bringing barbecue. That's always a plus."
"I hope it works out that way." Booth pursed his lips slightly.
Aubrey became confused. "Why do you say that, Booth? Yeah, Beau is...Beau, but he knows enough of the guests…I don't think he'll be a jerk..."
"That's not the problem.," Booth growled. "Hodgins called this morning, wanting to know if Oliver could join us, and I said yes." Hearing Aubrey's groan, he held up his hand. "Listen, I knew you guys had played Aerial Attack together, so I didn't think it was a big deal, okay? Besides, he can assist Hodgins if Bug Boy gets sloshed and can't manage to get around on his own."
"I suppose." Aubrey stared out the car's passenger window. "Beau's not really a bad guy, Booth. It's just that he may not be the brightest guy in the world. Anyway, I think he's probably gonna get bored after a while...he probably won't stay up all night. In fact, he might even choose to leave early since we're keeping it PG."
"True, but he might be pissed at Oliver, thinking that's why Daisy dumped him, and who knows? He might want to pick a fight or something stupid like that.." Booth grunted as he shook his head. "Oh well...nothing we can do about it now. I bet they'll behave themselves…I mean, there's gonna be a lot of other guys there, so maybe we can find them neutral corners or something..."
"I think so. Anyway, Beau may need some friends, Booth. He was pretty sure he and Daisy were going to get back together…which still surprises me after all that happened."
"I agree, Aubrey. I don't understand it, either." Booth shook his head. "Well, I don't want Beau to ruin your party with a lot of angsty shit, okay? If he gets all weepy, he's gonna have to sit outside or something…"
"Okay." Aubrey nodded in agreement. "I think it'll be fine…"
*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*
After driving for another ten minutes, they finally reached the venue. "You're gonna love this place, Aubrey." Booth parked the car next to a small office. "We've got one of the clubhouses to ourselves...and we have an attached bunkhouse. We can make as much noise as we want, and nobody will care. I'm gonna go check us in…"
"Okay…" Aubrey tried to relax as he waited, but his mind was still stuck on the idea that Beau and Oliver were going to be at the same party...his bachelor party. "I hope it doesn't turn into 'Fight Club…," he muttered to himself. "Surely Beau knows that Oliver isn't completely over his injuries...Hodgins said he still has memory issues...he wouldn't pick on someone like that. The guy may be a big lummox, but he's got a good heart…"
"All set." Booth came back to the car and pointed to a building off to the right. "Building 2…"
It was a pleasant afternoon, and several of the party goers were lounging around in front of the large structure waiting for the guest of honor to arrive. A cheer went up as Booth's SUV rounded the corner. "Yay! Here they come!"
Overwhelmed by the welcome, Aubrey swallowed a lump in his throat. "Geez...I don't know what to say, Booth..."
"Just say hello, okay? They're your friends." As he parked the car, the older man nodded in satisfaction. "I think you're gonna like this place…"
"Okay...let me get my bag…"
Unsure of what to expect, Aubrey dutifully followed Booth and his guests into the lodge, gasping in surprise as he looked at his surroundings. "Holy shit...this is so cool…"
The room was big enough to house a full sized basketball court, and the high ceilings made it feel even larger. Instead of being simply a gym, however, it had been outfitted with what seemed to be any toy or game an adult man could desire.
There were three large screen televisions for watching movies or sporting events, an impressive sound system, a virtual driving range, a virtual bowling alley, and a virtual race track as well as basketball hoops, three pinball machines, a portable soccer goal, and a pool table that could convert to a foosball table. Several well cushioned leather couches were placed strategically throughout the space. The bar area boasted a large refrigerator, a commercial ice maker, blenders, and other assorted barware. A nearby storage closet held equipment for cornhole, horseshoes, and other outdoor games.
Aubrey was amazed. "I can't believe this place. The ceilings are high enough for us to race drones...and look! XBox and PS4 setups…DVD and Blu Ray players…wow..."
Booth pointed to a large table in the bar area. "It looks like lunch is ready…"
The guests were clustered around the buffet table, talking happily to each other as they surveyed the huge array of sliced bread, cold cuts and cheese slices on one end and the large tubs of deli salads, chips, and vegetables on the other. Three trays of assorted cookies were on the bar, along with bottled beer and soft drinks.
"Wow...look at this spread!" Turning to Booth, Aubrey cringed. "This must've cost a fortune…"
"Well, I'll admit...it was pricey, but your buddy, Mr. Leonelli, gave us a break on our order when I told him what I wanted, even on the halal stuff for Arastoo. He said you should consider it a wedding gift."
