Rose watched Armitage typing away on his pad after he had changed the diapers and smiled. He was so meticulous in writing everything down. It was moving how much he cared; he even adjusted the lighting in the room because he read that babies were sensitive to bright light.
"So, I'm going - see you later," she called.
"Bye!" he said looking up from his pad as if he had been caught doing something naughty, grabbing the pad a bit harder than necessary.
She headed into the Cantina where Ebrima was already waiting for her. They hugged before they got a cup of caf and sat down in a corner.
"So, how are you holding up?" asked Ebrima with a smile. "I hope you get to sleep."
Rose took a gulp of caf and sighed. "This hits the spot. Ah, I miss drinking caf." Then she leaned forward. "We're getting there, Aidan now sleeps a couple of hours a night before he wakes up and wants to eat."
"Oh, how many hours?"
"Last week he averaged 4.3 hours, this week it's up to 4.5 hours," she chuckled. "As I said - we're getting there. What about you? How are you doing?"
"Pretty good actually. I got the promotion I was hoping for."
Rose smiled. "That's great. So are you getting your own squadron?"
Ebri nodded. "The Blue Angels, back on Yavin 4. We'll patrol the system in case one of the First Order splinter cells makes an appearance. If things go well I could even make sector commander."
"Yavin 4, but that means… you're leaving."
She nodded with a sad smile. "Yeah, I'm kind of sad but then again… there aren't many opportunities here. As far as I'm concerned the war is over. I gotta move on."
Rose exhaled and leaned back. "I get it. We were holed up in this base for months and life moves on."
Ebri shrugged. "My brother's already gone, he found a job as a freighter pilot. Aish said he would stay a bit longer but I don't see him staying any longer than a couple of months - max." She took a gulp of her caf. "What about you? Have you thought about where you'll go after all this ends?"
"I- I really haven't thought about it," Rose admitted. "I guess we were busy with Aidan and haven't talked about it." Ebri was right of course. Their quarters were small, there was barely enough room for two grown-ups and a baby. And a military base wasn't a place to raise the child anyway.
"Well, what do you want to do?"
"I love fixing tech and Armitage loves it too so I guess we'll try to work with that." Corellia would be the place to be from a professional point of view. With its extensive tech industry there were bound to be interesting jobs.
They went for a walk after that - Dr. Kalonia had recommended light exercise. When Rose finally returned she heard someone calling out for her. To her surprise she saw Mircah approaching her.
"Rose, can I have a word with you?"
She frowned. "Sure, what is it?"
"I wanted to apologize to you about my part in today's uh, quarrel." He rubbed his neck. "I should just have kept my trap shut and I'm sorry."
She blinked. "What?"
His eyes went wide. "Ah… he didn't tell you?"
She crossed her arms. "Obviously not, care to tell me?"
Mircah blushed a little. "Well, uh, Syre, Ric and I saw Hux outside with that loth-cat and the baby. As usual he was typing something on his pad. So uh, I wanted to tease him about not enjoying the nice weather."
"I guess that's not all?" she asked sharply.
"We may have made some insensitive statements about Aidan being another Stormtrooper for Hux and that he was a cold droid for using all these notes instead just going by his guts."
Rose lifted her chin and hissed. "You're an asshole, you know that, right?"
"Rose-"
"I'm not finished yet. If you or any of your so-called friends ever even think about our son that way I will rip your damn head off. You don't know shit about us so you should shut your gob."
"I said that I'm sorry," said Mircah with a pout.
"Yeah, well the next time you should think before you open our hole. And if you were really sorry you would apologize to Armitage and not to me!"
He opened his mouth to say something, hesitated and finally spoke. "You're right of course. It was stupid but if I'm honest… I just can't stand him. Seeing him here makes me angry, after everything he did he just pops up here and saves the day." He wiped over his face. "I don't expect you to understand, Rose. But I fought my whole life for the Resistance, I'm just an average pilot, I'm not an ace like Poe. I'm not a good shot like Ebri. But I always gave it my all but in the end it was not enough - it took the likes of Hux to track Ren's shuttle and to improve our weapons."
"I was there too, you know." Rose crossed her arms. "And harassing him makes it all go away or what?"
Mircah sighed. "Of course not, but I just can't help myself. But I know that I wasn't supposed to drag Aidan into this." He exhaled. "Again: I'm sorry… Don't tell your mom, okay?" He turned and left.
Hux was giving Aidan his bottle and looked from time to time at his pad that was propped up right before him on the table. Rose smiled and sat down next to him on the bed. She glanced at the pad and saw animated pictures on how to hold a baby while feeding it.
His cheeks blushed and he quickly put out the display.
She gave him a peck on his mouth. "You don't have to turn it off, you know."
