It had been days since Rose last felt so laid-back, it was as if a rock had been lifted from her chest. She still felt self-conscious when she undressed before they went to bed together but his lingering, soft touches made her forget her concerns.

Rose was so relieved that she didn't care anymore if she spent her evenings in his quarters. How could something that felt so good, something that made her so happy, be cause for concern?

They lay next to each other, caressing each other's faces when she remembered that she had a gift for him. She reached down to her overalls and pulled her holo out.

"What are you doing?" Hux asked as she shifted away from him. "You aren't leaving, are you?"

"No, I got something from Aish I thought you would like," she replied and forwarded him a holo picture.

She grabbed his bag from the floor and handed him his holo. He displayed the picture; it was a snapshot of the last huttball game. It showed Poe talking to Hux, with his trademark grin on his lips. BB-8 was apparently rolling towards them on the edge of the picture. Next to Poe was Finn, his hand was on Poe's leg. Hux himself looked somewhat surprised, if one squinted it could seem that he was almost smiling. To his left was Rose, sitting on a crate cross-legged, she was holding a beer and was smiling at Hux.

"I thought you would like that to your collection," she said and gave him a peck.

He pulled her into a hug and kissed her back. "Thank you." He got up and uploaded the holopicture to the wall.

She watched him rearranging the pictures so that the new one was in the middle. Perhaps it was her imagination, but it seemed that the room just got a bit brighter.

She stepped into the shower and activated it. She applied gel all over her body and frowned a little when she reached her belly.

It was still odd all things considered. She never had issues with her weight before, not like this. Some of her friends back on Hays Minor had the same problem, but they were pregnant. She couldn't be pregnant, that was impossible. She noted a few weeks back that she needed to renew the protection shot for the next three month but she kind of forgot about it. And why not? Hux had a vasectomy, so why bother?

She turned the shower off and went to her pile of clothes. She started to dress herself. It was of course possible that it was some kind of thyroid malfunction. Either way it was sensible to go visit Dr. Kalonia. Kalonia could do a general check-up and tell her what Rose already suspected: that she just needed to exercise more.

"Ah, Rose - did you finally decide to go get your inoculations?" asked Dr. Kalonia.

"Uh, no - I don't?" Rose said hesitantly. "What kind of inoculations are you talking about?"

"I sent a message weeks ago about the flu inoculation," she looked down on her pad. "And your protection shot of course. I take it that you had no problems with the active components of the last one?"

Rose sat down on the chair in front of the doctors desk. "No, everything was fine. I'm here for a general overhaul, doc."

Kalonia smiled warmly at her. "I'm afraid I can't check your oil pressure, just your blood pressure."

"Sorry, trade disease. I gained a bit of weight lately and I'm worried that it could be something medical." She licked her lips. "I just want to make sure because my weight was pretty stable in the past years, I mean within the usual few kilos more or less."

"Alright, all I need is a drop of your blood." She took an injector and pushed a few buttons on it.

Rose gave her her hand and Kalonia used the device to draw a little blood from her middle finger.

"We just have to wait for half a minute to see the test results," she said. "In the meantime: how are you?"

Rose shrugged. "I'm fine. A bit overworked I guess and stressed of course because of the whole situation. Like everybody."

Kalonia sighed. "True, true. But it's still important that you try to take enough breaks, Rose. I know that it feels like everything depends on us, but we can't help anybody if we don't take care of our health."

"I know," admitted Rose. "But it's hard to-"

The injector beeped and Kalonia checked its display. "Please, don't let it bother you. I'll just scroll down."

Rose shifted in her chair. "Okay. Well, it's hard to actually take a break. It got better since Hux helps me." She observed Kalonia as she read the results, she got slightly nervous. "So, what is it, doc?"

"You are perfectly healthy, Rose. And you're pregnant."

Her mind stopped working. "What?"

"According to this test you're about seven to nine weeks pregnant. Some women experience weight gain and a bigger appetite after the first month."

"Kriff," said Rose. "That's impossible."

Kalonia leaned back in her chair and put the injector down. "Biology is rather simple in its own way, I wouldn't call this impossible. Do you want me to walk you through your options?"

Rose shook her head. "I know the drill. I can abort until the twelfth week, right?"

"Yes."

She exhaled. Kriff! How had this happened? Should she abort right now? Before anybody caught wind of this? Seven to nine weeks, damn it. It must have happened right after her protection ran out. She took a deep breath. She had to think this through, yes, she had to calm down. She had time to think about it.

"Thank you, doc. I think I need to process the news."

