Disclaimer: Still applies.
Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews guys! It means a lot to me! To answer a few questions, I am not sure about the Hercissatrix yet… If anyone has any ideas I would love to hear them…Maybe in the sequel. As far as the Cissatrix…there will be more, in a few chapters. Thanks for the reviews guys!
Wide Awake: Chapter 22
Bellatrix went straight over to Hermione's place after she left the Leaky Cauldron. Narcissa was right, she needed to apologize and reassure Hermione that she was committed to their relationship. Once she arrived, she knocked, but there was no answer. Bellatrix muttered something under her breath, and the door unlocked. It was quiet inside, but she knew that Hermione was here, she could sense her. If what Narcissa said was true, Hermione would be waiting for her. She walked up the stairs and into Hermione's bedroom, the younger witch was in bed, sound asleep. Bellatrix smiled and walked towards the bed, and sat down next to Hermione, running her knuckles down her face. Hermione's flinched and her eyes fluttered open.
"Bella?" Hermione asked sitting up a little, her voice was thick with sleep.
"Yes Mione, it's me." Bellatrix replied softly.
Hermione sat all the way up, and Bellatrix moved slightly so she could sit all the way up. Bellatrix studied her lover for a moment, she did look thinner and there were dark circles under her eyes.
"I'm sorry Mione." Bellatrix said.
"I have been so worried about you Bella…I had no idea…I thought about coming after you." Hermione said.
Bellatrix sighed, she felt ashamed of herself for what she had done to Hermione.
"I know…and I am sorry, I was too ashamed to even face you Mione…I shouldn't have over reacted like that, I feel so ashamed of myself because I embarrassed you." Bellatrix explained.
"No Bella…don't blame yourself, I knew that it was too soon to bring you in front of them…too soon for everyone." Hermione said.
"No Mione…I know that this relationship isn't easy for you…I mean you being with someone like me." Bellatrix said.
Hermione got out of bed and paced the room. Bellatrix shook her head, Hermione was thinner. Seeing that made her feel even worse about what she had done to the younger woman.
"I already knew what I was getting myself into Bellatrix. This has nothing to do with what you have done in the past. This is about now, and how I feel about you now, and what I want from you." Hermione said firmly.
She wasn't going to let Bellatrix beat herself up over this, because it wasn't her fault.
"I chose you" Hermione went on " I want to be with you, and I know that may be hard to accept, But Bella I got to tell you, I have never been happier than when I am in your arms. I know that all this readjusting into this new world hasn't been easy, but Bella…I want to be there for you, let me be there for you, let me in." Hermione said.
"Mione…I haven't…I don't let many people in. Not even Cissy…look maybe I should have just waited a little longer before coming back." Bellatrix said getting to her feet.
"No, please don't leave Bella, please…" Hermione said blocking the door.
Bellatrix stopped and stared at her lover for a moment, she really didn't want to leave, but that was all she knew how to do when confronted with an uncomfortable situation. But Hermione had crossed her arms and glared at the older witch; Bellatrix raised her hands in defeat and turned away, walking back towards the bed.
"I am sorry Mione; I never meant to abandon you. I mean just look at what I have done to you." Bellatrix said gesturing towards Hermione.
"I did this to myself Bella." Hermione argued.
Bellatrix stood and advanced on Hermione, but the brunette didn't back down, she stood her ground and faced Bellatrix as she came to stand in front of her.
"You're impossible you know that?" Bellatrix said irritably.
"Like wise." Hermione retorted crossing her arms across her chest.
"You can Cissy both have this incessant need to always have the last word." Bellatrix said.
"Then I'd have to say that great minds think alike." Hermione said shrugging.
"You remind me of her a lot sometimes." Bellatrix said quietly.
Hermione's stance relaxed at the sound of defeat in Bellatrix's voice. The younger woman had never heard a more defeated person in her life. Bellatrix was tormented that was for sure, but there was something else there that Hermione couldn't quite place, but then again, Bellatrix was still a complete enigma.
"Tell me what you are thinking?" Bellatrix asked, her eyebrows knitted together in concern.
"I am thinking about a lot of things, and I am confused about a lot of it. But it's hard to sort everything out when the person who is confusing me isn't here to help me." Hermione replied.
Bellatrix backed away from the younger witch. She was completely on the edge of panic; this was what Bellatrix had feared. Hermione moved forwards, but Bellatrix put her hands up to stop her from moving any further. Hermione stopped and stared, and then she saw it, fear. Bellatrix was afraid of rejection.