"Yeah...he's a great guy." Glancing hungrily at the food, Aubrey smiled broadly. "I guess I'd better fix myself a plate before you guys eat everything…"
"Hold on…wait just a minute..." Stepping forward, Rodney laughed at his starving friend. "Let me say a blessing first, okay?" Raising his hands over the table, he intoned a familiar prayer. "Good bread. Good meat. Good God, let's eat!"
"AMEN!" The men cheered as they crowded around the food, laughing as they put together their sandwiches and teased the guest of honor.
"Knowing this guy, I better make two sandwiches in case I want seconds.," Rodney chuckled as he spread some mustard on his bread. "Jimmy is like a one man plague of locusts…"
Wendell nodded as he put some pickles on his plate. "Yeah, he can really pack it away…"
"Give me a break, okay?" Aubrey pretended to glare at them as he filled a sourdough roll with roast beef. "I can't help it. I have a high metabolism and low blood sugar."
"Whatever." Hunter put a big spoonful of potato salad next to his pastrami on rye. "Face it. You're a competitive guy, and you like to eat. You're just trying to finish it off before we do..."
"Yeah, I guess you're right." He pointed at a table. "Let's sit here…" He sat down and was about to bite into his sandwich when he heard a familiar raspy voice.
"Just...a minute, b...b...boys. I...got...something to say…"
"Charlie?" Walking over to the next table to shake hands with his future father in law, Aubrey was obviously pleased. "What a great surprise…I'm glad you could make it..."
"I...would...would...wouldn't miss...it. Can't stay...to...night...but wan...wanna have...a meal...with...you...and...the b...boys." The older gentleman turned to his son, Aaron. "Help me...stand…get...my...cane...and...beer..."
Bracing himself against Aaron's arm, Charlie stood up and after he received his cane, addressed the party. "Fellas...I...I'm an...old codger...but...I wan...wanna say...some words…" Smiling lopsidedly at Aubrey, Jessica's father held up a bottle of beer in his trembling hand. "This fella...here...James...he's...good...man. He makes...my Jessie...so...so...happy. I'm...glad he's...gonna be...my son...in law...soon. So...drink...to him…"
The men responded by raising their cups. "To Aubrey…"
Feeling himself blush, Aubrey ran his fingers through his hair. "Thanks, Charlie…"
"No...thanks...but...make Jessie happy...or I will...will...kick...your ass…with...my...cane" There was a twinkle in Charlie's eye he slowly sat back down. "Let's...eat...gotta...get back...home...soon…"
Everyone found a spot at the large table and nearby center island and enjoyed their meal, gearing up for a night of gaming and fun.
*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*
As he started in on a mound of chips, Aubrey turned to Booth. "I see Hodgins and Oliver made it…but no Beau yet..."
"Yeah." Booth took a drink of his beer and nodded in their direction. "Oliver's looking a lot better...more alert…"
"Maybe...but he still seems...I don't know, aloof? Like he'd rather not be here?" Shrugging, Aubrey ate some more chips. "I always get the feeling he's uncomfortable around other people…"
"Well, he's an ass, but...right now, I know how he feels. After having the surgery for my brain tumor, it took me awhile to be comfortable in certain social situations, like a big party, because my brain couldn't process everything as fast as it used to. Bones would tell me I was staring into space, but I was actually thinking about what was going on. For someone like him, it's probably even more frustrating. Hodgins said he's making a lot of progress with communication and coordination but still has issues with some of the fine motor skills as well as his memory. He also said that his therapist is having him play Aerial Attack as part of his rehab, although Wells is hit and miss with it, depending on the console he's using, because of all the hand movements that are required."
"That makes sense. Jess said her dad's recovery also exceeded expectations, but that it's dependent on the person. He's still at the same place Charlie is, right, but a different wing?"
"Yeah." Booth glanced at Aubrey. "So, how do you think Daisy is doing at the shower with Rani being there?"
"I haven't had any texts about fights, so that's good. Jess said she was confident that both women would behave today." Looking around the room, Aubrey was pleased to see all of his friends. "Hey, Clark! Glad you could make it."
"Thanks. I've been looking forward to seeing everybody…"
Hodgins wheeled over to join the group. Shaking the man's hand, he smiled. "Good to see you, buddy." Laughing, the entomologist pointed at Aubrey. "With this guy getting married, I guess you'll be the only single fella left in the group…"
"I wouldn't say that." Clark pulled out his phone and showed off the picture of a beautiful woman. "Magna Johansdottir. She's an Icelandic anthropologist, specializing in Viking culture. She got wind of our dig in Canada and came to check it out…"
"...and she ended up checking you out instead, right?" Booth chuckled as he looked at the phone, admiring the picture of the businesslike anthropologist with a tall, attractive blonde as they posed at their work site. "Very nice…is this the one Hodgins was hinting about a few months ago when you'd extended your stay up there?"
