Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek. I also have no claim on any pop culture references that I may use throughout my writings. I only own my OCs. Enjoy the read.

(0.14)

Tom woke slowly in the groggy haze that she normally had after a long night of drinking. She turned her neck with a force to pop it and stretched her arms over her head. After rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she looked around her surroundings to find out where she was. Panic hit her quickly once her vision finally cleared and she saw she was lying naked in Jim's bed. Tom pushed herself away from Jim, falling off the bed in the process. "Shit," she cursed.

Jim was woken in her haste of getting out of bed. He moved slow, holding a hand to his head. "What's going on?"

Tom looked at him skeptically. "'What's going on?'" she repeated, quicking finding as many articles of her clothing as she could, and shoving them on. "Are you fucking serious, Jim? We just slept together."

"Judging from the pounding hangover headache, there's no way I just did anything but wake up."

"Fuck!" Tom groaned, not believing Jim was trying to crack jokes while she was having a near meltdown. "Fucking shit, Kirk!"

"Alright, hold on," he said, getting out of bed and looking for his pair of pants to put on. "Let's calm down and talk this out."

"I have a fucking boyfriend!"

Jim walked over to Tom and placed his hands on her forearms, holding her in place. "And he never has to find out about this."

Tom stopped, her eyes focusing on Jim with a furrowed brow. "Are you joking? Of course, he's going to fucking find out." She pulled herself from Jim's grip, not at all having the patience.

"The only way he's going to find out is if you tell him."

"I have to tell him." Tom insisted, nodding her head, throwing things around Jim's room in search of her bag. "Why the fuck is your room so trashed?"

"No, see that's just it. You don't have to tell him." Jim promised. "It's that easy."

"No, Jim, you don't get it, do you?" Tom asked, "I can't keep something like this from him."

"Nothing happened! Not really! Not that we haven't done before."

Tom shook her head, pressing her palm into her forehead trying to will the headache away. "He doesn't know about us."

Jim raised his brow, somewhat impressed. "Any reason why you wouldn't tell him that we've had sex?"

Tom scoffed in his direction, finding her bag and throwing it over her shoulder. "You've never had a serious relationship. You wouldn't get it." She said, reasoning with both him and herself. "Nothing for you has ever lasted longer than one night."

Jim stared at her for a moment, thrown by her comment. "Well, not until you."

Tom shook her head. "Don't you dare."

"What? Tell you the truth?"

"You and I aren't anything."

"Let me remind you that you're the one who showed up at my door last night."

Tom squared her jaw, angered by the words he'd just said. She charged forward, pushing Jim with hands on his chest. "Fuck you, Kirk." Tom headed for the door, escaping him quickly.

Jim stood in the middle of his room, realizing that he'd made a mistake. He'd upset her. Again. "Tommy, wait! I wasn't - " He followed after her, looking for her outside his room, but there was no trace of her. Jim sighed, groaning to himself. "Ah, shit."

Tom hurried back to her room, checking behind her every so often to make sure that Jim hadn't followed her. When she got back, she was greeted by her roommate.

Daisy Mae sat up from her relaxed position in her bed. "Jesus, Tom, where the hell have you been?"

Tom looked up at her, "What?"

"Grey was here when I got back from MedBay last night. He said when he fell asleep you were here and when he woke up you were gone." She said, telling Tom information that she already knew. "Where were you?"

"I don't - " Tom shook her head. "It's not important."

Daisy Mae eyed her friend. "You look like ten miles of bad road."

Tom dropped her back and pulled her sweatshirt off over her head. She tried smoothing down her hair, wondering if that would have made the difference.

Daisy Mae shook her head. "No, honey, you need a shower. Bad."

"I know. I know I do. I just - "

"Tom?" Daisy Mae stood, making her way over to Tom. "Focus up!" She said, snapping her fingers in the blonde's face. "What the hell is goin' on with you?"