"I know how to hold him," he said in a low voice. "I just wanted to check, to make sure that I'm doing it right."
"I know." She leaned against him, feeling his warmth through her shirt. "Mircah apologized to me for talking trash to you. I gave him a piece of my mind."
He licked his lips. "I know that they were only trying to get under my skin. But… they're right. It doesn't come natural to me."
She hugged him from behind and gave him a peck on his neck. "It doesn't have to. And how could it anyway? You never saw people taking care of babies. Most of the stuff I do are just things I observed with my cousins."
They fell silent for a few moments until Aidan had enough and stopped drinking, instead he looked at his parents with his dark brown eyes, blinking slowly.
"He really does look like you," said Hux with a smile.
Rose stroked over Aidan's ginger hair. "I'm pretty sure he takes after you."
Hux lifted Aidan up and put a rag on his shoulder while softly patting his back until he burped. "Well, he has your eyes and he is your spitting image when he sleeps."
Rose laughed, "Really? And he's got your hair and your sceptical gaze. And I'm pretty sure he has your ears."
He smiled but it faded a bit and he seemed pensive.
"Hey, I know what you think - but look at him. The most beautiful baby in the galaxy - he inherited our best parts," she said and nudged him.
Hux got up and put Aidan in his hovering cradle, making sure that he was covered by the blanket before he sat back down on the bed. He took her hand and kissed it. "What if- what if he inherited our bad parts?" He had a harrowed look about him. "What if I can't give him what he needs?"
She knew of course what he was really asking - what if Hux turned out to be like his father. "Do you still have the nightmares?" she asked.
He shrugged. "Of course." He leaned back against the wall and pulled his legs up. "Mostly Starkiller. Sometimes I see what Ren showed me."
Rose drew breath to say something but he quickly continued.
"I know that he didn't show me what really happened. It's just-" he grimaced, "I feel like there is poison running through my veins. And I'm scared that it will spill."
She put her head on his chest and he massaged her scalp with his fingertips. "Everything can turn into poison, even medicine." She listened to his heartbeat, calm and steady. "Nobody would have thought that Ben Solo would turn into Kylo Ren. I guess we just have to try not to kriff up too bad."
He leaned down and kissed her. "You're right."
She cupped his cheeks. "Of course I am."
.
-o-
.
Hux checked his room one more time, to make sure that he hadn't forgotten anything. His sight fell on his fully packed grey bag and a box with his clothes in it. None of it belonged to him, they were all loans from the Rebels.
He took the box and the bag and headed out of the room he had occupied for the past two years - well, one of the rooms he occupied in the past years to be truthful. He spent a considerable amount of time in Rose's quarters after all.
He walked down the hallway towards the hangar where the Millenium Falcon was docked. When he passed by the Cantina he slowed his step before he turned around and headed inside. Sergeant Suta was cleaning the caf dispenser and turned when Hux stepped to the counter.
"Do you want a tea to go?" Suta asked with a smile as he put his hands on his hips.
"Uh, no. I just wanted to say good-bye," said Hux. "I appreciated your kindness." He stretched out his hand to shake hands.
Suta chewed on his toothpick staring at the outstretched hand. Hux realised that he had made a miscalculation. Slowly he lowered his hand. "Ah, well, then - I will be on my-"
Suta circled around the counter and pulled Hux in a short, forceful hug. Before Hux had time to react Suta had let go of him and patted him twice on the back. "See you around, Hux."
"Good-bye," said Hux one more time before he took his box and left.
When Captain Ebrima had left she had thrown a farewell party, she had hugged her friends and colleagues. Hux never thought that he would be in the same position when he would finally leave.
Rose had thrown a party too of course, Hux stayed in her room taking care of Aidan. She asked him to attend too but he replied that it was her party and he didn't want to awkwardly hover around her while her friends told her how they would miss her and little Aidan.
As he walked into the hangar his thoughts lingered on the people he met during his stay. Was it rude to leave without saying good-bye? It couldn't be rude if nobody would miss him. Well, perhaps Poe and Finn would miss him. Either way, it was far more sensible to spare people the impression that they were supposed to say goodbye to him like they cared.
He walked up the gangway inside the Falcon and put his bag and his box in the cargo room, next to Rose's boxes and suitcases with clothes for Aidan. And of course Millie's transport box.
The longer he thought about it the more he was tempted to imagine who it would have been if he had attended Rose's party. He could've said good-bye to Ebrima and Aish who was the next to leave. Perhaps he should have told Dr. Kalonia that he had appreciated her professionalism and the tea she brought him from Corellia a couple of months ago.
He inhaled. Perhaps he should visit her before he left.
