Hello everyone! I'm bacckkk!
So this came to me this morning when I was having breakfast, and I had to write it right away. I wrote this in like 2 hours, and it's probably filled with awful grammar mistakes, for which I apologize. English isn't my first language, I'm trying my best haha.
this is pretty sad, but I've always wondered how Jemma would die in the future and what happened in Deke's mind as he realized who FS were exactly. So I joined both in one writing, and I hope you'll like it!
(For those of you wondering or interested in my other works, I'm currently finishing the second chapter of my small fic Harvest Moon and it will be posted very soon!)
As I'm the worst at titles, as always, this comes from the newest Jonas Brothers song and I'm not even sorry. xx
The lighthouse was busy at that time of the night. The Krees were patrolling, as always, and Fitz ducked his head as he walked past two of them, clenching the stash of food he'd managed to get against his chest. The last thing he needed was to get controlled and most likely lose said food, and the faster he could go back to his and Jemma's bunk, the better it would be for the both of them. In the dim light of the lighthouse, his wedding ring looked almost tern, yet he couldn't help but feel the ghost of a smile stretch his lips every time he looked down at it. He couldn't believe that he'd gotten to marry his best friend, and especially not in these conditions. Of course there had been no ceremony, no officialisation of any kind, just May and Robin watching them with watery smiles as they exchanged quick vows, hand clasped against one another on the Zephyr.
It had been a long time now, or at least that was how it seemed. Life on the lighthouse was hard, their bodies were thin and worn out, and he could feel the way his wedding ring slipped sometimes with the weight he'd lost. Robin was an adult now, not that she made any more senses than when she'd been a child with her stories of time travelers coming to save them. Fitz hated himself for snapping at her sometimes, but he could never forget the things she'd told him about Jemma, and about their future. They'd been stuck in a loop for more than ten years now, and at this point, he couldn't remember feeling hopeful for the future.
"Jemma" Robin had gasped one day, when she was 12, eyes lost in space as she clutched at the pen in her hand. "Jemma is dying". Fitz remembered vividly how he'd stood, gaping at her, while May and Jemma were working on something at the back of the Zephyr. He'd been alone with Robin that night, and it had been his curse to live with. "Your daughter is crying" Robin had said again, looking up at Fitz with teary eyes. "You're crying, too. There's so much blood."
Fitz could remember himself taking Robin's hand to pull her towards the lab, pushing her at May, screaming. He could remember banging against the walls of the lab, tears streaming down his face as Robin told her how Jemma would bleed out, cradled against his chest as their daughter cried out. On the drawing Robin made, their daughter looked small, small enough to be less than ten years old. Robin never went into details, it wasn't how her powers worked, but through the years they'd finally learned more. Jemma would die before their daughter turned 9, if they didn't break the loop.
It had been months since they'd given up. They finally ended up in the Lighthouse, leaving Zephyr One and their lab behind. The Krees had turned against them, Kasius was now controlling everyone, and the small portion of Earth that had been left behind was forbidden. There was no way to break the loop now, but Fitz couldn't help but keep that small portion of hope. Maybe things would go differently, he told himself at night when he pulled Jemma against his chest, stroking her face as he gaze upon her. Maybe things didn't have to go sideways. No matter where they were now, no matter how hard life was, he still had Jemma.
Opening the door to their quarters with the code, Fitz slipped inside with a sigh of relief, shagging against the closed door. His peace was short lived though, as his gaze fell upon Jemma, sitting on the bed. Her eyes were wet with tears as she looked up at him, hands clenched on her lap.
"Jemma" he breathed, putting the food on the small desk near the door before kneeling in front of her. "Jemma, what's wrong?"
She smiled through her tears, cradling his face with her cold fingers. "I haven't had my period in two months now, Fitz."
Fitz felt his heart skip a beat. They were two scientists, and Jemma was a biologist. Of course they'd both noticed that it had been a while since she'd had to stuff rolled tissues in her panties as she bled, pads and sanitary towels long gone in the Lighthouse. Of course they'd noticed how her breast was more sensitive since a couple of weeks, her back aching when she cried out loudly every time he slipped a rock hard nipple in his mouth when he made love to her. Of course he'd noticed how the toned muscles of her abdomen seemed a little less prominent, now, when he pushed a hand against her belly as they slept. But they'd both been too afraid to voice their worries, Robin's drawing fresh in their minds. Fitz was still trying to change things though, as he tried to pull out of her every time he was close to his climax when they had sex, ignoring the way Jemma's eyes close in sadness when he did so. He wanted a family with her more than anything, but this dystopian future was not what he'd had in mind when he'd imagined having kids with her one day, back at the Playground.