Tom shook her head, really having absolutely no idea. She was panicking and it had been a long time since she'd felt the way she did. "I fucked it up. I fucked it all up." Tom admitted.

Daisy knew in an instant what happened with Tom. She'd come back after disappearing in the middle of the night. She smelled of alcohol. And there seemed to be a large mat in the back of her hair. "Listen to me. Take a shower. That's the first thing you need ta do or Ima pass out from holdin' my breath for far too long."

"But I - "

"I'm not done." Daisy Mae said sternly, making Tom smash her lips together with her teeth. "Then you're gonna call your old me. Talk about the shop. Talk about school. I don't care, just call him."

"And the rest of it?" Tom wondered, eyes instantly filling with tears that she tried her hardest not to shed. She could tell that Daisy Mae knew what she had done.

"We'll figure that out after you've called your pops. He'll calm you down and then we'll talk about what's happening from there."

Tom looked up at Daisy Mae as she was a few inches taller than her. The tears she'd built up started to fall and they stung her eyes. Without thinking, Tom took the couple steps forward, closing the gap between her and Daisy Mae and wrapped her arms around her.

Daisy Mae hugged her back without a second thought. She patted her on the back a few times to tell her everything was going to be alright. Then Daisy Mae shoved Tom in the direction of their shared bathroom to shower. "I'm gonna go get you some food and I'll be back in half an hour, okay? Stay here and call your dad."

Tom nodded and watched Daisy Mae leave their room. Once she was in the shower, she stood under the water for a while, letting the water run over her face. Tom normally hated how the water pelted down on her, but right then she didn't seem to care. She'd done the worst thing she probably could have done. Tom ruined something good, and for what? For Jim? She pushed the hair back from her face.

Jim was right though. She had been the one to show up at his door. She showed up with a large bottle of vodka knowing the outcome the night would have. It was just one more round of self-sabotage.

Reagan Thomas Parker could never get it right, could she?

Tom washed quickly, not even thinking about what she was doing. She dressed and sat down in the middle of her bed with her communicator in her hand. Tom thought about the last time she had talked to her parents. Her mother said that her father was having a rough time. To what extent, Tom didn't know. But it was weird enough that her mother was worried. Thomas Parker had been spending long hours at the shop if he even ever went home.

Tom knew that it was important that she calls her father. Both for her, and for him.

"Hey, bud," her father's voice sounded through the receiver.

"Hey, Dad," Tom said, a lump in her throat making it hard for her to talk. "What's going on?"

"Nothing. Just working."

"Yeah?" She asked, knowing that his tone sounded different. "How's that?"

"You know, same old, same old."

Tom nodded even though she knew her father couldn't see her. She was mostly nodding to herself to convince her to say what she wanted to next. "Mom said you aren't going home at night."

Thomas sighed. "I'm sure she did."

"Dad. Talk to me."

"It's nothing to worry you with."

"You say things like that and I definitely can't stop myself from worrying."

"I...haven't been feeling myself."

"What does that mean?" Tom asked. "Have you been to see a doctor?"

"I don't need to go to the doctor." Thomas insisted.

"Dad, you should definitely go to the doctor. If anything, just to be sure. What if something is really wrong with you?"

"Bud, I'm fine. It's probably nothing."

Tom scoffed. "That's what people used to say 200 years ago. You know, when cancer was a really big thing that killed people?"

"Tom," Thomas warned.

"No, Dad, you have to find out!"

Thomas grumbled through the communicator.

"Look, I'll take some time off from the Academy. I'll come back home and I will go to the doctor with you so that you're not alone."

"No, you won't."

"I have to. It's not like you'll do it on your own."

"You have school," Thomas stressed.

"I don't care about school, Dad. I care about you!"

Thomas took a deep breath. "Tom."

"You can't fight me on this." Tom promised, "I make my own decisions. I always have."

"Tom, stop."

"I'll talk to Commander Pike. Maybe...he'll help me out or something. I don't really know how that works."