"Maybe. She is very nice...in fact, she's wonderful. We're getting married in Iceland on Midsummer's Day this year…June 20th." Clark beamed happily as he pocketed the phone. "...and then I'll continue dividing my time between here and Canada for a few years while we finish studying the site."
"Congratulations!," Aubrey said happily. "That's great news…"
"Thank you. So how are you, Aubrey? Are things going okay? How's Jessica been doing?"
As the friends chatted, Booth glanced at the door and saw Beau enter, carrying a large disposable aluminum pan. "Hi, Beau. Hey, do you need some help?'
"Yeah, thanks. Sorry I'm late...my order got mixed up. The store I ordered from didn't have everything ready when I got there to pick it up." He grimaced as he put the pan on the counter, hoping Booth would buy his story. "I tell you what...one of the first orders of business after I take over control of Pixler's is to get folks in management who know how to run a restaurant…"
"That would probably help." Booth followed Beau out to his car and helped carry in some more food. "By the way...I need to tell you something…"
"Sure." Picking up some containers of sauce, Beau headed for the door. "What's up?"
"So...um...Oliver Wells is here. He came with Dr. Hodgins." Seeing Beau's scowl, Booth held up a hand. "Look, I didn't know you were coming, and Hodgins might need the help after the festivities tonight, so I want you to be cool around Oliver, okay? Just leave the guy alone, and things will be fine. After all, this is Aubrey's day, so don't ruin it by being a hothead."
Sighing in annoyance, Beau finally agreed. "I'll do the best I can, but he better not say anything about Daisy…"
"I'm sure he won't. Even if he does get snarky, be the better man and walk away. While he's made amazing progress, he's still recovering from a traumatic brain injury and has issues with basic physical and emotional skills that are normal to us. Now, let's get the rest of this inside…"
Still disgruntled, Beau picked up another pan. "You got it."
*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*
The bachelor party was in full swing, and Booth was feeling very pleased with himself. Aubrey's friends were all enjoying themselves as they participated in the various activities that were offered by the facility. Arastoo and Hunter were hunched over the pool table, engaged in a lively eight ball game against Clark and Stephan. Hodgins and Oliver were playing Aerial Attack, and Aubrey was working hard on his golf swing at the virtual driving range.
Aaron had driven his father home and gone on a beer and chip run. He'd come back with another keg and several armloads of snacks. After putting the food away, he tapped a beer and sat down next to his host. "Great party, Booth…"
"Thanks. I'm glad you and your brothers could help out. I figured this would be a lot of fun for everyone, and the fact that we can stay the night here makes it all the better, right? No one has to worry about driving home after having too much to drink…"
"Yeah, I agree...it's a good idea. I guess that's what Jessie had in mind with her party, too."
Booth chuckled as he ate some chips and salsa. "Yeah...when my wife had her bachelorette party, a lot of the guests almost got arrested. I think Jessica's heard that story enough times to want to avoid the situation."
"Smart girl…" Aaron took a sip of his beer. "You know, Aubrey's a good guy. My brothers and I are so happy Jessie found him...as is our dad. She's so stubborn and independent, and he seems to love that about her, so…"
"Yeah, and Jessica seems to appreciate Aubrey's stubbornness and his insane eating habits." Booth nodded as the two chuckled. "So they're good for each other and you're right...he is a good guy. I mean, I've let him watch my kids from time to time, so there you go…"
Aaron gestured at the guests as they played their games. "And all these guys...his friends...even though they're incredibly smart, they're all regular guys, just like he is. I know my sister respects how smart Aubrey is...and the idea that he has such smart friends is just another point in his favor."
"Which is a good thing, since she's already decided to marry him…" Booth laughed out loud. "I guess the fact that you and your brothers like him is gonna make his life much easier, right?"
"Absolutely." Aaron shrugged slightly as he grinned. "You know, if we didn't like him, we'd never say a word against him...at least not to her...but we could sure make him miserable if we wanted. But my dad likes him a lot, too...and Dad is a really good judge of people...except when it came to my mom, that is." Sighing, he took another sip of his beer. "Anyway…"
Wanting to change the subject, Booth cleared his throat. "How's your wife feeling?"