"Bella…please…look, I was confused because you left, you just left, and I tried to find you. But I had no idea where to look, and even if I did go after you, I wouldn't know where to look. Plus what would I have done when I found you? I wasn't even so sure that you wouldn't hex me for intruding on you." Hermione explained.
"I WOULD NEVER HEX YOU!" Bellatrix shrieked running her fingers through her raven curls, she was pacing the room now, a full anxiety attack surfacing.
"Bella, I know that, I was confused and sad. I didn't know what to think. You just left, and all I wanted to know was if you were okay." Hermione said softly.
"I was…those kids have no idea what it is like to serve the Dark Lord, they don't know! I told you this already! They didn't do the time, I can't stand it when people claim to have faith and show loyalty in the cause when they haven't put in the time…I spent 14 years in Azkaban! I spent years serving him…fought in a war alongside him…I did the work! I did the time! I know what it's like to be punished, to suffer retribution for a fuck up, I know what it's like…not them, and they deserve to be punished." Bellatrix explained, her chest heaving.
Hermione was silent; she knew that Bellatrix had wanted to get this out, and was evident that it had been building inside of her for a week.
"And I was embarrassed that I had just left you in front of your friends. I humiliated you. I felt ashamed." Bellatrix finished.
She had finally stopped pacing and she was standing there, hair frazzled, skin flushed and chest heaving. Hermione was at a loss for words, she had no idea what to say. So she moved forward and cradled Bellatrix in her arms. Bellatrix didn't fight back, and Hermione took that as a good sign that she was no longer going to rant. Then she started to shake and Hermione knew that she was crying. Hermione moved them to the bed and sat down, Bellatrix curled into Hermione and continued to cry.
"Bella I'm sorry." Hermione said as she held Bellatrix in her arms.
"No. Don't. You have nothing to be sorry for…I need to be able to be an adult…I have always acted like a child, and impulsive child…and now I have the chance to act like a woman…a grown woman. And you…you have helped me with that." Bellatrix said looking up at Hermione.
"You have helped me as well Bella. I have never met anyone like you. And I want…to be with you." Hermione said.
Bellatrix said nothing so Hermione went on.
"I want to be with you, I…can deal with everything, the mood swings, the outbursts, I can handle it Bella. I have already proven that to you. I don't care if you feel that you have embarrassed me, I don't care about age or financial status, all I care about is waking up next to you." Hermione finished.
Bellatrix didn't anything, but fresh tears fell down her face as she looked at Hermione's tear filled brown ones. She leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Hermione's lips.
"I think I could fall in love with you Hermione Granger." Bellatrix said leaning Hermione back on the bed.
She kissed down Hermione's throat, and felt goose bumps erupt down her neck. Hermione tangled her fingers through Bellatrix's raven curls pulling her closer. Bellatrix lifted up Hermione's shirt, pulling up and over her head. She wasn't wearing a bra, so Bellatrix took an erect nipple into her hot mouth and bit down. Hermione moaned and moved to unlace Bellatrix's corset, but Bellatrix stopped her.
"No, this isn't about me Mione…" Bellatrix said stopping Hermione's hands from unlacing her further.
Before she could answer, Bellatrix began to kiss down Hermione's body, removing her sweat pants and underwear so that Hermione was lying completely naked on the bed. Her skin was flushed and as far as Bellatrix could see Hermione was soaking wet.
"You're so beautiful Mione." Bellatrix said running her hands down Hermione's body.
Hermione shivered and moaned as Bellatrix's fingers circled her clit, gently pushing on the tiny bundle of nerves. Hermione's hips jerked forward and her body began to shake. Bellatrix could tell that she was close only after a few minutes so she removed her fingers. Hermione groaned at the loss of contact, but was soon moaning as Bellatrix knelt between her legs.
"Take me Bella…please…" Hermione groaned.
Without any further hesitation Bellatrix brought her lips to Hermione's clit kissing it lightly. Hermione's hips moved forward into Bellatrix's face. Bellatrix smiled and swirled her tongue around Hermione's opening.
"Mmmm Bella…fuck yes…" Hermione moaned pinching her nipples between her fingers.
Bellatrix smirked and continued to suck and nip at Hermione's clit, running her hands up and down the younger witch's thighs. She could feel her legs shaking and knew that Hermione was close. She added her thumb along with her tongue and Hermione moaned loudly.