"Of course. And if you need somebody to talk to - my door is always open."

Rose got up from the chair. "Thank you."

She hurried down the hallway, walking to the lab like on autopilot. Kriff, kriff, kriff. What now? Should she act fast? Should she ask Hux what the kriff had happened that she got pregnant?

Just before she entered the lab, she slowed her step and hesitated before she went in. She wanted to talk to somebody about this and she needed to tell Hux anyway. Best thing was to play it cool and tell him in a calm manner. Yes, she had to keep calm. She closed her eyes for a moment and stepped inside the lab.

Hux was already there. He looked up from his pad and smiled at her. "Morning. Did you stop at the Cantina for an extra mug of caf?"

Seeing him sitting there derailed all her carefully laid plans. "I'm pregnant," she blurted out.

The smile faded from his face. "Pardon?"

"I was in the med bay and talked to the doc. Routine check-up - turns out that I'm seven to nine weeks pregnant."

All colour drained from his face. "That's not possible. I- I had a vasectomy."

She started pacing. "I know! But I've only been with you. So it's pretty clear that something didn't work out … or rather worked out too well."

He got up from his seat as if he wanted to join her, but he only stood there, awkwardly staring at her. "I'm so sorry, Rose. I swear I was telling the truth! I would never burden you with- with something like this on purpose!" He sounded like he was on the verge of panic.

She went over to him and took his hand. "Come on, we need to talk about this in private."

He gulped. "Of course. How- how about we take a walk in the forest? It would be less suspicious than going into our quarters."

"Okay, let's go for a walk." She grabbed her parka from her chair.

They walked in silence towards the exit. Thoughts and emotions tumbled through her mind, but when she inhaled the cold, fresh air she calmed down a bit. There was no need to panic, they would talk and decide what to do.

.

-o-

.

Hux tried to collect his thoughts as they walked through the snow. Something must have happened when he was injured, he knew that he had the vasectomy without a doubt. The First Order medic even had the audacity to frown at his request.

'The Order needs children' he said with a nasal voice.

'It doesn't need mine,' Hux - then a simple Lieutenant - snapped back.

He was a weak-willed, sickly child. Only through nepotism, ruthlessness and hard work had he managed to stay alive all these years. That and the fact that his father taught him how the Galaxy worked. The strong thrive and the weak die.

The only sounds were their steps in the snow and their light panting as they made their way into the forest. He gulped and looked at Rose who was marching beside him. He knew her, she would lie to him - she had only been with him.

After a few minutes Rose stopped and turned to face him. They were surrounded by snow-covered trees, thin rays of light fell through the canopy, painting the forest unusually bright.

"I think that's far enough," she said and rubbed her gloved hands together.

"I agree."

Silence stretched out. He didn't know how to begin. It was pretty clear that she should get rid of it, after all it was his child. Nobody in their right mind would want him to procreate. Force knows what would happen if he did.

A distant memory of a large meaty hand holding a belt resurfaced in his mind. 'I will teach you, boy. I'll teach you good.'

And he had. He even looked like his father, or rather a haggard version of him. The same hair colour, the same pale, bland eyes. It was uncanny to see him die from poison in that bacta tank. Like he was killing an older version of himself.

And perhaps that was exactly what he had done. Wasn't he the carbon copy of him down to the slicked back hair? What if he was the one holding the belt one day?

He cleared his throat. "I apologize again for my carelessness. I assume you already set a date for the abortion?"

She exhaled. "No I didn't. You don't need to apologize - you didn't do it on purpose." She stepped to him and hugged him.

He embraced her and gave her a peck on her head. "Will you talk to the doctor later?"

"I- I need to think first."

He rubbed her back with slow circular movements. "I know it's not easy, but I think the faster you take care of it, the faster you can relax and recover from the ordeal."

"I know. It's just- I keep thinking that perhaps I should keep it."

He froze. "Rose…"

She craned her neck so that she could look at him. "We live in a dangerous galaxy, it would be insane to bring a baby into this world and still - what if this is our only chance?"

He let go of her and took a step back. "Please, Rose. You don't know what I'm capable of. What if- what if-" he couldn't say it. The words got stuck in his throat. 'What if I'm like him?' He took a deep breath. "I killed so many people. Including my own father."

"I haven't forgotten," she replied in a quiet voice.

His breath faltered. Of course she knew what he was capable of, the whole galaxy knew since Starkiller. "Then you must see that it's not right for me to have children."

"And where else should we draw the line?" She sounded bitter.

"I don't understand."