"Nadia's fine...just ready for the baby to be born. My son will be here shortly." Aaron laughed. "In a way, I feel like this party is for me, too. With a newborn in the house along with three teenagers, it's gonna be awhile until I get to hang out with my friends like this…"
"Very true." Booth clinked his beer bottle against Aaron's glass. "Make the most of it…"
"I will…" Aaron's phone buzzed. Looking at it, he chuckled. "Check it out. The girls are in matching shirts. Love Jessie's ensemble..."
Booth looked at the picture and laughed out loud. "Bones got those. She was worried that she wouldn't do a good job hosting a shower, but it looks like your sister is having fun."
They were interrupted by a loud whoop. "Take that, Oliver! I'm King of the Lab and King of Aerial Attack, too!"
"You...suck...bacon...lub...lubrication…turd..."
"Bacon lubrication turd?." a confused Aaron asked.
"You don't want to know…" Seeing Oliver's annoyed expression, Booth grinned. "I think maybe it's time to bring out the barbecue…"
*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*
Aubrey happily inhaled the wonderful aroma coming from the pans of food that were set out on the counter. "Wow, Beau...you outdid yourself this time…"
Tying an apron over his jeans, Beau smiled. "My pleasure, buddy. Make sure you save room for the peach cobbler, okay?" As Arastoo walked over to the bar, Beau proudly pointed to a smaller pan. "Here's something special for you, Dr. Vaziri...I got some halal chicken and made a special sauce…I mean, the rest of you are welcome to try it…" Suddenly embarrassed, Beau shrugged. "Let's eat…"
Lined up on both sides of the serving bar, the men quickly filled their plates with meat, coleslaw, baked beans, rolls, and all the other fixings that go with a great barbecue dinner and then found seats where they could enjoy their meal.
"This is great!" Rodney grinned at the man sitting next to him as he wiped a bit of sauce from his face. "Hey, Beau...have you thought about opening some stores in the Boston area?"
"Not really." Beau solemnly shook his head. "I've got to get things squared away with taking over the restaurant chain before I think about expanding. Anyway, right now I want to stay in this area so I can take care of my family...such as it is." He glanced over at Oliver. "We've kind of hit a rough patch…but we'll work things out. It's just taking more time than I anticipated."
"I'm sorry to hear that." Rodney patted Beau's shoulder. "If you need to talk, I'll be glad to listen…"
"Nah...this isn't the place or time. I don't want to be a downer at Aubrey's party." Pushing his chair away from the table, Beau patted his belly. "I need some more bologna…"
Exchanging glances, Aubrey and Booth both sighed. "I hope he can hold it together…," Booth whispered. "I mean, he's doing pretty well, but…"
"...but he could crack at any minute. Yeah, I know…"
As the empty pans were stacked up, Beau produced two more containers from the oven. "Here we go...peach cobbler and cherry cobbler, with vanilla ice cream to go with it..."
The guests groaned happily as they lined up to get dessert. Each man scooped up some cobbler and Beau plopped a scoop of ice cream on top if they wanted it. The system was working well...until it was Oliver's turn.
As he paused to get his ice cream, he suffered a slight muscle spasm, which caused him to spill his cobbler all over Beau's shoes.
"What the fuck, Wells! You did that on purpose!" Beau was livid as he looked down at his shoes and then up at the anthropologist. "That's the last straw." Throwing the ice cream scoop aside, he tore off his apron and balled up his fists as he yelled in Oliver's face. "First you steal my wife, and then you ruin my shoes? You're a rotten son of bitch…"
Obviously confused, Oliver stared at Beau in disbelief. "What are...you talking about? Who's... your...wife?"
"Oh, you think you're such a smart bastard, huh? Playing up your brain injury and pretending not to remember my wife? Well, I'm gonna kick your ass…"
"Just a minute, okay?" Hodgins quickly moved his wheelchair next to Oliver. "Let's all calm down. Listen, Beau...Oliver may not really remember that you're married to Daisy…he's still having some occasional issues with his memory."
"Bullshit! He's the reason she's filing for divorce…," Beau yelled. "They've been fooling around…"
"OH!" Oliver's eyes widened as he realized what Beau meant. "I can a...assure you that...I was most…." The anthropologist struggled for a moment. "...centered...certainly...NOT 'fooling around'...with Dr. Wick. I happen... to be...endeavored...attached...engaged to marry a….." Exhaling as he concentrated, he continued to speak. "re..spected...scientist. Daisy...is...my colleague...nothing more." He pointed at Beau's shoes. "Would you...like...ability...assistance...cleaning up?"
"But…" Stunned at Oliver's explanation, Beau's shoulders slumped as he muttered to himself. "...if you're not...then why...I don't get it…I told her I forgave her...but she doesn't want my flowers or romantic dates...won't take my gifts...then she had them sent to me today...even though I told her I had a surprise for her..."