"Fuck Bella…Bella! Yes…oh god Bella!" Hermione moaned as her back arched and her legs trembled violently.
Bellatrix continued to lick and suck until Hermione's orgasm subsided. Bellatrix pulled back and wiped her face on her sleeve, then leaned back and placed a soft kiss on Hermione's thigh.
"You know, you're quite beautiful in the throes of passion." Bellatrix said continuing her ascent up Hermione's slightly sweaty body.
Hermione shivered as Bellatrix's lips found an erect nipple. A low moan sounded from the older woman as she sucked on the sensitive nub. Hermione ran her hands though inky curls, pulling Bellatrix closer.
"Bella…" Hermione whispered.
Bellatrix looked up from Hermione's breast.
"Yes love?" Bellatrix asked.
"Let me make love to you." Hermione said.
Worry was etched all over the older woman's face. This was a big step for them already, and Hermione didn't want to push her luck, but she was ready to show Bellatrix how much she meant to her.
"Mione…I-I'm not sure I am ready for that." Bellatrix said panic rising in her voice.
Hermione's face fell.
"Why doesn't she trust me?" Hermione thought to herself.
"I understand Bella." Hermione said out loud.
Bellatrix didn't buy that, but didn't comment. She didn't want to have another argument after they had just gotten back together after a week apart.
"Do you not trust me?" Hermione asked.
Hurt was evident in her voice. Bellatrix rolled off the bed and stood, her face turning from flushed to pale.
"I trust you Hermione." Bellatrix said trying to keep her voice from sounding irritated.
They had already been over this, never in depth, but Hermione knew that this wasn't something that Bellatrix was ready for so quickly.
"Then why won't you go…all the way with me?" Hermione asked sitting up.
Bellatrix didn't answer. Hermione shook her head and got out of bed, pulling on some clothes. Bellatrix didn't move, but watched Hermione dress. Panic was gripping her again; she couldn't let Hermione's leave like this.
"Where are you going?" Bellatrix asked as Hermione put on her converse.
"This is her house." Bellatrix thought to herself.
"I need some air." Hermione said flatly.
"Mione, I'm sorry. Don't leave please." Bellatrix said getting off the bed.
Hermione pulled a hoodie on over her t-shirt, she didn't look at Bellatrix.
"I have been patient. Taking it slow. I don't understand you sometimes you know? I treated you, so I know about your past…I know a lot, but Bella…if you don't trust me…I mean you let Narcissa…" Hermione said but Bellatrix cut her off.
"My relationship with Cissy is none of your concern." Bellatrix snapped.
"I just meant…so I know you haven't been with anyone besides Mrs. Malfoy and Mrs. Tonks…but Bella, I'm your partner, that much has been established. I just want to be with you in every way that I can. To make you feel as good as you make me feel." Hermione said tears falling from her eyes.
"And I want you too. The things we have done…the foreplay…I like it. But I am just not ready." Bellatrix said.
"Why Bella? Why?" Hermione asked.
"I am a hundred and one shades of fucked up Mione." Bellatrix replied.
"You know that I don't care about that." Hermione said.
Bellatrix shook her head and she advanced on Hermione.
"You don't understand…I barely let Cissy touch me." Bellatrix said.
Hermione's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. They seemed so much closer than that.
"I just have issues with….things…that I don't discuss with anyone…not even Cissy." Bellatrix said.
"But you don't let her…have you…" Hermione asked.
"Yes we have fucked." Bellatrix said dismissively.
"I didn't mean it like that." Hermione said.
"You have let her make love to you?" Hermione asked.
"I have allowed her to make love to me." Bellatrix corrected.
Hermione knew she was being a little insensitive about this, but she had been patient and she had tried to be understanding, everyone has demons, but Bellatrix rarely opened up to her ever since they had stopped being patient and counselor.
"I am trying to understand Bella. We all have demons…I just feel that we are on a good roll, but there needs to be some changes." Hermione said.
"I know and I want them too." Bellatrix said.
"Then change them Bella. I have to go." Hermione said turning to leave.
"I'm sorry Mione." Bellatrix said.
She knew that she had hurt Hermione by rejecting her. The feeling of rejection wasn't a new one for the older witch. She was even afraid of being rejected by Hermione, and now she was treating Hermione the same way that she feared.
"Me too Bella." Hermione said, her tone was soft and full of tears as she left the room closing her bedroom door behind her.
TBC….