"It's right for you to help us win the war. You fix prosthetic limbs for people that have been maimed by the very war machine you helped to build, but you think you're not allowed to a life? What will you do once it all ends?"

He hadn't thought about it. "I don't know. I wasn't even sure General Organa wouldn't execute me on the spot once I arrived. I just- I just wanted something different."

She wiped snow from a rock and sat down. "I mean, what about us? You and me?"

He pulled up the hood of his parka and buried his hands in his pockets. "If I'm honest… I thought you would end it sooner or later. You are an amazing engineer and a great woman, Rose. There are much better men and women in the galaxy than me."

She pulled her legs up and hugged her knees. "Funny. That's basically what I thought about you. I thought that you would leave me eventually once you settled in. I don't know what happened to you that you don't see it yourself - you're brilliant, kind and very handsome."

He wanted to object but it wasn't the right time, this wasn't about him. She sighed. "I admit that for a very short moment I asked myself if I wanted to keep it because then perhaps you wouldn't leave me. I wondered if that was the reason for my hesitation to set a date for the abortion."

He gulped. "What do you think now?"

"I'm not sure. I'm in two minds about it. On one hand, I know that it would be easier just to make it go away, I mean - what are we supposed to do? Just admit that you're the father? Pretend it was some mystery man? Both options suck in their own way. On the other hand, I kind of want to keep it, I'm not sure why."

She drew breath.

"I always wanted children one day, I always thought that the right time would come. I was with this pilot once, he wanted to have children too… but I got the feeling he wasn't the right man. I simply couldn't picture growing old with him."

"How old were you?"

"I was 20, so maybe I was too young. I don't know. My point is… I could picture growing old with you." She smiled nervously. "I know it's an odd thing to say but I really do. When I'm thinking about the time after the war, I catch myself imagining that we would settle in a house or somewhere in a nice flat, open our own engineering or repair shop. Sometimes I imagine how it will be if the war never ends, if we're still fighting in a decade. Then I picture us together in some hangar, fixing General Dameron's ancient personal fighter."

He smiled. "General Dameron? Really? You think he would still fly?"

"Do you doubt it?"

"Not really." He thought about what she had said. He had to admit that she was right, it seemed oddly logical that she would always be there, whatever the future would hold. He couldn't imagine a life without her.

"When I'm with you it just feels right." She rubbed her hands together. "I'm not some moony teenager and neither are you. We've both seen how shitty the galaxy can be, how bleak it can be. And we've known each other only for a couple of months. We both have emotional baggage to deal with. But for me… the longer I think about it… it just feels right."

He went to her, bent down and gave her a kiss. "I love you, Rose. But I implore not to do this. Imagine what the others will say if the truth comes out. They will think you're reckless, you might think that it's fine now, but what about in a couple of years? You don't know how it is, how it wears you down during the years… the stares and the whispers behind your back."

"What did they whisper about behind your back?" she asked, cupping his cheek.

"That I'm a lowly bastard. A skinny, weak-willed man who had only gotten his commission because of his father. I won't bore you with details." He got up. "At one point you start wondering if they're right."

She got up too and rubbed her arms. "I know. I mean… I never really thought about my weight but I still listened to my mom when she told that I- well, it doesn't matter. I tend to see me as this lesser version of my sister, she was tall, slender and beautiful - I don't know why I even think that. It's just there."

He was tempted to contradict her again, but again he felt that would be beside the point. And she was right, wasn't she? It didn't matter why the feeling was there, it just was. The question was what to do with it.

"Are you really certain that you want to keep the child?" he asked.

"'Certain' is a big word, at the moment it's just a strong inclination. I think we have to wait a couple of days for the final decision. What about you? Don't you want it?"

It was a simple and yet such a crucial question. What did he want? "I don't know. I feel honoured that you even consider having a child with me and at the same time I'm terrified."

"Terrified? How so?"

"I was a timid boy, a little clumsy too. Not exactly soldier material. My father was a very harsh man, he did everything in his power to make a soldier out of me. He promised me that he would get rid of my softness, my weakness - and he did." He averted his gaze and looked up to the top of the trees, unable to hold her gaze. "Have you ever hated someone so much that even looking at him makes your stomach hurt? So much that you watched him die slowly and you're just so glad that you can't help but smile?" He looked back on the forest ground. "I swore to myself that I would never do that to my own child. So I had a vasectomy. It didn't even occur to me that I was doing it nonetheless - to the children the Order stole. That was until Ren showed me that little ginger boy." He grimaced. "So in the end I was just like him."