Booth pulled out a huge roll of paper towels. "Let's get those shoes cleaned up and then we can have some more fun, okay? It's almost story time…"
"Right." Nodding sadly, Beau sighed. "More fun. Great."
*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*
The remnants of dinner had been put away and it was time for more fun and games. Booth called all of the guests together. "Bring a chair...hey, guys...pull those couches over here, okay?
Booth looked over at Aubrey, who was getting a beer from the tap while chewing on a piece of jerky. "It's sharing time…have a seat right here, buddy..." Booth patted a seat next his. "We don't want you to miss anything…"
The men laughed at their friend's discomfort, cheering as he reluctantly sat down. Before anyone else could speak, Beau stood up and addressed the group..
"Before we begin, I have a special little gift for my buddy Aubrey here…" Beau went to his backpack and pulled out a wrapped package. "Here you go."
"Is this going to be like rubber shit or anything like that?," Aubrey asked suspiciously. "I hate that…"
"No, dude. My team got me some of this at my bachelor party and it's good stuff. I think you'll appreciate it."
"Alright…," Aubrey shook the package and then unwrapped it. "It's pasta...cool…"
"Look closer." Beau smiled as he sipped his beer.
As Aubrey inspected the pasta more closely, it took a lot to keep a straight face. "It's...little...vaginas...cool. Thanks, Beau. I'm sure Jess will enjoy this."
Hodgins chuckled. "Maybe you two can have Dr. B's 'whore sauce' recipe to go with it."
"Sounds great, Hodgins. Thanks.," Aubrey replied sarcastically as everyone laughed.
"Okay, okay…" Booth held up his hands to get their attention, hoping everyone would forget the last three minutes. "The point of this little activity is to tell the wildest true story you have about Aubrey. If the rest of us have heard it, you have to down a shot. If we haven't heard it, we all have to down a shot. Aubrey has to down a shot whenever someone tells a story. Everybody understand? Okay...who wants to go first?"
Hodgins laughed as he raised his hand. "I will. Remember when Chili Reuben died?" Seeing Booth nod, Hodgins smiled. "Aubrey and I had to check out the guy's van, and there were a lot of scraps of sweet rolls and other stuff...old hotdogs...nasty burritos...shit like that...and I was pretty sure Aubrey was gonna eat all of them. He was sniffing those bits of food like a hungry scavenger…and I think he actually ate a bite of stale kolache..."
"I did not!," Aubrey retorted angrily. "I'd never do that…".
"Yeah, but you wanted to, man. You were looking at that sweet roll like you used to look at Jessica when you thought no one was watching."
A horrified groan rose from the crowd as Booth poured a shot of whisky for everyone. "Drink up, fellas…"
"Me next." Oliver glanced at Aubrey with a smirk. "Aubrey...was law...man when...H...Hodgins and I...flew...drones over...town...just because...they were carrying...body parts. Totally unfair…"
He concentrated for a moment. "Then...we ...got a verbal slap…...wrist...before he moved...out the drones...for himself...zooming all over...the lab..."
Aubrey rolled his eyes. "It was part of my job…and it's not like I played with the drones that long…"
"Beat...you...later…"
"Not really wild, but worth a shot." Booth filled their glasses. "There we go…'
Rodney was next. "When me and Aubrey were in college, we went with another friend of ours to a Star Wars Convention in New York City dressed as stormtroopers so we could pick up girls...and we were very successful. The girls were really impressed with how he looked in his costume…and out of it, too. Our Jimmy was quite the ladies' man when he was younger..."
Booth turned to his friend. "You're into cosplay? I never would've guessed…"
Blushing, Aubrey shrugged. "It was a long time ago…"
The stories continued, as did the shots, until it was Booth's turn. "So…" Feeling the effect of all the shots he'd had, he hesitated, trying to remember what he was going to say. "Oh, yeah...well, Aubrey's been undercover with me a couple of times, and when he's on the job, he loves to wear this big black handlebar moustache…"
"I hate that damn thing, Booth. I've told you that…"
"You protest a lot, but I guess he thinks it makes him look macho, right? Here...look…"
He passed around his phone so everyone could see a picture of Aubrey in his disguise. "The wild part is that after our last case, he insisted on keeping the fake moustache. I wonder what he does with it? Maybe we should text Jessica and find out…"
"NO...no way…" Aubrey tried to grab the phone away from Booth, but he was too drunk and fell to the floor, much to the amusement of the rather intoxicated guests. "C'mon, Booth…, " he whined. "Gimme the phone…"
Laughing, the older man helped Aubrey back up on the couch and pulled a fuzzy object out of his pocket. "Well, lookie here what I've got...another fake moustache. Go ahead and model it for us, buddy…"
Shouts of "yeah" and "show us" and "go ahead" echoed off the high ceiling as Aubrey stared at the hairpiece.