"Reagan!"

Tom stopped. She was blindsided by the use of her first name. Thomas has called her by her first name on, at most, a handful of occasions.

Thomas sighed. "I'll go. Okay?" He said. "I'll go to the doctor, but you have to stay there."

Tom hesitated, not wanting to stay. She wanted to be with her father. Especially now.

"Promise me that you'll stay there."

"I promise." She said. It was hard for her to agree to stay. There was a long pause of silence between the two, and in that, the doorbell to her dorm rang. Tom padded over to the door and hit the camera button to show her who was outside. "Shit," she said, seeing Grey's face appear on the screen.

"Tom, you okay?"

"Yeah, Dad, I have to go. I'll call you back." Before Tom could hear him say his goodbyes she had hung up the call, staring at Grey's face on the monitor.

"Tom, open the door," Grey begged.

Tom shook her head, even though he couldn't see her. He wasn't supposed to be there. She hadn't talked to Daisy Mae yet. Tom didn't know what she was going to say to Grey. Her heart rate started to speed up again and she had a hard time breathing.

"Tom, I know you're in there." Grey insisted. "I saw Daisy Mae down in the cafeteria. She was gathering up all your favorites."

Tom placed a hand to her forehead, feeling helpless.

"Tom!"

Before she could tell herself not to, Tom pressed the button to unlock and open the door. It slid open and she took a step back, taking in Grey's appearance. He looked more disheveled than she'd ever seen him before.

"What the hell happened to you?"

Tom shook her head. "Nothing. "She said quietly, keeping her hand to her face, chewing her thumbnail.

"I woke up when Daisy Mae came back and you weren't there," Grey told Tom, it was the second time she's heard it played out like that. "Where did you go?"

"Nowhere. I just had to - "

"To leave? Where did you go? I was worried." Grey entered the room, placing his hand on either side of her face. Tom was flushed and her face was hot. He noticed that the red veins in her eyes were more prominent than he'd ever seen them. "Are you okay?"

Tom shrugged.

"What happened last night?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I mean I don't know!" Tom insisted, her confidence failing. "I don't know what happened."

"We fell asleep last night together, right here," Grey gestured to the bed, "And when I woke up you were gone. What happened?"

"I keep telling you. I don't know."

Grey thought for just the briefest of seconds. "Is this because I told you I love you?"

Tom stopped, her breathing hitched in her throat. "I - I can't - "

"You can't? Is it or isn't it?" Grey asked.

"I don't know!" Tom was frazzled, not being able to find any more words than the ones that she kept repeating.

"Tom!"

"I slept with Jim!" The second the words left her lips, she slammed her hand over her mouth. She couldn't take the questioning anymore. She knew she messed up. Knew that she ruined their relationship. She deserved the verbal beating that she was about to get.

Grey stood up straight, taking a step back. "You - you slept with Jim?"

Tom nodded, eyes filling with tears. She hated herself.

"Jim Kirk?"

Tom nodded again, finally letting out the sob that she had been holding.

Grey shook his head and turned to leave. He stopped right at the door and turned back around. He wasn't done. "How long?"

"What?" Tom questioned, looking up at his tall figure. "How long have you been fucking Jim Kirk?"

Tom took his words like a knife to her chest. She looked down, shaking her head, not knowing what to say. One answer was almost two years, something Grey didn't know about. The other answer was the night prior after he told Tom that he loved her.

"How long, Tom?"

Daisy Mae appeared in the doorway. She looked between the two of them. Grey, red-faced and angry, towering over Tom. Tom, crying her eyes out, cowering either by her own mistakes or Grey's temper. "Tom?" she questioned, the blonde meeting her eyes.

"Could you give us a few minutes?" Grey asked, not turning to face her.

"No, I think you're done here." Daisy Mae said, putting the plate down on Tom's desk. She put herself between the two.