"Jemma" he whispered, feeling his eyes water. His head dropped, forehead falling on her knees as he cried.
"I don't want this to be sad" she replied around her own tears. "we're going to be parents, we're going to have a baby. This is all I've ever wanted, Fitz."
"This is all I've ever wanted too. But the thought of you…"
She forced him to look up, wiping away his tears with her thumbs.
"Don't, Fitz. Don't."
"I can't live in a world that doesn't have you in it" he said, echoing the words he'd told her such a long time ago.
Jemma shook her head, sad frown twisting her features. "But this world will have me in it."
She took his shaky hand in hers, directing it towards her belly. As he spread his palm against the warm skin, biting back another sob, she smiled. With her free hand, she caressed the curve of his jaw, plunging her eyes into his.
"We will have ten years as a family, Fitz" she whispered. "This is all I could have hoped for."
When she leaned down and kissed him again, Fitz closed his eyes to prevent more tears from sliding down his cheeks. As much as he hated himself for it and as much as he was scared, he couldn't help but cling to the tiny hope that maybe, just maybe, Robin was wrong. Maybe this time, Jemma would give birth to a baby boy, and they'd grow old together as they watched him grow out to be an amazing adult.
When they told May, they pointedly ignored the way her lower lip trembled as she hugged Jemma tight. Robin made no comment, but her smile felt a little watery as Jemma started to show, her round belly clashing with her slim body. For months as they fell asleep, Fitz and Jemma squeezed each other tight against one another, hands clasped on her round belly. Jemma ignored the dark bags under Fitz's eyes as he worked twice as hard to get more tokens and bring her more food, and Fitz ignored the way Jemma's hands trembled when she caressed her belly near the end of her pregnancy.
Jemma gave birth to a baby girl in the middle of the night, clenching the sheets of their bed between her fingers as Fitz helped their child come to the world. The first tears came as they realized what it meant, but more fresh tears of joy replaced the ones of sadness as the infant screamed for the very first time. They named her Sura, because she was their little gift no matter what, and they both cried through the entire first night as she nursed.
Sura was an intelligent baby, which surprised no one. She rolled over earlier than most children, squealing in delight as Fitz clenched her against his chest, peppering her round face with kisses. May spent hours babbling at her, laughing more than Fitz and Jemma had seen her do in years. Even Robin cooed at her from time to time. Sometimes, as they watched what was left of their family holding Sura, Fitz and Jemma couldn't help but wish more of them would have gotten the chance to know her. They would never see Coulson hold their child, when he'd been what resemble most of a father to Fitz from the moment he'd gotten on the team with Jemma. They would never see Mack tell her stories of her parents, or Hunter and Bobbi teach her ridiculous things.
To no one's surprise once again, Sura found an interest in science very early on. Unfortunately, besides her parents' knowledge, there was no more books and studies on anything in the Lighthouse. The Krees had made sure of that. In secret, Fitz and Simmons took turns teaching her various things, feeding her curiosity as much as they could. Much like her parents, Sura was bright and curious, and it soon became apparent that she needed to blend in with the other children a little bit more.
When she turned 7 (Fitz had kept track of the days with little monkey drawings in a notepad, and Sura loved to go through the hundreds of monkeys there), Jemma gave her her necklace. She told her about Maveth, about her dad jumping through a hole in a universe for her, about the hero he was. She liked to do it when Fitz was away, because she knew that one day Fitz would be alone with Sura and his heart wouldn't be with stories. She'd been afraid, at first, that Fitz would want to follow her as soon as she died. But she'd made him promise, one time when Sura was two years old and had fallen asleep in her father's arms when he was cuddling her. She'd made him promise that he would see that their daughter had a great life, and grew out to be an amazing adult. So she told her about her father again and again, loving the way Sura's eyes sparkled with admiration everytime she mentioned their adventures with SHIELD.
Jemma died during one of the processings, stabbed in the stomach. Fitz barely had time to catch her as she fell down, cradling her to his chest as he sobbed. Sura's hand were covered in blood as she pressed against the wound, trying in vain to close the wound just like her mother taught her to. May cried for a long time, afterwards. Robin kept her gaze to the floor. Fitz stayed silent for a long time, coaxed into talking again by Sura's begging eyes.