"Oh...what the hell." He peeled away the backing from the spirit gum adhesive and stuck it on his upper lip. "There you go...happy?"
Nodding, Booth grinned. "It looks good...so good that I think you should wear it the rest of the evening." He glanced at Bower, who gave him a furtive thumbs up as he put his phone back in his pocket.
The game had broken up and the guests, in various states of intoxication were moving on to other interests when there was a loud knock on the door.
"Who the hell is that?," Booth growled. "Nobody else was invited…"
"Maybe the girls are surprising us with a panty raid!," an inebriated Clark chimed in before drinking another shot. "Good stuff…"
"Only Gail gets to see my panties…," Stephan slurred. "She was almost Miss V...Virginia…"
"Yeah, you would wear panties, older brother of mine.," Jack retorted. "Model your pretty panties in your hot skinny...six foot...shit how tall are you again...like seven foot?"
"Even better than that, guys. It's just a little surprise I arranged…" Beau jogged over to open the door. "I think you'll all like it…especially Aubrey."
As the group watched in surprise, three women in trench coats entered the room. "FBI, gentlemen...it's time for a strip search…" Nodding at Beau, he turned on their boombox and a mashup of the Dragnet theme song and Bad Boys began to play.
Bad boys, bad boys...what'cha gonna do? What'cha gonna do when they come for you...
The women dropped their coats in unison, revealing scanty outfits that were supposed to mimic a police officer's uniform. As the music played on, they began to gyrate, twirling the tassels attached to their bras before moving to the middle of the group.
Beau whooped it up before pointing Aubrey out. "The guest of honor is over there, ladies."
The leader of the trio came over and started dancing in front of a horrified Aubrey. "Beau! I specifically said 'no strippers'! What part of that statement did you not understand?" When the stripper started to climb onto him for a lapdance, Aubrey gently pushed her away. "No! No, thank you. Not interested."
"Aw, come on, Aubrey! I was just trying to liven up this party! You don't want everyone to remember it as the lamest bachelor party ever, do you?"
"I don't think this party's lame. Sorry, Honey...you're not my type, and my partner isn't interested either.," Jessica's brother-in-law Greg told one of the other dancers before looking at the other guests. "Do you guys think it's been a lame party?"
"I'm having fun." Hunter stood with his arms crossed over his chest, pretending not to notice the woman dancing next to him. "Besides, I told my wife this would be a PG party…"
"Yeah, 'cause we've got a priest here…" Aubrey pointed at Rodney, who was wearing a drunken smile as he waved merrily. "I've already explained that to you, Beau...remember?"
"But this is a bachelor party! You need to celebrate with beer and naked ladies. It's not like you're going to have sex with them." Beau danced awkwardly with one of them before holding out his phone to take a selfie with the dancer. "What is your guys' problem, anyway? It's free tits and ass before you get married, Aubrey. Come on, is Jessica keeping you on a leash all of a sudden? Daisy probably has some beefcake at your house right now dancing for her."
"I don't want free tits and ass, Beau. I'm more than satisfied with what I have at home. You may like this shit, but I don't!, " a fed up Aubrey barked, waving his cup for emphasis. "Also, for your information, Jessica doesn't 'keep me on a leash', alright? We trust each other and no matter how I've felt about Daisy in the past, I doubt she hired strippers for Jess knowing she didn't want them."
Finally, Booth turned off the music. "Thanks, girls, but we're not interested, so you can run along…" He handed the confused women their coats and gave each of them a generous tip before escorting them to the door. "Be careful going home…"
Rolling his eyes, Beau threw his hands up in the air. "That's it. I give up. I'm trying to be a friend, but you're just being a pain in the ass. I'm leaving…I'm tired of all this shit..."
"Don't be like that...come on, Beau…" Hodgins tried to reason with the man. "We can have a lot of fun without strippers...hey, come play Aerial Attack…"
"No...I don't need your pity. I don't need to be around all you happily married or soon to be happily married guys when my own marriage has gone to hell for no apparent reason." He pointed at the refrigerator. "I'll leave what's left of the food and you can have it for leftovers tomorrow."
"Beau…," Aubrey began. "We'd really like you to stay…"
"Thanks...but I'm just in the way." He quickly found his backpack. "I'll talk to you later, fellas. Bye." With that, he slammed the door and was gone.
"Well that was awkward.," Wendell said. "What bit him in the ass?"