Dr. Kalonia was sitting at her desk, scrolling through her pad when he entered.
"Doctor, thank you for your help and the excellent care for Aidan," Hux said and stretched out his hand.
She got up and took his hand. Her grip was warm and firm. "Thank you for your help with the artificial limbs and for the help with the med droids. The updates made a huge difference."
He cleared his throat. "Of course - I uh, goodbye doctor."
When he walked out of the med bay he realised that he should extend his gratitude towards General Organa as well.
In hindsight it might've been better if he had at least showed up for the start of the party.
He found General Organa in her office, she was drinking tea and staring at the holo of the sector. Apparently she was observing a drill of the newly-built republic fleet.
"General Organa, might I have a word?"
She turned her attention towards him, a small smile on her lips. "General Hux… of course."
"Forgive me, but that title isn't accurate anymore."
"I know, but old habits die hard."
He glanced at the holo and then again at her. She looked regal and commanding as ever, even though or perhaps because her hair had become snow white. It was better not to offer to shake hands, it didn't seem appropriate.
He clasped his hands behind his back and straightened himself. "I came to say good-bye, General. And to offer my gratitude for honouring our deal."
She put both her hands on her crane and tilted her head a bit. "May I ask a favour?"
He frowned. "I don't-"
"Can you forgive my son?"
He pressed his lips together. Forgiving Ren? One of the men personally responsible for his pain? For his nightmares? He looked up and saw Organa's eyes, the same dark-brown shade like Ren's. He pulled the corners of his mouth down. But they weren't the same eyes, Organa's had this deep melancholy in them he'd never seen before.
"I- yes, I forgive him," he lied, holding his gaze, keeping his pulse low. It had fooled Ren often enough, it would fool her too.
Organa nodded. "Thank you, that means a lot to me."
He denoted a bow. "General." He turned on his heel and was on his way out of the room, perhaps it was his imagination but he felt her stare on his back.
When he returned to the hangar, Rose was already there, holding Aidan while talking to Chewbacca.
Aidan started to fuss and Rose put him down on the floor, he laughed and started to run towards a fighter. Hux gestured to Rose that he was keeping an eye on him and followed the boy as he stamped happily away on his little legs.
Just before he came too close to the fighter Hux caught him and lifted him up, drawing a noise of protest from Aidan.
"Are you interested in X-Wings?" asked Hux as he held him.
Aidan stared at him with his big brown eyes and said "Ip."
"Yes, it's a ship." Hux held him in his arms and pointed at the wing. "This is a wing, it's an updated version of the original X1-Wing."
Aidan huffed.
"Indeed. I agree with you, the X3-Wings have trouble with the fuel injectors."
Aidan stared at the wing with an open mouth. Reaching out with his small arms. Hux lifted him higher up so that he could touch the wing.
"It's made of a durasteel alloy," continued Hux, "but of course it's an outdated concept. Carbon-base alloys are much lighter."
The boy groped a screw nut of the wing and laughed. Hux smiled and tickled him a bit, drawing chorting noises from him. "Yes, it's silly that they still-"
Silly boy, day-dreaming all day! For a moment Hux saw a meaty hand holding a black belt. For a fraction of a moment it was his own hand holding the belt.
Hux breath faltered for a moment, then he looked at the ginger haired boy in his arms, the toddler smiled at him, drooling a little. Did he look like that when he was a little boy? Did he smile with such openness at people?
Had his own father ever seen him like that? Had he ever considered what a miracle it was to have a child, to know that it was something he had made? He felt a small stab in his heart when he realised that his own father had never looked at him like he did at Aidan.
It wasn't exactly a shocking revelation, but it hadn't occurred to him before. He brushed over Aidan's soft, fluffy hair, making him giggle again.
Hux knew, had always known that his father had been a cruel man. But the depth of Brendol Hux's inhumanity gave him pause. He looked at his own son with so much contempt that it sometimes darkened his ice-blue eyes, had disciplined a small child with physical violence until its back was red and bloody.
Who could do that? What kind of person could do that to his own child? Hux pressed his lips together and took Aidan in a firmer grip. It didn't matter anymore, his father was long dead. What mattered was another realisation that came with the first one: He would never call his son names, tell him that he was weak, worthless, never raise his hand against him. He knew because when he looked at Aidan his heart became full, it almost seemed to burst with pride, love and the need to keep all harm from him.
Even Ren with all his mind tricks wouldn't change that. He was also rotting in his grave, all that was left of him were nightmares. His thought returned to General Organa. No, that was not all that was left of Ren. There was somebody who had loved him, did perhaps still love him.
Hux realised that he made a mistake.
Hux gave Aidan a tender kiss on his forehead. "Let's head back."