Hi, whoever is still following and hopefully reading this! I have been gone a very long time but I am back and really really hoping to finish this story. Thank you for your support even though this is very very old and you have probably forgotten about what happened and will have to read everything again. Thank you from the bottom of my heart - this community means so much to me.
It's funny how hearts break for people you didn't even think your heart belonged to. It's funny that we call things that are not funny at all "funny". Andy stood by the window, at one of those bar tables without chairs, and asked Brad questions - small talk - about his wedding. Nothing about "who the lucky girl is", of course, just stuff like flowers, his parents, his little sister - safe grounds for discussion. But everything was faded. It felt like one of those movies where the voices are faded out by the background music.
She watched his lips move but she thought about the duality of her feelings in the moment - she was, at the same time, truly happy for him for finding love that he deserves, but also feeling like she could burst into tears in the next second and pain all over her body. She felt every bone in her body ache, not just her heart. It's the feeling of loss - she thought, I must be mourning.
Mourning for what could have been, maybe. She knew he loved her enough to do anything for her. It wasn't fair for him, but she remembers reading somewhere, a poem or something that said "I know this is wrong, but sometimes I'd rather be wrong with you forever than be right all by myself." Maybe that's what she should've done. Just kept him. Just kept pretending to love him. Tried harder to pretend to love him. She has no doubt that she could've convinced him enough. Maybe one day she would just be happy with him, with settling. Why didn't she?
He was talking about how they picked the number of flowers at the table based on the date of their first date, when Andy cut him off:
"Why did you cheat on me? Are you marrying her?"
He looked around as if his fiance could somehow hear this, even though from earlier he mentioned she's on her bachelorette trip in the Carribeans with her friends. Shifting his weight awkwardly, he sighed and lowered his voice, "Andy. Nothing ever happened between Sarah and me before I broke up with you. We just went on.. friend dates." He gestured up at nothing, as if "friend dates" is a word he whipped up with air.
Andy paused to wonder what friend dates consisted.
He looked panicked, and then a little angry, "Andy, you gave up on us first. No, actually, you never gave it a chance. You were always holding out for Miranda Priestly, weren't you?"
Andy could only look away this time. She wasn't trying to hold out for Miranda. She would never do anything as stupid as that. She just couldn't help it. It felt like her heart was literally occupied and had no space left. Like one of those old Windows98 ran so so slowly it just crashed whenever you tried to do anything with it. Brad was the "anything".
"Listen, I don't blame you for never falling in love with me. I just couldn't do it anymore because I loved you so much. You knew that. And for what it's worth, maybe she's the one for you, just like Sarah is the one for me."
Andy chuckled. Well, this conversation is over.
"Thanks, Brad. You're a good one, she's very lucky to have you, and you her. I have to go, but, congratulations, truly, from the bottom of my heart." She pressed both her hands over her heart, gave him a weak smile, and walked out of Dean and Deluca's without her half-eaten sandwich. Carbs won't help here.
She just kept walking, with her sort of broken heart, and wondered how she could ever get pass this "fling" from three years ago. She swiped open her phone and did the only thing she could think of.
"Hey, Nige, wanna get a drink?"