The rest of the guests stared at each other for a minute or two before returning to their fun. Holding up a DVD, Booth crowed happily. "Look, guys...I've got the Stooges…"
Cheers went up as he loaded the disc into the player. Soon everyone was enjoying some classic slapstick…
...everyone except Aubrey, that is. Still feeling woozy from all the whisky he'd imbibed during the storytelling game, he'd gone into the bunkroom to lie down for a few minutes.
As he relaxed, he began to smile as he remembered the souvenir in his pocket. Pulling out the torn panties, he chuckled softly. "Oh yeah...I remember what happened...my birthday was so great...she makes me so horny…" Shifting uncomfortably, he glanced down at his jeans. "Fuck...she doesn't even have to be here to turn me on…"
He fingered the lace on the panties and thought once again about how they'd been torn. "Geez...I better quit dwelling on that...what if someone walks in on me...sees me this way…" He laughed to himself. "I know someone who needs to see me this way…"
He got up, stumbling slightly as he walked into the bathroom and pulled down his pants. Sighing in relief, he took some pictures of his erection and proudly sent them to Jessica. "That ought to liven up their party…but now what do I do? Can I get my pants up over my dick?"
Aubrey pulled his pants up but after pulling up his zipper, he felt very uncomfortable. "Ugh...if Booth and the guys see me like this they won't ever let me forget it."
Hearing a buzz on his phone, he held onto the counter with one hand as he turned over his phone, almost dropping it when he saw the response from Jessica.
"Oh Jess...I can't wait to marry you…"
Suddenly he heard Booth's voice on the other side of the door. "Aubrey? Hey, Aubrey...you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Can't a guy use the john by himself? Geez…" Flushing the toilet as a form of camouflage, he exhaled slowly as he opened the door, hoping that nothing in his appearance would give away his predicament. "What's up?"
Booth quirked an eyebrow at his friend. "Nothing, really, except I wanted to check on you. You haven't had seconds on the cobbler, and that's not like you at all. I was afraid you were puking in here or that you'd passed out."
Belching loudly, Aubrey shook his head. "With all that whisky in my system, cobbler doesn't sound very good, but I'm alright. Hey, how about we get a poker game going? Penny ante? Maybe I'll eat some more cherry cobbler later."
"I think we can work that out. You sure you're okay?"
Aubrey smiled as he remembered the souvenir in his pocket and the picture he'd received from his fiancee'. "Never better…"
*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*
The poker game had gone on into the wee hours of the morning. When all was said and done, Jack had claimed the fifty cent pot that had ended the game. "Okay, fellas...I'm beat…"
"Oh, come on…" Hunter threw his cards on the table. "Aren't you gonna give a chance to win our money back?"
"Not at three AM. Maybe next time." Yawning, he stretched as he turned to Booth. "This has been a great party. I think we should all get together more often…"
Arastoo nodded. "Yeah...we can come up with a name for it, like the annual Guys All-Nighter or something like that. It'd be fun…"
Booth laughed as he picked up the empty beer bottles lying around the room, chuckling when he spotted Clark passed out on the couch. "Maybe so, but let's see how you guys feel later on this morning when it's time to leave, okay?" Craning his head from side to side, he rubbed his eyes. "I'm beat. You young guys can stay up if you want, but I'm gonna hit the sack."
"Yeah...me, too." Wendell got up and took his dishes into the kitchen. "See you guys in a few hours…"
One by one the guests made their way into the bunkroom to get a few hours sleep before the sun came up.
*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*
Snorting loudly, Aubrey's eyes suddenly flew open. Looking around the darkened room, he realized he was alone. "What the fuck? Where is everyone?" Checking his phone for the time, he was surprised. "8:30? Geez, I hope I didn't miss breakfast…"
Still wearing his clothes and the moustache from the night before, he staggered out into the common room, where he found his friends drinking coffee and enjoying Booth's famous pancakes for breakfast.
"Well, it looks like Sleeping Beauty is finally awake." Booth chuckled at Aubrey's angry scowl. "Hungry?"
"I could eat." Grabbing a plate, he held it out to his friend. "Three, please…" After snagging some bacon, he sat down next to Rodney. "Hey, thanks for coming...I know it's hard for you to get away on the weekends…"
"No problem. When I explained things to our vestry, they were very understanding." The priest took a sip of coffee. "So everything's set, right? Is there anything major that still needs to be done?"
"Not that I can think of, but Jess would probably know more about that than I do. As far as I can tell, we have the important stuff done...clothes, rings, license, venue, flowers, and most importantly, the menu for the reception. I think all we need now is for you to show up for a rehearsal and the wedding. Jess is very excited to meet Amy." A smile spread across Aubrey's face. "Just think...this time next week, I'll be married! I can't believe it! I'm so excited!"