Grey rolled his eyes. "Daisy, we - "

"If you think for even a second that I don't know what's going on here, you're wrong. You two are at each other's throats right now. You're not going to get any words that you actually want to hear. So you need to leave." Daisy Mae insisted.

Grey took a deep breath, looking over Daisy Mae at Tom. He ran a hand through his curls, pushing them from his face and left without a word.

Tom let out a relieving breath, moving to her bed and claiming her sweatshirt. She pulled it on over her head.

"And just where do you think you're going?"

"I have to get out of here." Tom insisted. "I can't fucking breathe."

Daisy Mae stopped Tom on her way to the door with a hand on her arm. "I'm gonna give you some really harsh tough love, but only because I know that you can handle it."

Tom looked at her roommate with wide, surprised eyes.

"Take a good, hard look in the mirror, Tom. You know this isn't who you want to be. You don't want to be the girl who ruins her relationships. I know that." Daisy Mae told her. "I can't begin to imagine what it is that's going through your head right now. I know you like Grey, but I also know that you've been holdin' out for Jim since you met him."

Tom shook her head, denying that accusation.

"Don't even," Daisy Mae said, putting a finger in Tom's face. "It's true. Grey's a good guy. And if it's not him that you want to be with, then he needs to find that out from you. You need to tell him. Because, otherwise, he's just gonna keep holdin' out hope."

"He won't forgive me for this."

"Maybe not. But if you think what you did was a mistake, and you tell him, then it'll mean something. But you're the only one who can make that decision."

Tom took in a deep breath and nodded her head before leaving the room. She found herself walking in the direction of Jim's room again and banging on his door. Tom had every intention of telling him to go fuck himself. What she did was the worst thing that she'd ever done and she regretted every second of it.

Or, at least, that's what Tom thought she felt.

When Jim opened the door, all of the anger that Tom had for the man dissipated. "Tom," Jim said, surprised by her appearance. "I'm - "

Tom shook her head, stopping him. She took a couple of steps inside the room after Jim moved to the side to let her in. Tom took a deep breath. "I hate that it's you."

Jim furrowed his brow, tilting his head slightly in confusion.

Tom laughed for just a second. "I hate that you're the one that I don't want to lose."

Jim looked down at the floor. It was such an odd revelation to hear from her.

"I should hate you." Tom insisted. "I should leave here and never look back, but I can't. And I'm not really sure why."

"Because you don't want to." He said simply, glancing up at her. "Because we're exactly the same."

Tom shook her head with a scoff. "I'm not like you."

"You are. Just not in the bad ways. I'm reckless and impulsive. I do things that get me in trouble."

"And me?"

"You?" Jim repeated, "You're calculated, and you always make the smart decisions after thinking everything through. But we both always go after what we want, and we get it. It doesn't matter how many tries it takes us. We always try our hardest to achieve what we want."

Tom pressed her thumbs into her temples, trying to rub away the headache that she's had since she woke up. "What if wanting this leads down a worse path? What if this just makes life harder or twelve times more terrible?"

Jim shrugged. "What if it doesn't? I meant what I said the other night. You're my best friend and I can tell you anything." He took a deep breath, "I think you bring out the best in me. And I think that's worth trying for."

Tom stood in her spot for a moment, staring at him. It was like that was exactly what he wanted to hear him say. Tom took the step towards him and wound her arms around his neck, while his made their way around to tie behind her lower back. Her lips touched to his softly, as if they were what she needed. The breath that Tom hadn't been able to catch all morning had finally found its way back into her lungs.

They stood there, kissing for a few moments before Jim leaned down, placing his palms on her thighs, lifting her up to wrap around him. He carried her over to his bed and slowly lowered her down. Jim found himself being softer and more sensual than he'd ever been with anyone, but it didn't seem to be a problem with either one of them. He pulled back for just a moment, a questioning look on his face.

Tom didn't even hesitate before she nodded her head quickly, pulling him back down to her.