Fitz was never the same, after that. As much as he tried, for Sura's sake, a hole stood in his chest and a part of his soul was gone with Jemma. But he kept his promise, raising their daughter to be a strong and independent woman who ended up being as smart witted as the both of them. Fitz never talked about the ache in his chest everytime he looked at his daughter and saw her mother's smile and her brown silky hair cascading on her shoulders. She had his eyes, blue piercing eyes that looked awfully familiar when she directed a cold gaze on the Krees, but she was all Jemma otherwise. She was beautiful, and Jemma would be proud of the woman she'd grown to become.
The first time Fitz met Owen Shaw, Fitz didn't like him. Sura argued that it was because he was overprotective, which made him scoff. He learned however not to contradict his daughter and her life choices, and eventually grew to appreciate Owen's sassy humour and genuine smile. When Sura told him that she was pregnant a couple of years after meeting him, right when children became so rare in the Lighthouse and women were thought to be sterile, Fitz cried. He cried for Jemma, who would never know this baby, he cried for his daughter and the world she'd have to raise a child in. Deke was a healthy baby, and even though Fitz scoffed at the name, he couldn't help but smile big for the first time since Jemma had passed away when he held him for the first time.
Deke grew to have dark hair and brown eyes, that didn't look like Jemma's at all. Fitz could see Jemma's kindness and smart mouth in the kid though, and as soon as he was old enough to understand what he was talking about, Fitz told her about his grandmother. He talked about her for the first time in years as Deke looked up at him with big brown eyes every time he did, fumbling with the poor substitute of toys on his lap. Deke called him Bobo, because it had been a while since the remaining SHIELD agents had changed their names as Robin's prophecies started running around the last survivors. He called Jemma Nana, and he'd probably never know her real name either. Eventually, the day Deke turned 5 and Fitz looked at Sura's wide smile as she danced with him, he realized that he didn't have his place in the Lighthouse. His daughter was grown up and happy, had her own family and didn't need him anymore.
That night when he visited May and hugged her tight, he ignored the tears in her eyes. Fitz died in his sleep, clenching at the pillow on which Jemma used to sleep all those years ago. It was Sura who found him in the morning, and even though tears slid down her face as she sobbed, she knew that he'd finally be reunited with her again. Right before his remains were burned, she slid her mom's necklace around his neck again, and kissed his forehead.
"The steps you take don't need to be big" Jemma told Yo-Yo as she helped her sit up from the hospital bed in the Lighthouse years later (or before, Deke couldn't really keep track anymore), "they just need to take you in the right direction."
And as his breath caught, half hidden behind the door that had been left ajar, Deke's eyes fell on Jemma's collarbone. There, half hidden by her shirt as she bent over, was a familiar necklace he hadn't thought of in years. He remembered his mom wearing it a long time ago, when he was just a kid, and it wasn't until now that he'd remembered it.
"My mom used to say this to me" His mom had told her multiple times before, along with stories of her dad, her hero. Deke didn't remember his Nana and Bobo, all he could remember was sad blue eyes and a soothing voice as his Bobo rocked him to sleep sometimes.
Looking up at Fitz in the hallway a little while later, heart still beating with shock and too many emotions to talk about, Deke's gaze fell into familiar blue irises. The first thing he felt was anger, anger for this man who was nothing like the hero his mom had talked about in great lengths until the moment she exhaled her last breath. Eventually though, as he asked around casually and learned a little more about Fitz and Jemma, he finally began to understand who Leopold Fitz was. From the corner of his eyes, he caught glimpses of the loving man he was every time his gaze fell on Jemma, his lips stretching around a smile when she talked. He watched as they worked together, and with the rest of the team. He'd seen Fitz's darkest side with the Doctor, but he was slowly but surely learning how to find trace of his softest when his family was around.
Right before they parted for the team's last mission to stop Talbot, Deke eventually grew the nerves to hug them both. Even as Fitz stiffened against him, tense and awkward, Deke couldn't resist pushing his face against the side of his neck, finding a smell that was awfully familiar even if distant.
Even if they didn't break the loop, Deke told himself as he left the Lighthouse without looking back, Fitz and him would find their way back to each other.