Pleased to see his friend so happy, Rodney grinned. "And I'm excited for you. I think you and Jessica are gonna be so happy…"
"Thanks…"
Their conversation was interrupted by Booth. Clearing his throat, the agent called the guests to order. "Okay, fellas, if I could have your attention. We have some things for you to take home…things that proved you survived the night."
He held up a wooden box. "Cigars with bands that say 'Aubrey's Bachelor Party', and some wine glasses etched with the same design, courtesy of Jack and Greg. They've also provided some small bottles of wine for each of you. And, because it is a bachelor party, I have these cookies that Bones made for us."
He opened a bakery box filled with sugar cookies that were frosted to look like a woman's nude breast. "I know...we said this party would be PG...but I didn't think you'd mind a little bit of raunchiness…"
Booth pulled out a small baggie from the box. "Jack...Greg...Bones didn't want you to feel left out, so she made these special for you."
Greg, who was near Booth, walked up and looked at the cookies. "Look, Jack! She made us very anatomically correct penises. She even got the scrotums on there." He smiled as he patted Booth's shoulder "That was so thoughtful of her…"
The men all laughed as the box was passed around. Booth gestured for Aubrey to come stand by him. "Speaking of raunchiness...we've put together a survival kit for you, buddy...something to get you through the week before you're married and for the honeymoon." He held up a wedding shower gift bag. "Let's see what we have in here…"
Trying not to seem embarrassed, Aubrey tapped his foot impatiently. "You don't have to show everyone what's in there…"
"Sure I do." Booth pulled out the first item. "A condom variety pack for the honeymoon and for special occasions….you know, when you two decide to have some extra fun. Look, we have fluorescent ones, some ribbed ones, glittery ones, edible ones...one for every occasion, it seems…size extra large. It seems Jessica is prone to exaggeration, right?"
Aubrey glared at Booth as he took the box. "Thanks."
"No problem. Next we have some Star Wars boxers…" Booth held up the shorts for the cheering crowd. "As you can see, it says 'the force awakens' over the fly...I guess we all know what that means. That;s what Jessica says, right? 'Use the force, Aubrey…'."
Aubrey snatched the clothing from his friend. "Shut up, Booth…"
"Here are some Star Wars action figures, so you have something to play with while you're waiting for her to get ready to go out…" Booth pulled a t-shirt from the bag. "And a special shirt I had made for you."
Booth held up a blue t-shirt. 'I'm the Man!' was printed in large block black letters above a picture of a man flexing his muscles. "You'll need to wear that from time to time. It'll make you feel better when you realize that Jessica is really in charge of things around the house."
"So true, buddy." Hodgins laughed out loud. "You might think you're gonna talk things over, but trust me...she'll end up getting her way…"
Booth nodded. "Yep, that's the way it works. Us married guys know all about that. Here's a 'Cocky' belt buckle, from yours truly...again, to make you feel like you're really the man of the house...and last, but not least…for the night before the wedding, when you're separated from your bride to be, we have something to help you relieve your stress."
Booth reached into the bag and pulled out a stress ball that was printed to look like a woman's breast, complete with an erect nipple. "It's not as good as the real thing, of course, but…" He smiled as he held it in his hand before offering it to Aubrey. "...it's pretty damn close."
"Yeah...I see what you mean." The younger man studied the object carefully. "Um...thanks."
Turning to his guests, Aubrey smiled. "Hey, thanks for everything, guys. I've had a great time. It's nice to know that I have so many friends that I can count on…"
Aaron raised his coffee cup. "Three cheers for Aubrey!"
"Hip hip, Hooray…," the guests responded. "Hip hip, hooray! Hip hip, hooray!"
Shaking Aubrey's hand, Booth smiled. "Good luck, buddy." Clearing his throat, he raised his hand to get everyone's attention. "Okay, you guys enjoy your breakfast and have fun this morning, but we need to clear out of here by noon. I'm taking our guest of honor home around 11 because he misses his bride..."
Picking up some dirty plates, Booth took them back to the kitchen area, with Aubrey following close behind.
"Hey, Booth, why don't I get started washing the dishes…," Aubrey began.
"No way. This is your party. Go enjoy yourself. I'll have this done in no time."
"Okay...if you say so." Hesitating slightly, Aubrey reached up to pat Booth's shoulder. "Thanks for everything. It was great...better than anything I could've imagined…"
Smiling happily, Booth nodded. "You're welcome. Now...get the hell out of my kitchen."